Mom Knows Best
Part 14
Kevin looked over at AJ with a small smile; the younger man had been there ever since Kevin had appeared outside AJ’s door in a wreck. In the two days since the meeting where Lance had come out Kevin had only spent a few hours alone. It felt as if AJ really understood and Kevin needed that more than anything else.
“What’s wrong?” AJ asked not taking his eyes away from the road.
Kevin blushed quickly searching for something to say, “Nothing. I was just wondering what we’re going to do about Nick and Justin.”
AJ said thoughtfully, “They love each other and nothing we can say or do will change that. It makes sense in a way, the two heartthrobs of the groups getting together. This way they don’t have to worry about someone trying to use them for their fame.”
“Yeah. They’re lucky though,” Kevin said wistfully.
Kevin thought he and Kristen would be together forever but he was wrong. He could clearly remember having doubts on their wedding day. He had put it down to wedding day jitters. What he remembered most of all about that day was thinking that AJ looked gorgeous before reminding himself of an oath he made privately years ago, don’t *ever* have sex with your band-mates.
Intruding on Kevin’s thoughts AJ asked, “You think we should call D again?”
Kevin said with a sigh, “There’s no point, he won’t to listen to *anyone*. He won’t answer my calls and Nick said JC’s doing the same thing with Nsync.”
AJ nodded and headed towards the studio. Thinking back to their hotel room AJ wondered if he should get another room for Kevin before they headed to Orlando but shrugged away the idea. Kevin would need someone there, and AJ was more than willing to be there for the older man. He had always wanted to help when Kevin was upset but too often the man had insisted that he didn’t need anyone, that he was the strong one.
AJ said seriously, “Think we should give Nick and Justin another talk on being careful?”
Kevin shook his head, “They know, I think they just lost themselves in the moment.”
“It must be nice to do that. I don’t think I’ve ever felt that way,” AJ said in a wistful tone.
“Yeah, I hope they can get through Ben’s appearance.”
“I still think you’re wrong about him being Nick’s ex.” AJ said making Kevin roll his eyes.
Kevin had spent the last two days trying to convince AJ that Nick and Ben had been involved. AJ refused to believe him, insisting that they would have seen some sign.
“I’m not. God, the tour will be a disaster if Nick and Justin break up!” Kevin said as he opened the door.
*******
Nick looked at his lover and smirked, Justin looked like he wanted to deck JC. A sentiment Nick could understand. He wondered what they were going to do about JC and Howie when they were on tour. It didn’t seem fair on the fans to have the groups arguing this way.
“So how do you feel about the latest rumours about you and Justin, Nick?” Carson asked going straight for the throat.
Nick smiled, “I don’t really think about them. Its something we’re used to, people can think what they want.”
“Interesting. What does Britney think of the rumours, Justin?” Carson asked trying to get some reaction from them.
Justin said with a shrug, “She doesn’t care about them. None of us do, rumours are part of the business.”
“What’s planned for the tour?” Carson asked getting away from the taboo topic.
Lance grinned as he answered, “We’re going to do a couple of numbers together and there are some original songs.”
“You should hear the ones TimberNick wrote, they’re great!” AJ said enthusiastically, elbowing Nick at the same time.
“TimberNick?” Carson questioned in confusion.
“He means Nick and I,” Justin answered with a smile looking at Nick for a second before both burst into laughter.
“So is that your writing name?” Carson asked smiling at them.
“No! Its just a nickname.” Nick answered for both of them.
“A rather unusual one, seeing how it combines both your names.” Carson said giving them a pointed look.
Justin shrugged, “We’ve got unusual friends. Its because of the rumours and because we’ve have been hanging together a lot while we’re writing the songs.”
“Now we’ve got some questions for you from the audience.” Carson said turning to a nearby tall redhead girl.
The girl blushed, “I was just wondering if you were planning on doing any solos, Lance.”
Lance thought about the question before saying. “Not yet, but the arrangement of show hasn’t been finalised.”
“I was wondering what you all think about the stories your fans write about you.” A teenage boy about seventeen asked, his voice carrying through the studio.
“They’re interesting.” Kevin said honestly.
Chris nodded, “Yeah. In a way it shows how much our fans care about us.”
JC smiled at the audience, “I like that our fans care about us so much, that they care enough to imagine how we would behave in different situations.”
Carson asked wanting to regain control of the show, “So when is the first tour date?”
“Three weeks today in Orlando -” Nick said not reacting when Justin interrupted him.
Justin said enthusiastically, “It’ll be great to play in our home town!”
“Sounds great!” Carson said as the show cut to the advertisements.
The groups thanked Carson for the interview before leaving the studio for to the airport as the groups were all going to Orlando for the next the next week for interviews. Lance, Kevin, AJ, Nick and Justin were in the first car while the others drove behind them in the second. They all agreed it was probably a bad idea for the gay members of the groups to be that close to Howie and JC, it was safest for everybody that way. Nick couldn’t help but feel sorry for the others who had to put up with JC and Howie.
“Are you going to tell the others about you two?” Kevin asked the cuddling couple.
Nick nodded, “After we’ve finished rehearsals so we can make sure the fans get a decent show. It wouldn’t be fair to them otherwise.”
“Does JC know that Nick is staying with you?” Lance asked worried as he imagined the older man’s reaction.
Justin sighed, “Yeah. He’s not happy about it. He told Nick to stay away from me.”
“I need to talk to Johnny about getting Ben onto our floor.” Lance said absently.
“Why?” Kevin questioned worried, thinking about the possibility of Nick and Justin breaking up like he feared.
Nick answered with a sigh, “Oh, he’s coming on tour for a while. He’s just lost his job and could do with a break.”
“How did that happen?” AJ questioned shocked for when he had met the man years ago Ben had seemed to be the man who took his responsibilities seriously.
Lance blushed, “My fault. I called him and said I needed his help. He came here for me and his boss wasn’t happy.”
“He’s gone back to sort everything out with his sister. She’ll take care of everything after he comes out.”
“What does he do?” Kevin asked wondering if they could get the man a job. That way he could make sure Ben kept away from Nick and Justin.
Justin smiled, “He worked in the morgue writing up the reports but he has gone back to see a modelling agency. With his looks he shouldn’t find it difficult to get a job with them.”
“How are you doing Kev?” Nick asked worried about how Kevin was coping after Kristen’s betrayal.
“Okay. Luckily I haven’t been alone through everything. I filed for divorce yesterday.” Kevin said smiling at AJ and missing Justin’s questioning look at Nick.
“Who’s joining us later?” Nick said changing the subject.
“As for as I know it’s O-Town and Britney. Have you told her about you two?” Kevin said carefully.
Justin shrugged, “Not yet. She won’t care.”
Kevin didn’t say anything taking the younger man’s word for it. He guessed Nick and Justin must have talked about it because Nick hadn’t freaked like he had expected. He knew Nick tended to be pretty possessive about his partners; they all were in a way.
*******
“Hey, Benny. How did it go?” Sarah asked as she picked up her phone with a grin.
Ben smiled, “Okay. Jaime is apparently Lance Bass out of Nsync and I met up with Nick.”
“Oh. You going to be okay with seeing Nick? I know how much you loved him.” Sarah asked concerned.
Ben shrugged, “Nick’s with someone and he’s happy. Anyway, Jamie is who I’m interested in.”
“Is he as nice as you thought?” Sarah asked seeing the need to change the subject.
“Yeah. He even said I could sleep in his room if I was worried about being in a new environment. I told him about what happened with Kay, he was a little mad and I think he’s feeling guilty. I’m coming back home in a couple of days and then we can join them on tour if we want.”
Sarah smirked, “That sounds interesting. I think I’ll stay here. You go and have a good time, you’ve still got da’s money if you need it.”
Felling the watch he was wearing Ben grinned saying, “I will. I’ve got to go, we’re about to go to Orlando were I’m going to hang with them. Jamie got a few bad reactions so I think he needs me around as a friend not a love interest.”
“Okay. Be careful and call me if you need anything. You know Lance might not need a lover for a while.”
“I know. See you, sis.” Ben said hanging up the phone and waiting expectantly.
“Hey Benny!” Justin shouted excitedly as they walked into the VIP room of the airport to find the man waiting.
“Hi J. We should go. The plane will ready in a couple of minutes.” Ben said with smile.
“How are you? Not worrying about the flight?” Lance said putting an arm around the older man’s shoulders.
Ben smirked, “What’s to worry about being in a piece of metal thousands of feet in the air? How many times have I told you that if God meant for us to fly he would give his wings?”
“Just what I didn’t want to hear!” Brian said with a groan, he hated flying at the best of times.
“The plane is ready, gentlemen.” A young woman said walking into the room and leading the way out.
The eleven boarded the plane with Lance, Ben and Brian sitting together so that they could keep Howie and JC away. The pair still treated Lance coldly and no one could be sure how they would react to Lance being so close to Ben. Opposite the three Nick and Justin sat with Chris who was immediately put on his headphones. Kevin and AJ sat together talking quietly amongst themselves causing Joey with was sitting with them to feel like a third wheel. JC and Howie were sitting at the back where they couldn’t see Lance, which had been a deliberate move on the behalf of their friends.
Part 15
*6 p.m. Tuesday Night*
Kevin looked over at Ben who was sitting by his side in the car. Their friends were inside McDonalds getting something to eat but he had taken the chance to check out the younger man. He needed to make sure Ben wasn’t going to take advantage of the others.
“I thought you were going back to Boston?” Kevin asked Ben suspiciously.
Ben shrugged, “I am going back to my place in a couple of days to pack and sort everything out. My sister said she’ll take care of my place and the modelling agency has an office in Orlando.”
“Oh. How come you agreed to go on tour with us?” Kevin said wanting to know the man’s intentions.
“The others wouldn’t take no for an answer. How are you?” Ben answered not understanding why Kevin was interrogating him.
“What makes you say that?” Kevin said in a mix of anger and shock.
Ben grinned, “You sound a little sad. I was wondering if I could help you.”
“Its personal.” Kevin said turning to look out the window.
“I figured as much. I just figured I could give you a fresh perspective seeing how I’m not that close to you but it doesn’t matter.”
“Maybe later. So are you seeing anyone?” Kevin asked changing the subject quickly.
Ben smirked, “No. There is one guy I’m interested in but I don’t think we’ll be getting together. There are a few things that need to be sorted out.”
“Its not Nick is it? He’s happy with Justin.” Kevin said knowing the man must know about the couple from the way the pair had behaved around him.
Ben laughed, “Nick was…is, special to me. He was the first man I ever loved but that doesn’t mean I want him back. We’ve both changed too much for that to happen. I’m sick of all this pussy-footing around, Kevin. Just tell me what you really want to know.”
Kevin said narrowing his eyes, “Okay. I want to know why you are here.”
Ben grinned saying calmly, “My name is Ben O’Keefe. I’m 24 and originally from Ireland but I live in Boston now. I met Jaime, or Lance through an Internet chat room about Roswell. I came to LA so I could help Jamie because he was worried about coming out. I only found out who he was when he told me on Sunday after the meeting.”
Kevin started at the man, “Give me one reason why I should believe anything you’re telling me?”
Ben shrugged, “There’s no reason for you to believe me. I don’t expect you to trust me right away but maybe you should take the chance to know me first. I might not be the ideal person you want around but I’m not leaving unless Jamie asks me to. Who you rooming with for the tour?”
“Nick and Justin, AJ and Lance, JC and Brian, Howie and Joey then Chris and I. However I plan to have my own room, I’ll just say explain that I’ve got a lot of work to do and I need some space.”
“Its worth a try I suppose.” Ben said with a shrug.
The pair fell into an uncomfortable silence not knowing each other well enough to really talk and not wanting to bother making small talk. Kevin was too worried about what he was going to do about Kristen. He knew he could never trust her again but he didn’t know if she would agree to the divorce.
*******
“How you coping with everything Bass?” AJ asked with a grin as he and Lance walked outside where the Nsyncer was watching the children playing.
“Hey, McLean. I’m doing okay, kinda dreading the tour if I have to put up with JC behaving like this. I’m still the same guy; he just knows something else about me.”
AJ laughed, “They’re just too stupid to see. So who’s your dream guy?”
“Never thought I would be having this conversation with you!”
“I’m full of surprises, Lance.” AJ said with a smirk.
“I’m beginning to see that. Do you mind Ben coming on tour with us?”
AJ said reassuringly, “Your boyfriend is more than welcome, sometimes its nice to bring a lover on tour with you. It stops you feeling so lonely.”
“He’s not my boyfriend. He’s a friend, perhaps the best one I’ve got.”
“Sometimes a good friend is worth a million lovers.” AJ said as they walked back out to the car where Kevin and Ben were sitting in silence.
“Any sign of the lovebirds yet?” Kevin asked wearily.
Lance shook his head, “Nah. They went into the bathroom almost an hour ago so we’ll be lucky if they ever come out. The guards are standing outside the bathroom just in case.”
Ben said with a wicked smile, “Maybe someone should go get them? You can’t take the chance that they’re caught in a…revealing position.”
“Even they wouldn’t fuck in McDonalds.” Lance said with a laugh causing AJ and Kevin to look at him.
“God, what an amateur (!) I’ll get the kiddies.” Kevin said to the blonde before getting out the car.
Kevin walked into the toilets and knocked loudly. He sighed when the only sound was an abortive laugh. Signally for the bodyguards to continue covering the door, Kevin walked inside and rolled his eyes at the sight before him.
Justin had Nick pushed up against the wall and was busy kissing the life out of his lover. Kevin couldn’t help but think they could have picked a better place but since it was part of being in love he decided to let it go.
Kevin said seriously, “Guys, we’re waiting to go and people might start to notice something is going on seeing how you’ve been in here almost an hour.”
“Okay. You feeling any better, Kev?”
“I’m fine. We need to get going.” Kevin said abruptly not wanting to discuss his feelings. All he wanted was to be left alone so he could get his emotions under control.
“Sure. What do you think of Benny?” Nick grinned at his friend.
Kevin shrugged, “He’s okay, I guess. I just think it’s a little weird that he was so quick to come on tour with us.”
Justin said quickly, “He only agreed because we all asked. He isn’t out to take advantage of us.”
“You don’t know that. Let’s go, we’re supposed to meet the others soon.”
Nick groaned, “I can’t handle them right now. I swear if JC or Howie say one more word about how gay people are sick perverts, I’m going to kill them.”
Kevin said seriously, “They just need to see being gay doesn’t change who you are. However its probably a good idea to keep them away from Lance, and you guys for a while after you tell them. When *are* you going to tell them?”
“In two days, after I’ve told the rest of my family.” Justin said with a smile, holding Nick’s hand.
Kevin nodded, “Okay. The others will be okay and I’m sure they’ll come round eventually.”
“Maybe but we haven’t got an eternity.” Nick sighed knowing he couldn’t handle all the stress.
“How’s Lance holding up?” Kevin asked as they walked outside, Nick and Justin walking so close their arms brushed together.
Justin said honestly, “Not good. This hurt him more than he admits. Josh is his best friend.”
“Benny will help him. Its not like Lance is alone now, we’re here for him.” Nick said helpfully as they walked outside.
