Title: The Key of the dragon witch
Author: kirasmommy (BB)
Pairing: Xander/Spike
Rating: NC-17
Content: Powers, comedy, some angst, bloody sex
Summary: The Dragon challenge and the witch challenge. Spike is the lock/key over the Hellmouth and Xander must guard him after Willow interferes with a spell.
Disclaimer: I don't own them, I don't make money off this. They are owned (with the exception of Willard) by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy Inc. in association with Kuzui Enterprises, Inc./Sandollar Television, Inc., Twentieth Century Fox Television & Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation. (HA! Didn't think I knew who owned them didja?)
Distribution: Nummytreats Archive, KB's, anywhere else I send this, ask and ye shall receive.
Feedback: is this a trick question?
Spoilers: Uh...don't think, so general series type stuff.
Notes: Thanks to everyone that has offered suggestions, made comments, or pointed out something I missed. {HUG}. Also because I wasn't familiar with the product Mr. Sheen in this fic it is Conditioner...just go with it.

The Key of the dragon witch
by kirasmommy

Xander watched the dust motes swirl and glide in the sunbeam in front of him. He picked one speck of dust and watched it zip and zag as unseen gusts swept it along. He watched it as it seemed to be suddenly caught in some sort of mini hurricane. His complete concentration focused on that one small speck of dust. Then suddenly it flew out of the sunbeam and went straight up Giles nose.

"AHCOOO" Giles looked up under askew glasses. "Oh please excuse me!"

"Bless you!" Xander told him trying not to giggle to himself.
Finally after he had his small entertainment he focused back on the book in front of him. Research party...an oxymoron if he had ever heard one. A lot of people would have been surprised he even knew what an oxymoron was. He wondered if Buffy knew what an oxymoron was. Maybe she thought it was a moron that was using oxy pads. He bit his lip trying not to laugh. (Focus!) He told himself. (The main characteristics of the Gotaplant demon was...damn this is boring...)

He flipped the pages (Fifteen pages just to discuss a demon that will urinate on you if you scare it? Why? Can't they just say...scare it and it will piss on you and itself? They need fifteen pages just to say this? Who freaking wrote this book? And why don't they ever just have the author's name on the front like normal books? Is this to keep people like me from hunting them down and beating the crap out of them because they took fifteen pages to say 'the demon wets itself when frightened'?)

He resisted the urge to throw the book at the wall. Instead he marked the pages and handed them to the watcher who seemed to be attracting dust this afternoon. "Here...Buffy better wear a rain coat when she goes after them."

In the far corner he watched as dust left and traveled to where Giles sat. He grinned. (Simple pleasures. It is all I ask for life's simple pleasures.)

As Giles sneezed again Xander relaxed and leaned back. He frowned though as Giles handed him another book. "Look up any possible correlation between the Gotaplants and the Extaplanta and their living space."

He chewed his lip in frustration as he noticed there was no more dust on his side of the room. He looked around the room looking for more dust. (You would think with all these ancient tomes of knowledge that there would be MORE dust to play with)

He looked at Willow and Tara sitting with their heads bowed together. They looked extremely excited and were writing something down. (Uh oh this can't be good.)

As he watched he saw them consult a little dictionary several times as Willow jotted down notes. (Now I know this can't be good.)

Willow looked up and glanced at Giles to make sure that he wasn't watching them. When she saw Xander she gave him a small wave and an embarrassed grin. (Oh yeah I'm really going to believe that you aren't up to something Wills. 'Nope I'm miss innocent witch...very rarely naughty...' except when you think you are helping.) He sighed as they quickly slipped the book back under a bigger pile of books.

(Should I get involved? Do I really want to get involved? Do I even want to know?) He shook his head to himself. (Nope none of the above.)

He clicked his tongue to himself as he spied some more dust up on the higher shelves. He smiled to himself as they made their way to the ex-watcher that was trying desperately to wipe his glasses off. "Awfully dusty in here...Xander would you be so kind as to open a window."

"Sure thing G...uh Giles." He grinned. (Cool! Pollen, dirt and MORE dust to play with. Awww life...it can be good if you let it.)

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

Later that night...

Xander chewed on his lip. (What if they get hurt?)

He sighed. (Guilt. Destroyer of good times, Slayer of sleep.)

He looked over at the blond vampire that was engrossed in the television. He rolled his eyes. Every single time he thought he had the place to himself...guess who showed back up. (He's like a damn stray cat you make the mistake of feeding ONE time. They think they belong after that.)

Apparently Spike and Harmony had a difference of opinion. The opinion being that Spike had rights. He thought he had them and she knew better. So he had stormed out only to have the crypt barred and latched when he came back. Plus the aroma in the air told him that he was once again without material property as Harmony warmed her backside by the fire engulfing his favorite CDs, clothes, books and anything else she managed to find.

He could totally understand the male vampire's side of things. Anya and he had been having the same difference of opinion more and more often recently.

He tried to close his eyes but all he could picture was different scenarios all with Willow and/or Tara either dying or being terribly hurt. (OH all right! Stupid brain! Always making life more difficult by thinking. I'll go check on them.)

He dialed the number that was so familiar to him that he had to barely think to dial it. He groaned to himself, as there was no answer. (Not home.)

He tried a few other numbers first. A couple there were no answer the rest the ones answering told him that they hadn't seen them.

Finally he stood up and picked up his coat as he muttered to himself. "life never simple, can't leave well enough alone, always have to do spells, never where you can watch them, can't stay out of trouble..."

Spike looked up at him with a quizzical look on his face. "Can't find the witches eh?"

"Never mind. Just don't touch my stuff while I'm gone."

He waved in a dismissive manner at the departing man. He counted to thirty then he stood up. "Right then. Let's have some fun."

He slipped out the door quietly following the young man.

Xander walked briskly in the cool air. "oughta just go back and go to sleep." He continued to mutter to himself.

Xander paused in the park and looked up at the stars. He took a deep breath and pulled a ball out of his pocket.

(Hold on? What's this?) Spike asked himself as he ducked behind a tree.

Xander held the ball up and Spike could see clearer. (A...crystal? A crystal ball? What's he...?)

Xander rolled the ball around his hand slowly then picking up speed finally it seemed to glide over his fingertips and over the back of his hand then back up and over to his palm. Faster and faster it went from his palm over his fingers to the back of his hands. Spike watched almost hypnotized by the graceful movement when suddenly it stopped and began to glow. "Show me Willow."

Xander peered deep inside the crystal before he groaned and gave a pained look. "Oh Willow what are you up to now?"

Xander slipped the crystal ball back into his pocket and took off in a new direction.

Spike stepped out from behind the tree slowly. (Where did he learn magic?)

After a few seconds he made up his mind and took off following the boy that was becoming more and more interesting.

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

Xander closed his eyes briefly as he stood in front of the burnt out school. (Only in the Hellmouth would this thing still be standing. Any other city in the United States would have leveled this place and turned it into a parking lot)

He took a deep breath and entered the school. Home to the majority of every embarrassing moment of his life. A minute later Spike followed him through the door.

Xander walked quietly through the halls of what was once his high school. He stepped over fallen beams and ducked under overhanging pieces of ceiling. Occasionally the sound of glass would crunch under his feet as he neared the old library.

Every few minutes he would stop and listen and Spike would duck into another hall. Finally he went through the doorway of his destination.

Spike peeked around the corner as Xander came up behind Willow.

Willow and Tara sat across from each other each holding a candle and chanting. Tara faltered as she saw Xander. Willow turned around to see what Tara was staring at. "Xander?"

"Willow, Giles told you about doing spells without him knowing about it." Xander reached for the piece of paper in front of her. "Willow you don't even know Chinese!"

"Xander you don't understand! I-it is a magic thing. I know what I'm doing!" Willow turned resolutely back to Tara and began to chant again.

Xander looked over the words and gasped. "No stop!"

Willow ignored him while Tara started to shake. "Keep going." Willow told her quietly.

Spike came all the way into the room as Xander started to try and grab one of the candles "You don't know what you are doing!"

Willow glared but kept chanting. Under their feet the entrance to hell began to glow. Spike decided now would be the time to start to worry. He grabbed at Willow's candle as Xander grabbed at Tara's. "You stupid bint! Don't open the Hellmouth!"

He managed to pull the candle out of her hand as the mouth to Hell opened under his feet. Xander gasped. Willow gaped as she realized her error too late. Xander glanced at the paper and held the candle he took from the witch tightly in his own hand. Softly at first then stronger he started to speak. The girls couldn't hear the words over the rush of air as it swirled around the mouth of hell. Spike was tossed around by the winds coming out of the portal trying to suck him down inside. Xander concentrated on him and for one brief moment the inane thought, that of comparing Spike to a speck of dust crossed his mind before he turned all of his attention onto the flailing vampire. Xander chanced a look down to remind himself of the words on the piece of paper. He felt the power rise inside himself becoming stronger and stronger. The power that had always been there becoming a complete thing. Becoming huge, consuming his entire being. And just as quickly as it began it was over. The portal was closed under him and Spike fell to the floor with a dull thud. Xander fell to his knees covering his face with both his hands. He stayed there as he tried to control and contain the power that he had freed.

After a few minutes a tentative voice quipped. "Um Xander Mecca is the other way."

Willow came forward slowly. "Xander? Are you okay?"

Spike was still on the floor holding tightly to the candle he still held in his hands. He stared at the young man in front of him silently.

"Xander?" Tara asked.

As Xander looked up the other three people jumped slightly. He brought his hands down and looked at them carefully. The fingers were only slightly longer than normal with tapered ends ending in talons. The skin appeared to be covered with thin opalescent scales that made his hands look as though they glittered in the light of the candle. He touched his face and felt the same, soft but strong and durable. His hair fell to his shoulders but seemed normal.

He looked at the faces of his friends and saw the look of disbelief.

"Somehow I don't think Clearasil will clear this up huh?" He asked.

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

Xander sighed. He looked in the compact mirror again. Cat's eyes of a startling yellow stared back at him.

"I am so sorry." Willow told him again for the hundredth time.

"There is a REASON that Giles has told you not to play with spells before he can look at them." Xander growled.

"How was I supposed to know..." Willow started.

"That's the point Willow you don't know! Look you are a very good witch, with LOTS of potential to become extremely powerful. But spells can be dangerous. And spells in languages you don't even understand..." Xander ran out of steam as he looked over at Spike.

"Spike? Are you okay?" Xander glided up to him.

Spike just looked up at him still sitting on the floor clutching the candle.

"Spike, hey man you are okay right?" Xander moved his hands in front of the vampire's eyes. "Oh great! We broke our vampire! What's Giles going to say?"

"May...maybe he isn't broken." Tara said unsure.

"Maybe we can fix him before Giles finds out." Willow volunteered.

"NO!" Spike shouted. He crawled backwards quickly. "I'm fine not broken. Don't you DARE try to fix me."

He looked up at Xander and regarded him carefully. "How did you know Chinese?"

Xander shrugged helplessly. "Um just uh do. Are you okay?"

