Parts 8,9,10
Part 8: Aftermath
After a minute or so of lying atop the commando guy, Xander presses his head against Graham's neck and slowly lets his breathing return to normal. Graham's arms lie across Xander's back, holding him gently. It feels nice. Really nice. He stays there until Graham starts to squirm a little.
Xander slowly gets to his feet. He reaches down and helps Graham stand as well. Xander caresses the man's torso.
"*Damn!* you got muscles!"
Graham grins. He flexes them a bit for Xander kinda showing off for the guy. "You've got a damn cute body yourself, Xander."
"Uh, thanks."
"…And the most beautiful cock I've ever seen." Graham's smile is beatific.
Xander blushes.
"Want a beer?"
"Sure."
Graham gets 2 bottles from the little fridge, twists the top off of one and hands it to Xander. He opens his own and offers his bottle out -- Xander clinks bottles and takes a deep swig. Both men look at each other as they drink.
They sit -- Xander on the bed, Graham facing him on the desk chair. Graham leans forward a bit towards Xander.
"Xander?"
"Yeah?"
"Wanna spend the night?" Xander sees in his eyes the pleading beneath that totally calm tone.
Xander grins. "Yeah, Graham. I'd really like to spend the night."
Graham's face lights up. "Great!." He puts the beer down on the desk and puts the hand on Xander's knee and gently squeezes it.
"Graham, my turn. Just a question."
"Shoot."
"What is with the 'sir' thing?"
Graham blushes -- not only his face, but his entire torso turns slightly red. He pulls his hand away from Xander's knee.
Graham manages a shrug, tries to make a joke: "Just a commando guy thing." He grabs the beer and takes a quick swig to mask his embarrassment. Pretty sure he isn't ready to talk about this. Almost positive Xander isn't ready to hear this. About the mental image he has of Xander in uniform, standing over him. Looking down on him. Getting ready to do whatever he wants to him.
Xander half scowls -- for the first time tonight, Graham is the embarrassed one, and Xander is enjoying it. "A commando thing like two soldier guys getting together, or a commando thing like give-me-orders-sir?"
"Uh…" Graham looks really uncomfortable…is this freaking the X-man out? OK, Graham keep your mouth shut next time… OK, don’t keep your mouth shut, but don't say anything.
Xander stares at his beer bottle and grins, "Cause if it's the second, I could get into it."
"Yeah?" Graham replies with a silly grin on his face, fighting back the embarrasment he's suddenly feeling.
"Yeah." Xander says with a friendly nod, looking up into Graham's eyes again, "Be in-charge guy."
"In-charge guy givin' me orders, makin' me do pushups, and then uh, havin' his way with me?" Graham says softly, trying to hide his very real burning desire with a slightly jokey tone.
Xander nods at Graham. He has to smile at the way Graham's face lit up as he spoke. Dude was excited.
But Xander's gotta say something or he's gonna crack up and completely wreck the moment, "'Having my way with you'? " Xander grins, gently mocking, reaching over, tousling the guy's hair.
"Ya know…" Graham looks sheepishly at Xander, "ya know…"
"If you can do it, you can say it.", Xander says mock seriously with one eyebrow raised.
Graham, staring hard at the floor between Xander's feet, grins and nods and says "OK, OK, … fucking me."
Xander looks at the half-naked jock. He reaches over and trails his fingers down Graham's arm with heart-felt affection. There was none of his patented sarcasm in his voice as he asks: "Really? 'Cause I sort of thought you bein' macho military muscle guy, you'd wanna, y'know, have your way with me."
Graham looks up at him and smiles, "You really have a lot to learn about men, Xander Harris."
Xander looks deep into Graham's eyes. "You're gonna teach me."
*****
Part 9: With One Word
It surprised Xander how much of his soldier training came back to him as soon as they started. And the fact that Graham immediately got completely into it helped a lot. Xander felt almost a bit silly at first, when he ordered Graham to attention. But Graham snapped to attention without hesitation.
As he looked at that phenomenally buff body, Xander was close to being overwhelmed. His cock, however, had no such problems dealing with the situation: It was rock hard and pressing against the fatigues that Graham had lent him.
Xander stood, hands on his hips inspecting Graham.. Almost giddy, fighting that feeling. Very turned on, not fighting that feeling, looking at this guy. This guy who'd just asked him to take charge, to decide what they would do and how they would do it… Graham had said, "Look, Xand, here's the key, It's about doing what *you* want. That's all there is to it."