The three walked outside and got into the car, heading straight for Lance’s house where the two groups were meeting to go over the arrangements for the tour. He just hoped no one would argue about the room assignments and that Johnny would let him room together. He couldn’t handle having to pretend to be happy all the time.
*******
Brian asked with a grin, “So what’s so important we had to meet here?”
Kevin addressed the room at large, “We’re all doubling up for the tour. The powers that be have decided it will help everyone become friends. Its in age order so the room assignments are as follows; Nick and Justin, Lance and AJ, JC and Brian, Howie and Joey then Chris and I. The arrangements might change because I’ve got a lot of work so I might get my own room.”
“Why should we have to room together when you and Chris get your own rooms?” Howie said indignantly.
Kevin shrugged, “I just felt it wouldn’t be fair on Chris if I’m up all hours working.”
Lance said seriously, “I’ve arranged for Ben to have a room on the same floor as us for the duration of the tour.”
“We don’t want your boyfriend on tour with us!” Howie said sternly.
Ben laughed, “I’m not his boyfriend. I’m just a mate.”
Brian shouted, “Quit arguing. So what if he’s gay! Just keep quiet and don’t cause any problems on tour. You know what would happen if the press found out!”
Everyone fell silent knowing just how much damage it would do to their careers. Their careers would be over, it was harsh but each knew just how fickle the public were. Finally JC broke the silence saying, “I’m going outside to think for a while.”
“I’ll come with you.” Ben said seeing the chance to talk to the other man.
“I’ll help you out then.” JC said knowing he couldn’t leave the man to struggle outside by himself.
*******
Once they had both sat down on the grass Ben asked calmly, “Why are you so angry with Lance for being gay?”
JC sighed, “Its weird because I could always tell when someone was gay but I couldn’t with Lance. It shocked me when he said he’s gay. I was always taught being gay was wrong, it made you evil but Lance isn’t evil. He’s one of the nicest men I’ve ever met.”
Ben said seriously, “I’ve always thought that being gay isn’t wrong or right. People are just what they are. Let’s face it, no one would chose to be gay considering the way gay people are treated. Lance is a good man who cares whether he loves a man or a woman. Surely the only thing that matters is that he’s happy.”
“I guess. So it’s not wrong to be gay?” JC said softly, hesitantly.
Ben could only give his opinion on the subject. He said passionately, “I don’t think it is, I know of some priests who agree with me. Some gay catholic friends of mine were even married a couple of months ago. Does that help?”
“It does actually. I need to apologise to him.”
Ben nodded, “Yeah. Can I ask you some questions?”
Shrugging JC said, “I guess.”
“Okay. You have to answer right away.”
JC nodded waiting expectantly. He was slightly worried about the look on the man’s face. Just what was Ben going to ask him?
Ben said quickly, “Red or Blue?”
“Blue.”
Ben asked, “Cat or dog?”
“Cat.”
“BMW or Mercedes?” Ben said grinning when JC responded quickly.
Not taking any time to ponder his answer JC said, “BMW.”
Ben nodded saying, “Pop or Rock?”
JC answered quickly, “Rock.”
‘I’m getting closer,’ Ben thought as he asked, “Singing or Writing?”
“Writing.”
Ben asked the question the whole game had been leading up to, “Are you gay?”
“Yes.” JC said before breaking down in tears. Getting hold of himself he said, “God, I’ve never told anyone that before.”
Ben nodded half to himself as he responded, “I thought as much. Why did you have a go at Lance?”
JC laughed lowly, “Sounds ridiculous but I was jealous that he could be so at ease with himself. I was angry that he could accept being gay so easily. I’ve been fighting with this for years.”
“Everyone fights with it for a while. Some people never come to terms with it but those who do feel better when they can be true to themselves.”
“Can you not tell everyone until I’m ready to tell them myself?”
“Of course. You should tell them soon though, it might make Lance understand why you were so upset.”
“Thanks for talking to me.” JC said seriously as he stood to walk inside. He placed one arm around Ben’s shoulders and kept it there to Ben’s shock.
Thinking it was a good sign Ben didn’t pull away. It was slightly unusual as most people just grabbed his hand when they were directing him somewhere. He was still thinking about JC’s strange behaviour when they walked inside.
JC said honestly, “I need to apologise to you, Lance. I’m sorry for what I said. I don’t hate you, I could never hate you.”
“That’s okay. It was just a shock.” Lance said as he moved to stand in front of the man.
JC said loud enough to be heard by the others in the room, “There’s something I need to tell you. Don’t hate me for it but…I…”
“You can do it, JC.” Ben whispered just loud enough for the man to hear him.
Taking a deep breath JC said, “I’m gay.”
Chris exclaimed, “WHAT?”
“Why did you treat Lance like that?!” Justin shouted in a mix of confusion and anger.
Ben whistled. Once he had everyone’s attention he said, “If you all be quiet I’m sure he will answer all your questions.”
“I have no excuse for treating you like that Lance. I was angry and jealous. I was jealous that you could accept something so easily that I’ve been fighting for years.”
“I can understand how that feels. I need some time to deal with this. What made you tell us that you’re gay?”
Looking at the man he still had one arm around JC admitted, “Ben. He explained to me there’s nothing wrong with being gay. He made me see that being gay didn’t make me evil. Being gay doesn’t make me wrong or dirty. I just am what I am.
“I could have told you that!” Lance said with a laugh.
“Anyone else need to come out?” Chris said looking at the room at large. He missed the nervous looks Justin and Nick gave each other.
AJ grinned, “No? Then we can get back to business.”
“We’re going to sing songs from all our CDs and a couple Nick and Justin have written. We’ll go over the exact arrangement along with the dances in rehearsal with Wade and Fatima in three weeks. O-Town and Britney will be joining us then. Are you two going to come out to them?”
Lance nodded, “There’s no point hiding it when they’ll just find out later on during the tour.”
“Okay. Now we need to look over the songs Nick and Justin have wrote. Have you got them?”
Justin nodded as he started looking around in Nick’s backpack. Feeling the leather notebook, he grinned and took out his prize. He passed the book to Nick who quickly rummaged through the pages before stopping when he found the songs.
Howie read them quickly before saying, “They’re good.”
“We have to make a few minor changes to them.” Justin said as he looked over the songs carefully.
Lance said shocked, “What changes?”
Nick grabbed his pen and he and Justin started writing quickly so the songs looked a little different and presented the finished product to their friends.
Embrace The Night © Stephanie Macura 2001
To the world we’re only friends,
No one looks behind the masks,
No one sees the love we share,
But they wouldn’t understand us.
Away from the curious eyes and harsh spotlight,
Away from the world of pain and hate,
We are free to be ourselves,
To kiss and caress free from fear.
Chorus
So come to me in the night,
Just wait until the sun’s gone from the sky,
In the night we can love each other,
Let’s embrace the night, baby.
End chorus
I know it hurts to hide our feelings,
But I’ll do anything to be with you,
I’m willing to be your secret lover,
Until the day we can be free.
Chorus x 1
All I can say is that I need you here,
I can’t imagine living without you,
You are my guide when I’m lost,
I love you more than life so please, baby.
Lets spend just one night together,
Just the night...please don’t turn away,
Can’t you see my love burning bright?
Spend this time with me until the morning light
Repeat chorus x 2
END SONG
It’s Over © Stephanie Macura 2001
We once spent hours just talking about nothing,
Now you won’t even say two words to me,
But I can see the truth in your eyes,
We’re just not meant to be.
(Chorus)
Can you see that we’ve reached the end?
We don’t love each other,
It’d be wrong to stay together.
We both know it’s over.
(end chorus)
I’ll always care for you but I don’t love you,
I can’t handle all the arguments,
I’m tired of all the pain.
We just hurt each other.
Chorus x 1
This charade isn’t fair on either of us,
Can you see the only answer is to break up?
I can tell you feel the same by the look in your eyes,
It needs to be done now before we hate each other.
Chorus x 1
Can you see what this is doing to me?
So I’m saying those two little words,
Words we both know are true,
So I’m telling you it’s over.
Chorus x 1
END SONG
“What’s the arrangement for them?” AJ asked looking the songs over carefully.
Nick shrugged, “I was thinking of making Embrace The Night a solo.”
JC interrupted, “Its more of a duet song really. How about you and Justin singing it since you wrote it?”
Kevin nodded saying, “It’s Over sounds like it would be good for Lance, AJ, Chris and Brian.”
Lance said carefully, “Ben can give us his opinion. Since he’s neutral, he’s probably a good person to ask.”
“Fine with me.” Ben said with a shrug.
The session started after Nick and Justin hummed through the music they had in mind. Nick and Justin sang Embrace The Night softly. Their voices were full of passion and meaning. The song changed to sound more like a conversation between two lovers.
Nick started the song,
“To the world we’re only friends,
No one looks behind the masks,
No one sees the love we share,
But they wouldn’t understand us.”
Justin started quickly,
“Away from the curious eyes and harsh spotlight,
Away from the world of pain and hate,
We are free to be ourselves,
To kiss and caress free from fear.”
They sang the chorus together,
“So come to me in the night,
Just wait until the sun’s gone from the sky,
In the night we can love each other,
Let’s embrace the night, baby.”
Closing his eyes Justin sang,
“I know it hurts to hide our feelings,
But I’ll do anything to be with you,
I’m willing to be your secret lover,
Until the day we can be free.”
Nick winked at Justin as the pair sang the chorus,
“So come to me in the night,
Just wait until the sun’s gone from the sky,
In the night we can love each other,
Let’s embrace the night, baby.”
Nick grinned,
“All I can say is that I need you here,
I can’t imagine living without you,
You are my guide when I’m lost,
I love you more than life so please, baby.”
“Lets spend just one night together,
Just the night...please don’t turn away,
Can’t you see my love burning bright?
Spend this time with me until the morning light.”
Justin finished the song,
“So come to me in the night,
Just wait until the sun’s gone from the sky,
In the night we can love each other,
Let’s embrace the night, baby.”
As Justin sang the last line of the chorus Nick sang,
“Let’s embrace the night, baby.”
Come on, embrace the night.”
Brian grinned at them, “That was great, guys.”
“Thanks.” Justin said for both of them as they turned to look at Ben.
Ben shrugged, “It was good. Although I think it would be better as a solo.”
Howie nodded in agreement, “Who do you think should sing it?”
Ben said, “Nick. Its great for his voice.” Needing to explain he said, “Then Justin can sing. We may as well take advantage of all the rumours about you two. The song right after it should be It’s Over. It shows two different types of love, relationships, which will go great together. A song of an all encompassing love and a song of a dying love.”
Brian yawned, “Okay. We can go over the music later.”
Kevin nodded saying, “We can meet up tomorrow. Everyone looks a little tired.”
“I’m going to stay at a hotel.” Ben said with a quick grin.
Lance said quickly, “Why don’t you stay with me? There’s plenty of room.”
Hearing the worry in his friend’s tone Ben grinned, “Jaime, I’d like to stay in hotel. I’ve got some plans to make. I’ll be fine, I promise. I’ll call you as soon as I’m settled.”
“Okay.” Lance said reluctantly knowing the man wasn’t going to change his mind.
The group dispersed quickly, each too tired to continue small talk. They had all been up at 5 am that morning and the flight had taken it out of them.
“You need a lift to a hotel?” Kevin asked Ben once they were outside.
“That would great.” Ben said as Kevin led the way to his car, which his bodyguard had driven to Lance’s place.
They drove to a hotel in silence both too caught up in their thoughts to speak. Ben was wondering how he could help Kevin. It sounded like the man was in a lot of pain and Ben honestly believed what his grandmother had told him, a problem shared is a problem halved.
When they arrived at their hotel Kevin helped Ben out the car and into the reception. He told Ben to wait as he booked some rooms.
Kevin said politely, “I’d like to book two hotel rooms for tonight, please.”
The concierge blushed, “I’m sorry but we only have one room. Could you two gentlemen possibly share?”
“That will be fine.” Kevin said wanting nothing more than to sleep. He collected the key and walked over to where Ben was waiting.
“We’ll have to share a room. That won’t be a problem for you, right?”
Ben blushed faintly, "That'll be fine. Erm…when we get up there could you please give me a brief description of the layout. I’d prefer not to fall over and break my neck.”
“Of course.” Kevin said as he led the way to the elevator, one hand on Ben’s arm.
Once they arrived at their room, Kevin walked inside pulling the other man in behind him. He groaned realising there was only one bed. True it was a massive bed but still he didn’t want to sleep with the man seeing how he had nightmares every night since walking in on Kristen having sex with some guy. Grinning he explained the layout to Ben wanting to see what the man would suggest.
Ben said reassuringly. “Look it’s a big bed. I’m not going to jump you or anything. I’m more than capable of sharing a bed with someone without having sex with them.”
“Fine by me.” Kevin said quickly before exactly how many steps there were to all the features. He sat Ben down while he scouted out the rest of the room.
When he returned to the room Ben asked, “You feel like talking to me, yet?”
“Not really but I need to talk with someone.”
“Okay. Why are you getting divorced from your wife?”
“I got home last week to find her fucking some guy. I can’t be with her now. She cheated on me.”
“What else is bothering you?”
“I’m just angry that I didn’t see what she was doing. I don’t know why she did it. Maybe it was my fault for leaving her alone so often.”
“She knew what your job was before she fell in love with you. That shouldn’t have been a problem for her.”
“I know. I feel embarrassed because of what happened. I gave up so much when I married her.”
“What do you mean?” Ben said confused.
“There was a man I could have been happy with. A man I was in love with but I never told him because I wanted to make everyone happy. So I got married to Kristen and repressed any feelings I ever had for any man.”
Remembering his life in Ireland Ben sighed, “That’s not a good thing to do. I understand why you did though. You need to live for you not for other people. I spent years denying I was gay because it didn’t fit in with my mother’s expectations of me. I almost killed myself because of it. That’s how I was blinded. I got drunk and drove into a tree four years ago. I didn’t kill myself but I ended up blind. After the accident I came to terms with my sexuality and knew that I had to do what would make me happy.”
“So you had already come out when you met Nick?” Kevin said amazed at how much he was discovering about the man.
Ben shook his head, “No. I did that over about eighteen months ago. My ma sent the priest around to give me a talk on how being gay was wrong. About a month ago I moved over here to live with some friends and then my sister joined me. I miss my ma but I’m not going to apologise for who I am.”
“I understand what you mean,” Kevin said with a grin.
Ben said happily, “Thanks. I’ve had enough of all this talking can we go to bed.”
Kevin nodded. When he realised the man couldn’t see him Kevin said, “Sure. Thanks for listening to me, Ben.”
“My pleasure.” Ben said honestly as he closed his eyes settling down to sleep.
They both quickly undressed before getting into the bed careful to make sure their bodies didn’t touch. Kevin closed his eyes and fell asleep almost right away to the shock of Ben who grinned before picking up his phone.
Ben quickly pressed the speed dial saying, “Hey, Jaime. I’m at a hotel. Just thought I’d call and let you know I got here okay.”
“Thanks for calling. Where are you staying?”
“No idea. Kevin just drove me to some hotel and booked a room.”
Lance exclaimed, “You’re sharing a room with him!”