As Spike stood up he snapped the candle in half. "What the HELL just happened here? I was almost sucked into bloody hell! Now I feel, I feel," Spike sank back down to the ground and touched it tentatively. "I feel weird."

Xander sighed. "You'll be okay. You're just experiencing the effects of the spell."

"What WAS the spell? I mean...I mean it obviously wasn't...exactly what we thought it was." Tara asked looking at Xander's altered appearance.

Xander growled as he picked up the piece of paper and waved it around. "What I want to know is what DID you think it was?"

Willow looked down. "We thought it would close the Hellmouth permanently."

Xander rolled his eyes. "Well at least you came close to reading it right. Problem though is that because you didn't read it all right you almost released hell on Earth. What if Spike and I hadn't been here? What if there were no 'Lung de chuan ren' in Sunnydale? I almost resisted the impulse to come here."

"What is Lung de...whatever?" Spike asked.

"Lung de chuan ren or descendants of the dragon. We are mortals that are descended from the original great dragons. We only have a trace of the old powers but enough to usually become decent witches or warlocks. The spell you used requires at least one participant to be a descendant." Xander began to pace the room restlessly. "You didn't even have a designate key for the lock over the portal. Nor a designate guardian...which is what the Lung de chuan ren is supposed to act as. Without either all you would have accomplished would be opening up the portal."

"I'm sorry I misread," Willow admitted nervously.

"Yes you DID!" Xander's body vibrated with anger.

Tara glared. "Hey we were only trying to help! What makes you such an expert?"

Xander threw the paper after balling it up. "I know, I know you were only trying to help. But you don't understand what just happened here. We are now bound, Spike and I, to the Hellmouth. More to the point, Spike is the Key to the lock and I'm bound to HIM!"

Willow looked down. "We...we need to tell Giles."

Xander cast his hands up in a gesture of surrender. "Just what I DIDN'T need!"

He reached down to haul Spike up and met resistance. "I don't feel well."

"You'll be fine. You just need to get used to it. You're part of the Hellmouth now." Xander sighed. "On the up side you don't have to worry about Buffy staking you anymore. Because if she does, she opens the portal and that is SO not in anyone's best interest."

Xander bit his lip as he thought about how he was going to get to the watcher's house. Willow got excited. "Oh, OH! Spike take off your coat!"

Later...

Giles looked out the door with bleary eyes. (This had better be good.)

He blinked his eyes rapidly trying to focus them as he put his glasses on. Outside his door Willow and Tara stood looking around from side to side while Spike stood without his coat for once. The dazed look in his eyes took Giles by surprise but what seemed most curious was that someone else was wearing Spike's coat, over his head. He couldn't see who it was but it made him nervous that whoever it was, was hiding from sight.

They knocked on the door again harder and he frowned. He opened it a crack. "Yes?"

"Giles? Come on let us in! Please?" He heard Xander under the duster.

"Xander? Oh of course come in." He was nearly run over as all four of them rushed in.

"Xander why are you under there." Giles asked trying to look under the edge.

"I SO don't want you to freak out." Xander began.

"I won't."

"Promise? I don't need you having a heart attack."

"I assure you I won't." Giles was getting annoyed.

Xander dropped the coat. Giles dropped to the floor.

Spike shrugged, "Well technically passing out isn't freaking out."

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

Giles rubbed at his head. "So what exactly are you now?"

"A Dragon." Xander told him again. "The spell made me full blooded."

By this time the others had arrived. Buffy seemed to be very accepting. "You are kinda pretty that way. All sparkly."

Xander rolled his eyes. "Oh yeah just what I wanted to be, sparkly."

"Oh it could be worse you could be all gross and demon-y like Giles got." Buffy told him reasonably.

"I think I can shift my appearance if I try." Xander told her as he looked in the mirror. "I mean according to my teacher the original old ones could do it. It was how they first started to mingle with human kind."

Giles looked up. "Your teacher? You had a teacher?"

Xander nodded, "Oh I guess, um I never told you about that. I uh have studied for a while. And during my summer trip I didn't just well you know, I also well studied more. He was a Master I guess you could say. A Dragon witch. He told me about our ancestors."

"How long have you studied." Giles asked.

"A few years." Xander shrugged.

"So it wasn't just the half nude engraved drawings?" Willow asked with a half smile.

"Well them too but yeah I was also reading the spells too." Xander was still studying the mirror finally he narrowed his eyes and his face shifted.

"That's so much better." Xander breathed.

He turned to Anya who turned away from him. "Anya please it isn't my fault."

He reached for her and she backed away with hurt in her eyes. "I didn't mean for it to happen."

"You could have let the spell fall flat." She told him bitterly.

"If I did that hell would be on Earth right now." He tried to convince her.

Buffy looked confused as she looked from him to her. "What's wrong? I mean sure he's all shiny and sparkly but surely that isn't a biggie? I mean you used to be that whole demon-y thing."

Xander looked down sadly. "That isn't the problem Buff."

Anya's eyes shimmered with tears. "Buffy didn't you hear? He's bonded with the Key to the Hellmouth!"

"Okay perhaps if you explained in smaller words?" Buffy asked still not getting what they were trying to tell her.

Giles moaned as he himself finally realized the implication. "Buffy I'm afraid that what Anya and Xander are upset about is that this spell..."

He took a deep breath not knowing how to tell her.

Xander turned to Buffy. "Buffy, the simplest way to think about what this spell did is to look at it in terms of marriage. I'm now MARRIED to SPIKE!"

Buffy looked at him in shock for a few seconds. "I take it an annulment is out of the question?"

"Pretty much Buffy. And no chance of Divorce either." Xander turned back to Anya. "Please understand, I didn't want this."

Buffy made a face, "Ugh and you can't even have the ever useful till death do you part clause."

"Buffy you aren't helping you know." Xander told her bluntly.

"Oops sorry." Buffy covered her mouth.

"Think how I feel? It was bad enough when I almost married you!" Spike sneered before turning to Willow. "You were bound and determined to marry me off to someone huh?"

Willow gave him a halfhearted shrug. "Sorry."

"Spike shut up!" Xander bristled.

Spike growled and stalked toward the door. "Like I want to be here."

"Get your ass back here!" Xander slipped back into the dragon's visage.

"Sod off."

The door slammed behind him.

Xander turned back to Anya to discover that she had gone and a second later he heard the back door slam.

Willow bit her lip; "Maybe you should try a marriage counselor?"

Xander threw himself on the couch with a sigh, "Well that went well."

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

Spike stood with his hands up in surrender. "Harm come on, babe?"

"Don't come on babe me!" Harmony played with the string on the crossbow, the one with the slippy string.

"Hey! Watch where you point that thing!" Spike called out trying to put the concrete coffin between him and her.

"I can't BELIEVE you! We have ONE little disagreement and you run off and marry the first LOSER you run into?" Harmony growled.

"It was NOT my idea!" Spike shifted into gameface. "I had no say in the matter!"

Harmony was not listening. "What's he got that I haven't got? I mean besides the whole penis thing, which I don't really get, but damn I could have bought a strap on! You didn't have to marry him!"

Spike looked at her in disbelief, which was one that his demon face had never had to deal much with. "What? Are you nuts? Am I a crazy person magnet?"

While she had talked she had let the crossbow lower but now she brought it back up. "I am NOT nuts! You are! Xander? Xander Harris? He's a total freak!"

They circled around one another. Spike looked around desperately trying to find something to help his situation.

"Spike, I'm sorry but, I'm going to have to dust you. It's for your own good. You aren't cut out for marriage." Harmony told him with a little regret.

"Back off or the Mr. Sheen gets it!" Spike looked at the bottle in his hands. (Oh I have sunk so low.)

"NO!" Harmony cried out.

"YES! Now back up nice and slow. Or I pour the bottle out on the floor." He backed his way to the exit. "I'll set the bottle down outside the door. Lower the crossbow and let me pass Harm."

Her lip quivered as she lowered it. "Don't, don't do anything rash."

He nodded, as he got out the door he slammed it shut. "My night just keeps getting weirder!"

He looked at the bottle of conditioner. Then poured it out. (What did she expect? I'm evil!)

He shrugged and tossed the bottle down. (Oooo look at the evil vampire litter.)

He turned around to leave when he noticed a demon standing nearby pounding one hand into the palm of another. He pounded his head up against a memorial. (Okay I have seriously pissed off some higher deity somewhere.)

Out loud he called out as he put up his fists. "Okay mate, You want to fight, we'll fight."

A few seconds later he counted the circling crosses around his head. (Why do they ALWAYS go for the nose?)

Elsewhere...

"Ow!" Xander grabbed his nose. "Mother f...!"

"Are you okay?" Buffy looked down at him concerned.

"NO! My nose feels like..." Xander looked up suddenly then made a face. "The jerk is in a fight. Damn it! I so didn't need this."

He stood up and stretched. "I'll be back. I need to go get...the wife."

Giles tried not to smile. "Um I don't think Spike would like being called that."

Xander grinned. "I know."

The grin faded as he bent over with a grunt. "What the hell is he doing? Throwing the fight?"

Back at the fight...

"Hey can we talk about this..." He ducked the piece of headstone that flew toward his head. "I guess not."

He landed some blows and kicks. "Look I don't even really know you. What I do to you?"

As he flew backward against a mausoleum he sighed. "Well fine then we will just go for general mayhem and leave it at that."

He licked at his lip. (Mmmm tangy.)

He rained blows on the demon's head. "I am NOT having a good night!"

"And you think I am?" Xander called out as he tackled the demon around the knees.

"What the bloody hell are you doing here?" Spike growled.

Xander gave him a dirty look. "Did you forget that whole, Guardian of the Key thing? Hello? Tune in to planet Earth for five minutes."

"Go home!" Spike growled punching the demon in the face throwing him backwards.

"I can't! Because my little wifey decided to get in a fight and get his nose broke! Which means MY nose is now broke!" Xander yelled as he hit the demon over the head with a fallen branch.

"Wifey? WIFEY? I am NOT your Wifey!" Spike growled grabbing the demon's arm and twisting it around.

"Well I ain't the wife! I'm the protector so I get to be the husband!" Xander thought he sounded very reasonable as he punched the demon in what would be the kidneys on a human.

"Oh that is so politically correct." Spike said sarcastically. "So whoever Buffy marries will be the wife and she will be the husband."

"Hey I don't claim to know anything about Buffy's sex life." Xander said with a leer. "After all Willow managed to surprise me."

Spike thought about that for a second as Xander banged the demon's head against a headstone repeatedly. (Oh Bad thoughts Spike, We so don't want to imagine the Slayer and the two witches doing it. Okay yes we do but now is not the time. Put the image away for later.)

The demon started trying to crawl away. "I am STILL not your wife!" Spike dragged the demon back by one foot as he twisted it.

"Whatever! It isn't the point. The point is you can't go around getting into fights anymore!" Xander growled pummeling the demon.

"What now I can't even have a spot of violence? What's next barefoot and pregnant?" Spike roared jumping up and down on the demon's back.