"So," Xander began, slowly walking around Graham, looking at him from every angle. "What do you think I ought to do with you, soldier?"
"Whatever you want, sir" It wasn't a whimper, Graham said it in an even clear voice. Close to a challenge.
"Think I oughta fuck you, soldier?"
There was only one answer Graham could give. "Whatever you say, sir."
OK, Xander had one thing figured out, conversation was not going to be an important part of the next little while.
"I think I need to see some pushups, soldier"
"Sir, yes, sir!" Graham bent down, leaned forward, put his hands on the floor and straightened his legs behind him. Once in position, he began counting "1 sir, 2 sir, 3 sir, 4 sir". Xander was dead impressed. Graham counted them off in perfect form, head help up, eyes facing front, every muscle in his arms and shoulders and back working. Each push-up perfectly precise and by the book. Xander was close to mesmerized by the sight of the muscles working hard just under the skin.
"Sir, 56 sir, 57 sir, 58 sir…"
Graham was determined to keep going. He knew he could count off more than a hundred pretty easily. He was pretty sure he could do 150 without breaking form. He concentrated on doing'em right for Xander. He was a little surprised that Xander was pushing him this hard right off the bat. That was OK. More than OK, in fact…
Xander suddenly realized that Graham was gonna keep going until told to stop.
"Attention!"
Graham bolted to his feet, and stood at attention. Eyes front, not moving. Chest and arms pumped up mightily. Xander reached over and ran his palms across his chest.
"Not bad, soldier"
"Thank you, sir" Graham barked it out. Eyes front. That body perfectly motionless.
"You got a nice body there, soldier."
"Thank you, sir."
Xander leaned in and licked one tit and then slowly let his tongue drift over to the other.
"A very nice body, soldier"
He massaged Graham's arms as his tongue made its way around Graham's chest and then down to his stomach. Grahams abdominals were tensed. Xander had heard the jock guys at school talking about their 'six pack' abs. Xander was pretty sure that this guy had an eight-pack. He licked and kissed every square inch of that tanned rock hard stomach. There was this definite thrill that this guy had pretty much given Xander this nicely shaped present to play with.
Graham was using all of his strength not to move. To maintain position. But he was reacting to Xander's ministrations. His heart was beating faster. He had to swallow a couple of times. He glanced down once or twice, hoping that Xander didn't pick the same moment to look up, and catch him. There was something … powerful … about being the absolute centre of the action. To have all of the guy's attention. Plus, there was the pure physical sensation of the guy's tongue on him. Feeling it gently carressing every square inch of his body. Graham gulped as Xander licked his navel. He had to clench his jaw. He wanted to grab his cock and start jerking off then and there. But he wasn't gonna do that, he knew he'd hold out.
Xander moved down a bit farther, and just ran his tongue around the cockhead, teasingly. Graham let out a long low moan.
Xander slowly stood back up, hands caressing Graham's sides. Dude was ribs and muscle. He moved his hands slowly to Graham's shoulders. Graham was breathing hard. He swallowed hard. His eyes glanced to Xander's face, and then went back to at attention.
Xander gave the slightest push on Graham's shoulders, and the man went to his knees. Xander's cock was right in front of his face.
"Sir!" Graham's voice almost cracked. He recovered.
"What is it, soldier?"
"Permission to suck cock, sir" Graham said it in a calm even voice.
"Think you deserve to suck it, soldier?"
"No sir."
Xander gulped. He hadn’t expected that response at all. He reached down and ran his hands through Graham's hair. He wanted to take the guy in his arms, and tell him there was nothing in the world he didn't deserve. Time for that later. But Xander was gonna be careful about what he asked from now on.
Xander, put his hand behind Graham's neck, he bent over and kissed him. Graham let him invade his mouth with his tongue. And then Graham sucked his tongue. Xander unzipped the fatigue pants, and pulled out his cock, which was rock hard. He stood up. He brushed Graham's face with it, teasing. Graham looked up at him. His eyes begged.
"I just might let you suck it anyway, soldier."
"Thank you, sir."
"Go on, suck it, soldier"
"Thank you, sir."