“Yeah. There was only one room available.” Ben said nonchalantly.
“Oh. You going to be okay getting to the modeling agency tomorrow?”
Ben said excitedly, “Yeah. Who knows they may actually put me on their books!”
Lance said reassuringly, “I’m sure they will. It won’t cause any problems in your career will it? Being on tour with us?”
His accent getting stronger Ben said, “Quit worrying, darlin’ I’ll be okay.”
“If you say so. How did you manage to get Josh to come out?”
Ben simply shrugged, “He just needed someone neutral to talk to. It’s going to be difficult for him, he’s being fighting this for a while.”
“I figured so. I’ll talk to him about it.” Lance said quickly making a mental note to do so. It would help him understand what had happened.
“Sounds like a good idea. I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“Come to my place at about six. We should have finished with all the interviews by then.”
“I’ll be there. Night, Jaime.” Ben said with a grinning widely.
“Night Ben.” Lance said ending the call with a sigh.
*******
Justin grinned at his lover as the man sneaked into his room. His mother had originally given them their own rooms saying it was just until they told Jonathon the truth but the pair couldn’t stand the thought of sleeping alone.
The only solution they could think of was for Nick to sneak into Justin’s room when everyone was asleep. If the worst happened and Jonathon discovered them in bed together it would just mean they had to tell him a little earlier.
“You like this sneaking around, don’t you?” Justin said with a grin at Nick.
Nick blushed, “Kinda. Its just like in our song, spending just the night wrapped in each others arms.”
“You think everyone will figure out that the song’s about a gay relationship?” Justin said nervously.
Nick didn’t have any idea how people would see the story. Trying to be as reassuring as possible he said, “Maybe, they might think it’s about how fame means you give up any chance of a private life.”
“I guess. I think we should come out to the others sooner than we planned.”
“Is this because JC came out?” Nick said suspiciously. He wanted them to come out because they wanted people to see them happy together not out of duty to a friend.
Justin protested, “No! It’s because I want to be with you in front of our friends. I hate having to pretend with them. Everyone seemed to take the news about JC calmly.”
“True, D didn’t even say anything. You think we should talk to him about it?”
Justin spoke from the heart, “Yeah. I can’t stand the thought of him treating you like he’s been treating Lance.”
“It was probably just shock. He’ll be okay.”
“I hope you’re right, love.” Justin said seriously as he pulled the covers around their naked bodies.
Part 16
Nick groaned as he woke feeling a weight on his arm, opening his eyes the blonde grinned realising it was his boyfriend. He didn’t say anything content just to stay there watching Justin knowing they wouldn’t get a lot of time to themselves made them hurt.
No matter how much he tried to reassure himself that everything was going to be okay Nick couldn’t shake off the nervousness in his stomach. He felt something very important was going to happen, something that was going to change everything.
“Babe? Time to get up. The interviews start in a matter of hours.” Nick said with a smile running one hand over Justin’s arm.
Justin nodded sleepily, “Okay. Get breakfast ready, babe. I’ll be down in thirty.”
“Sure. Don’t take too long.” Nick said with a grin as he got up and ran to the bathroom.
After showering quickly Nick went downstairs and started cooking, unsure of what time the rest of the house was getting up the singer decided to make extra. It would be impolite not to make something for Justin’s family and besides he wanted them to like him.
Nick was just putting the finishing touches to the table when Justin walked in gasping at how much effort Nick had taken to make sure everything was perfect. The table was set perfectly, all the cutlery, plates and bowls arranged in perfect angles to each other. In the middle there was a case containing blue and pink flowers the name of which escaped him.
“Do you think they’ll like it?” Nick asked anxiously as he placed the last of the pancakes on a nearby plate.
“They’ll love it. You didn’t have to go to all this effort, babe.”
Nick shrugged as he poured two glasses of fresh orange juice, “I know but I wanted to. You want your normal cereal for breakfast or something more filling?”
Justin grinned, “I’ll have cereal for now, I can get something later if I need it.”
“Hi boys, who did all this?” Lynn asked in shock as she walked inside the room.
“Nick did, mom.”
Lynn said with a laugh, “You didn’t have to go to all that fuss Nick. You’re a guest so you should let us look after you.”
“It was no trouble, really.” Nick answered carrying three larges plates to the table; one was filled with waffles, another with French toast while the last had bacon, eggs and sausages on. He had decided to make a little of everything to make sure there was something everyone would eat.
“Well its looks great. So what’s the plan for today?”
“We’ve got a meeting with Jive first thing. This afternoon we have four radio interviews and a photo-shoot interview combined then we might call in and see the guys.”
“Are you coming back here tonight or going to your place?”
“We’ll come back here. I’m thinking of telling Jon about us tonight.”
“Okay, he’s not going to have any problems with the two of you. He loves you Justin.” Lynn said seriously knowing how much her eldest feared being rejected by his brother.
“You go and get changed, babe while I clean up in here.” Justin said to his boyfriend, giving the blonde a quick kiss on the cheek before picking up this dishes and taking them to the sink. He grinned when Nick followed his suggestion with a smirk.
*******
Taking his cane from his pocket Ben flipped it to its full size, placing it on the floor in front of him as he stood up. He had a meeting with the modelling agency today and was looking forward to it. Ben didn’t think he had the looks to be a model but seeing as it was legal and he was desperate the man was willing to give it a try.
“I’ll drop you off, Ben. What time is your appointment?” Kevin said quickly not wanting the blind man to get lost in an unfamiliar city.
“It’s at 10:15. Thanks, Kevin. Sally will be here tomorrow so I should be okay getting around then.”
“Is that your sister?” Kevin asked remembering the man had a sister whose name began with an S.
Ben gave a quick musical giggle, “No! She’s my Labrador guide dog, I’ve had her for about 2 years. Sally is wonderful. Without her I don’t know how I would have coped with getting around everyday.”
“Oh, so where are you going?”
Ben started nervously biting his lip before saying, “A modeling agency called The Wright Face. It’s in the middle of the city. I’m seeing a man called Johnny. I’ve spoken to him on the phone and he seems nice. I just hope my blindness won’t be a problem for them.”
Kevin said cheerfully, “You won’t know until you try. I know where the office is so you don’t have to worry about missing your appointment.”
“Cool. I’ll get a cab to Jamie’s place.” Ben said not wanting to upset the older man.
Kevin shook his head before realising the dark-haired man couldn’t see him. Blushing faintly he said, “You can call me. I’ll program my number into your phone.”
“I don’t want to be any trouble for you.”
Kevin simply laughed, “You won’t be. I wouldn’t offer if I wasn’t serious, ask any of the guys.”
Ben conceded defeat as he gave the older man his phone, waiting patiently for it to be returned. Kevin gently gave him the phone before taking his arm, leading the way from the room. When Kevin started humming while they were inside the elevator Ben grinned.
Fifteen minutes later Kevin stopped the car just in front of the modelling agency. Turning to look at the younger man he said, “Ben, my number is in the memory of the phone. It is number 17. My phone will be on even if I’m in an interview. I’ll pick you up as soon as I can. Will you be okay waiting here for me?”
“I’ll be fine. What does this place look like?”
Kevin took another look at the building before speaking, “It’s a typical office, I guess. There are three large signs with the name on them. There’s an automatic door, about four feet from the door is a reception desk. The receptionist is a woman about 35 with long red hair. She has a big friendly smile on her face. Do you want me to take you in?”
“No, but thanks, Kev. I’ll be fine from here.” Ben said hoping his nerves didn’t show in his voice.
“Okay, just call when you need a lift. I won’t be happy if I find out you have got to Lance’s without calling me.”
*******
Ben smiled as started walking towards the building, the sound of his cane hitting the floor in front of him was reassuringly familiar. He prayed to whatever God was listening that this meeting would end in him getting a job. He didn’t want to have to depend on someone else, he didn’t like surrendering control like that. With a deep breath he walked inside the modelling agency.
Ben smiled politely saying, “Hello. My name is Benjamin O’Keefe. I have an appointment to see a man called Johnny at 10:15.”
“Hi Ben. My name is Alyssa, Johnny said you are to go straight in. Would you like me to take you in there?”
“That would be nice, thank you.” Ben said shocked at her offer.
The receptionist shrugged, “Oh, its no problem. It gives me a chance to get away from these phones. So how did you manage to get an appointment?”
Ben grinned, “A couple of months ago I was out with some friends and was given a card. I called the number and the rest is history.”
“Lucky you. I think you would be a great asset to the business. Here we are at Mr Wright’s office. He’s on his way out.”
“Thank you for being so kind to me, Alyssa.” Ben said seconds before another man started talking.
Johnny looked at the man saying, “Its nice to meet you, Mr O’Keefe. Come in and sit down, two steps forward and six to your right there is a chair. I am Johnny Wright, the manager of The Wright Face. Now please tell me why you have what it takes to be a model.”
Ben shrugged, “To be perfectly honest I don’t think I do have what it takes, I’m just a guy like any other. I lost my job the other day though so I’m desperate. I am at Boston studying music theory and modern dance but to be honest with you I’m beginning to hate it.”
“At least your honest. I have to ask you something, what exactly are your vision problems?”
Ben hoped the man would still be receptive to him after he knew the truth, “I have about 20% of normal vision. I’ve been this way since I had a car accident years ago. I can understand this may be a problem as far as modelling goes.
“It won’t be a problem. Our agency has had other blind models in the past,” Johnny said reassuring the man.
Ben sighed in relief, “That’s a relief I was panicking. What would you like me to do now?”
Johnny said seriously, “I want you to decide if this is a career you truly want because it will be very hard work. There are other career options with your looks you could have a very successful career in entertainment.”
Getting a bad feeling suddenly Ben said nervously, “What exactly do you mean by that? It sounds like you are suggesting something crazy like the porn industry.”
“Ben, I don’t mean anything like that! I was talking about music. Lets not be naïve what most record companies are looking for is a cute face, talent is secondary. Do you sing or write?”
Wondering if he had lost all chances of getting a job since he had basically insinuated that the man was a recruiter for porn films Ben said, “I sing and compose music. I was in a group back home but we all went our separate ways. I can’t write lyrics though.”
Johnny nodded, “Okay, I manage a couple of bands myself and have contacts in Jive. Why don’t you come with me and we’ll take a few photos for your portfolio and then I’d like to hear you sing.”
“Okay.” Ben said tensing when the other man placed one arm around his shoulders.
Johnny laughed as he placed a hand around the potential model’s shoulders “Relax, I’m not going to crucify you or anything.”
Ben took a deep breath as he and the older man walked down the corridor. Maybe there was a chance of him actually getting a job? It looked like his sister was right, life was beginning to change for the better.
********
Across town three hours later:
The journalist said a grin, “Let me introduce myself first, my name is Harry McNeil. I’m a journalist and a photographer for The Rolling Stones. How do you feel about the press calling your forthcoming USA tour the Boyband Battle Tour by the press?”
“The tour will be fun but its nothing as melodramatic as a battle. Its just the ten of us doing what we love, singing.”
When Chris finished speaking Kevin nodded, “We felt a joint tour was a good idea to show everyone that we are not rivals. Jive, got together with us and talked about the possibility of a joint tour after reading about how much our fans hated each other because they believed we hated the other’s group.”
The man turned to look at Nick and Justin who were sitting together on the sofa consciously making an effort not to reach out and join their hands. With a charming smile Harry said, “How is the song writing going? Do we have a couple of new number ones ready, Nick and Justin?”
“We have completed two, and we like them. They will be performed on tour.” Nick said proudly giving Justin a brief smirk.
“What are the names?” Harry said wanting to get the exclusive.
Justin smiled, “The first one is called It’s Over, which I will be singing.”
“The second is Embrace The Night and I’ll sing it.” Nick said not missing a beat.
Harry made all the polite noises as he wrote down the titles, “Did you write the songs with yourselves in mind to sing them?”
“We wrote them for all of us but after it was agreed by both groups that Justin and I should sing them.”
Assuming Nick was telling the truth since no one else reacted Harry nodded “How are you handling the rumours about the two of you dating? How did your families react to the news?”
Nick said honestly, “My mom thought it was funny. No one else said anything and I wasn’t concerned at how they would react. I was raised to believe all people are equal regardless of race, sexuality, gender or disability.”
Justin laughed saying, “My mom was just happy that the media set me up with someone nice. She likes Nick.”
Kevin felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and said seriously, “I need to take this call, sorry.
“That’s okay.” Harry said gently before turning to the others.
Kevin smiled in thanks before answering his phone, “Kevin here.”
Ben couldn’t help but smile at the man’s bored tone, “Hey, its Ben. I’ve finished for the day. I’m sitting in a café with some of the models next to the agency. I was just wondering if you still want to pick me up? One of the models, Graham, has offered to give me a lift home.”
Kevin couldn’t help but panic at the thought of Ben being attacked by some psycho model. He said quickly, “Don’t be ridiculous, Ben. I’ll be there in fifteen. You feel like getting something to eat later?”
“Food sounds great, Kev. I’ve got a lot to tell you about today. How’s your day been?”
Kevin said wryly, “Interesting. I’m just leaving now, Ben.”
“Okay, talk to you later.” Ben said as he ended the call with a grin.
Kevin looked back at the others taking a deep breath before explaining, “I’ve got to go. A friend of mine needs me to pick him up. I’ll come back here for the photos once I’ve picked him up”
“That’s would be great, I can just continue the interview with the others.” Harry said quickly not wanting to upset the other man.
*******
Kevin watched the scene with a mixture of shock and worry, Ben was attractive enough to look in place with the rest of the models. The six sitting in a circle quietly talking were getting more then a few amorous glances and smiles from the people nearby both male and female. Not that it mattered since the group were too busy talking to care. He moved forward listening to the conversation between the models.
A tall muscular brunette with blonde spikes said pleadingly, “Come back to my place, Ben? We will show you just how we party in this business.”
Ben shook his head seriously answering, “I can’t make it, Graham. I’ve got plans to meet someone but thanks for offering.”
“Well give me a call later in the week. It will be nice to show a virgin around the sets.”
Ben laughed at the term virgin, “Hate to break this to you, Graham but they are all the same to me.”
“Oh yeah, the sight thing. Just how much can you see anyway?”
Ben considered the question before answering, “I can see blurs of colour but I can’t make out shapes or anything.”
Steve interrupted the conversation before either man could start on another topic to ask, “Just who are you meeting, Ben because there’s some guy approaching.”
Ben stopped drinking his coffee, “What does he look like?”
“Kevin Richardson from Backstreet. You aren’t meeting him, right?”
“Actually, I am.” Ben said with a smirk.
“Hey Ben. Are you ready to go?” Kevin asked shortly before placing one hand on the younger man’s shoulder.
Ben smiled at Kevin, “Hi Kev. Let me introduce you to the guys. Graham is to my left followed by Steve, Alex, Daniel and Blair.”
“Its nice to meet you all. Now I hate to be impolite but we will have to go. I’m actually in the middle of a shoot.”
“We understand how that goes.” Alex said not reacting to the murmurs of agreement from the other four working models.
Standing Ben said, “I’ll call you guys. Good look with the film, Daniel.”
