Part 6
The watchers had stayed. Xander wondered if they were going to reread every
report that Giles had filed, and all of his old journals. The were
obviously reevaluating certain assumptions they had previously made. He
tried to not let it disrupt what passed for normal life for Dawn and the
rest of the gang. But having the academics loitering around the shop, or
worse asking inopportune questions was unsettling. Apparently Buffy not
staying dead the first time, and splitting the slayer line had interfered
with their ability to find the new slayer. They had to wait until they
stumbled across a girl dusting vampires, or wait for Faith to die. Xander
wasn’t sure they planned on waiting.
It came to a head Wednesday night when, shouting erupted over the test they
had run on Buffy when she had turned eighteen. They implied Giles had weaken
Buffy by interfering, and Giles maintained the whole test undermined the
credibly of the organization. Xander figure that with the ‘test’, and the
attempt to whack Buffy while she was in Faith’s body, and then the ‘we will
deport Giles if you do not follow our orders’ maneuver, that the watchers
had no credibility. Somewhere along the way they had moved from the prey we
protect, to the predatory against which we must guard the pack. ‘And again
with the Hyena thoughts, bad Xander.’ Especially since Dawn had slipped like
a ghost off to the practice room. He saw Spike, in his usual spot lounging
on the staircase, watching her and almost get up to follow, but he met
Xander’s eyes and gave a tilt of his head in the direction Dawn had
vanished. Xander nodded to him and casually followed her back into the
practice room.
He was quiet at the door for a few seconds, just watching her pound the
heavy bag with her little fists. He was struck not for the first time by how
much she was like Buffy, except for the whole strength thing, when she hit
it the bag barely moved. He slowly paced the length of the room stopping
just behind the bag. He placed both hands on it and asked, “want me to spot
you on it?”
She answered with a strange blend of laughter and tears. “Xander.”
Frustrations, grief, anger so much in one word. He pulled her under his
arm, wondering when she had gotten taller than Willow, and steered her over
to inner wall. They slid down the wall and sat on the floor Xander kept his
arm across Dawn’s shoulders and she sniffed and wiped her eyes on the back
of her hand. The arguing in the other room had quieted, but it still
reminded Xander of so many nights lying awake listening to his parents and
feeling so powerless.
“I feel like I’m always crying,” she said resting her head on his shoulder.
“Yeah, me too.” Dawn went very still at his soft words.
“You cry? Wait I didn’t mean that the way it sounded. It’s just...you
always seem so... your just always there. You’re always ready...for
whatever.... I don’t think I’m saying what I want to say.” She had tensed up
while speaking and Xander lifted the hand from her shoulder and gently
stroked her hair.
“I know. It’s okay. It’s all going to be okay.” Well Buffy would still be
dead, and Joyce, they still hadn’t heard from Mr. Summers, and wasn’t that
odd. But tonight was going to end and soon the watchers would leave. They
had people they trusted to watch their backs and their pack, such as it was,
would stand together against whatever life or death through at them.
He
hoped she understood that, because he wasn’t sure he could put it into
words.
“How do you do it?” She asked.
“Do what?” What had he done? Xander wondered if he should have tapped Willow
and tag teamed this conversation.
“How do you know what to do? What to feel? Who to ...I don’t... Xander
everything is so complicated.” She punctuated her frustration with a light
rap on his chest.
Xander remembered when she was nine and cried tears of frustration because
Buffy would throw her out of her room because she was always pestering her,
yet the reason she pestered was because she wanted desperately to be with
the ‘big kids’. He used to take her down to the kitchen, because hey the
kitchen, food. He would make up outrages stories for her with Willow, Buffy
and himself as the main characters. Never Angel, unless he was a monster,
although sometimes Giles made an appearance as an oracle or a wizard. She
would listen so seriously, all the while serving up whatever desert Joyce
had made the night before. Xander couldn’t really grasp that all those
memories of milk and pie had been planted by the monks. He bet Dawn
couldn’t really wrap her mind around it either, even knowing she is the key.
So instead of answering her questions he said, “A very long time ago, when
the world was new, people discovered that not everything is what it seems.
They knew the world was dangerous. It was very wild. You could die from a
fall or a fire; wild animals saw you as dinner and wouldn’t hesitate to
attack. There wasn’t always food to eat. Crops would fail, and animals
died. People would die and other people didn’t always know what killed
them. But they dealt with it, because it was part of life. Life was short.
Twenty was old. People started their families at fourteen or fifteen and
often never lived to reach thirty.
One day something horrible happen, no one knows what because it was so bad
hardly anyone lived through it, and those who did where so traumatized they
could never speak of it. The most horrible thing about it was that it
wasn’t natural. It was supernatural. It was outside the normal rhythms of
live and was so devastating because the only way to stop it was to step
outside of the sacred balance.