"You can't do anything that is going to risk getting you killed." Xander roared back slipping unconsciously back into dragon visage.

Spike in gameface faced off against Xander. He bared his fangs while Xander curled his lips back to revel a mouthful of needle sharp teeth with fangs of his own. Spike's teeth were made for puncturing but Xander's was made for tearing. They growled at each other.

The demon pulled himself along the ground away from them. As he neared the trees a fellow demon pulled him up and helped him limp away. "What was that about?"

"Marital spat." The beaten demon panted.

The other demon nodded in sympathy. "Oh never get in the middle of a couple's fight."

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

Xander kicked Giles' door open with his foot. Over his shoulder he held a struggling vampire. "Put me down you git!"

"Nope." Xander slammed the door shut behind him.

"Xander I know it is traditional to carry someone over the threshold but I don't think they meant in a fireman's carry." Buffy smiled.

"Not helping." Xander told her as he walked by her.

"Tell him to put me down!" Spike demanded still trying to kick out of Xander's grasp.

"Hey he's your husband. You tell him." Buffy told him.

Spike glared at her.

Xander turned around and glared too, "You know you are enjoying this way too much."

"I know, I tried not to but it didn't work out for me so I decided to go with it." Buffy admitted.

Willow rolled her eyes. "I should never have taken her to those websites. I had no idea that slash would become her kink."

Buffy grinned and winked.

"What's slash?" Spike asked.

"Never mind you're mad enough at me." Willow told him.

Willow bowed her head and continued to look through the book she was holding.

Giles came into the room with another stack of books. "We've uh been doing research since you left Xander. I must say that even though we haven't found a way out of your...uh predicament yet, we have found a wealth of information."

He opened one of the books up. "The Great Dragons, benefactors of the ancient world. They were creatures of great power. They had three known forms." He turned the book around to an illustration. "One the creature we most associate with the term dragon. The second one that you arrived in and the third that of the average human. The first form is their true form apparently."

Giles was literally excited as he thumbed through the book. "They were the first demon hunters. They were attracted to demons. And it was pure instinct to seek them out, they could even draw the demons to themselves. That may explain why you always seemed like a demon magnet. You weren't really attracting them so much as something inside of you was seeking them out and bringing them to you."

Xander threw Spike onto the couch. "What did they do to the demons once they caught them?"

"They uh...well um...they ate them." Giles told him trying not to look at him directly.

"BLOODY HELL! He is going to eat me?" Spike jumped up.

"No! NO! He can't!" Giles told the agitated vampire trying to placate him. "It would defeat the entire guarding you aspect of the spell. Though I imagine that it might explain his...irritation that he exhibits around most demons, including you and Angel."

"So he WANTS to eat me then." Spike clarified looking at Xander in horror.

"Who was the one that referred to humans as Happy meals with legs?" Buffy asked. "It seems only fair to me that something wants to eat vamps too. You know the whole food chain thing?"

"I'm SUPPOSED to be on top of the food chain!" Spike argued with her.

"Well you aren't. You're just...just...I guess an Extra Value meal with legs!" Buffy told him.

"I don't like this." Spike told them quietly.

"Are you? Are you pouting?" Buffy asked trying to look closer.

"I am NOT pouting! I just...don't like this." Spike told her crossing his arms.

Xander rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Anyway what else did the books say?"

"When humans took over the world the dragons didn't just disappear. They started to as you said earlier mingle with the humans. In fact many took humans as their consorts. It diluted the blood down through the centuries. But many of the greatest sorcerers through history are suspected of being of the 'Lung de chuan ren'. The Great Dragons were actually immortal while their half human offspring were mortal."

"That means they still live? Right?" Xander asked. "My teacher didn't have those answers he just taught me what he had learned from his teacher and so on. It was a lot of oral tradition type thing."

"There is a legend according to this book." Giles picked up another book. "That states that they went into hibernation and would only rise should the prophecy of Katuo come about."

"Katuo okay you lost me." Xander said sitting down on the couch near Spike who suddenly moved as far away from him as he could without actually getting off the couch. "Will you calm down? I'm not going to eat you! You probably wouldn't taste good anyway."

Spike looked at him in disbelief. "Hey!"

Then Spike smirked. "I'm moist and delicious and a real nummy treat! And don't you forget it."

Xander grinned despite himself. "Anyway...what is the prophecy of Katuo?"

"It states that an ancient enemy referred to only as Katuo would return someday to open up the...well now we have translated it as meaning Hellmouth then would take over the world. The Great Dragons would then be awakened and attempt to defeat Katuo and send 'it' back to...well...we aren't sure how to translate it but we think it means dark place."

Spike looked a little worried. "And to open the Hellmouth this Katuo would have to..."

"Kill you yes."

"Okay why was no one aware of this prophecy?" Spike demanded. "Any other time you people know this stuff ahead of time."

"We usually try to work on prophecies that refer to the Hellmouth or to demons in this area. We didn't know that it meant Hellmouth. They used a different reference to it. And the prophecy that referred to you and Xander...the one that the spell Willow used was made for...didn't refer to a vampire!" Giles told him frustrated.

"What did it refer to me as?" Spike yelled.

"FOOD!" Giles told him. "It said that a 'Lung de chuan ren' would become one with its food! Because of the wording...we sort of...just missed it."

"I'm referred to as food?" Spike asked with an almost green look.

"Well technically it is correct. Under normal circumstances you would be dragon food." Giles told him. Somewhere deep within his eyes sparkled merriment at the vampire's discomfort.

"Any indication of when Katuo will try to come back?" Buffy asked.

Willow was being extremely quiet. She had her beaten puppy look on her face. After Xander had left Giles had lectured her thoroughly.

"No, but eventually Katuo will come and it will be up to Xander to try and stop it. He must be ready!" Giles said. "And first thing we need to do is figure out how to trigger all his transformations. If I read this information correctly as a Full blooded Dragon he now has three. Including one that should be considered his real form. He will need to learn how to use it and to control his new powers."

"I-I-I'm not sure..." Xander started getting more nervous.

"You will learn. True it would help if your ancestors could teach you but since they aren't here you will just have to learn the hard way. I can teach you many spells and you can increase your research about demons. More general stuff instead of just researching the current foe. While you are learning we can help keep and eye on Spike too." Giles told him seriously. "It is extremely important that we don't let Spike die. The Great Dragons did not relish the prospect of returning. That is why they allowed the 'Lung de chuan ren' to exist. They were counting on one fulfilling the prophecy and becoming full blooded to protect the Hellmouth and keep humans from dying. I got the impression that Dragons were actually fond of humans. But the world changed around them and the humans that came forward didn't appreciate the dragons. Some actually misunderstood and tried to kill them, to slay them. So rather than fight for their place in the world the Dragons hibernated."

"Humans kill what they do not understand." Spike said quietly.

No one disputed him.

"We start tomorrow night. We will go through and figure out what you already know then start from there." Giles told him. "Of course you will need to take Spike home with you."

Spike groaned. "Can't I stay here?"

Giles gave him a withering look.

"Aw come on don't tell me the honeymoon is over?" Buffy needled him. "This is your wedding night!"

Xander ignored her and hauled Spike up. "Come on! I'm tired and I don't have time for this. Sun comes up soon and you frying is now against the rules."

As they went out the door Buffy called out, "Have fun you two!"

Spike whispered to Xander, "I'm seriously starting to wonder about her."

^*^*^*^*^**^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

"Stop thinking about hurting humans! I don't like the headache!" Xander told Spike his eyes still closed.

Xander was in bed under the covers. He had startled Spike who had thought the boy was asleep. "I'm mad."

"I'm not too thrilled myself but stop thinking about torturing Willow. It just makes your head hurt and in turn makes MY head hurt. Pain bad sleep good. If you want I will think about torturing her FOR you...later! Go to sleep!"

Spike was sitting in a chair across the room. "I can't sleep. My sleep cycle is messed up. And its all your fault you know."

"Then watch television but be quiet! I want to be Slumber boy not Awake boy." Xander grumbled irritably. He opened one eye and said. "You know on some level you are acting like a wife."

"NO I am NOT!" Spike jumped up growling.

"You are bugging the hell out of me. That is very wifely." Xander said as he covered his head up with the blanket.

"Is killing my husband wifely too?" Spike stalked up to him in full game face.

"There's been cases. Now go sit back in the chair and go to sleep." Xander yawned.

Spike sulked imagining once again tying Willow down while he.... Xander sat up. "Stop it."

"I'm evil it is what I do!" Spike tried to reason with him.

"Then go be evil to something non human!" Xander said as he rubbed his head.

"Can't, sun is up! Sun bad dark good!" Spike almost but not quite pouted.

Xander looked at his side table and growled. He grabbed a feather duster and threw it at the vampire. "Well then go do something constructive. Clean! Go be evil to dirt!"

Spike growled and held it out in front of him like a club.

"Don't point that at me! Feather dusters can be deadly. There's all sorts of latent power in cleaning utensils, you know." Xander told him as he lay back down.

"Really like what?" Spike asked.

"Like the power to destroy horrible dirt! Now go in the other room." He closed his eyes.

He heard something hit the wall above him and smirked as it landed on the pillow beside him. He pushed the duster to the floor as the bedroom door slammed. "Finally I can sleep."

Spike sat down on the couch and turned on the television. (My unlife sucks!) He flipped through the television channels.

A knock on the door made him growl. At the door he called out "Who the hell is it?"

"Avon calling! Let us in Spike! You need new nail polish." Buffy called through the door.

He looked down at his nails (Do not!)

He hid behind the door to avoid the sunlight as first Buffy then Willow and Tara then Anya came through the door. Anya's face was pale and her eyes were red rimmed but she gave him a smile regardless.

"I've accepted what I can't change so I decided that instead of being upset to try and embrace this. So I got the girls together and we decided to give you a...what was it called again?" Anya asked Buffy. Anya's whole little speech sounded so rehearsed. So false even to her own ears. Inside she groaned. (Can I sound anymore fake?)

"A bridal shower!" Buffy said brightly a particularly evil glint in her eye.

Spike looked stunned (She can't be serious. Impossible. She bloody is!)

"I will kill you all someday." He said in a monotone. "I will kill you and bathe in your blood."

"Aw is that anyway to talk about people who brought gifts?" Buffy asked as she shook a brightly wrapped package at him.

Some deep part of his mind did perk up at the mention of gifts. "Gifts what kind of gifts?" He asked suspiciously.

"The kind you open!" Tara told him bringing in food and a cooler.

Buffy looked around. "Where's your hubby?"

"I. Don't. Have. A. HUBBY!" Spike over annunciated.

"Uh huh right! Where's your hubby?" Buffy asked again.

Spike growled, "He's in the bedroom."

"Oooo did we interrupt?" Buffy had an unnatural gleam in her eye.

Willow smiled and muttered through closed lips "Down Buffster!"

"Come on! Let's do the gift thing!" Anya said as she wiped at her face. She was trying so hard to appear as though she was fine with everything but even Spike could see she was still upset, and on the score of other's emotions he wasn't known to be too observant.