The five all nodded shouting out a farewell. Once the pair were out of sight the models started speculating on the exact nature of the relationship between the singer and their new friend. They could understand why someone would be attracted to someone like Ben. Their new friend was an unusual find even in their industry. Each one had experience with beautiful people, which turned out to be spiteful and cruel. Ben was kind, caring, honest, loyal and beautiful.
*******
“So where are we going now?” Ben said seriously after they had been driving for about ten minutes.
Kevin answered, “Back to the hotel we are staying in, the magazine are doing a In Bed With The Boybands feature.”
“Sounds boring, its been done before.” Ben said honestly while wondering whether his opinion would matter.
Kevin made a sound of agreement as he said, “I know but there’s only so many poses they can do. It’ll sell especially after the story about Nick and Justin.”
“I guess you’re right. Do you want me to wait in our room while you finish up?”
Parking the car Kevin shook his head, “Nah. You can come and chill out. If you are going to be working in the business then you may as well get used to sitting around while the photographer does his shit. Apart from that I know the others will want to talk to you.”
Ben asked nervously, “How is Howie treating everyone?”
“The same, I’m just worried about how he’s going to treat Nick.”
Ben knew Nick would cope, “Nick will get through it. He’s strong enough to cope and he’s not alone. I’ve got a lot to tell you about today. You won’t believe what the Johnny offered me.”
“Did he give you a contract?” Kevin asked knowing the man beside him was certainly attractive enough to be a famous model.
“Kind of. He said he’ll take me on if its what I want but he has some other career in mind for me.”
“What kind of career?” Kevin said anxiously wondering if the man had been duped. Could Ben really trust some man he had only met that day?
“The entertainment industry.” Ben answered as he flipped the cane open, following Kevin’s murmured directions.
The pair silently stepped into the elevator not wanting to say anything that could be misinterpreted, as cameras would be recording what happened in the elevators. Once they reached their floor, Kevin nodded at the bodyguards while keeping his hand on the younger man’s arm to guide him.
“So what floor are we on?” Ben asked mainly to break the anticipating silence.
“The top, we’re in the Penthouse suite. The photographer felt it was the right place, apparently the other rooms are too small.”
Seeing the man’s point Ben nodded, “One room would be cramped with ten singers and the magazine staff not to mention all the cameras and lighting.”
*******
Walking into the room Kevin groaned as he spied what everyone was wearing. He hated wearing the ridiculous clothes the photographers made them wear but it never mattered. On a photo-shoot the photographers word was law.
Harry smiled as he walked over, “Kevin, I’m glad you made it so fast. Who’s your friend?”
Kevin returned to reality saying smoothly, “Sorry, I’ll make the introductions. Ben O’Keefe, this is Harry McNeil. He’s the reporter for the magazine.”
“O’Keefe? Are you from Ireland by any chance?” Harry asked pouncing on the unsuspecting man.
Ben nodded saying, “Originally. I’ve been here for months. I was studying music theory and philosophy in Boston. I’m not interrupting, am I?”
“No, its nice to meet someone who knows the boys. Would you give me a little interview?” Harry said in a smooth tone.
“I…guess so, but there isn’t much to say.” Ben said quickly knowing he would have to get used to it.
“Ben! How did it go this morning?” Lance asked excitedly as he walked over, gently leading Ben over to the sofa.
“It went okay, I guess. He offered to give a contract right away but then he said he had other careers in mind for me and that I should take some time to think things over.”
“What sort of career?” Lance asked warily.
With an impish grin Ben said suggestively, “Entertainment, he said my looks would get me far.”
“WHAT?!” Nick shouted in confusion not noticing he had attracted the attention of the other occupants in the room.
Nick said worriedly, “Er…Benny? It sounds like he wants you to work in a porn movie or something.”
Ben smirked, “I said exactly the same thing but he said that he meant the music industry. He took me to a place nearby where I sang a few songs and did a demo. He said to call in a couple of days and he’ll have more info.”
“What was his name and where did you meet him, Ben?” Lance said wanting to investigate the man.
Smiling at his friend’s protection Ben answered, “Johnny Wright and I met him in the mall in Boston. He was there on a scouting mission. He primarily works out of LA and Orlando. He manages a couple of small groups himself. He has contacts in Jive and offered to get my demo to some friends of his.”
“You mean Johnny as in our Johnny?”
Ben asked in confusion, “Who are you talking about Jaime?”
“Its him, I bet it is.” Lance said to himself listening to Nick explain everything. He grinned at Ben’s response.
“Get real, Nicky. Johnny Wright is a very common name and if he works out of both LA and Orlando its obvious he would have contacts in Jive. Why would Johnny Wright want to manage me?”
Ignoring the sarcasm Nick retorted, “Maybe he can see the dollar signs. Newsflash for you, Benny! You are attractive, you can sing and you can play. He would be nuts not to snap you up.”
“You are both delusional. Look at the numbers he gave me and then you will realise that you both live in a fantasy world,” Ben said with a sigh reaching into the pocket of his leather jacket he held out a business card.
“SHIT! It really is our JOHNNY!!” Lance shouted in a mix of nervousness and amazement. If his friend was going to have a career in music there was a very good chance he wouldn’t see Ben for a while.
Kneeling at his new friend’s side Kevin grinned whispering, “You okay, Ben? You look like you’re about to pass out.”
Ben laughed lowly, “I may. Can you believe this? I can’t accept anyway. It would look like I only got to know all of you because I wanted something.”
“You might like it, if not you can go back to modeling but we won’t leave you alone and we don’t think you used us.”
“Thanks for the pep talk, Kev. Now aren’t you going to finish your shoot?” Ben said with a small nudge at the man.
Kevin sighed in disgust at his outfit, “Yeah. I think this is one of the worst I have ever done. They are making us all wear silk boxers! I’m wearing the very annoying bright red pair. Why couldn’t I get the nice black pair that AJ’s wearing? They need to finish up Howie and Joey’s shots first. Thankfully it looks like D’s in good form today, he hasn’t sniped at anyone. Maybe he will come round.”
“Maybe, has anyone asked him why he is so homophobic?” Ben asked softly not wanting to be overheard by the reporter.
Kevin admitted, “No. He changes the subject or walks away when I try to talk to him.”
“Kevin, can you come over here for the shoot?” Harry called out loudly drawing the attention of the two men whispering.
Kevin walked away reassuring the man that he would be back soon. As he walked away Lance moved to sit further apart from the others, JC following him so they could finish talking about everything.
*******
“Ben, do you mind if I ask you a few questions?” Harry asked while sitting down opposite the sofa Ben was on.
“Of course with the understanding that I can refuse to answer a question if I choose.”
“Thanks. You may not want to answer this but I noticed you are walking with a cane. I assume your eyesight is impaired, were you born with this problem?”
Ben didn’t want to go into the details so he settled for a half truth, “I have about twenty percent sight. I can make out blurs but I can’t tell what they are. I was in a car accident four years ago that resulted in my loss of sight. I will be honest with you, I was really angry and depressed for years but thanks to a lot of support and love I got through it. If not for my sister and some wonderful friends I would have just curled up in a ball.”
“That’s fine. So how did you meet the guys?”
Feeling the question was harmless Ben answered, “I became friends with Nick in Ireland three years ago when Backstreet Boys were on tour. We lost touch though. Eighteen months ago I decided to move over here to study. It was a month later that I met Jaime online. Soon we were talking on the phone and sending each other letters. As far as I knew he was my friend James who was working for a small record company.”
“When did you find out he was Lance Bass from Nsync?”
Ben laughed, “Sunday. Actually I didn’t believe him at first. It took Jaime, Nicky and Justin to convince me he was telling the truth. Jaime said he didn’t tell me because he felt guilty for keeping it from me for so long.”
“You are close to Kevin and JC as well?” Harry asked having noticed how the man reacted to Ben, as if they had known each other all their lives.
Ben nodded saying quickly, “Kevin and Josh are great. Sometimes you meet people and just click with them right away. That’s what happened, I’ll always be there for them and I know they are there for me.”
“That’s a great thing to say. So what are your plans for the future?”
“My only plan is to enjoy life to its fullest and to be happy.”
“A good plan indeed. Thanks for talking to me. Can I just ask where you were earlier?” Harry said quickly once again feeling Ben was hiding something.
Ben considered just what to say before deciding to tell the truth, “I was at a modelling agency, the owner had asked me to try out so I did.”
“So you are a model then?” Harry asked while writing seriously on his notepad.
Ben laughed, “Not exactly. I was offered a contract but I want to think everything through first.”
“That sounds very sensible. Now not to be rude but I’ll have to get back to interviewing the bands.”
“Okay, it was nice meeting you.” Ben answered before reaching down to his backpack, taking out a book. Opening it at the bookmark he placed his hands on the page reading one of his favourite stories.
*******
“Hey guys, look!” JC whispered as he looked over at Ben. The two bands were alone in the hotel room as the magazine had left saying the suite had been reserved for two days so they were welcome to use it if they wanted.
Ben was lying on the sofa, the book closed on his lap. He was snoring loudly much to the amusement of the others. Sleeping he looked so young each one realised as the pain always visible in his eyes disappeared. A pain five people knew was caused by his mother’s rejection.
Kevin gave an exasperated sigh, “So what? It is 18:00 and he’s had nothing to do for hours. Not to mention that we didn’t get to sleep until after 2 this morning and he was up at nine.”
“I can’t believe he is reading this again!” Lance said with a smirk as he ran his hand over the front of the book.
Joey asked accusingly, “Since when do you read Braille?”
Lance shrugged ignoring the older man’s tone, “I learnt when I started sending letters to Ben. He loves this book, you know.”
“What is it?” Kevin asked his curiosity getting the best of him.
Lance said quickly, “A book by Mark Richard Zubro, the title is Sorry Now? It’s a really great book, he loves books by Mark Richard Zubro. He’s got all of his books and they are really good.”
Nick nodded, “He wrote Here Comes the Corpse. I really liked that book. Now who’s going to wake Ben’s sorry ass up or are we just going to carry him down to the car?”
“We can carry him. I don’t mind to be honest and he’s not that heavy but we shouldn’t startle him like that. Tell you what, you can wake him up Kevin but be careful he tends to hit out if he’s startled.”
Kevin nodded at Lance’s warning before kneeling by the sofa and gently shaking Ben’s shoulder, “Ben, come on time to get up. We’ve got plans tonight remember?”
“I remember. So where are we going?”
“Anywhere you want but I was thinking we could talk.” Kevin said with a small smirk.
Thinking through the options Ben said, “Sounds good. The publicity thing rules out a lot of places. How about we just chill in our room then you can tell me about everything, like the identity of this mystery guy?”
Kevin hummed in agreement whispering, “If you want, now we’re got to get to Lance’s. You might want to hear about the plans for the tour.”
“Just lead the way, Kev.” Ben said with a smirk taking the man’s held and allowing Kevin to pull him up.
They walked out the room first with Kevin asking about the interview Ben had given earlier. As they left everyone quickly looked at Lance, noting the jealously in the man’s green eyes. It appeared Lance didn’t like the idea of Ben going off somewhere with Kevin. JC had overheard the conversation unlike any of the others and couldn’t help but wonder how his friend would react to the knowledge that Kevin and Ben had plans together for the evening. Did Lance have feelings for Ben and if so what should they do about them?
*******
“God its great to hold you again, baby.” Nick murmured as he hugged his boyfriend ignoring the shivers produced by the feel of Justin’s breath against his neck.
“I know how you feel. Can we tell the others about us tonight? I want to hold you when I need you, its bad enough having to watch my behaviour when we are with our friends.”
“If you want. Lets wait until everyone is settled at Lance’s. I hope D takes it well. I don’t want to lose him, he’s my best friend and I’ll miss him.”
“Everything will work out.” Justin said reassuringly before silence descended until the pair reached Lance’s home. Justin gave his lover the silence he knew the blonde needed. Nick was questioning if he would still have his friends once the night was over.
“You ready to do this?” Justin asked his lover who nodded mere seconds before the Nsync singer opened the door.
“Take a seat everyone I want to discuss the plans for the tour.” Lance said commandingly waiting for everyone to sit down before speaking.
“So what do you want to talk about?” Brian asked in confusion.
Lance explained patiently, “What songs are we going to sing and with whom?”
“I suggest five songs for each band to sing together. Then we sing solos if we want.” AJ said not wanting to cause any tension between everyone.
Joey nodded, “What are Backstreet going to sing?”
“How about we all pick a song? I pick How Did I Fall In Love With You.” Nick said taking on the traditional role as peacemaker.
Howie nodded saying, “My choice is Spanish Eyes.”
“Drowning, it’s one of my favourites.” AJ said with a smirk.
“I Want It That Way.” Brian said quickly grinning when Nick and AJ just rolled their eyes.
“Shape of My Heart, I love that song.” Kevin said before looking around to make sure his choice was okay with the others.
“Now our turn guys, I pick Girlfriend.” Joey said with a sideways look at Nick and Justin sitting together. He had a feeling the pair where hiding something.
“Gone is my choice as it is popular and I love it.” Justin said finally looking around the room.
Lance looked up from his study of JC to answer, “Up Against The Wall.”
“It Makes Me Ill, it’s a little different to the others.” JC said with a smirk.
“Just Don’t Tell Me That because its popular with the fans and they can dance to it.” Chris said before continuing, “Now for the solos…”
“Nicky and I are sorted.” Justin said speaking for the both of them not bothering to look at his lover.
Kevin said thoughtfully, “I will sing Somewhere In My Broken Heart by Billy Dean. It would sound great after it’s Over.”
“I quite like Selena’s Dreaming of You,” JC said with a small grin.
“There’s one song I’ve always wanted to sing, Eric Clapton’s Wonderful Tonight? It’s a nice cheerful slow and romantic song.” Lance admitted shyly.
Brian looked around before saying, “Look Away by Chicago is my solo. It’s a good song and fits in with the It’s Over.”
Howie said quickly, “I want to sing a solo. It should be a romantic one to fit in with the mood of the others. I will sing…I Could Fall In Love by Selena.”
Chris nodded saying, “I’ll sing This Night Won’t Last Forever by Michael Johnson. It’s a depressing, bittersweet love song. Anyone else want to sing any solos?”
Everyone else shook their heads before looking over at Nick when the blonde coughed, “I have something to tell you. I don’t want to go through this a dozen times. I’m gay and I’m seeing this really wonderful guy.”
“Who is it?” Joey asked eyeing the two blondes sitting together suspiciously.
Justin said seriously, “Me. Nicky and I are dating. I was never dating Britney, I’m gay but she was just helping me out. We have only been dating a week or so but I’ve been in love with him for months. We are going to stay together no matter what happens.”
“You can’t be gay, Nick! That bastard did something to you!” Howie snarled glaring at the pair of them.
Trying his hardest to control his temper Nick said, “D, I’m gay and always have been. No one made me gay, you can’t make someone gay it is just a part of you.”
Kevin decided to give the others a hint saying, “Nick, we’re not going to leave you or hate you because of who you love.”
Brian said sadly, “I can’t believe you this from me. The one thing that upsets me about this is that you never told me, I thought you trusted me.”