Graham attacked it hungrily, swallowing it all the way, twisting his head on it, pulling back slowly, using his lips, taunting it with his tongue. Xander took hold of the back of his head with one hand, the other holding onto that massive shoulder. Graham pushed his head against Xander's hand. Xander pushed back. Pushing Graham's head onto his dick. Graham moaned deeply, and began to hold onto Xander's thighs as he let him push his head onto his cock, faster and faster.
Xander had to admit that Graham knew what he was doing. This was really hot. He could feel the guy was into it in a way that he hadn't been earlier. There was almost a violence to the way he went after the cock. Graham's hands were on his ass, pulling Xander into him, kneading his butt muscles. And Xander knew he was gonna lose it really soon if he let Graham continue. And he knew what Graham wanted, what he asked for. Xander was determined to give it to him.
Xander pulled his head away. His heart was racing. Graham looked up at him with those eyes. Xander held his head by the hair.
Graham was panting. He looked up at Xander. He could have had the mental orgasm of his life, seeing him standing above him in fatigue pants and olive drab T-shirt. That image that he had fantasized about since that night at the Lowell house party. To have this guy put him in his place, to use him, hard if possible. However the fuck he wanted. There was only one thing Graham knew for sure at that moment: He wanted Xander.
"Time to get fucked, soldier"
"Yessir!"
Graham spun around and got on his hands and knees, ass towards Xander. He spread his legs. He looked over his shoulder and stared at Xander. Xander pulled the T-shirt off, and stepped out of the pants. Xander saw the way Graham was looking at him. He knew Graham really wanted it. It both amazed him and turned him on.
"Fuck me, sir."
Xander got the lube from the table. He squirted some onto his cock and applied it. He didn’t want to hurt the guy, so he applied a bit more. He positioned himself behind Graham, on one knee, and guided his cock towards Graham's ass.
OK, he'd sort of done this with Anya before. But this felt totally different. There was this feeling of power with another guy. OK, especially with this guy.
He pushed it in slowly, Graham sighing and relaxing and arching his back for more.
Xander took hold of Graham's waist and started to thrust, slowly getting used to the feel of it. It felt damned good. He held Graham's sides. They felt damned good, too. Graham was slowly rocking himself onto Xander, pushing against Xander as Xander pushed into him. Xander took hold of his waist, and just let go, as Graham put his head down almost to the floor.
"Yeah!" he moaned softly, almost desperately.
The anxiety that had been floating around the back of Xander's mind got overwhelmed by the pure sensuality of fucking this guy. Feeling his body react to his thrusts, feeling Graham push himself into those thrusts.
Xander was lost in it. He leaned forward to feel more of Graham's body, caressing the shoulders, then almost on top of him, then reaching around to caress his chest. Xander's chest almost against Graham's back, his pelvis pistoning. Graham was moaning rythmically in time with Xander's thrusts.
Xander moved his hand down and found Graham's cock, straining, hard. Xander, still fucking the commando guy, began to carress the cock, by necessity it was a pretty rough carress. But it turned Xander on to feel Graham that excited, and to know that he was excited because Xander was fucking him. Graham started to moan and buck, arching his back, as Xander felt Graham's hot come all over his hand.
Every muscle in Graham's body tensed as he came, Xander closed his eyes as his cock got squeezed tight. He massaged Graham's quivvering body, Graham collapsed to the floor, cheek against the carpet, panting hard. As he felt Graham relax, Xander let go, and shot deep inside Graham, and then collapsed atop Graham.
They lay there, content to feel each other's slick bodies against each other.
Finally, Xander knelt back up. Graham rolled over, easily, gracefully. He looked up at Xander and grinned as he palmed Xander's chest.
"Awesome!"
"Yeah?"
"You gotta know you're a fucking stud!"
Xander caressed Graham's arms. "Uh, that was my first time doing that to a guy."
Graham looked at him a bit surprised. "I thought you said you'd been with a guy before?"
"Yeah, but this is the first time I ... did this"
"If you're doing it, you can say it." Graham kidded him. "First time you fucked a guy."
Xander grinned, leaned down and kissed him gently, "I was gonna say, first time I made love to a guy."
Graham looked at him, unbelieving, and then unbelievably touched. He carressed Xander's cheek. "Anything you want, man, you can do anything you want to me."
"Would you be pissed off if what I wanted to do was crash?"
"With me?"
"Hell, yes, with you."