One day a great king approached this great Evil and said ‘I have come to
fight you.’ And the Evil replied ‘Why do you fight me?’ The king answered
‘This is my world, and I will not have you slaughter my people.’ and the
king was no more. Another day a famous hero confronted the Evil and said ‘I
will destroy you.’ And the Evil replied ‘Why will you destroy me?’ ‘I would
rather die fighting for what is right, then live under your rule,’ the hero
replied, and was no more. A holy man was next to oppose the Evil and he
said, ‘I banish thee.’ And the Evil replied ‘Why do you banish me.’ ‘You are
unnatural. You are not of this place. The balance must be restored.’ and
the holy man was no more.
Now, people had pretty much given up hope. The apocalypse was over and the
world had lost. The Evil would always be a part of this world and there was
no use fighting it.
Then, quiet unexpectedly; without the pomp and ceremony of the King; or the
war drums of the hero; or even the incense of the holy man, a young girl
approached the evil. There was a tremble to her step, but she straightened
her back and climbed the steps to the dais where the Evil sat in its throne
of skulls. She said ‘I going to stop you from killing any more people.’ And
the Evil replied ‘Why will you stop me from killing any more people’ and the
girl said ‘Because I love them.’ And the Evil was no more.
Now that wasn’t the last evil, you know. We still fight it today. But what
you have to remember is it started with just the girl. She wasn’t alone.
Even then there were people who considered her to be their girl. They loved
her. Back then, they were her parents, her siblings, her friends, and her
lovers. They fought along side her, helping where they could, sometimes
just loving her, letting her know she wasn’t alone. Eventually, as in any
story of a life, that life ends. The girl died. But when she died another
was chosen. The people, who loved the first girl, helped the next one. They
passed on what the first girl had learn, hoping the knowledge would help the
next girl live longer, hoping it would give her some advantage in the fight
that never ends.
But they were just people, and the girl never lived long. It was hard to
reach out to the newest girl. Hard to love her, or hard to let themselves
love her when they knew no matter what they did, no matter how hard they
tried they would lose her too. So they organized and concentrated on
teaching and training, but never loving, that would interfere. They became
the watchers. And they record and research and do everything but the most
important.
Which is why, in answer to you question I know everything will be fine. You
see,” Xander leaned over and kissed Dawn on the forehead. “Its not
complicated if you remember the most important thing. Love the girl.
Everything else is just window dressing.”
The clapping startle them both. They looked over and saw Spike and Giles
standing at the doorway. Giles ignored Spike’s applause, but added, “While
not historically accurate, once again you’ve managed to reduce a quiet
complex dispute unto its basic components. Quite well done Xander.” Giles
enter the room and looked down at Dawn as she huddled against Xander. “It is
getting late, dear, and it doesn’t seem likely that we’ll finish here in the
immediate future. Tara and Willow have extended an invitation for you to
spend the night with them. Would that meet with you approval, Dawn?”
~~~~~
Dawn love staying at the dorms, even though she did it about once a week now
she still would get bouncy and excited. At least she got, as bouncy and
excited as she ever got since That Day. No she did not need to stop at Giles
places for an overnight bag. Yes she has clothes at Willow’s room. Yes she
had a toothbrush in her knapsack. Why did he want to know why she carried a
toothbrush? Can we leave now please? Xander liked seeing her like this, she
seemed almost the same as before. As Spike followed the girls out onto the
dark streets of Sunnydale, Xander paused at the door. He caught Giles eye
and raised an eyebrow. He didn’t feel comfortable leaving Giles alone and
outnumber. “It’s fine, Xander, we are only going to exchange information.”
As he nodded and turned to leave, he noticed that slime lady and almost
impaled guy were giving him uneasy looks. That reminded him that no one had
referred to him as ‘the boy’ during this visit. He wasn’t sure he found
that very reassuring.
~~~
By Friday, things were back to normal. Sunnydale normal. The watchers had
left the day before. Giles had hinted that they might stop by the LA
operation and have a chat with Wesley and Cordy. Remembering their original
meeting with Spike during their pre-Glory Buffy investigation, Xander had to
wonder just how many crosses and stakes they would need to be in the same
room with and unchipped Angelus. ‘But all in all better them than us,’
Xander sighed.
It hadn’t been very Hellmouthy lately. Except for the dragon. Vamp
activity was down and the Glory thing had wiped out a great number of
demons. Spike was scowling as he stalked back to where Willow and Xander
waited in the cemetery.