Nick needed to explain taking a deep breath he said, “I didn’t tell you because I was too busy trying to come to terms with it myself. I had my own issues to work through before I could even think about telling you.”
“You’ve got good taste anyway, Nick.” Joey said with a small grin at Justin who just looked at his boyfriend proudly.
“So this is the reason you’ve been so distracted for the last week or so?” JC asked Justin warily.
“Yeah. Mom was intent on setting me up with the man she felt was perfect for me. Amazingly it was the perfect guy, Nick. I have no idea how she managed to figure out who I was attracted to but she did.”
“Wait! Your mom set you up with Nick? How did she know he was gay?” Chris asked in disbelief.
Nick shrugged, “Actually my mom set me up on a blind date with Justin so they must have got together to talk about it. They looked so happy when we got together.”
“So the story about you two is right? How could you be so stupid?” Howie said in outrage.
“We’re sorry! It was our first date and we had other things on our mind!” Nick shouted in their defense.
“Anymore bombshells you want to drop on us?” AJ said wryly looking around the room.
Kevin grinned, “To change the subject we need to talk about the final arrangement. I think it should be us first then Nsync. The solos are a different matter, I think we all agree that Justin should sing after Nick. We may as well take advantage of the media storm for a change.”
Lance said hesitantly, “We can divide the solos into two sets of four. How about I sing followed by Howie, JC and Nick? The second part of the solos can be Justin, Kevin, Chris and Brian.”
Kevin nodded, “That is fine. I know Jive gave us our room assignments however I was told we could choose our own as long as each room has a member of each band, the same for the buses. It goes without saying that Nick and Justin will be rooming together. Onto the boring stuff, is anyone extra coming on tour because I need to give Jive a list by tomorrow.”
“Leighanne will be coming to stay for a few tour dates but I don’t know which ones.” Brian said wanting to inform Nsync.
“Benny’s coming but you already know that.”
“I don’t know about that Nick, it depends on what Johnny tells me. I might have to stay behind.” Ben said unsure as to how his announcement would be received.
“I’ll put you down anyway. It’s a lot easier to cancel than get you one later on,” Kevin reassured the dark haired man.
Justin said quickly, “Are we finished? Nick and I have got plans with the family.”
“Yeah that’s it. Ben and I need to get going anyway.” Kevin said looking over at the man in question.
“What are you guys doing tonight?” Lance asked glaring at everyone.
At Lance’s tone Ben said calmly, “We’re having dinner and then going to talk about a few things.”
“I guess I’ll see you all tomorrow then.” Kevin said with a smile at the others taking Ben’s hand to help lead the man to the waiting car.
Lance watched the pair leave a mixture of confusion and jealously burning through him. He wasn’t sure who he was more angry with Ben for leaving or Kevin for stealing Ben away. He needed Ben to be there for him, to listen and give advice as the man had done in the past. It was selfish he knew but he wanted Ben with him not with Kevin! Even as he thought that Lance tried to shake off the feeling, he had no right to act so possessive of Ben since the man had lost so much because of him. Looking at JC he smiled, perhaps Ben’s absence was a good thing as there was so much he had Josh needed to discuss that they couldn’t with an audience.
Ben and Kevin’s departure seemed to be the signal to everyone that it was time to leave. The first to go where Nick and Justin who held hands as they walked outside. Chris looked over at Howie communicating silently soon the pair left, their postures making it clear that no one else was invited.
“I’ll talk to you all later.” AJ said as he left with the remaining Backstreet member following seconds behind.
“Feel like coming back to my place?” Chris asked looking over at Joey knowing his two friends needed to talk in private.
“Sounds great, see you guys.” Joey said with a nod at the pair sitting together on the sofa.
“Bye.” Lance and JC said in unison watching the pair leave with a mixture of trepidation and happiness. Finally they could talk about everything that they had allowed to divide them including the reason why they had become so distant from each other.
Part 17
“So you want something to drink?” Lance offered looking over at his friend, desperate for some way to break the sudden tension between them.
JC shook his head. “That’s okay. Could we just talk about what happened? If we don’t talk about it now then we never will. Where do you want to start?”
Lance said sarcastically, “How about December 15th last year? Do you remember what happened that day?”
“Of course I remember. It was the day that I betrayed you.”
Lance roared, “It was the day you told me that everything you had said to me was a lie. You said that nights we spent together was just a tension relief for you. When I dared to question your motives, you threatened to out me to the world.”
JC nodded ducking his head in shame, “I know but…I was afraid of what I was feeling for you. I thought if I could push you away, make you hate me then the temptation would go away and I would be normal again. You totally destroyed my image of who I was and I was angry.”
Lance sneered, “So that gave you the right to hurt me? You were the only one I could trust after my heart was torn to pieces. You knew how much it took for me to reach out to someone else. You promised to always be there, you told me you loved me!”
JC said passionately, “I did but…it was becoming too much for me. I thought it was just a phase that fucking you would make the feelings I had for you disappear. It didn’t work, I just lost you instead and made myself even more miserable.”
“Good, you deserve it. I can’t say I forgive you but I want us to become friends again. What do you think Ben and Kevin are talking about?”
“I want nothing more than to be your friend again. Lance, do you have feelings for Ben?” JC asked nervously.
Lance emphatically shook his head, “I love him as a friend. I’m a little possessive of him because he’s the only one I’ve been able to trust completely. Now he’s reaching out to other people and he’s not there for me all the time as he used to be. It’s ridiculous isn’t it? I keep thinking he’s going to end up forgetting about me!”
“He won’t do that. He’s a nice guy, maybe he just thinks you need some space.” JC said logically not really knowing the man’s intentions but feeling he should comfort Lance. He owed the man, his friend that much. He wasn’t naïve enough to think they could ever be together, the one thing Lance could never forgive was the way JC had hurt him, and he knew it.
“I hope so. Now enough of the depressing stuff, feel like hanging out in the pool?”
“Sounds good. I was wondering if I should write some songs for the tour. The press conference Justin and Nick gave has made me think, if we’re going to make this a reality then we need to have some more songs for this fictional album.”
Hearing the nerves in the older man’s voice Lance looked up, “It makes sense but you shouldn’t force yourself to write. I’m sure our solos will do for the album.”
“You are right, as always. Now lets go, the pool is calling!” JC said with a laugh, stripping as he walked outside to the heated pool.
Lance just rolled his eyes as made a quick detour to change and grab a couple of towels before walking outside. Ignoring JC splashing the water, the blonde slowly stepped into then water intending on spending a couple of hours relaxing. It would be light for another two hours so they could chill out together, something they hadn’t done together in a long time.
*******
“The food’s here, Ben!” Kevin said knocking on the bathroom on hearing the man’s acknowledgement Kevin returned to the cart.
Working quickly he poured a couple of glasses of red wine, placing the food on the table so he could return the cart to the corner out of the way. He didn’t want Ben to fall over anything and get hurt. He moved the cart over to the corner before checking the chocolate cheesecake was there, it was along with a large can of cream.
“I’m over at the table.” Kevin said quickly on spying the man by the bathroom door.
“God, it smells wonderful!” Ben commented sitting down.
The pair ate their Steak with a Roquefort Sauce slowly, savouring the meal. The food was one of the best meals they had ever eaten, strangely the silence felt comfortable. It was as if the pair had known each other for years rather than days, but each was filled with a sense of rightness at the comfortable if somewhat confusing friendship they had developed.
As they ate Ben hoped Lance wouldn’t see his associating with Kevin as a deliberate snub but he knew it was the right thing do to. Lance still had to talk everything through with JC, Ben knew something was hovering in the air between the pair and he wanted to help solve the problem. Kevin was a stranger, true but Ben couldn’t help but feel the man was hiding something that was slowly destroying him.
“Are you ready for the Triple Chocolate Delight, Ben?”
Ben nodded, “I guess, thank goodness we ordered small portions. From the sound of it, the cheesecake is very sickly-sweet.”
“It probably is!” Kevin said with a laugh placing the plate in front of Ben, watching as the dark-haired man ate slowly.
“It is heavenly. My sister would kill to eat this!” Ben commented with a laugh.
Almost thirty minutes later, the pair had finished eating so Kevin returned the cart to the corridor. Walking back into the room, he was amused to see Ben nervously humming along to the song on the radio. Coughing to alert the man of his presence Kevin did his best not to start laughing when Ben blushed.
“So what do you want to talk about?” Ben suggested as the pair sat down on the sofa.
“Why don’t you tell me about your life in Boston?”
“There isn’t much to tell. I was basically a loner, I only had a couple of close friends. I tend to be pretty introverted and most people can’t stand that. Whenever I wasn’t working I was helping out in my sister’s school. It specialises in kids who are visually impaired, many have been that way since birth.”
“Sounds like hard work. Did you ever get any time for yourself?”
“A couple of hours a day before I went to bed. I spent most of that time on my computer surfing the net.”
“I would have thought it would be difficult for someone with your eyesight problems?”
Ben nodded having become accustomed to the assumption, “Not at all. I have a program that reads the entire page aloud called a screen reader and thanks to a different type of keyboard than normal I don’t have to use a mouse. I can also print out documents in Braille, because of a special printer and a couple of computer programs. If I ever have any problems my sister lives in my house so she’s always there to help.”
“That’s good. I didn’t realise there was so much technology designed to help.”
Having expected that response Ben nodded, “Its not something widely publicised but my sister and friends helped me research into ways to allow me to live a normal life.”
Kevin coughed, “I guess I should tell you who the guy is I’m in love with.”
“Only if you want to but I thought you didn’t love him anymore.” Ben said even though he was dying to know the truth.
Kevin looked into his glass answering, “I love him but he’s never going to speak to me again. I hurt him too much. I abandoned him to get married.”
“That’s really sad. If you love someone, you should be with them no matter what the cost.”
“You act as if you know what you are talking about. What happened to you Ben?”
Ben blushed slightly, “There is this one guy. Hell I would do anything for him. He asked me to keep away from him though, he said that he couldn’t risk anyone finding out about us. He’s not out. I only spent a month with him when he asked me to keep away. He said he couldn’t risk losing his dream.”
“That’s terrible, does he love you as well?”
Ben shrugged, “I don’t know. Sometimes he acts like he does but he hasn’t actually said the words. He still calls me sometimes but I don’t think we’ll be getting together soon. My sister has been trying to set me up with other guys, she feels that I’m wasting my life on some guy who’s never going to love me the way I love him. I think that’s why she encouraged me to go out to LA to spend the weekend with Jamie. I will admit I’m attracted to him but it wouldn’t be fair on any of us to get together. My heart belongs to someone else, Jamie deserves more than that.”
Kevin said seriously, “I hope you get together with this guy, even if he was an idiot for doing that to you but I’m not one to talk. Anyway, I guess I should tell you how I met the man I love.”
“If you don’t mind!” Ben said with a small laugh.
Flashback Kevin’s POV
1998
I walked back to my room having had enough of the meeting for a while. Hearing the sound of music coming from one of the nearby rooms along with a lot of crying I stopped wondering if I should do something or call someone.
I moved closer to the origin of the sound, stopping in confusion when I noticed the door to the room was open slightly. My curiosity and concern for the stranger crying was urging me to investigate so I slowly opened the door. My jaw fell when I realised who was in the room. It was Lance Bass! The blonde was crying angry tears streaming down his face.
“What’s wrong, Lance?” I asked surprising the man who jumped anxiously.
“K…Kevin what are you doing here?”
“I heard you and I was wondering if there was something I could do to help. What’s wrong?”
“This dance! I can’t do it and the guys are getting tired of me. Everyone keeps yelling at me to practice, I know the steps but my fucking body won’t cooperate!”
The cursing surprised me as I had heard the man didn’t swear. Seeing how it much it was bothering the attractive man I offered impulsively, “Do you want me to help you learn the dance. I was a dance instructor years ago so I can help. I promise not to yell at you or insult you.”
“That would be great! Are you sure there isn’t something else you would rather do?”
“I was planning a pretty boring night watching TV anyway.” I said with a shrug, it was the truth since I spent most of my time watching out for the rest of the guys. It was a responsibility that was foisted on me but I was beginning to like it.
“Thanks Kevin!” Lance said happily before moving the furniture so there was plenty of room for us both to move.
The blonde placed the CD on loop, pausing it long enough to give me a piece of paper from the chorographer with the exact steps and timing marked down. I was shocked to see the file Lance had taken the instructions from was massive, the binder read ‘Lance’s Practice Instructions.’ It was obvious that Lance had a lot of practice with having to learn all the steps alone, I was shocked the rest of the guys weren’t helping him as my group always helped each other with routines.
“So where are the rest of your group?” I asked wanting to know why they had abandoned him.
Lance looked at me in confusion seemingly not knowing why I would ask such a question. Finally he said, “No idea. They didn’t say anything to me but no surprise there (!) I think they are playing games in Chris’ room.”
“They aren’t talking to you?” I asked angry at the way Lance was being treated.
Apparently unconcerned by the attitude of his bandmates Lance shrugged, “They never do unless its business. I’m the odd one out, I’m only here because they needed a bass and I was lucky enough to be picked.”
“Oh. I didn’t realise everything was so strained between you, you have been together for a while.”
Lance smiled sadly, “I know but they think I’m a weird, boring girl apparently or at least that’s what Chris and Joey called me.”
I smiled reassuringly, “They are idiots, they will come around.” Looking away from his happy attractive face I said, “Now onto the dance, you know the steps so all you have to do is relax. If you get too worked up or start analysing everything then your body won’t do what you want it to do. Believe me on this, its happened enough to me!”
Two hours later we had made a lot of progress, I was reassured that Lance could perform the dance. It said a lot that I approved of the dance as I’m a perfectionist when it comes to performing. I was sitting on the floor, looking up at the blonde as he moved to the music. He was beautiful, it was obvious to me that he was a born performer. True, he took a little longer than most to pick up the dance but he had an inborn grace and truly enjoyed performing. His enjoyment and joy was obvious in his movements and made me feel happy that I had managed to help him feel that way.
End Flashback
Ben said shocked, “Jamie is the man you love. I wasn’t expecting that! How long did it take you to fall for him?”
Kevin said with a fond smile his feelings clear in his voice, “Not long, he’s just amazing. Okay, he’s gorgeous but its more than that. He’s just perfect. Its little things really, like the way he blushes when he swears, the little nervous smile he gets, how much he cares about people and how he will do anything for his friends. I love him but it just wasn’t to be. I’ve lost him and I’ll never have a chance to be with him. I know that and I accept it.”
“Maybe you will have another chance. Jamie has told me that he still has feelings for the man he was going out with years ago called Scott. He said the man worked for a rival company and that Scott had been the only one to help him when his friends deserted him.”
“I might have a chance with him? That would be great but I honestly think I’m fucked.”
Ben said with a small laugh, “You are so pessimistic, Kev. Look the worst that can happen is that he’ll say no but you should give it a try.”
Kevin nodded, “You may be right, I think I’ll spend some time with him first. I’ll be happy just being around him.”
Ben said with a wide grin. “I’ll help you in any way I can. If you love Jamie and he loves you then you guys should be together. I think you be good together.”
*******
AJ looked over at his friend in a mixture of worry and anger, he couldn’t understand why Howie was behaving especially to Nick. The anger Howie had directed at Justin amazed him, was it because Howie was in denial or was there a deeper reason?