She pushed a gift into his hands. "Open it and I will get your drink ready."

She pulled a blood pack out of the cooler. Tara came up behind her and put a hand on her shoulder. "You don't have to do this you know. No one would blame you. We know it hurts...a lot."

Anya nodded, "I know. I know, but before I became human I took a lot of pride in being in control, not being weak. I refuse to be some silly weak little girl. I was a vengeance demon once." She straightened up and wiped her face. "I still have my pride."

Tara nodded as Anya closed the cooler and went to heat up the blood.

Spike took the mug of blood and shrugged (At least I get fed for my trouble)
The girls jumped slightly as Xander came through the door, "A hen party? Cool. Nice to see that the little wife is getting a social life." Xander ignored the growl coming from the couch.

"Did we wake you up?" Willow asked. "I'm sorry."

"No problem. Just was wondering what was going on." Xander told her.

"Bridal shower." Buffy told him brightly.

Xander blinked. "Ooookay. Having a thought. You've lost it!"

He smiled at her kindly and went on to the kitchen.

"I tend to agree with him pet." Spike said staring at her over his mug.

The three girls on the couch broke out in giggles while Anya smiled sadly.

"Okay you all are up to something!" Spike accused.

"Us? We are pictures of perfect innocence." Buffy told him.

Anya nodded. "Completely. Look it up in the dictionary. It has our pictures."

Spike stood up and went to the kitchen. Xander was drinking out of the milk carton. "That is so gross!"

"You drink blood? And you think THIS is gross?" Xander asked him.

"I have my standards mate." Spike told him still making a face. "Get a glass."

"Get a life."

"You first!" Spike growled.

"What do you want?" Xander asked him.

"What are those silly bints up to?" Spike said pointing into the living room.

"Bridal party? How the hell should I know?" Xander pushed past him to grab a bowl.

"You are friends with them you should know!"

"Not a mind reader here!" Xander told him. "Believe it or not they sometimes do things without consulting me. Amazing isn't it?"

Back in the living room...

"I still don't get it." Tara said to Buffy. "You don't even like Spike."

"Nope don't like him." Buffy agreed "But he's still nice eye candy. And he's married to one of my best friends. It's a whole...if you can't kill him enjoy the view type thing."

Willow nodded, "And they are so totally a twosome of cuteness, very viewable together."

Buffy nodded with that gleam back in her eyes. "Oh yeah! And I just keep getting a tingle moment when I think of them...together!"

"Buffy they hate each other!" Tara told her nervously.

"I don't think they hate hate each other. Just kinda not exactly overly friendly yet. I think it's a 'he doth protest too much' approach to one another." Buffy told her smiling.

"What makes you think that?" Tara glanced at the doorway wondering when the vampire would return.

"Because every time they have a fight one or both of them end up getting a happy." Buffy laughed.

"YOU'VE BEEN LOOKING?" Willow asked her bouncing up and down on the couch.

"SHHH!" Buffy told her putting her hand over the red head's mouth. "I can look! I may slay the walking dead but I'm not one myself."

In the kitchen...

"It's NOT sanitary!" Spike told him waving at the milk jug.

"And drinking blood out of someone's neck is? Do you even wash them before you bite?" Xander asked him before taking a long deliberate drink out of the milk jug.

"Other people may want milk you know! Generally after I sucked a human dry no one wanted the leftovers! I mean sure occasional...but those creatures don't care about hygiene much!"

"No one else lives here but me and now you. Do you drink milk?" Xander asked.

"Aren't they good for strong bones and teeth?" Spike asked slipping into his game face and baring his fangs.

(Does a body good apparently. Yow.) Thought Xander.

Tara stuck her head in. "Oh uh um we were just wondering if you were okay?"

Spike and Xander looked at her. Spike slipped back into his human face. He noticed that suddenly Tara was blushing bright red and mumbling to herself before shutting the door. He looked back at Xander confused "What is her problem?"

"I have NO idea!" Xander told him holding the cereal box in front of him down low. He cleared his throat and sat down.

"You people are absolutely bloody nutty!" Spike declared as he noticed a slight blush to the brunette's cheeks.

He walked back to the living room.

"PRESSIE TIME!" They all shouted at him making him jump.

"I think I liked it better when you lot wanted to stake me. I felt a whole lot safer."

Tara was still blushing as Willow and Buffy seemed extremely hyper suddenly. He leaned over and looked each of them in the eyes carefully. Then he sniffed them carefully. "No dilation, no odor of booze. What are you all on? And do you have any left?"

"Life! We are high on life!" Buffy told him.

He narrowed his eyes as Buffy tossed him a box. "Open it open it!"

He froze as three of the four sang out, "Present time present time open it up and see what's inside."

He wondered briefly how far he could get if he just grabbed a blanket and ran for it.

The girls giggled again. "Sorry babysitting flashback...Blue's Clues...sorry."

Slowly opening the present afraid to take his eyes off the women in front of him he tore the paper.

He looked down and blinked.

"A toaster is traditional. You can't have a bridal shower without one!" Willow said to him happily.

"Extended Warranty!" Buffy told him excited. "If it is possessed anytime in the next five years you can have it replaced. But remember if you find you have to slay your toaster unplug it first. Otherwise you have to do that whole electrocuted thing."

Spike looked at her warily. "How do you know that you need to slay a toaster?"

"It burns your bagels." She said to him with firm authority.

Willow paused and shook her head. "I just had the strangest déjà vu."

Spike looked down at the toaster. (Help?)

Spike glanced at the door. (I thought his job was to protect me!)

The door opened up and Xander stuck his head in looking confused. "Are you okay?"

Spike tilted his head as Xander shrugged and pulled his head back in. (Help?)

Xander stuck his head back in. Looked around then went back to the kitchen.

Spike bit his lip. (Help?)

Xander stuck his head back in looking annoyed. "Is everything alright out here?"

Spike suddenly smiled. (Useful information there.) Out loud he said, "Why don't you just come out here...it looks like some of this stuff is for you."

"Oooo YES! Pressies for Xandie!" Willow told him. "Peace?" She held out a brightly wrapped gift.

Xander sighed. "Peace. Give!"

He ripped the package open. "A...spell book!"

"Maybe we can...uh study together...like in high school? Only without the whole principal making it bad sorta thing." Willow ended lamely.

Xander rolled his eyes and groaned. "I HATE homework! That's why I skipped the whole college thing."

"Homework loves you and followed you home." Willow teased.

"I want to give Homework a new home. Free to good home think anyone will take it?"

Spike had another present thrust into his hands. He gingerly opened, "A...coffee maker? What the bloody hell am I supposed to do with a bloody coffee maker?"

They ignored him as Xander found another present in his hands. Spike turned the coffee maker around in his hands before tossing it over his shoulder.

Xander opened his gift up and found a dragon bronze holding a crystal ball in it's claws. Xander looked up. "Who?"

Anya bent down and kissed the top of his head. "I will always love you." She whispered.

He squeezed her hand. "I you. I'm sorry."

"Not your fault. Not meant to be. Let's not make this harder." She whispered to him in his ear. Louder she cleared his throat and said. "I'll be right back. I need to get a drink."

"Stay out of the milk Luv." Spike warned her.

"I know." She said with a sad smile.

Spike leaned over to Xander. "See even she thinks its gross."

Xander gave him a withering look. Spike grinned then frowned before he grabbed a pillow from the side of the couch and held it in his lap.

Tara blushed again. Spike scowled.

Buffy on the other hand brightened back up a little. "More Pressies!"

She threw one at Spike hard enough for it to hit his chest. "Come on fang face. Open!"

Xander gave her a long suffering look, "Don't do that please?"

"Oh sorry!" She gave him an embarrassed grin. "I forgot the whole Corsican brothers thing."

Spike carefully opened the present. "What is with you people? I don't NEED a 2qt crockpot!"

"What? It's the perfect size for just the two of you." Buffy told him.

"I don't COOK!" Spike growled as he tossed the crockpot over his shoulder also.

He was interrupted by oohs as Xander opened up another present. "What's this?"

"Rare herbs for spells." Tara told him quietly.

"Thank you!" Xander grabbed the last present directed at him before Spike could get his and tore it open. "Cool!"

He picked it up and turned it around. "I always loved Star Wars!"

It was a boxed set and someone had taped the Phantom Menace to the side. All four movies accounted for.

"Last pressie Spike!" Buffy said handing it to him. "It's from me."

He shook it carefully.

"Don't worry nothing deadly. Can't do that whole slay the big bad anymore." She said regretfully.

He opened it and then quickly slammed the lid down. "You can't be serious slayer."

Buffy grinned. "Have fun."

Spike growled.

"What is it?" Xander asked.

"Never mind you don't want to know." Spike held the box to his chest as he took it to the bedroom. He looked around and finally decided to hide it under the dresser. As he shook his head he gave the contents of the box one last look. Astroglide, fuzzy handcuffs, a blindfold, and what looked suspiciously like edible underwear.

"The Slayer is a bit of a naughty, always knew she was." He muttered to himself with a grin. (Not that I wouldn't love to put that stuff to use but to be honest I think it might send my 'protector' screaming for the hills.)

When he returned. Anya was still in the kitchen and Xander gave him a look that said 'confused'. The three remaining girls though had collapsed together in a fit of giggles.

"I knew you lot was up to something!" Spike growled out.

Buffy smirked. "Not as up as you have been lately!"

Spike gaped.

She patted him on the shoulder as she stood up and walked past him to the kitchen.

"The bloody cheek!" He said to himself.

In the kitchen Anya sat with her head down on her arms. Buffy came up behind her and lay her hand on Anya's hair. "I'm sorry Anya."

"Nothing to be sorry about." Anya told her philosophically. "It can't be helped. Willow, Xander, even Spike were just part of something that was preordained centuries ago. I need...I need to let go. It's just so hard though."

Buffy stroked her hair. "I know what you feel though."

Anya nodded. "I know."

Buffy lowered herself down and wrapped her arms around Anya's shoulders. Turning her head she murmured into Anya's hair. "I'll be here for you."

Anya reached up and grabbed Buffy and pulled her closer. "It's just not fair."

Buffy felt the tears on her neck. "I know."

She thought of Riley leaving, of her and Angel's failed romance and she swallowed her own sob as Anya cried quietly on her shoulder. "I know."

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

That night:

"This is BORING!" Spike whined. He bit through another piece of hard candy.

"You are supposed to suck on those. Alleviate your sucking need." Giles told him. "And it is important that Xander try to figure out how to change into his true form."

Spike made a face. "I don't have a sucking need!"

Buffy shrugged. "Maybe he should give up on the candy. Get him a pacifier that's what they give my baby cousin. You know for that whole needing to suck on stuff thing."

Willow nodded. "Yeah you don't want a thumbsucker at his age. I mean that habit is just too hard to break at his age."

"I don't have a sucking need!" He yelled as he fumbled for a cigarette. He looked at the cigarette suddenly and thought to himself (Oh bloody hell) lighting it anyway.

Giles studied him. "Hm perhaps a pacifier is in order. It would be closer to the right mouth movement."