“Anything?” Willow sounded disappointed, and Xander was hoping it didn’t
mean there was a spell in the testing stage she was prepared to use. Spike
just shook his head and stomped off in the other direction. As Willow and
Xander followed in his wake she said “I’m going to call it night, we want to
leave early for the faire tomorrow. We’re going to rent costumes, gotta
admit I’m almost as excited as Dawn.”
“You just keep an eye on her, witch” Spike growled back at them. Willow
frowned and looked as if she was going to give Spike more than just a piece
of her mind, and not in the Glory sense, because eww. She took exception
to Spike’s attitude that no one but him was capable of taking care of Dawn.
So Xander poked her gently in the ribs and tease, “Awhh, he’s worried about
you. You know in Spike speak, what he just said was ‘even though your
leaving Sunnydale, don’t let you guard down. It’s a big bad world out
there.’ and on behalf of myself may I just say, renting costumes, my you do
like to live dangerously.”
Willow poked him back. Then said goodnight, and walked off towards campus.
So, Xander and Spike followed her back to the dorm. Then walked in silence
until they were back at the cemetery.
“She’s right this place is dead.” Xander winced at his own pun, and gave
Spike an apologetic smile.
“Bronze?” Spike asked raising an eyebrow.
“Too many kids. My place? It’s quiet.” ‘Oh God! Did I just proposition him?
Does he think I just propositioned him? If I did, do I want to have done
it? Do I want to do it? Do IT? Oh God? He not laughing, and hey we’re
walking in the direction of my apartment Can he hear my heart racing? Wait
get off the train, Xander you not fifteen, it’s entirely possible that he
assumed that after the week of the watchers you don’t want to spend the
evening in a club packed with sweaty bodies and loud music.
~~~~
This is nice, Xander thought. They sat on the couch, feet up on the coffee
table, with only the glow cast by the television illuminating the room. On
the way back from the kitchen to get a couple of beers, Xander had noticed
the lighting made Spike look eerie and otherworldly, not scary, just
beautiful and aloof. Now that they sat side by side, in the dim quiet room
he reexamined his attraction to Spike. Spike was attractive, very
attractive. Hell he reeked of raw sensuality; Xander could admit that.
Willow was smart, the Hellmouth was dangerous, and Spike was sexy, there
were just certain truisms you knew down to your bones.
A commercial came on and Spike turn, and caught Xander looking at him. “You
sure she’ll be all right?”
“She’ll be with Willow. Can you imagine what would happen if anyone crossed
Willow?” Spike snorted and looked back at the TV. Just to rattle his chain,
Xander added, “summer vacation is stating soon, how are you going to handle
her being out on her own every day.” He regretted it the minute he saw
Spikes wild-eyed look of panic. Spike was willing to let Dawn stay with
Giles, although Xander knew he occasionally stood guard outside, smoking and
making it clear to everyone that what was inside was his and they had better
stay clear. But it was obvious that the idea of all those hours of sunlight
when Xander was at work and he could not follow Dawn did not appeal to him.
“It’ll be okay.”
“I’m not Dawn, whelp. I know what’s what. Someone finds out what she is,
there’s a hundred different rituals they could use her in.” And so not a
reassuring thought. Thanks Spike.
Xander sighed. He set his empty bottle on the table, and tucked the leg
closest to Spike underneath him. He put his hand on his knees and looked
into those angry blue eyes. He took a calming breath and used the same tone
he had used with the guidance counselor, “That’s not going to happen. No
one knows but us and we are not telling anyone. Listen I know you made
promises to Buffy. I respect that. But you’re not alone in this.” He tried
to lighten the mood and added, “Look at it this way; even I manage to
survive growing up on the Hellmouth with Willow’s help.”
Spike was not amused. “You had Buffy.”
“Dawn has us, she not alone. You’re not alone. None of us are alone in
this; we never will be.” That was when Xander lost his mind. At least that
was what he told himself. If fact he could here the same voice that had
been screaming at him about propositioning Spike earlier asking just what
the Hell he thought he was doing.
What he was doing was leaning forward and, oh yes he was, he was kissing
Spike on his bottom lip. When Spike didn’t pull back, Xander parted his own
lips just enough to take bottom lip in between them. Spike surprised him
with a low-throated rumbley noise. Xander felt quite daring when he raised
his hand and tentatively stroked the side of Spike’s face. He pulled back
to watch his fingers trace the sharp angles of Spike’s face. When their
eyes met, Xander was at a loss for words. Words normally bubbled up, with
no consideration to his brain, but now they were gone and he had no idea
what to say to the naked hunger in Spike’s eyes. So he tried the truth,
“I...I really don’t want to be alone tonight. Will... will you stay?”
And it had been that easy. There hadn’t been a mad rush to the bedroom.