“Want to tell me what’s going on D?” AJ asked glaring at his friend.
Howie said furtively, “I’m just a little shocked that Nick’s one of the them. He’s not a…pervert like the rest of the fags. I mean, Nick’s one of the best men I know. He’s kind, loyal, honest I just can’t understand how he could be gay!”
“What makes you think a kind, loyal, honest man can’t be gay?” AJ enquire taking a sip of his Sprite.
Howie snarled, “Fags aren’t any of those things. Leon definitely wasn’t any of those things!”
“Who is Leon?” AJ asked not recognising the name.
“Someone I met in college.” Howie said in a strained tone looking down at his hands.
Ignoring the tone that told him Howie didn’t want to talk about it AJ asked gently, “How did you meet him?”
“He was at a party I went to. We hung out for a little while and I thought he was a nice guy. I was wrong, I found that out on the Valentine’s. We were both dateless so we spent the night watching a few action flicks in his room. He brought out some beers. Everything started spinning, I couldn’t focus on anything. My body wouldn’t do what I wanted it to. That’s when it happened.”
“What happened?”
Howie ignored the questioning, “Leon started kissing me, groping me. I tried to push him away but I couldn’t. I said no but he just laughed. Then everything goes blurry but I have a few flashes. I remember being held down by two men, Leon and some of his friends were laughing. There was this burning pain in my ass and I remember Leon going on about how tight I was while the others encouraged him to rape me. I remember a lot of other men raping me. I know there were at least 6 but I can’t remember the exact number. The worst part is that I came while they were raping me!”
“Y…You were raped, why didn’t you tell me?” AJ said aghast at how much his friend had suffered without him even suspecting anything was wrong.
Howie sneered, “Like I was going to tell you a bastard pervert drugged me and raped me! I was doing my best to forget about it, for the most part I had managed to repress it apart from the dreams. For months I kept wondering if it was something I did, if I had accidentally made him think I wanted him, that I was gay. ”
“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me. Any time you need to talk about it, I’m here.”
Howie looked his young friend in the eye saying, “One of the reasons I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to look at me as if I’m broken, just like you are now. I know what happened, I’ll never forget it. I know I should have told someone about it but I didn’t. Do you have any idea how fucking embarrassing it is to know that I was overpowered so easily? I was ashamed and confused by what happened.”
AJ knew one wrong word could destroy their friendship forever as he said, “I understand that and I don’t think you’re broken. I’m your friend and I want to help. I can understand why you started hating all gay people, but Nick wouldn’t do that to you. He’s not interested in you in a sexual way, he’s only interested in one man and that’s Justin. Nick, Justin and Lance would never hurt you like that, I promise.”
Howie nodded, “I understand what you are saying but it is very difficult to make my heart believe it. I will try but I can’t promise anything.”
“That’s all I ask of you, D. Would it be okay if I stay with you? I don’t feel like going back to an empty home.”
“That would be nice, Alex.” Howie said not wanting to start another argument.
Part 18
Justin nervously bit his lip as he waited for Jonathon to come downstairs, this was one of the scariest moments of his life. He didn’t know what he would do if his brother rejected him, he adored his little brother and always had.
“Hi Justin, Nick what’s wrong?” Jonathon asked nervously as he walked inside the room to find the pair looking at him confused.
“I have something to tell you, Jon. Remember how mom said there are some men who love men and some women who love other women?” Justin said waiting for his brother to nod.
When Jon had finally done so Justin took a deep breath and said, “I love Nick and he loves me. We are dating each other.”
“So he’s my brother too?” Jon asked with a sparkle in his eyes.
Justin smiled, “Yeah, he’s your big brother too. Now this is something you can’t tell anyone not even your friends.”
“I swear I won’t tell anyone. So do you like to play video games, Nick?” Jon asked changing the subject to more important matters.
“Yeah, I rule at video games. What’s your favourite?”
Jon grinned as he confided, “I like the fighting and racing games best. I play against Justin and always beat him. He’s not very good at them.”
Nick laughed saying, “He just needs some practice and as the masters we should teach him how to play. You feel like helping me teach him how to become a Playstation expert?”
“That would be cool!” Jon said excitedly as he pulled out the Playstation and control pads.
The family spent the night playing video games before Lynn finally decided it was time for the younger boy to go to bed. Once he was asleep Lynn apologised for Jonathon’s monopolising of Nick knowing the pair wanted to spend some time alone until they had to face the exhausting tour schedule.
*******
The next morning found Kevin and Ben sitting together in their room eating breakfast, which consisted of fruit and cereal. As they talked Kevin couldn’t help but wonder if he was doing the right thing here, he had just broken up with his wife and here he was declaring his love for another man. True, he had never been madly in love with Kristen but he had come to think they would be together forever. It was the one thing that stopped him from giving up, the knowledge that he wouldn’t be alone as he had always feared.
Kevin finished his drink of orange juice saying, “So how are we going to make Lance see how much I love him?”
Ben said honestly, “I don’t know. You really hurt him and he couldn’t understand why you just left him. He loved you more than anything and you turned your back on him. He loves you but I don’t know if he will ever truly trust you again. If he doesn’t trust you then the relationship is over before it even begins. Don’t hate me for saying this but maybe you should sort everything out with Kristen first?”
“You may be right. I just want him to give me another chance, I know I messed up but I had a good reason. I only did it to protect him.”
“What happened exactly?” Ben asked feeling he needed to know the full story.
Kevin snarled angrily, “My brother, Tim threatened to out Lance to his parents if we didn’t break up. He said that without Lance I could be happy again, that Lance was perverting me. He ordered me to get married to Kristen or he would tell the Bass’ the truth. I knew how Lance’s parents felt about gay people and I wasn’t going to be responsible for him losing his family.”
“What a bastard! Jamie deserves to know why you broke up with him, he’s probably blaming himself.”
“I know. I wanted to tell him but I was afraid if I did then Tim would out us anyway.” Kevin said ashamed of himself.
Ben said ruefully, “He might have but you’ll never know now. I hate to bring this up but he might still out you when your divorce comes through.”
“I know but it’s a chance I will have to take, I owe it to both of us.” Kevin said honestly as he cleared the table.
*******
Across town Lance was busy checking the schedule wanting to know exactly what they had coming up, he liked to have a clear plan to follow. He needed to know what was happening, his nature wasn’t spontaneous or carefree but he liked who he was.
“Lance, I hate to bring this up but something is bothering me.”
“What is it, Joshua?”
JC swallowed knowing his words where going to hurt his unrequited love, “Kevin Richardson. I know this is a horrible thing to ask you but if Ben is going to start dating him shouldn’t he know what Kevin did to you? I just feel that he needs to know what Kevin’s like. We can’t let him get taken in like that. He’s been hurt too much already and he hasn’t got a lot of friends.”
“You might be right, I never did tell him what happened between us. Hell, the only one I talked about was….”
“Me?” JC finished the sentence knowing he was right by the small blush on the blonde’s pale skin.
Lance blushed looking down as he said, “Yeah. I called you Scott. I said that you worked for a rival company so on the off chance he did figure out who I was he would never think I was seeing you. I told him about how you helped me when all the others abandoned me, about how you would help me figure out all the complicated dances.”
“Lance…I can’t believe you did all that for me after the way I treated you.”
Lance looked at the floor, “There’s only one person I hated after I stopped dating them and that’s Kevin. He left saying he wanted someone he could show to the world and a couple of children. It hurt to hear him say he didn’t think he could have that with me. I always felt we would come out when the time came and that we could adopt children. After he left me I became a little stronger, I was used to being hurt. I…understand now why you did what you did. Yeah it hurt but you were afraid. I know what its like, I’ve been there myself but I had Kevin. As much as I hate to say it, he did help me come to terms with who I am and he was the one who made me see it didn’t mean I was evil. He did for me what Ben did for Nick, I just wish we had ended it as friends as they did.”
“So you can’t even be friends with Kevin?”
Lance laughed lowly, “I probably can be but I can never be romantically involved with him. He’s lost my trust, I can’t date someone I don’t trust.”
“I understand how you feel. Now how are we going to tell Ben about what Kevin’s really like?”
Lance stopped to think carefully saying, “I think we should leave it a while. If it does look like they are going to be dating then we can tell Ben the truth and stop Kevin from breaking his heart. Ben doesn’t deserve to be hurt like that.”
JC nodded, “If that’s what you want. Now I’m going to go and get a magazine, I want to see what that Harry said about Ben.”
*******
Kevin picked up the magazine and gasped in shock, he hadn’t been expecting that. Maybe he should read it out to Ben, forewarned is forearmed. Walking back to the sofa, he sat down next to Ben.
“Ben, can I read something out to you in the paper? Its about that interview from yesterday?” Kevin asked quickly.
When Ben nodded Kevin said, “The headline is In The Boyband Bedroom with a couple of subheadings; find out the truth about Nick and Justin’s relationship and meet the new man in Kevin’s Life. It’s in Harry’s point of view so I’ll just read it out.”
“Thanks.” Ben said seconds later Kevin started talking.
Kevin concentrated on keeping his emotions under control as he read, “I was pleased to get an exclusive interview with Nsync and the Backstreet Boys it was held in the hotel Kevin was staying in. When I arrived the two groups where waiting and surprisingly they didn’t seem to mind waiting for me. However it was obvious that they were not impressed with the In Bed With The Boybands Feature. When I took my seat I noticed the two groups were sitting in two distinct groups, Kevin, Chris, Joey, AJ and Howie forming one group while JC, Brian, Lance, Nick and Justin were in the other. As I watched Nick and Justin started talking between themselves about a meal as I understood it.
Nick and Justin revealed the names of the songs they had written saying they had intended for everyone to sing them but it had been decided that both songs would be a solo. Nick will be singing Embrace The Night and Justin will sing It’s Over.
Now with all the rumours about the exact nature of their relationship you could be forgiven for assuming the pair would avoid each other but nothing could be further from the truth. Nick is staying with Justin’s family while they are in Orlando yet Nick feels soon they will ‘move out to give Lynn and the family some space’.
I asked them about how their families felt about the allegations and Justin laughed saying that his mom was happy he had been set up with Nick because she likes and approves of Nick. The older man just laughed and said that he hoped she did seeing how close their parents were. Of the allegations Nick just said that his mom had found it funny and that no one was upset having been taught that race, gender, colour and sexuality didn’t matter.
Into the world of music walked Ben O’Keefe, a tall brunette man with an athletic build. He was the friend Kevin had left to pick up. Ben had a nervous smile on his face as Kevin introduced us, I couldn’t help but smile at Ben’s strong Irish accent.
Ben’s close friendship with members of each band was obvious as Nick, JC and Lance all rushed to greet their friend. I later discovered he had been to his first modelling interview with one of the most famous modelling agencies in the USA. Ben had been asked to attend the meeting by the owner of The Wright Face. Bizarrely the man in question was Johnny Wright the manager of Nsync it was a massive shock to Ben who looked close to fainting.
It was at this point that Kevin walked over sitting on the arm of the sofa and whispering in his friend’s ear. Ben said he couldn’t take the contract but Kevin insisted that his friend deserved a contract and had gotten on his own merits as no one else knew just who Ben was.
While the two groups were having their photographs taken I took the chance to interview Ben who lost his sight in a car accident years ago. He admits that without his supportive friends and family he would have just wallowed in self-pity. During the course of the interview that Ben confided that he had met Nick years ago but they had lost touch.
He only discovered that Jamie, his best friend that he had spoken to online for months was Lance Bass less than a week ago. He wasn’t convinced until Nick promised him it was the truth. Of his relationship with Kevin and JC Ben said, ‘Sometimes you meet people and just click, that’s what happened with us. I know they will always be there for me as I am for them.’
Shortly after the interview finished Ben curled up on a sofa with a book while we continued the interview. I asked each singer to give their opinion of the each other’s most attractive physical feature, personality trait and their best skill. It was at this point that I learned the extent of Nick and Justin’s relationship.
I was shocked when Nick confided, ‘Justin has a few little things that are just…adorable…he bits his lip when he’s concentrating on something and those eyes of his tell you everything he is feeling. The best aspects of his personality are his loyalty and optimistic outlook. His best skill…is basketball. He is like a man possessed when we play.’
Justin shrugged at the question watching while the others finished the photo-shoot, “Nicky has a very cute bed head look, when he just stumbles out of bed towards the kitchen and he has a body people would kill for. Some of his most attractive qualities are his determination and his caring soul. As for his skills it’s his art. He does the most amazing portraits just ask any of the guys. He has a massive art room in his house that is home to his paintings.”
“So you have been to his house?” I asked having heard the pair didn’t really talk to each other.
“Yeah, he has a nice place. We just kicked it for a while.” Justin answered with a nod laughing when he caught Lance pulling faces at Chris while the older man was getting his photographs taken.
At this point Justin was called over to finish his photos with Nick, the pair started talking as they waited for the photographer to get ready. Although I couldn’t hear their conversation it was obviously something funny as Nick started laughing.
After Kevin had made himself comfortable I asked, “How is everyone taking the stories about Nick and Justin dating?”
Kevin shrugged, “We’re okay with them. Despite what everyone thinks we don’t panic over everything we read in the papers. Rumours and tabloids are normal for us, we don’t really care what the papers say.”
It was interesting to watch Kevin interacting with Ben. It was obvious that the pair were very close. The pair appeared to be always aware of each other, Kevin seemed attuned to the moods of Ben and visa versa.
Looking at Kevin it was difficult to believe this was the man who had field for divorce just days ago. He didn’t fit the image of a man who had lost the woman he loved, he didn’t appear to feel angry or sad. Strangely I felt there was an air of freedom surrounding Kevin, a sense of freedom I couldn’t understand.
“I realise this may be a difficult question but is it true that you are getting a divorce?” I asked not wanting to upset the man but knowing he needed to know the stories going around.
Kevin nodded, “I filed for divorce three days ago. We both got married for different reasons perhaps that was the problem. I went home after a meeting and discovered she was having an affair. I filed for divorce a couple of days later.”
“Do you feel there is no chance of a reconciliation?” I asked knowing how much it hurt to face the end of your marriage.
Kevin shook his head seriously, “There is no possibility of Kristen and I ever getting back together. I can’t be involved with someone I don’t trust. Luckily I’m not alone, I have a lot of support from my family and friends. The guys have been great and have helped me get through this. I know I am doing the right thing for both us, if we stayed together it would destroy both of us.”
“You seem close friends with Ben.” I asked softly.
Kevin grinned widely, “I am. I had met him years ago. This time when Lance brought him to LA I took the chance to get to get to know him properly. Ben’s great! He’s just so understanding, caring and brave. Ben’s the one who helped me see that if we didn’t love or trust each other then Kristen and I shouldn’t be married. All the guys have been great, just listening to me and automatically understanding exactly what I feel.”
“Onto more cheerful subjects, will the rumours affect your tour at all?” I asked feeling the bittersweet pain surrounding Kevin as he looked at me.