Tara said, "Keep the candy and get a pacifier too. That way he can deal with his biting need and his sucking need."

"I don't HAVE a sucking need!" He said taking a long drag on his cigarette.

Buffy gave him a look that said 'come on get real' "Are you trying to tell me that for the last hundred or so years you haven't been sucking on humans?"

"No I'm not saying that." Spike said.

"Are you saying that sucking on humans hasn't been a driving force in your unlife for the past hundred years?" Tara asked.

"Yeah but..." Spike started.

"Are you saying you no longer want to suck on humans?" Willow asked him.

"No I mean I..."

"Then would you say that you haven't felt the need to suck on a human?" Giles asked with a glint in his eye.

Spike looked from one to another. "I-I-I..."

Giles nodded, "Right then pacifier tomorrow night."

Spike rubbed his head. "How come Angel didn't have to go through this?"

No one answered him as they turned back to Xander.

"Perhaps the transformation can be triggered by a source of danger." Giles said.

"Whoa big guy. What kind of danger are we talking about here? Big Slimy want to suck my eyeballs out danger? Or there's a sale at the mall and Buffy has a thousand bucks and I'm standing in the way type danger?"

Buffy rolled up a paper and smacked him on the head. "I'll show you danger!"

"Don't hurt don't hurt!" Xander called out in falsetto.

Spike rolled his eyes and sat down on a rock. "Why do I have to be here again?"

"Because Xander needs to keep an eye on you." Giles explained again.

"He's your hubby!" Buffy said simply.

"He's not my hubby." Spike replied.

"Is."

"Isn't"

"IS too." Buffy said.

"Not." Spike told her.

"People people please lets not behave in such an infantile manner." Giles groaned.

Spike stuck his tongue out. "Can if I want. You all want to make me suck on a pacifier then I have the right to act like a child."

Xander nodded. "Besides it makes sense. He has a demon right? Children ARE demons. Not much difference in his behavior if you ask me."

"Okay now how are we going to trigger a danger situation?" Buffy asked before Spike could say anything more.

"Maybe I could help with that."

Spike turned around and felt the cigarette fall out from between his lips. "Oh uh Harm babe! How are you doing?"

She raised the crossbow. "Great. Been busy. Got my hair done, got my nails done, made some minions, made some plans."

Spike nodded looking carefully at the crossbow. "That's great! No sense in making a fuss about stuff that can't be helped. That's great."

Buffy sighed. "What do you want Harmony? Because I so didn't want to have to get sweaty tonight. And chasing you just does nothing for that cause."

"Nothing much. Stake my ex-boyfriend, Get a bite to eat...turn in early tonight. That's all I want. You won't mind." Harmony smiled.

Buffy sighed. "I can't let you do that."

Harmony growled, "What do you mean you can't let me do that? You always want him staked. You've made a hobby out of threatening him! What difference is it if I do it or you do it?"

"Because he's married into the group now. I can't let you stake my friend's..." Spike grabbed her mouth.

"Husband." He finished.

Xander rolled his eyes. "I'm the husband YOU are the wife!"

Tara sighed and asked. "Why can't you both be husbands and do without a wife?"

"Because it is more fun to piss Spike off by calling him my wife." Xander explained in his most pleasant voice.

Spike closed his eyes and let go of Buffy who was smiling. "See...wife."

Harmony growled again and her features shifted.

Spike growled back and also changed as he faced off with her. "You sure you want to go toe to toe with the Big Bad?"

"You mean Big Fag?" She hissed.

Spike rushed forward only to feel himself pulled back and thrown a few feet. He looked up in time to see Xander baring his own fangs at the blonde female vampire. He growled, "You always were a bitch Harmony."

She dropped her crossbow as she looked at the man in front of her. "W-what are you? Xander?"

Spike slowly picked himself up looking at Xander. "I can fight my own battles."

Xander didn't look at him. "I'm...hungry."

He started to slowly stalk toward the vampire that was once a cheerleader.

"What? What?" Harmony asked stupidly.

Spike shook his head. "Harm a good rule of thumb. Never fight anything with either more teeth than you do or bigger fangs. He falls under both categories. RUN!"

She flicked a look over at Spike and saw that he was serious and turned. As she started to run she heard a crash behind her and poured on more speed. As she chanced a look behind her she saw the bluish-white dragon behind her and heard its roar. The eyes of the creature that now followed her glowed in the dark and it seemed to have some sort of whiskers flying in delicate streams from it's face. The scales sparkled under the full moon while its giant head moved from side to side as it moved snake like among the trees. Despite the gigantic size of the creature it moved almost silently and gracefully. Teeth snapped at her as she ran for her unlife while it's only two appendages, two clawed hands with five digits grasped toward her. Their long claws glittered in the light.

"Stay away from me!" She yelled frantically as she saw the cemetery ahead of her.

She felt her calves start to burn, a sensation she had not felt since her days as a cheerleader and she looked down. "Fire Fire!" She whimpered as she fell to the ground and started to roll.

The dragon looked down at her and flicked its long forked tongue in her direction.

She patted the last of the flames out and started to back away as she saw tendrils of smoke leave what she assumed was its nostrils. A bit of flame left its mouth as it snapped toward her. She saw the mausoleum not far from her and she made a last ditch attempt to reach it. Barely reaching it before she felt the blast of fire hit the side of the stone entrance. She slammed the door behind her as she gasped and cried to herself.

Outside she could hear a roar then a scream and then a lot of crunching.

The Scooby gang arrived just in time to see the giant dragon finish his meal. Spike rushed forward and kicked the dragon's long tail then its torso. "You WANKER! You ate Harmony!"

The dragon bent down and hissed at Spike before knocking him back and into a crypt not far away. As Spike impacted the crypt the dragon squealed then shook itself and then slowly melted in size. Spike picked himself up and stomped back to the now unclothed half-human looking Xander. Xander turned around and hissed. "Why did you do that?"

Spike pushed him backwards. "You didn't have to eat Harm!" He yelled.

Xander pushed Spike back. "I didn't eat her! I ate another vampire!"

Spike stopped and blinked. "You didn't eat her?"

"No! She got away. So...I settled for...something else." Xander finished quietly.

"But you would have eaten her?" Spike asked grabbing him by the hair.

"And you wouldn't eat a human if you didn't have that chip?" Xander asked sincerely.

Spike let go of the young man. "I can hit you. And it don't hurt." He said as the realization hit him.

"Well duh?" Buffy said, "He told us that he wasn't human anymore. Hello? Chip only works on humans, remember?"

Giles breathed heavily as he ran up to them. "You...him...huuu huuu." He fought to catch his breath. "Fascinating...really."

"Hold on G-man take five." Xander pulled him to a gravestone and had him sit down.

Giles gulped some air. "You, I'm surprised. Thought I could picture it but was wrong."

Buffy nodded. "Yeah I was picturing something with four legs, claws, wings and a tail. Not something that looked like it was almost half tail with only two legs."

Willow shook her head. "That is an Western Dragon. The kind that you think of when you think of England sorta or when you rent the video DragonHeart."

"He's not strictly a Chinese Dragon either." Said Tara trying not to look at the still naked but scale covered Xander. "Though he does have the five toes on his hands."

"That's because he is a Lindworm or also known as a Lindorm." Giles finally said. "It is believed that Marco Polo ran across them while in Central Asia. I imagine that many of them resided in China. They are a type of dragon that along with the Oroboros are frequently represented as "prima materia" in the first stage of the Alchemy process. They are said to be as Marco Polo said 'Swifter than it looks, easily able to take down a man on a galloping horse.' Apparently he described them...rather accurately. This is really most amazing!"

"Great so if Harmony had been on a horse I may have caught her." Xander said.

Spike narrowed his eyes.

"Well vampires do have an amazing amount of speed. And she just barely got away. I imagine if she hadn't ducked into that mausoleum she would of...um..." Giles suddenly found his glasses very interesting and in need of a good cleaning.

"Dragon food." Buffy finished while taking in the sights.

Spike pushed Xander back again harder this time.

"Are you forgetting that she was trying to shoot you with an arrow? Make you dust?" Xander asked.

"I could have handled it!" Spike said gritting his teeth.

Xander rolled his eyes and turned away from him to talk to the others when Spike grabbed him by the hair and pulled him back as he punched him. Xander growled and grabbed Spike by the shoulders. "My turn!"

He threw the vampire onto the ground and jumped down on him punching him in the face. Every hit hurt Xander too but only added to the fury building within him.

"Boys! BOYS!" Giles called out about to intercede when Buffy pulled him back with a serious expression on her face.

"No don't. We can't get involved with this." Buffy shook her head.

Tara stared in shock. "But but doesn't this fall under...I don't know...domestic disturbance or something? Shouldn't we stop this?"

"I don't think we can. They need to work this out." Buffy said stepping farther back as the two tousled on the ground. They slipped between their human guises and their other forms. At one point Spike tried to bite Xander only to howl in pain when he chipped a fang on the scales. When Xander returned the favor Spike fought free and jumped to his feet running as fast as he could away from the half-dragon form of Xander while holding his bleeding shoulder. Xander followed close behind.

Soon they left their friends far behind them. They found themselves back in the deserted clearing that they had started the night in. Xander tackled the vampire and threw him onto the ground. They wrestled over each other, each trying to gain purchase over the other. The fight to be on top of the other continued until Xander was on top of Spike holding him down by the throat. His eyes flashed hotly looking down on the vampire that suddenly went limp as though boneless.

"If you are going to kill me just get it over with!"

Xander shook his head slowly. "Can't."

Spike looked at Xander studying him. "Then what do you plan to do?"

Xander leaned down and captured the vampire's mouth with his own. Spike could feel the needle sharp teeth behind the lips and he froze afraid to move. Xander pulled away and looked down at Spike. "I'm...s...sorry."

"Can't be too sorry." Spike said as he thrust his hips up indicating the erection he could feel through his own jeans.

Xander gasped as Spike brought his hands down and grasped his swollen member. "I rather think you are enjoying this."

Xander's eyes regained their predatory look and he dipped his head forward grabbing the skin on the vampire's shoulder between his teeth. He was careful not to break the skin as he worried it with his sharp teeth. Spike stayed completely still watching the dragon out of the corner of his eye. Scraping his teeth along the skin he pulled back and looked at Spike. He leaned forward again this time kissing the vampire full on the lips, and Spike could feel the other's tongue enter his mouth. He tentatively met the tongue and started to return the kiss within his own mouth. The threat of the needle sharp teeth keeping him from losing himself completely to the kiss. He could feel the slight fork in the others tongue as it tickled him in more than one place at a time and he moaned into the kiss.

Xander reached down and stroked the vampire through his jeans before he found the zipper and pulled it down. The warm night air surrounded the vampire's coolness as he was released from the confines of his jeans. Xander began to trail kisses down the vampire's neck making his intentions known as he headed further and further down the pale body. Spike's brain suddenly kicked into gear as the idea of that many sharp teeth around him came to mind. Spike pulled the younger man up and rolled him over taking charge as he himself took over the downward descent. (At least I won't bloody well circumcise him.)