"Then, not at all, fuck, not pissed off at all." The two guys stood up, Graham getting up more quickly and pulling Xander up, and into his arms. With a grin, he picked Xander up in his arms, and carried him to the bed, and put him down. He just stood over him for a moment, looking at him lying there.
"I always wanted to do that."
Xander grinned "Glad I was here for you." Xander had to admit that being carried like that felt…nice.
Xander patted the bed beside him. Graham crawled in. They lay on their sides, facing each other, beginning to kiss. At first tentatively, then surely, and then fiercely, driving their tongues down each others' throats. They started to caress each other's bodies, and Graham moved so he was half atop Xander, still kissing him, holding the back of his head, as Xander massaged Graham's rock hard torso. Xander pushed against Graham a bit and Graham rolled over on his back, rolling Xander on top of him. They continued to kiss, their bodies rubbing against each other, their cocks between their bellies.
Graham broke the kiss. He looked into Xander's eyes, grinning, "You sure you still wanna to go to sleep?"
"Hey, No fair! you did that on purpose!"
"Maybe, but I'll make it up to you." And Graham sat up, and playfully pushed Xander onto his back, and on hands and knees, taking Xander's cock in his mouth and began to suck him. Intensely. Trying to get his tongue to memorize it's feel, remembering and doing everything that Xander had liked before, and hearing by his groans that he'd remembered right.
Graham stopped. He held the cock tightly around the base and stared at it. He licked the head slowly, teasingly, with an evil grin.
Then Graham sat up, and pressed their bodies together. He took both of their cocks in his hand and gently played with both. "Wanna fuck me again, Xand?"
Xander reached up and ran his fingers across the guy's chest. "No games this time, OK?"
"OK, but I gotta tell ya, it was hot, you were hot" Graham grinned.
Xander gave him a smile in return, "Pretty hot at this end, too." Xander sat up using Graham's shoulders to pull himself up to kneeling.
Graham started to get on his hands and knees. Xander stopped him, hand on his thigh. "I wanna see you."
Graham grinned eagerly, rolled on his back, and lifted his legs. Xander positioned himself. He reached for the lube on the table beside the bed.
Graham smiled, "Let me." And he took the bottle and lubed up Xanders' cock, then put the bottle down and lay back. Xander leaned over him , easing his cock in. Graham moaned softly as he ran his hand over his shoulders, then his cheek.
"Xander?"
"Yeah?"
"You're not gonna hurt me, you know. If you go hard."
"You'll let me know?" Xander massaged his shoulders gently.
"Absolutely."
Xander looked down at Graham. He caressed those arms, his arms. A barely audible whisper, "You're incredible."
Graham's only response is a slight curling of the lips, almost a smile, and a look of intense desire in his eyes.
Xander smiled and leaned down and kissed Graham again. Xander began to punp slowly, breaking the kiss as he built up rhythm and speed. Graham was caressing his chest and sides, until he took hold of his own legs and pulled them back, forcing his butt up more, so Xander was practically on top of him, thrusting almost straight down into Graham. Graham was panting, starting to hyperventilate, looking straight into Xander's eyes, his eyes begging for all Xander could throw at him. Graham got it.
And more. Until Xander couldn't last any longer. Graham saw what was coming and grabbed Xander's ass and pulled him into him, making Xander come deep inside him. Xander collapsed atop him, panting hard, heart racing. Graham opened his legs and straightened out on the bed, and put an arm across the back of the guy lying on his chest. Xander could feel the hard-on beneath him. Once he had recovered his breath, he kissed the panting Graham briefly, and then urgently but slowly made his way down Graham's body, marvelling all over again at the feel of his muscle, the feel of his skin, pausing to lick at all the interesting points.
And then Xander licked Graham's cock. Graham moaned sharply. His back arched, his muscles tensed. Xander took it in his mouth, and tried his best to give Graham the kind of blow job that Graham had given him, hands on his chest, feeling his reaction, his right hand feeling his heart racing. Maybe he wasn't as expert at this as Graham, but by heartbeat he was feeling, the guy appreciated it no less.
"Xand! Xand!, I'm gonna come, man!"
Xander didn't back off, he took it down his throat, continuing to suck even as Graham's cock began to shrink. Then as Graham's muscles tensed and relaxed, Xander licked his way back up the stomach to the chest and finally back to Graham's face.
Graham looked at him. And put both arms around him, and hugged him tightly to him. Almost desperately, never wanting to let him go, like if he did, even for a second, he might leave and never return.