Kevin laughed, “Of course not! We are all looking forward to performing in front of everyone. The tour has come at the best time for all of us. Performing and singing makes us feel alive. We think everyone will enjoy the show, we will certainly enjoy performing it. I know what the press are saying about the tour being a Boyband Battle but its not. It is a meeting of minds, a chance for us boyband singers to get together and do what we love. We love our music and our sound, we will continue to bring both of these to our fans for as long as possible.”
“That’s good to hear.” I said gathering up the rest of my supplies.
All the singers are clearly looking forward to the tour, there was an unmistakable air of anticipation in the room. I personally am looking forward to the tour, which Kevin has insists is a monument to their music and their fans. My interview with two of the most popular boybands has left me with one conclusion, the next couple of months are going to be amazing both on and off stage.
Kevin put the article down looking over at Ben wondering how the man would react to the story. It had shocked the life out of him, he had liked Harry but obviously the journalist was determined to have a big headline.
“It sounds amazing. Why did he put so much in about me?”
Kevin shrugged, “I guess he’s as interested in you as we are. Ben…there is a picture here of me hugging you with a quote I gave, ‘Ben’s just what I need.’ He hasn’t actually said anything outright but he has implied a lot about all of us.”
Ben caught on quickly, “He’s insinuating that we are dating each other. He’s basically saying Nick and Justin are seeing each other.”
“Yeah, not that we can do anything about it! This couldn’t come at a worse time! What if Kristen decides to use my sexuality for the divorce,” Kevin said standing up as he started pacing.
Ben didn’t say anything knowing they were trapped, a denial would only serve to make people believe the rumours. Harry hadn’t actually said he and Kevin were dating or that Nick and Justin were lovers he had implied it but that wouldn’t stand up in court. If Kristen did decide to use Kevin’s sexuality to ensure a large divorce settlement there wasn’t any way they could deny it. Ben knew there were always people willing to do anything for money. He wondered if he should call his sister and give her the heads up, maybe she would be able to think of something.
“Calm down Kev! I’ll call my sis and see if she can help us.” Ben said as he reached into his pocket for the phone waiting patiently.
Switching it on Ben pressed speed dial number 1 smirking when his sister answered.
“I’m not giving any freaking interviews! If you phone up again I will have you sued!” Sarah snarled into the phone.
“Sis, its me! How’s everything back home?” Ben said with a laugh.
“Crazy. Reporters have phoned all day wanting my opinion of your secret love affair with Kevin Richardson. There’s something else…Ma called. She’s not happy. Aunt Joanne found the article and phoned her about it. Ma threatened to tell everyone why she disowned you.”
“WHAT? Why does she still want to hurt me?” Ben said a mix of anger and sorrow in his voice.
“I don’t know little bro but I’ll look after you.” Sarah reassured him hoping their mother wouldn’t act on her threat.
Ben gasped out, “I could lose…everything. No one at the school knows I’m gay, what if they don’t want me working with the kids now?”
“Don’t think like that. We will get through this, bro. You have a lot of friends here.” Sarah said keeping her voice as calm as possible not wanting to upset him further.
Ben nervously bit his lip, “I hope so. The meeting with Johnny went okay, he’s offered me a modelling contract if I want it. He made a demo of me, he’s going to see about getting me a record contract. It’s amazing.”
“At least some good’s come out of this. That piece of pond scum called for you. I told him that I’d pass on the message. So how are the relationship possibilities with Lance?”
“I’ll call him back later. If he calls tell him to phone my cell. Jamie and I won’t be seeing each other, there isn’t that kind of spark between us. He’s still in love with another guy and you know how I feel about Leon.”
Sarah admonished, “Don’t do this over Leon! He’s treating you like shit, bro. You deserve so much more! Any sparks between you and Kevin?”
“Yeah but its not going to happen.”
“He looked interested in the photos. When are you coming back here?” Sarah said lowly as she took another look at the magazine article.
Ben said honestly, “I don’t know. I should hang around here until I know what’s happening with my so-called music career.”
“Okay. Don’t forget to pick up Sally!” Sarah said knowing how forgetful her brother could be when he was worried about something.
“I won’t! I’ll talk to you later sis.” Ben said smiling at her whispered goodbye.
Sarah laughed, “Everything will be okay. I love you, Ben.”
*******
Justin flashed a smile at his lover as the pair walked out to the car for their meeting with Lance. The blonde had sounded very worried when he had phoned earlier telling them to get over to his place as quickly as possible.
“What’s wrong love?” Nick asked as the younger man maneuvered the car through the city.
Justin shrugged, “I feel a little guilty for not calling Brit. I should have told her about the two of us when we had our first date. She’s going to kill me when she finds out I’ve kept you a secret!”
“There hasn’t exactly been time to tell everyone. I haven’t even told my family about you yet.” Nick said while wondering just how he was going to break the news of his new boyfriend. Justin was only his second boyfriend but he knew this relationship was for keeps. He wasn’t going to lose Justin, he couldn’t.
“How do you think they’ll react?”
“I have no idea. Aaron will be okay with it seeing how he’s gay but don’t tell my mom. I kind walked in on Aaron making out with some guy. He just smiled and introduced me to Jack.”
“So is this Jack his boyfriend?”
Nick shook his head, “They are just friends. Aaron said they didn’t want to risk their friendship by dating each other. I had to promise him that I wouldn’t tell anyone. Like I’d do that anyway!”
“I know but he was probably just scared. Do you think Ben and Lance will start seeing each other?”
Nick sighed, “I wish they would, he’s just what Ben needs. Ben’s in love with some guy called Leon. The guy said that he couldn’t start dating Benny because he could lose his job.”
“Why the fuck is Ben just letting this guy walk all over him?”
“He said he loves Leon and that he is willing to do anything to be with him. Even if it means he has to wait.”
“That’s sad, Lance would be much better for him!!” Justin said seriously as they pulled into their friend’s driveway.
“I know but he can’t turn off his feelings.” Nick answered as they got out the car.
Not bothering to knock the blondes walked inside hearing the unmistakable sound of laughter coming from the lounge. As they walked in Nick took the chance to assess the situation, Howie was actually smiling at them. He wondered briefly if this was some weird dream, yesterday Howie hated them and now he was acting all friendly.
“Hey guys, there’s a little problem.” Lance said as he smiled at the last of the friends to arrive.
“What do you mean?”
Speaking for them all JC said, “We’ve read the article Harry published after our interview yesterday. He basically said that you two are dating each other.”
Nick couldn’t understand why they were so worried, “Everyone probably still thinks that anyway. We can handle it.”
“He also said that Kevin’s sleeping with me.” Ben confessed softly from his place on the sofa next to Kevin. The older man hadn’t left Ben’s side all day, and he found it very comforting.
Knowing what Kristen was like AJ stated, “Kristen’s going to use this against you.”
Kevin snapped, “She’ll do anything to blame the divorce on me.”
“You’re not gay are you?” Brian asked looking at his cousin, confused at the man’s reaction.
Kevin laughed lowly, “Bisexual actually but no, Ben and I aren’t sleeping together.”
“Weird huh, three out of our group are gay. So what do you want to do about the paper?”
Lance announced, “Nothing. If we do it will look like we are denying it to much.”
“Have you heard from the bitch?”
“No, we agreed to only communicate through our lawyers.” Kevin said slowly.
Howie said seriously, “We are just going to concentrate on the tour, nothing else matters.”
“I hope the fans see it that way.” Joey said wryly.
Chris smirked, “They won’t abandon us, people have been saying we are gay for years.”
“What is management saying?” Nick inquired knowing they needed to keep up with the latest cover story.
Kevin laughed, “That they know for a fact that you and Justin aren’t dating and that I’m not gay. Their line is that you two are just friends and that Ben is just an friend helping me with my divorce.”
“I am just a friend helping you.” Ben said with a wide grin.
Kevin nodded, “We know that Ben but the just a friend spiel is a routine line they use whenever one of us is dating. They use it whenever one of us are seeing someone, so the press won’t believe it.”
“Shit, I need to phone Leon before he thinks I’m cheating on him.” Ben said seriously. Okay they weren’t technically dating but Leon was still possessive.
“I thought you weren’t dating him?” Kevin asked even though he knew it was the truth.
Ben nodded, “I’m not but he’s a little…crazy. He always wants to know exactly who I’m associating with and why. You won’t believe the massive row we had over Jamie. I’ve tried to explain to him that I won’t stand for that behaviour from my friends or from my lovers but he didn’t listen. He er…kinda… follows me around. My sister normally manages to stop him but not always.”
Kevin snarled, “He’s stalking you?”
Ben blushed, “Yeah. Not that I can do anything about it. I spoke to the cops but they couldn’t do anything because he isn’t actually threatening me.”
“Do you think he would hurt you?”
“No, I think he honestly loves me but he won’t leave me alone.”
In a voice that brooked no argument Lance said, “He’ll change his mind after reading the article about you and Kevin. If he thinks there’s someone else in your life hell move on.”
“I hope so. So what do you all have planned for the day?” Ben said pasting a smile on his face not wanting them to know how much he doubted that.
Kevin said cheerfully, “Nothing. We are going to hang out at the beach for a while. You want to come with us, Ben?”
“I’d love to. I haven’t had a good day at the beach in a while.” Ben said honestly.
The friends quickly agreed to go to the beach together, it was the only time they would have to themselves for a while. They wanted to just spend time connecting with each other, the tour would be a disaster if they didn’t get on with each other.
Part 19
Ben smiled to himself as they walked down to the beach. He loved the soothing feeling of the sun caressing his face. Inhaling the salty air Ben wondered exactly what was going to happen in the future. Sure Johnny had promised to look into getting him a record deal but he didn’t think that it was going to happen. He could sing but his voice was hardly amazing like some of the artists currently dominating the charts.
“Ben, do you want to sit down now?” Kevin asked gently ignoring the looks the rest of his friends were throwing his way. He was just looking out for Ben because the man had helped him come to terms with his past and the present. Who cared if Ben was beautiful both inside and out? Or that his feelings for Lance weren’t as strong as he professed them to be? Lance had always been a dream of his, the thought of Lance had kept him from losing it when the weight of his marriage felt unbearable.
“That would be nice. What’s it like out?”
Kevin looked around. “The sky is a clear light blue but to the west it changes into a bright pink. The two colours have swirled together to create a majestic violet colour, it looks like something you would see in a movie.”
As Kevin gently directed him to the waiting towel Ben took the chance to ponder the older man’s words. Kevin’s description called up images in his mind and for a second Ben actually felt like he was seeing the sky again.
“There are few people who can give such a emotive description of anything as mundane as the sky. What is everyone doing?”
“Howie, Joey and Chris are arguing about what station they want on the radio. Nick and Justin are walking towards us laughing about something. AJ and JC seem to be discussing something serious. Lance and Brian are sitting beside us soaking up the rays.”
“That reminds me, sunscreen! Can someone put this on me?” Ben said as he reached into his backpack feeling around for the bottle he knew was in there.
“I’ll do that, Ben!” Lance said giving Kevin a warning look. With a smile he continued, “Just turn over and I’ll do you.”
Placing the cold liquid in his hands he gave it a chance to warm up before gently placing it on Ben’s shoulders. He grinned at his best friend’s shiver, working quickly he massaged it into the skin noticing the scars on Ben’s back. Lance heard the dark haired man gasp when he reached them, drawing the attention of Kevin, Nick, Justin and JC who looked at them in shock. The faint scars covered the upper part of Ben’s back, they were clearly made by a knife, the cuts were too sharp for it to be anything else.
Feeling the eyes on him Ben said quickly, “How bad are they? Sarah says they are not obvious but I feel a though I may as well be wearing a sign.”
“They’re not bad. How the hell did they happen?” JC said reassuringly.
“A gift from an former boyfriend,” Ben said slowly.
Justin snarled, “SHIT! Did you press charges?”
“No, I didn’t feel strong enough to do it.”
Needing more information so he could alert the bodyguards to the danger the man posed Kevin asked gently, “What was his name?”
Remembering the good times they had shared Ben gave a bittersweet smile, “Andre Wilson and he was an artist. He always called me his muse. Now to change the subject, I’m going to call Leon. Can you get my phone from my pack?”
JC carefully went through the bag until he found it. “Here you go.”
Switching it on Ben dialled the number of his friend’s home knowing Leon would be awake. He smiled when he heard the sleepy request to say who was calling, “Its Ben, you lazy lout!”
Leon said excitedly, “BEN! I called your sister but she wouldn’t tell me anything. What are you doing in Florida?”
“I’m staying with some friends and I had a job interview.”
“Are you staying with Jamie?” Leon asked accusingly, saying the other man’s name with a sneer.
“No, I’m in a hotel. Anyway its none of your business.” Ben answered with his eyes closed as he relaxed against the rocks.
Leon shouted, “So you say. I opened the magazine to find Kevin Richardson fucking draped all over you like a cheap suit! Why the hell is he hitting on you, did you tell him you were available?”
Angry at the accusation Ben snarled, “Kevin was not draped all over me, he was giving me a hug. What I do and with whom isn’t your concern. We’ve had this talk before, Leon.”
“I’m only looking after you, Ben. You need someone to protect you. I don’t want some slut all over my man.” Leon said while stabbing the picture of Kevin and Ben embracing with his pen.
Ben sighed at the man’s words he was tired of hearing them. He didn’t want to hurt Leon but he couldn’t take it anymore. “Leon, I’m not a possession. I am a man with my own identity, thoughts and feelings.”
“I thought you cared about me. You said you love me.”
Ben swallowed nervously at the anger in his friend’s voice as he said, “You are a good friend but we’re not going to become anything else. I won’t be involved with someone who’s trying to control me.”
“You need me, Ben. I know we are fated to be together and one day you will know that too, Ben.” Leon said pain colouring his voice as he slammed the phone down.
“I take it the call didn’t go too well?” Lance asked seeing the blind man’s dejected pose.
Ben said ruefully, “You could say that. Leon was pretty angry that Kevin was draped all over me like a cheap suit to use his words. I told him that Kevin wasn’t doing anything of the sort and that he had no right to dictate how I run my life. He thinks we are destined to be together. Luckily we’ve had new locks fitted back home.”
“You think he’s going to hurt your sister?” Kevin asked alarmed at the thought of the woman alone and vulnerable.
Ben shook his head, “No, he’ll be fine after he cools down. My sis can take care of herself.”
“I hope you’re right. Want to come for a walk with me, Ben?” Lance said giving JC a meaningful look, it was time to tell Ben some truths about Kevin.
Ben nodded, “It sounds great, Jamie.”
“It’s a plan, we’ll go and get some ice creams.” Lance said putting one hand on his friend’s arm, leading the way.
As the pair walked away Kevin felt a surge of jealousy, how dare Lance just come over and take Ben away? He was going to discuss everything over with Ben, he had so much he wanted to know about his friend. Kevin ignored the part of his mind insisting that it was Lance he was supposed to be jealous over. He couldn’t be jealous of Ben, when he looked at the brunette his first instinct was to protect and nurture. He had told Ben he was in love with Lance but did he really feel that way? Was he in love with the Lance Bass that existed now or the Lance he had created in his mind?
*******
“Lie down babe and I’ll put some lotion on you.” Justin and seriously waiting until his lover did so to straddle Nick’s waist loving the sparkling mischief in the older man’s blue eyes.