None of the frantic scrambling like with Anya. There had been more soft
kisses on the couch while they slowly undressed and took time to admire each
other’s bodies with glances and caresses. It was much like Xander had
always imagined his first time would be, before Faith had introduced him to
the joys of autoerotic foreplay. When they moved to the bedroom Spike had
asked for lube as if this was something Xander did every night.
“I think we’ll have to improvise. Oil?” Spike smiled. It was a real smile.
Not sneering or maniacal, the kind of smile Xander had only seen directed at
Dawn. ‘And isn’t that a disturbing thought when I’m naked.’ By the time
Xander’s conscious had finish chastising him for thoughts of Dawn when sex
was eminent, Spike had come out of the bathroom with couple towels and the
bottle of oil.
“It’s likely to get a mite messy, pet.” Spike said in answer to what Xander
was sure was a look of utter bewilderment at the towels. Spike laid one of
them on the bed and positioned Xander in front of it and gently pushed him
back until he was first sitting and then lying on the towel. Spike lay down
beside him and brushed Xander’s hair off his face and, well, petted him. He
caressed his face and stroked his hair, but it was different than it had
been on the couch, more soothing. “You’ve never done this before have you?”
Was that Spike? His voice was barely above a whisper, even his accent
sounded different.
‘Oh God, do not let me start crying. I started this and now he’s treating
me like a skittish virgin.’ “I...Spike, I think...Please, I think I really
need this.” Xander looked over into those blue eyes and willed him with all
his might to see him as and adult, not some scared kid, holding on to
anything in a world turned upside down. And it worked. It must have worked
because Spike was kissing him. Oh was he kissing him, it felt so good.
These weren’t the teasing; tasting kisses from before these were invasive
and possessive, demanding and tainted with lust and desire.
He was breathless when Spike stopped to open the oil. Unexpectedly, he
poured some on Xander’s stomach. Spike laughed at his gasp as the cool
liquid contacted his skin. But Xander didn’t have a chance to say anything,
because Spike’s mouth was back, stealing his breath and scattering his
thoughts. Spike dragged his fingertips thought the oil and began to coat
first his cock and then his balls with the slippery substance. Spike’s hands
were never still and when the first finger breached and slid deep into
Xander’s body Xander reach blindly for Spike. Spike made the softest shhhing
noises while Xander whimpered with need. A second finger moved inside and
sparks exploded behind Xander’s eyes. He tried to pull Spike closer but he
seemed so far away. Xander gulped in air like a drowning man, and managed
to say “Please...”
Spike crooned in that strangely accented soft voice, “Luv, this will be
easier for you on your stomach.”
“No. Here. Stay. Please. Stay.” Xander had no idea what he had just said,
but it didn’t sound like English. He moaned and prayed Spike spoke whatever
language that was.
By the size of the grin on Spike’s face whatever Xander had said had pleased
him. For a moment he seemed to be moving away, but a whimper from Xander
summoned him back for a kiss. Spike positioned himself between Xander’s
legs, and lifted those legs up and over his shoulders. It was only then
that he removed his fingers, and almost before Xander could register the
lose, he began to slowly replace them with his cock.
Xander had expected many things, but not this, never this. He had never
felt so connected. He looked up and Spike was so close, so near. This felt
right. Spike moved. He moved so slowly, his eyes locked on Xander, so
focused. Xander felt his face start to hurt and realized it had be too long
since he smiled this much. He laughed, out loud. Which made Spike grin and
ask “Good pet.”
“Yes!” ‘Yes, God yes. I need this. Don’t stop. Wait what’s he laughing at?
Please tell me I’m not saying this out loud?’ “Move, damn it!” Spike moved.
With every thrust Xander felt fuller and closer to him. Xander didn’t know
when Spike’s hand had started to stroke his cock in time to those thrusts
but he felt his whole body shutter as if he hadn’t cum in years. A few more
thrusts, and before his own seed could cool on his stomach he felt Spike
follow him over the edge. After Xander’s breathing returned to normal,
Spike’s had never stopped being normal being normal meant that it wasn’t
there, Spike slowly slipped out of Xander’s body. ‘Oh yeah, the towels were
a good idea.’
Xander felt boneless. He wanted to reach out to Spike, who was wiping them
both down with the oil and remaining towel. Spike seemed to sense that, and
after sealing the bottle tossed it and the towels in the general direction
of the bathroom. Spike tucked Xander under his arm, and kissed his temple
and stroked his face, rubbing his thumb against Xander’s bottom lip.
Xander’s eyelids were starting to droop and he was surprised to here Spike
whisper, “Thank you.”
Xander made the colossal effort; Heturned his head to look into Spike’s
eyes. He really intended to say thank you back, but really good sex
sometimes disconnect the brain so what came out just before he plummeted
into sleep was, “I need you.”
Part 7
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