They were both lost in the silence of the moment, listening to each other's hearts beating.
Xander is suddenly anxious all over again. He wants this guy to know he wants him but…
"Graham?"
"Yeah?" softly.
"I'm not sure I can..." Xander hesitates. Maybe this isn't fair.
"What?" Softly, hiding the panic.. He can't what? Go on? Stay here? Do this again?
"Take it like that."
Relief. fuck! Thank the gods! Relief. Jesus, like he'd ever… "Huh? No worries, Xander, I'd never …"
Xander cut him off. He raised his head to look at his face. His voice, soft, a whisper, an undercurrent of .. what.. fear? "When you do it to me, go easy, ok?"
A surprised Graham looked into Xander's eyes, "You'd let me…?"
Xander chuckled and gave Graham a playful punch to the shoulder. "Like I could stop you."
Graham looked at Xander, faces inches apart. He swallowed hard, "With one word, you could stop me."
"I mean, if you don't…"
"I do, I mean, I *do*…if you.. " Graham looked at him, suddenly catching on, "You've never …?"
Xander shook his head.
"And you'd want me to…"
"Well, yeah." Xander replied as though he'd thought it obvious.
Graham ran his fingers though Xander's hair.
"You're quite the man, Xander Harris." And Graham gently hugged him
Xander snuggled half atop the commando guy, content, for the moment, to be hugged.
*****
Part 10: Xander Wakes Up
So, you wake up and before you open your eyes, you know how you're kinda vaguely aware of what's around you, even though you don't always know where you are when you wake up, cause you’re used to waking up in your own bed, and it's like, that's the place you're supposed to wake up in, so when you wake up somewhere else, it's like this whole disorientation thing.
So, you wake up and what you sense is that there is this big source of heat lying next to you, along side you, pressing against you, making parts of your body much warmer than the other parts, and you take a minute to think -- except that you don't exactly thinkk, cause you just woke up and your brain isn't really working right, but it's like you get these impressions of what's going on. And the first impression that you get is one of total safety, that this is a really safe place to be, and that feels really good, and you're kind of glad that you woke up there, because it's really nice being in a place where you feel safe, because then you're not, like, afraid of things, because it's safe and you feel safe, and a lot of that safe feeling has to do with that source of heat that's lying next to you, and along side of you, and pressing up next to you, and you realize that you have your arm draped over this source of heat, and even though it's summer, and so it's not cold, so you wouldn’t go looking for a source of heat, it still feels really good to have this source of heat under your arm, and lying next to you and along side of you and pressing against you.
So, you wake up, and what you hear is the sound of someone breathing, and you know it's not your own breathing, because even though you know that you make sounds when you breathe, you don't hear them because it's your own breathing, or maybe you do hear them, 'cause you've got ears and you're not deaf or anything and so it must be that you hear your own breathing but you just don't pay any attention to your own breathing, but when it's somebody else's breathing, you pay attention, especially when it's really close to you, and there aren't that many other sounds, because it's really early in the morning, and not a lot of people are awake yet, even though you are, even if you really haven't opened your eyes or looked around or anything, and so you listen to the breathing and it's soft and it's regular and it's low and it's one of the nicest sounds you've ever heard, because it's steady and it's strong and it's not too loud, and you lie there and listen to it without opening your eyes or anything and move, you sort of move a little, maybe not even an inch, so your head is closer to that sound, that breathing, and as you do, your head gets closer to that source of heat, and so you kind of realize that the source of heat and the breathing are coming from the same place. And you listen to it and you're really just sort of happy in a content-to-just-be there sort of way, because the breathing just continues and you know its going to keep continuing in the same kind of steady and strong and not-too-loud kind of way.
So, you wake up, and what you become aware of is that this place smells different from where you usually wake up, and it's not a bad thing that it is different, it's just different, and as you smell the scent of the source of heat lying next to you and against you and lying under your arm, you become really aware of how that scent is different than other scents, and somewhere in your brain, you start to tease the scents apart, there's the smell of his deodorant, which is different than yours, and although you've never thought much about how different deodorants smell different, you know that for as long as you live the smell of that deodorant is going to make you think of him, and there's the smell of, well, sex, and there's your smell, which you smell even though it's yours, because, well, you don't smell it all the time, just some of the time, and usually it's when you're at home and all alone, and it's somehow different when it's mixed with the smell of his, which smells more or less the same, but there's like this slight bit of difference, that makes you think that you could pick out his from yours on the sheets, even though, ok, that's more than just a little bit gross. And there's also the smell of his sweat on the sheets, because, ok, it's summer and it was hot last night, but mainly because he was sweating a lot last night before you both collapsed into each other and onto each other, and on top of each other, and you can still smell some of that strong smell as you press your nose just a little closer to that body that's lying next to you and pressing against you and you take in a quiet slow deep breath through your nose and just savor the scent.