He swirled his tongue around the head dipping his tongue momentarily within the small slit eliciting a small gasp from Xander. "You like that pet?"

Xander reached down and stroked Spike's head as he sat up a little. He pulled Spike up and kissed him again. "Pet. The teeth."

Xander looked at him dumbly at first then smiled. "Sorry. Ever thought you would be worried about someone's fangs?"

Spike chuckled to himself as he leaned in for a kiss from the now human looking Xander. "Much better."

"You are wearing way too many clothes." Xander said as he started to pull at the T-shirt. He raked his hands over the smooth muscular abdomen as he leaned down to nibble on Spike's neck then his shoulder with the wound.

"Now who has a sucking need?" Spike laughed as he felt the suction.

"Less talk more sex." Xander told him placing a hand over Spike's mouth before running his hand down Spike's back. A little blood dribbled down Xander's chin and Spike leaned forward and captured it with his tongue.

"I think I can manage that." Spike said as his eyes flickered from blue to gold.

Xander pushed Spike down onto his back covering him with the full length of his body. He once more started to trail kisses down the pale neck then onto the chest and this time lingered on the little hard nubs of his nipples. Teasing them with his teeth and tongue, making Spike gasp as Xander the entire time stroked him with his free hand.

In between the trees hidden in the shadows the slayer held out her hand to her comrades. First Willow then Tara each slapped a twenty-dollar bill into the outstretched hand. Giles sighed to himself before he finally pulled out his wallet and also withdrew a twenty. "I think you had inside information!" He whispered fiercely to her.

She smiled smugly as she pocketed the money.

"Come on we should go!" Giles started to walk away. The others moved after him with the exception of Buffy. He finally walked over and dragged her away as she uttered a sound of protest. "What am I going to do with you?" He asked.

In the meantime Xander had finally moved down and was showing Spike how a sucking need in an adult should be alleviated. Spike moaned under him while running his hands over the silky brunette hair. He felt himself tighten as he came.

Xander swept him up in his arms as he growled "MINE!"

Spike sighed as Xander started to lick at the wound slowly closing on his shoulder. He sighed contentedly as he closed his eyes.

"You're still the wife by the way." Xander whispered in his ear.

Meanwhile in a mausoleum in the cemetery Harmony wiped her eyes. "He really didn't want to go did he?" She said to herself. "That, that thing took him. Xander took him away. I've got to rescue Spike!"

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

The Next evening:

"Xander what are you doing?" Willow asked looking over at her new study companion. Everyone had agreed by unspoken consent not to speak of the night before but that didn't mean that they didn't think about it every time they looked at each other.

"I am studying." Xander said then replaced the pencil that he had been carefully balancing on his upper lip for the last twenty minutes.

Willow gave him a look. "It helps if you actually open the book up."

"I subscribe to the theory of learning by osmosis. I'm currently testing out that theory." Xander started to build a log cabin out of every pencil he could find at the table.

"And how is your experiment going?" Tara asked from across the table as he took her pencil.

"Quite well actually I've already discovered that I can hang a spoon off my nose. That a pencil will only stay in the ceiling for twenty-five minutes on average before falling out. And that the biggest spitball I can personally manage to spit with any accuracy is half an inch in diameter. I think it has been a full night. Can I go home now?"

Spike lay on the couch with a book on his face blocking out the overhead light. He lifted it momentarily to say. "No. She said no an hour ago she's going to say no now. For the sake of all that is evil in the night would you just open the bloody book up and read something?" Spike lay the book back on his face and pretended that he was somewhere else.

Xander stuck his tongue out at the vampire.

"Don't stick that out unless you intend to use it pet." Spike told him still under the book. "One page! One bloody page that is all I ask."

Willow shook her head. "That is just too scary."

"The sooner he reads the sooner we go home the sooner..."

"Don't go there." She interrupted him. "Xander you read stuff like this on your own before, why can't you do it now?"

"Because when you don't have to do it, it is fun but when you have to do it...you get the picture." He sighed as he started folding a piece of paper into an airplane.

"I doubt we can convince you that this is a fun thing to do again huh?" Tara asked.

"Nope. It is now in the category of homework which has the word work in the title which makes me want to instinctively avoid it." He held the plane up and launched it. It sailed in a graceful arc before landing on top of Spike.

"Oh! I know! What if we do a fun spell first? That way you can have a little fun with it then want to do it." Willow asked.

"I don't know about that." Tara said quietly.

Spike moved the book off his face and sat up. "Does this place have a fallout shelter? I just ask for the sake of curiosity."

"You worry too much!" Willow said.

"Luv that is the first time I've EVER been told that and I don't know what scares me more, the fact that I AM worried or that you just told me I worry too much." Spike shook his head.

"Come on Xander it will be fun!" Willow told him.

"Okay what are we going to do." He got a glint in his eye. "You know I've had dreams about 'doing spells with you two'."

"Not that kind of spell Xander." She slapped him lightly on the arm. "A fun one."

"That kind of spell IS fun."

"Xander!"

"Okay, okay what kind of spell." Xander said.

"A rainbow spell. Simple little pretty spell. More flash than anything." Willow explained.

"Kinda like a special effect." Tara told him.

"Sounds okay I guess. Let's do it."

Spike lay down on the couch as the three young people went to the kitchen. He closed his eyes and let his mind flow. Soon a string of nonsense poetry flew through his mind. (I've always heard of moose and I've heard of a goose but while there's geese why not meese? Could geese and meese live in peace?) He smiled to himself. It might make no sense but the flow of nonsense put his mind to rest. It was as he was on his twentieth line of pondering the English language and wild life that he heard a loud...

*Zap*

"Yikes! It wasn't supposed to do *that*...though it is kind of pretty."

He sat up and looked toward the kitchen door. (Do I really want to know what that was?)

He lay back down and shook his head as he heard someone ask. "Who's going to clean this up?"

He began to ponder the use of the word Loquacious and how it might be used in a poem when he heard Willow suggest they try something from the book to clean the mess up.

(Well if you go with bodacious that may rhyme very well with it.) He frowned. He was very glad that none of the group could read minds. They would never let him live it down if they knew that even to this day he still liked to try and write poetry even if it was in his head. It was relaxing to him. And he had discovered his tendency to need to relax had increased the longer he hung out with the group of slayerettes.

That need to relax reasserted it self as suddenly he felt the floor vibrate under the couch. His stomach absolutely dropped when he heard... "Uh oh." Come from the kitchen.

(Uh oh. What uh oh. He said uh oh. Uh oh is bad. Uh oh means the watcher is going to be mad. Uh oh means I might get no blood tonight.) Spike looked at the kitchen with apprehension.

"I thought you said you could control it!" He heard Willow ask someone loudly.

"That was before *someone* decided to let their hands wander!" Tara said back sarcastically.

"What's it doing now?" Xander asked near the door now.

"Oh, that's fine, it's just...uh oh, DUCK!" Willow said.

He got off the couch and walked toward the kitchen when suddenly all three of them came out of the kitchen running and slammed the door behind them holding it shut.

He stared at them for a few seconds before he finally asked. "What did you three do?"

"Oooh nothing. Really." Xander tempted a peek around the door before slamming it shut. "Nothing much."

They all four jumped as suddenly the front door slammed.

"Shit! Giles is home!" Xander started to get a panicky look on his face.

Giles walked into the room and looked up at everyone. Everyone in return tried his or her best to look innocent.

"What are you all up to?" Giles asked knowing better.

"Up to? We aren't up to anything." Xander told him as the door behind him started to thump. He leaned against it with all his weight. "Nothing at all."

The doorjamb started to shake.

"Who is in there?" Giles stepped forward trying to move Xander to the side.

"NO! No one is uh in there." Xander said staying firmly in front of the shaking door. Willow nodded. "Nope definitely a no one is in there type of situation."

Giles gave her a penetrating look before turning to the vampire who managed to look innocent simply because for once he was innocent. "What is going on?"

"I can say with complete truth I have no idea. And quite frankly I don't want to know." Spike said peeking around the shades. "And as soon as it is dark enough I'm running like hell."

Giles shoved Xander to the side firmly and stuck his head in side only to pull it out quickly and put his own weight against the door. "Good LORD!"

"Uh would it help if I said sorry?" Willow asked.

"It's not completely her fault by the way. We all sorta helped on this one." Xander volunteered.

"What did you bloody imbeciles think you were doing? An impersonation of the Sorcerer's apprentice? Do I look like Yen Sid?" Giles yelled.

"Well if you let a beard grow and maybe wore a pointy hat..." Xander started as he and the ex-watcher leaned against the door with all their weight.

"Shut UP!" Giles almost screamed as the door bowed dangerously behind him.

"Okay what do we do?" Xander asked him seriously.

"I don't know really I've never been in this situation before." Giles told him truthfully.

"Can you...slay...what ever it is?" Spike asked holding out the stake he found in the dresser nearby.

"I don't think it has a heart but I'm willing to try." Xander said grabbing the stake. "Cover me!"

He opened the door and rushed in. Then rushed out.

"Where's the stake?" Spike asked.

"Oh it has it now. By the way it is now armed." Xander said in an offhanded manner.

"Wonderful." Giles breathed.

Spike patted down his pockets. "Will it burn?" He held out his lighter.

"It is of the woodish community. Maybe." Willow said grabbing the lighter and handing it to Xander.

"Why do I have to slay it?" Holding the lighter. "You know I can breathe fire if I turn into a dragon."

"Yes but you are too big for the house and have a tendency to make bulls in China shops look like ballerinas. You will NOT turn into a dragon in MY house! Now go slay it because you helped make it!" Giles said in full lecture mode.

"You know in a weird way you would make an excellent father you know that?" Xander said readying himself to run into the kitchen with the lighter. He flicked it on after raising the flame. "Ready!"

He ran in and after a few seconds ran out yelling. "AH AHHHH AHHHHHH! Fire bad! It no like fire. Fire pisses it off!"

"We can't let it stay. We must destroy it."

"What the hell is IT?" Spike finally asked.

The others looked at each other and shrugged. "Does it have a name?" He finally asked.

"I vote for Willard! It looks like a Willard to me. Something about the eyes it should be called Willard." Willow suggested.

"That's fine with me. We are trying to slay a Willard." Xander nodded at Spike.

Spike backed up slowly and sat on a nearby chair. "You have no idea what you summoned?"

"It wasn't so much as summoned as sorta made. On accident. Kinda." Xander said bracing his feet while leaning against the door with his back as it thumped hard against the frame.

"Maybe we could cast another spell on it?" Tara said nervously.

"That might work Tara. Willow go and fetch me my bag out of my upstairs dresser please. The dark blue one." Giles told her.

"Okay Xander when I say the word I want you to throw this at...Willard." Giles told him handing a bag of powder.

"Spike come here and hold the door please. Don't let it out."

"Trust me mate I have no intention to." Spike said putting his hands on the door.

"All right on three. One...two...three!" The rushed in and Spike could hear chanting come from the other side, then the shouted. "NOW!"