“What are you going to do to me now you’ve got me at your mercy?”
“Make you tremble underneath me of course.” Justin said in a no nonsense tone.
Throwing one hand over his head like a damsel in distress Nick said melodramatically, “Ravish me then, you brute.”
“I didn’t say anything about ravishing.” Justin admonished as he attacked, tickling his lover mercilessly delighting in the resulting giggles.
Feeling a part of his anatomy stiffen as Nick trembled enticingly below him, Justin focused on the most disgusting thing he could imagine to dampen his arousal, Lou in a bikini. It worked like always causing Justin to smile widely as he squirted the lotion on Nick’s chest smoothing it into the skin making a serious effort to keep it short. Knowing if he concentrated on the feel and sight of Nick’s body, Justin kept thinking about the upcoming tour.
“Just, ready to do my back now?” Nick asked when his boyfriend moved off him he took that as an affirmative. Lying back down he waited for Justin to continue, giving a satisfied sigh when the blonde did.
Howie was watching the pair in confusion, they were seriously in lust if not love. Maybe Justin wasn’t as bad as he thought? If Nick was involved with him then it was obvious that there was more to Justin than met the eye.
“What’s got you so worked up, Howie?” Chris asked while watching Howie watching the lovebirds.
“Nick and Justin seem happy together. As Nick’s friend I should be happy for him and get to know Justin.”
Joey interjected, “I think so, we’re going to get to know Nick properly. JC will probably want to make sure he’s good enough for Justin.”
“What do you mean by that?” Brian growled angry at the insinuation that Nick wasn’t good enough.
Joey explained, “Nothing, but C tends to be a little overprotective. He didn’t let Lance go on dates with anyone unless he could chaperone.”
JC blushed knowing he couldn’t tell them the truth. He had only been so protective of Lance because the blonde meant so much to him. Even when he hadn’t admitted his feelings, JC had know that Lance was perhaps the most important person in his life.
Chris laughed, “Not that anything would happen in light of Lance’s sexuality.”
“So you think the puppies look good together?” AJ drawled amused at the thought of JC interrogating Nick over his intentions towards Justin.
Kevin admitted, “They do actually. I realised that right away.”
“How exactly did you find out about them?” JC asked suspiciously having noticed the relationship between the pair had come as no surprise to Kevin.
Kevin admitted, “I went to Nick’s so we could discuss the Enquirer article. While we were talking Justin shouted a question out to Nick calling him babe. They told me they were seeing each other and I agreed to provide them with a cover story if they needed. They look happy together, so they should be together. Happiness is fleeting.”
Justin looked up hearing the phrase Lance had used was there more to Kevin and Lance’s relationship than he knew? Taking a deep breath he asked carefully, “Who told you that, Kevin?”
Kevin shrugged, “No one. Its what I told an ex of mine once, its true though. Most of the time people are just comfortable not happy.”
“That’s a sad way of looking at life.” JC said softly even knowing how much Kevin had hurt Lance he still felt sorry for the Backstreet singer. What kind of life did Kevin have if he spent most of his life unhappy?
*******
“What’s wrong, Jamie?” Ben asked softly as the pair walked in silence, he knew his friend wanted to talk to him about something important.
Lance decided to just come out with it, “I need to tell something important. Kevin Richardson was my first boyfriend. We were together for years but we broke up.”
“I know. He is the Scott from your emails, right?”
“NO! Where did you get idea from?” Lance asked aghast.
Ben explained, “His middle name is Scott and I know you dated. Kevin told me about it last night.”
Lance shook his head frantically, “Kevin’s middle name is Scott but he wasn’t the one I was talking about. By Scott I meant JC, he’s the one I’m in love with.”
“Oh. So what do you need to tell me about Kevin?”
Before his best friend could interrupt Lance said, “I know you two aren’t dating but *if* you are heading in that direction then you need to know what Kevin’s really like. We broke up because he wanted children and he wanted someone he could date openly. He said that he couldn’t be with me because he would miss out on them.”
“He’s not like that now.” Ben said seriously not wanting to tell Lance the real reason Kevin had broken up with the blonde. Kevin had told him the truth in confidence and he wouldn’t betray his friend like that.
“He might not be but I just wanted to warn you. I don’t want you to be hurt by him. You deserve someone who loves you.”
Ben shifted nervously, “There’s only one person who loves me and that’s Leon. I thought I loved him but being here…getting away from him has made me realise that it was an infatuation. Sarah was right, she was always telling me I wasn’t truly in love with him.”
Lance hugged his friend saying reassuringly, “I know there is someone out there for you. As much as I hate to say it Kevin does care about you, it obvious in the way he acts around you and how much he watches you.”
“He’s a friend, I feel like I have known him years instead of days.” Ben said half to himself.
Lance looked out at the ocean, “That’s good. I guess we should go back to the others now. I just wanted to give you a heads up. I didn’t want you to get involved with Kevin without knowing what he’s capable of.”
“Thanks for looking out for me, Jamie.” Ben said seriously as they started walking towards their friends.
*******
Leon Golding couldn’t believe what that slut Kevin had done, stealing Ben from him. He knew the blind man was his and that they were supposed to spend the rest of their lives together. His only option was to go to Orlando and show Ben that he was the only one the younger man was supposed to be with and woe betide Kevin if he got in the way.
Going to the computer he opened his browser going straight to the airline’s website, booking a flight for Orlando in two days time. Two days was plenty of time to plan his reunion with Ben and just how he was going to prove his devotion in a way no one could ever doubt.
Part 20
Looking over the ten singers Fatima smiled, “I’m glad you are all looking healthy. We decided to change your schedule. We will have rehearsal every day starting at noon until about six.”
“Great, how come they changed the schedule?” Lance asked annoyed that no one had told them.
Wade smirked, “After the Harry McNeil interview Jive decided to limit the interviews to radio and TRL. Anyway the more time we have practising your dancing the better. I want all of you to run six laps around the room.”
Knowing arguing wouldn’t help their case the ten singers started jogging around the room. each one wondered just what Fatima and Wade had in store for them. Each one was a torment on their own, when they were together they made their performer’s lives hell.
“Lance, we got the change of song you gave us. Are you sure that’s the song you want to do?”
“Yeah, I like it.” Lance said seriously not willing to back down.
“What song did you pick, Lance?” JC asked in confusion.
“A Savage Garden song called This Side Of Me.”
Fatima said with a grin, “Now we’ve looked at the songs you are all performing and have decided that there isn’t much room for chorography apart from Lance, JC, Kevin and Howie.”
“Lucky us.” Lance commented causing JC to giggle slightly at the disgust in the man’s tone. Lance had always hated having to learn new steps.
With that Wade took the four off to another part of the building to work on their steps while their groups practised their own moves and vocals. The rehearsal mainly concentrated on the new solo performances as they gave each other tips on how to improve.
Four hours later Justin placed one arm around his lover’s waist as they walked over to where their towels and water bottles waited. Nick didn’t look too happy at the prospect of rehearsals every day.
“You having okay with this, babe?” Justin asked concerned.
“I guess. At least we have rehearsals together. What’s up with Lance and JC?” Nick said seriously as he picked up his water bottle.
Justin said watching them out the corner of his eye as the pair danced together, “No idea but, they seem a little more relaxed around each other.”
Lance grinned at Wade as the man walked over to him and JC watching their moves critically. His grin only widened when Wade gestured for JC to stop moving while giving him a bottle of water. The dance they had devised for Lance involved him dancing slowly at first but gaining speed while a couple of dancers copied his moves. For the time being he had to learn the steps himself before the dancers could be taught the routine.
“Lance, the song is about someone you love. It should be passionate. Now I want you to follow my moves.” Wade said as he took his T-shirt off, moving slowly at first he waited for the blonde to copy him.
The pair danced together Lance watching to make sure he was following the steps correctly as he messed up the same move for the seventh time he let out a sigh of frustration. Wade rolled his eyes saying, “Lance, its okay. You are getting there but you are too stiff. I’ll help you just follow my moves.”
“It is a song of passion, love, seduction. You are telling the person you love most in the whole world exactly what you want.” Wade said quickly before starting up the music, placing his hands on Lance’s waist he guided the blonde in his moves. Showing just how seductive dance could be, their eyes remained glued to each other in the mirrors.
The pair didn’t notice that they had attracted the attention of their friends as they danced seductively using their bodies as a weapon. There wasn’t any space between the pair as they danced slowly at first but then with increasing speed. When the track stopped Wade grinned whispering into Lance’s ear before moving away.
Picking up his water Lance drank greedily before picking up his bag and heading out the door with a shouted farewell to the others. That was the signal to leave so slowly each of them packed up their things looking forward to a relaxing soak in the bath.
The Next Day
“What do you mean he doesn’t love me?” Kevin shouted in shock wondering how they could have been so wrong.
Ben said nervously, “Er…he was talking about someone else in his emails.”
“Who? He hasn’t been seen in public with anyone.”
“I’ll tell you if you swear not to tell anyone else.” Ben said knowing he couldn’t say anything if Kevin wasn’t going to keep it secret.
“I promise, Ben! Just tell me.” Kevin said impatiently.
“He’s in love with JC. It just didn’t click in my mind that his middle name is Scott, too. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay, its not like you did it on purpose or anything.”
Ben said unhappily, “Yeah but it doesn’t help you feel any better. Whenever I feel down in the dumps I always go out and gorge myself on ice cream, do you want to do that?”
Kevin said cheerfully, “Sounds like a good idea. There’s an ice cream parlour nearby do you feel like going now?”
Ben nodded not reacting when the man took his hand leading the way, it was familiar now for Kevin to direct him that way. Most people just placed a hand on his arm or shoulder Kevin was one of the few who had actually taken his hand when they walked anywhere and to be honest Ben liked it. It was comforting and made his heart beat increase. Not that he was going to do anything about it, Kevin was his friend and he couldn’t allow anything to threaten that.
Once the pair had ordered a Summer Fruits Sundae for Ben and a Banana Split for Kevin they sat down facing each other. Kevin played with his food for a view seconds wondering just what he should say. Should he act the pair of a broken hearted man or admit that he wasn’t truly in love with Lance?
“So what made you decide to tell me today?”
“I wanted to get it over with to be honest with you. The guilt was eating me alive, I couldn’t let you think there was a chance of a reunion between you and Lance.” Ben said honestly before picking up his spoon and eating slowly.
“Well thanks anyway. Have you heard from Johnny yet?”
Ben nodded nervously, “Yeah, he called this morning.”
“What did he say then?” Kevin said eager to find out just what Ben would be doing with his life.
With a shrug Ben said, “He’s offered me a contract as a performer. Erm…he kinda wants to take advantage of the fact that you offered to let me come on tour with you guys. He said I could be one of the opening acts. It should be a good tour. You know with O-Town and Britney joining then Christina and 98 Degrees coming in a couple of weeks later.”
“Yeah. It should be fun, four boybands and two pop female artists. I wonder how much they are charging for the tickets. So have you signed the contract?”
“Not yet. I need someone to read it through for me who knows the business. I’ll have to see into getting an agent, I guess.”
“I’ll read it through for you and get my lawyer Jason to read it through for you.” Kevin said wanting to help out in any way he could.
“Thanks, Kev. So what’s happening with the rehearsals?”
Kevin sighed, “They’re hard work as always but I like them. It gives me something to think about besides my divorce. She’s trying to say I have been cheating on her with you. She thinks we have been seeing each other since you came to the US.”
“Well we kind of expected that. Do you think she knows that you are bi?”
“No, I’m pretty sure she’s just after anything she can get from me.” Kevin said honestly.
“Oh. To change the subject how are you going to cope with seeing Jamie on tour?”
“I’ll be fine Ben. I think I was in love with the Lance in my mind, you know?” Kevin said before eating the last spoonful of his dessert.
Ben nodded knowing what it was like to want someone to love you, “Yeah. Sometimes I wish I had someone who loves me. I haven’t really got a lot of people I’m close to just my sister, you, Jamie, Nicky and the rest of the guys.”
“If you ever need someone to talk to about anything or even someone to just sit and mope with I’m here for you, Ben.”
“Thanks so much for saying that Kev.” Ben said thickly, squeezing Kevin’s hand when the older man held his.
“Its okay, remember we are friends through everything.” Kevin said seriously smiling softly at the joy on the Irishman’s face.
“Yeah friends through everything.” Ben said shortly before the pair stood up to leave.
They walked back to the hotel in silence, Kevin’s arm around Ben’s shoulders. As they walked Kevin couldn’t shake off the feeling that they were being watched. Hearing the sound of footsteps walking behind them he stopped and turned only to be hit across the head with a baseball bat.
Kevin fell to the floor with Ben falling next to him, shaking off his dizziness he looked at the man who had hit him.
“You shouldn’t have touched something that doesn’t belong to you, Kevin. Ben belongs to me!” The man spat out as he watched the blood fall from Kevin’s head.
“LEON! What have you done to Kevin?” Ben shouted in a fix of dread and confusion.
The man hit him again on the head, grabbing Ben and he could hear Ben calling for help as he was pulled away from Kevin who was finally overcome by darkness.
*******
“Kev…Kevin, can you hear me?” Brian said anxiously as he held his cousin’s hand.
Brian had received the phone call over seven hours ago telling him that Kevin had been taken into hospital after being attacked. He couldn’t believe Kevin could be so stupid as to leave the bodyguards behind.
“Water?” Kevin asked his throat dry and sore. He sucked the provided ice cubes hungrily once he could speak he focused on his cousin and said, “Ben’s been taken.”
“Benny’s been kidnapped! The cops just said you where attacked.” Nicky said in a panic.
“Call the police and tell them to come here. It was Leon, Ben recognised his voice.”
Nick walked outside and asked to use the phone, calling to the police he explained the situation. After the police agreed to come down as quickly as possible Nick ended the call phoning the Nsync knowing they had all become close to Ben and Kevin.
*******
“This is MTV News with a shocking story: last night a man called Leon Golding kidnapped the new model and singer Benjamin O’Keefe yesterday. Ben was kidnapped while walking back to his hotel with Kevin Richardson after the pair had been to a nearby ice cream parlour. The man currently lives in Boston and was Ben’s friend until the singer cut all ties with the man after Leon stalked and tried to control him.”
Kevin turned off the TV angrily turning to look at Howie when the man coughed pointedly trying to get his attention. He said tiredly, “What’s wrong D?”
Howie didn’t want to reveal the painful secret from his past but he had no choice if they wanted to get Ben back. Swallowing loudly he said, “Kevin…there’s something you need to know about Leon. I knew him when I was at Uni. I’ve only ever told one person about this…Leon r…raped me. He drugged me and got some of his friends to help. I was raped by at least six men that night.”
Kevin gasped fighting to repel the fear that coursed through him, “God I never knew, D. If I can help you, I will. do you think he could do this to Ben?”
Howie nodded, “He’s capable of anything. I’ll tell the police later, do you know anyone who could help?”
“No but I hate just waiting around.” Kevin admitted sadly.
Howie hugged his friend, “Don’t worry Kev. We will find Ben!”
“I hope so, I really do.” Kevin said seriously praying Ben would soon be found safe.
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