So, you wake up and you move a little, and you slowly become aware of where your various arms and legs are, because, ok, it's weird how you usually know where your arms and legs are even when you can't see them or touch them with your hands or anything, you're just kind of aware of where they are, except when they fall asleep on you, and then they can trick you into thinking that they're somewhere else, but when you first wake up, it can take you a minute to figure out where they are, and you move your legs, just a little, and that's enough to let you know where they are without having to look or anything, and the same with your arms, and as you move your arm just a little, the one that's lying across the source of heat and of the breathing with the great smell next to you, you brush against his skin, and you remember that feel of that skin, how it feels different than your own skin, how it seems tighter on his body than yours is on yours, how the hard spongy feel of his muscles seems to be right under the surface of the skin, like the skin has been stretched taut over them.
And as you slowly move arms and legs, just a little, you also become aware that some of your own muscles are sore, and some are sorer than others, and you start to remember some of the things that you did last night as you feel the soreness in fairly odd places, but then you did put your body in some fairly odd positions, but when you did that it felt like it was the absolutely right thing to do, and as you remember a couple of those positions you smile at yourself, a little embarrassed and a lot impressed that you actually did them, because you did a whole lot of things last night that you had never done before, and that you had never known that you even wanted to do them, except that at another level as soon as the invitation came, as soon as the opportunity came, you knew that it was right, absolutely right, more right than anything you've ever done before, and your body took over, and you gave into it, grinding and riding and stretching and reaching far over to touch his face as he looks up at you with that look of longing in his eyes, as you grind as deeply into him as you can, and you feel his hands exploring caressing your body, and holding on to your body, and gripping you tightly, and you are seeing him as excited about what you're doing to him as you are, and a part of your brain is telling you that he can't possibly be, because you can’t believe that anything could be as exciting as what you are doing, but you look in his eyes and you see it in his eyes, and you know that this is doing as much to him as it is to you, and that only makes what you are doing all the more exciting, even though you wouldn’t have believed that it could be more exciting that what you felt before you looked into his eyes, but you did look, and it is.
So, you wake up and you open your eyes and you look down your own arm, following it down to where it's lying across his chest, slowly rising as falling as he lies there breathing and giving off heat and smelling great, and you can't help but smile as you look at him, and at his body, 'cause you remember touching every square inch of that body, you remember tasting every square inch, you remember how it felt, how it tasted, and now you see it in the morning light, and you can combine the memories of how it felt and how it tasted with how it looks, and you move your hand gently against his chest, just barely move it so you can combine the sensation of that touch with the sight of the that body. And you're glad that your brain isn't awake enough to tell you that this has got to be a fluke, that this guy can't possibly really be interested in you, except that he made it absolutely perfectly clear in word and deed last night that he is, and here you are touching that body as he sleeps. And you don’t want to move your arm too much, because you might accidentally wake him, even though you know that once he wakes up there will be his voice, and the way he moves, so effortless and easy, and that smile…
So, you wake up and raise you head slightly, maybe an inch or an inch and a half, because you want to look at him, because you've got to see his face, you need to see his face, and you just watch his face as he lies there sleeping, and you just look at that face, impressed by how relaxed and untense and peaceful it is, and how there is nothing of the tightness of the jaw that he wears in the day, and you look at how relaxed his jaw is, and how his jawline kind of leads to his ear and you really want to touch the ear even though you really don’t know why the ear as opposed to the rest of him, which you really wouldn't mind touching either, and you know that it's just because you're looking at the ear, and you're kinda aware that you're pretty much awake and that you have this kind of silly smile on your face, and you can't remember ever having woken up feeling like this before, and you don't want to move and you don't want to breathe and you don't want to make a sound, because you don't want anything to happen that might change the way you're feeling right now, because you want to feel this way forever.
Parts 11,12
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