It got very quiet inside and Spike began to relax until he heard...

"Make it stop dancing! Make it stop dancing! Oh great, now it's singing!"

A high pitched crooning could be heard from the next room. (What the bloody hell? It's singing...It's a small world after all?)

Both men came running out and slammed the door behind them. They breathed heavily trying to catch their breath. "At...at...at least it's no longer hostile. Right?"

"It's still in my kitchen and now it's wearing a purple tutu!" Giles screamed. "Now what am I supposed to do?"

"Maybe it will do the dishes? OW! You are supposed to be the calm one!" Xander pouted.

"It doesn't seem to be trying to get out now. Maybe we can just put up a sign that says 'Beware of the Willard' until we can get rid of it." Willow suggested.

Giles glared at the little red head. "Help me move the dresser in front of the door."

They moved the dresser in front of the door where now the creature known now as Willard sang 'Colors of the Wind'.

"Alright everyone. Research time. Your objective...getting rid of the Willard!"

Everyone groaned as they sat down at the table. Spike smacked Xander with a rolled up paper. "All you had to do was read one bloody page! That was it!"

Spike sat down as he opened a book and glared at the pictures. "When we get home it's MY turn to tie you down!"

"Fine but I get to wear the edible underwear!"

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

Harmony looked through the window of the house. As soon as it was dark enough she had quickly made her way to the former librarian's house. She watched Spike through the window. He was reading a book and occasionally would make a face. (Those creeps! They are making him read!) She couldn't figure out why they would make him read but she could tell that he was not enjoying it. And anything that didn't have a woman in an old-fashioned dress swooning into the arms of a half naked man on the cover wasn't worth trying to read in her opinion. She was also confused as to why there was a sign on the far door that read. 'Beware of the Willard' but she decided that wasn't something she needed to be too concerned about.

She hid in the bushes as she heard the slayer approach with another.

"Are you going to be okay with this? I mean we can skip this whole thing if you want. Maybe you and I could go do a little patrol together you know. Look for the Gotaplant things try to figure out what they are up to with the Extaplanta. I'll hold one down for you and you can beat it up a little?" Buffy put her arm around Anya.

Anya smiled. "That's really sweet of you. But I'll be okay. I'm glad that Spike and Xander are starting to have orgasms together. It's good for their marriage."

"What was that sound?"

"What sound?" Anya asked.

"That thump sound. I heard one." Buffy said.

"I don't hear one now. Maybe something just fell." Anya shrugged "Let's just go ahead and go in."

As the door closed behind them Harmony pulled herself up off the ground. "I'm going to have to hurry, poor Spikey!"

Inside Buffy stared at the door in front of her. Inside she could clearly hear someone singing Bear Necessities. She would have gone inside but there was a piece of furniture in the way. Spike shook his head. "Trust me pet you don't want to know."

"Anyone up for a patrol?" She asked instead. "I brought plenty of stakes." She held up two handfuls of wooden sticks.

She was surprised when the four people at the table all jumped up and grabbed them out of her hands nearly dragging her and Anya out of the house. All babbling about how they would love to go, leaving behind the books. Giles came back into the room and sighed. (Damn...they got away.) He glared at the kitchen door. "Oh shut the bloody hell up!"

They nearly trampled the blonde vampire hiding in the bushes as they practically ran out of the house.

Xander groaned. "My head is going to explode! Too much info."

"I don't see why. Near as I can tell you have plenty of room up there. See? I can see Red through your ears!" Spike waved at Willow while looking at Xander's ear.

Xander punched him in the shoulder. "Oh like you should talk. When you sneeze it echoes."

Willow smirked. "I would make a blonde joke but I'm surrounded by them and they may hurt me."

"That's okay Wills. At least one of them isn't a true blond." Xander told her with a leer as he put his arm around Spike's shoulders. "By the way what do you call a brunette standing between two blondes?"

"An interpreter!" Willow said without thinking.

Tara gave Willow a playful slap as she walked beside her. "Hey!"

"I think we are being picked on." Buffy said with a grin as she turned toward the cemetery.

"Think? I know we are." Tara tried to growl but failed terribly as she started to giggle.

Behind them keeping to the shadows Harmony followed. Buffy stopped short and looked around. "Uh guys. My spidey sense is going off here."

They all looked around them trying to find the source. "Could you be sensing Spike?" Xander asked finally.

"No, he's pretty much become an annoying buzzing feeling in my gut. I'm getting used to him. But this has made it intensified. That means there is another one somewhere." Buffy explained as she pulled Anya more to the center of the group.

Spike hid a half smile behind his hand and elbowed Xander. Xander looked up at him with annoyance until Spike cleared his throat and pointed at the slayer and the ex-demoness. Xander's eyebrows shot up in surprise.

Buffy was unaware that she still had Anya's hand in hers.

They continued to walk toward the cemetery as Willow and Tara did a little happy dance behind everyone. Spike kept trying to do bunny ears behind Buffy's head while Xander just shook his head and whispered. "If she stakes you don't come running to me."

Behind them Harmony continued to follow. (Oh Spikey what did they do to you?) She thought just before clawed hands grabbed her around her mouth and waist.

The group she had followed got farther and farther away as she struggled against the hands that held her finally she bit down on the hand holding her and was rewarded by feeling something wet and warm soak her from the waist down. She spun around and cried out, "EWWWW you peed on me?"

The creature in front of her cowered down. "Help us?"

"Why should I help you? You peed on me and can I say again? EWWWW!" She waved at her pants as she jumped up and down.

"Help us and we will return the male vampire to you." The creature covered his face with his hands and looked at her through his fingers.

The creature was green and somewhat slimy with green glowing eyes. Vines wrapped around him and despite his apparent height he lowered himself down in a crouch as he cowered.

"You'll rescue Spikey from Xander?" She asked doubtfully. She held her nose as she tried to avoid smelling the harsh scent from the urine.

He nodded still looking at her from between his fingers. "How?"

"We need a book. We can call a creature that can destroy the one that you call Xander. Then we return the vampire to you." He watched her carefully through the one visible eye.

"Why can't you get the book?" She asked him suddenly suspicious.

"Because only a human's hand will open the lock on the cover." He held up his own clawed hand. "You are as close to human as we can manage."

They started walking in the opposite direction from the group heading to the cemetery. "Tell me more."

The creature smiled as he led her back to his camp. (The Hellmouth is ours! Stupid vampire minions. So easily fooled.)

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

"No eating vampires tonight!" Spike told Xander as they walked around the cemetery.

"But they taste so good with Ketchup! Maybe some fries on the side." Xander said as he bent over a recently dug grave waiting.

"That is gross." Spike looked even paler.

"And eating humans isn't?" Xander asked again for the one hundred fiftieth time in the last twenty-four hours.

"No it is the natural order of things." Spike told him.

"And it is natural for a dragon to eat demons and vampires. We have a whole food chain web thing going on here..." Xander said sitting down. "Oh look lunch is here! Talk about fast food."

"Please don't eat it?" Spike asked him. "Just...just stake him."

"Why? How many times now have you told us that you will drain us as soon as you get your bite back?" Xander asked as the vampire under the earth made its way out like a hatchling fighting with its eggshell.

"I...I...it's my nature!" Spike finally settled on.

"And it is my nature to do this." Xander said as he started to shift his form to that of the half dragon.

"DON'T please!" Spike grabbed his arm and turned to the vampire that was still in the ground from the waist down.

"Why does it bother you so much?" Xander asked him.

"It just does. I don't know why." Spike threw his hands up as the vampire that had just started to rise started to growl. "Shut up you moron."

"Let me get this straight. You don't like vampires to be eaten. Yet you think humans are happy meals on legs. You want me to resist my own nature while you revel in your own. Sounds kind of like the old double standard to me." Xander said waiting for the fledgling vampire to get completely out of the ground.

Spike growled low in his throat. The fledgling threw itself toward Xander only to be knocked down. "Be quiet. I'm in the middle of an argument!"

The unnamed minion looked up from the ground and looked from Xander to Spike and back.

"I don't think it is a double standard!" Spike yelled just before he hit the vampire on the head as it tried to jump on Xander again.

"What would you call it?" Xander asked as he grabbed the minion and threw him on the ground. He placed his foot on the vampire's back. "Stay put! Or I may have barbecued vampire instead of tartar."

The vampire growled and tried to bite Xander's other ankle. It howled in pain as one of its fangs broke.

"I would call it...I don't know..." Spike racked his brain as he kicked at the vampire's hand that was trying to grab his foot. "Stop that you are being annoying! I'm trying to give you a dignified death here!"

The vampire snarled and hissed.

"I guess it just bothers me that you may someday eat either me or someone that I..." Spike broke off and kicked the vampire in the side. "You don't bite other vampires unless they ask you too!"

He reached down and rubbed at his ankle.

"I can't eat you. You are my wife!" Xander told him. "Are we forgetting this part?"

The vampire on the ground stopped struggling a minute to cast a mystified look up at Spike.

Spike growled. "What is your problem? Never seen a husband and wife fight before?"

The vampire started to struggle again.

"Who are you scared I will eat Spike? Dru? Angel? Trust me they don't make enough Rolaids, Tums or Maalox in the world to convince me to eat those two...Imagine the heart burn?" He shivered.

"You wouldn't eat them?" Spike asked him as he kicked at the fledgling that had grabbed his ankle again.

"NO! They are like...what my Mother in law and grandfather in law now? We don't eat family!"

Spike looked almost relieved.

"And what about you? Are you going to drain us when you get your bite back?" Xander asked putting his foot on the vampire's head now.

"I'll make a deal with you mate...I don't eat anyone you know and you don't eat anyone I know!" Spike grinned. "But you can go ahead and eat this bloke because he has just worked my last nerve. LET GO YOU STUPID SOD!"

The fledgling had grabbed Spike's ankle again and was trying to bite it.

Spike walked a little ways down the path as he heard the loud sound of crunching. He sighed. "At least I'm neater about eating...he needs an all over body bib!" He said to himself.

He lit a cigarette as Xander ran back. "Yep definitely going to bring ketchup next time..."

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

(I can do this. This is no problem.) Harmony told herself looking down the steep hole. (I'm a big tough villain-y vampire. Nothing scares me...well except spiders. Is there any spiders down there? Ooh I'm so not liking this. Maybe Spikey will grow to like being a sex toy for Xander. What am I saying? No one deserves that type of torture!)

She moved closer to look down and gasped as pebbles broke loose and fell into the hole. (I can't hear them falling to the bottom. That is so not of the good. Why am I doing this again? Oh yeah for Spike. I'm doing this so those gross green guys will do the spell to call that creature to kill Xander so Spike will come back to me. No problem I just need to climb down. Grab the book and open it for them. No problem.)

She whimpered as she flicked on a flashlight and waved it down. (It's so far down.)

She took a deep unneeded breath. (I can do this.)

Very carefully she dangled her self over the side and started to make her way down the narrow shaft. She didn't look up or down. She would only look as far as her feet and that was only to find a hand or foot hold. Once she lost her grip and for a few minutes she could not move and had just held onto the wall crying. (I don't want to fall; I don't want to fall!)

Slowly she started down again and it was with a grateful sigh that she felt firm earth under her feet.

(I did it I DID IT!) She did a little cheer to herself complete with jumps. She turned around and looked to the book and felt her stomach drop. (Now WHY is getting Spike a good thing?) She asked herself as she stared at the spider webs covering the book. (Is mind boggling sex worth touching icky spiders?)

She heaved a heavy sigh as she started poking at the webs with her flashlight. (I guess so but he so owes me!)

She slipped the book into her backpack and started back up the descent.

Elsewhere in a city of Angels one Angel held a young woman upright as she had a vision, a vision of the end of the world.

"What did you see?" Angel asked Cordelia.

"Harmony. Harmony had a book and was opening it. Then there was this large...thing fighting a...I don't know a dragon? Spike got ate by the other thing. And the Hellmouth opened." Cordelia held her head.

"Spike?" Angel asked.

"Yeah one bite. Gulp and he was gone. That is when I saw the other thing coming. They were fighting but the Hellmouth opened. I think we need to go to Sunnydale." Cordelia said.

"There's an understatement." Angel nodded. "Did you see anything else? Anyone else?"

"It was pretty much a jumble." Cordelia rubbed her brow.

"Well no time like the present. Let's go!" Angel grabbed his coat.

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

"I don't want to go." Xander covered his head. "He's mean."

Spike felt his eye twitch. "Mean? Giles? Guy with glasses? A bit poncy? Ex-watcher? Are you sure we are talking about the same guy?"

Xander peeked out from under the covers. "He's mean."

Spike rubbed his brow as he tried to process that statement. "Mean? How is he mean?"

"He going to make me take a quiz tonight." Xander told him as he stuck his head under the pillow.

"And for this he is mean? I'm afraid you have a very strange idea of mean. Mean to me is... Mean to me is someone taking the last breath mint after you've just had an onion sandwich, Mean to me means someone putting garlic in the lube! A quiz hardly qualifies as mean." He explained as he tried to pull the pillow off his head. "Now come on you have to go to the watcher's house!"

"No don't wanna. I have schoolitis." Xander peeked out from under the pillow.

"You were hell on your mum weren't you?" Spike said with certainty. He grabbed the younger man by the leg and pulled him off the bed. "Now get dressed. If you don't show up they are going to blame ME!"

If he had been human the breath would have been knocked out of him as he hit the ground. He suddenly found a naked Xander sitting on his chest grinning at him. "You sure we can't stay here?"

"You don't honestly think you can distract me do you?" Spike asked.

Xander pouted. "You don't think I can?"

"Get dressed. Contrary to popular belief I have self control." Spike said wiggling to get out from under the bigger man.

Xander leaned down and kissed him. Slowly searing as he ran his tongue across the blond man's front teeth. Spike opened his mouth and each fought for control of the kiss, to dominate the other. Spike wrapped his arms around Xander and pulled him closer as Xander stretched out covering him with his body. Xander reached down and stroked Spike through his pants. "Why do you wear so many clothes? Every time I turn around I'm having to undress you."

Xander sat up and pulled Spike into a sitting position. He pulled the black T-shirt off of the other man's body before running his hands along the hairless chest. He brushed his thumbs across the taunt nipples making the smaller blond shiver. "This floor is just a bit too hard for my taste." Xander stood up then reached down to pick Spike up.

"PUT ME DOWN!" Spike slapped at Xander's head. "I'm not a bloody bird!"

Xander ignored him as he lay him on the bed. "I never said you were. AT least not to your face."

Spike glared for a second until he totally forgot what it was he was mad about as Xander started to nuzzle him through his pants. The sound of a zipper was loud in the room as Xander started to slip the jeans off of Spike's legs.

"That's better. I can't understand why you need to wear all those clothes all the time. I like you better like this." Xander said as he lowered himself down again.

Spike hissed to himself. "Because I don't want to give a bleedin show to the slayer and the witches. I get the feeling that they would like it too much."

"I do too." Xander said as he started to suck on the inner thigh as he started to stroke Spike's length.

Spike started to sit up and Xander pushed him back down on the bed. "Nope you just lay there and be quiet."

He returned to his task of licking and sucking on the inner thighs while he massaged the vampire with gentle but sure strokes before reaching farther down and playing gently with the balls. Spike leaned back and closed his eyes enjoying the soft sensations when he felt a piercing pain. His eyes snapped wide as he looked down to his now fanged lover who had just bit his inner thigh. He gripped the long silky hair and pressed the half dragon into his leg. He gasped as he felt the sucking sensation and felt a drugged haze fall over him. If his heart still beat it would have stopped as Xander racked his talons down Spike's hips. Spike felt intoxicated as Xander continued to bite and suck. It reminded him of the night Dru had turned him. He had never thought to feel that pleasurable haze every again as once he had been turned another vampire could no longer weave that type of magic around him. It was a one-time thing.

He began to shake from the sensations as Xander worked his way up. Spike couldn't think or form a cohesive thought as the waves of pleasure fell over him. He didn't even think or notice when Xander ran his forked tongue up and down his shaft before wrapping it around him and tickled the slit with the tip. He panted as Xander carefully covered his teeth with his lips as he went down and swallowed him. Spike wrapped his fist around the smooth black hair as his other hand grasped the bed.

He whimpered as the mouth came away from him only to be replaced with a hand. Spike tossed his head back as he felt the rough tongue slide down and stroke the skin between his balls and his opening before it ventured forward and tickled the tight ring. The long tongue drove him crazy as it danced and bathed him. He felt himself being turned over and then felt the tongue return. He moaned as it teased him. Fingers found their way to his entrance and he felt the slickness on their tips. He couldn't remember or conceive of when the other had grabbed the lube but he didn't really care all that much as they pushed their way in. He pushed himself back on the hand behind him as he moaned. His eyes were half lidded as he looked down to the bed. He felt himself being pulled up onto his hands and knees as Xander adjusted himself to align with the tight cool entrance that appeared so inviting. As Xander pushed in Spike threw his head back making a noise deep in his throat. Xander caught the vampire on the shoulder biting deeply causing Spike to shudder. The buzz within his head heightened as Xander drank deeply.

He felt dizzy as Xander moved himself in and out holding him to his chest. On of the clawed hands reached down and grasped him pumping him in time with his thrusts.

As he felt the long forked tongue flick his ear he felt himself tighten as the teeth bit into his earlobe he came hard. Within seconds he felt Xander come also deep and hot inside him. He could feel the way it seemed to paint his insides and he felt warm and comfortable as Xander lay him on the bed gently. Xander sighed as he lay next to the vampire wrapping his arm and one of his legs around him.

He smiled to himself as he started to feel sleep start to claim him until...

"You still have to go to the watcher's house!" the sleepy voice beside him said as he pushed himself up regretfully.

He growled. (DAMN IT! It didn't work!) As he sat up and grabbed his clothes. "You are mean!"

Spike rolled his eyes as he headed to the bathroom. (It's going to be a long night.)

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

Xander beat his head against the table in a rhythmic tempo.

Willow looked at him with her worried-willow-expression (patent pending). "Does that help the answer come?"

He shook his head briefly before continuing with the pounding. "Not really but it gives me something to do in the meantime. And it is rather comforting in a strange way."

Spike pushed a dishtowel in between the boy and the table on the upswing. "Don't bruise yourself. That's my job."

"Now really Xander. It isn't that difficult. What is the chant one must do before transmogrifying an object of metal?" Giles asked looking in the book as he asked.

Spike raised his eyebrows. "You must be kidding right mate?"

Giles ignored him.

"Is it...Please please please change? Pretty please? Please with sugar and a cherry on top?" Xander asked with his nose buried in the towel.

Giles gave him an exasperated sigh.

"I guess that means no?" Xander asked.

"Did you even study?" Giles asked closing the book.

"I studied!" Xander told him sitting up crossing his arms. "I looked at the book for a long time. I read the words but the words didn't stick."

Spike sat down and looked to Giles, "I'm in big trouble aren't I? I'm as good as dead...again."

"No no...Xander will get the hang of this. I have every...confidence..."Giles trailed off weakly.

Spike started to bang his own head against the table. "You're right pet this is oddly comforting."

Xander sighed and pushed the towel in front of Spike's head as the doorbell rang.

Giles went to open the door as Willow started to pat Spike on the back. "It isn't that bad. Xander will get the hang of it."

"Willow we can't even get rid of Willard!" Xander told her frustrated as he turned to the sectioned off kitchen were the song 'Whistle while you work' floated out. In front of the door sat a can filled with take out because Giles had yet to make it to his kitchen.

Giles returned with a grave look on his face. "He may have to get the hang up it very quickly I'm afraid."

Spike looked up as someone came through the doorway after Giles. "Oh BUGGER! Just stake me now and get it over with."

"Good to see you too Spike." Angel said quietly.

Xander sighed. "Hello Deadboy, Cordelia."

Later...

"So you saw me getting ate?" Spike asked looking thoroughly depressed sitting on the couch.

"Yes but see with the visions we can try to stop it from happening. It can be changed which is the whole point of the visions or else why have them? I mean come on...it would be just silly otherwise." Cordelia explained.

Angel sat on the armrest of the chair next to Cordelia. "I'm a little foggy here though. You all obviously know why Spike getting ate causes the Hellmouth to open but how about clueing us in?"

Buffy clapped her hands together and grinned. "Oh you are going to LOVE this..."

Half an hour later Angel stared at the two on sitting across from him with his mouth slightly open. "You EAT vampires?"

"Yes and other demons." Xander nodded.

"Gross huh?" Spike asked.

"Vampires are like Twinkies with cream filling...real Yummy!" Xander grinned at Angel.

Angel stood up and nonchalantly walked till he was standing behind Cordelia's chair. "You eat vampires?" He asked again.

Xander nodded still grinning.

Spike looked at Xander a little worried until he saw the gleam in his eye. He smiled himself. "He likes them with Ketchup. Makes a bit of a mess though. Blood everywhere!"

Angel looked extremely uncomfortable.

Buffy snickered to herself as she watched the show. Inside she was picturing Angel and Spike and Xander...(Oh bad Buffy! Bad thoughts! STOP thinking that way about your friends. Friends who would look absolutely erotic...Bad bad bad bad Buffy!) She looked down at Anya and put a hand on her shoulder rubbing it. Anya looked up and smiled. Unconsciously she reached up and laced her fingers through the slayers.

Angel cleared his throat and tried to look calmer than he felt. "But your responsibility is to protect Spike? Correct? How do you keep from...wanting to eat him?"

Buffy got excited, "I so totally forgot to mention it. They are bonded together. Totally married. Xander won't kill his wife."

Angel looked at her like she had lost her mind.

"Yep the little wife has nothing to worry about from the Xan-man!" Xander smiled putting his arm around Spike who growled.

Spike almost but not quite blushed as Angel cast an incredulous look at them. "Is this true?"

"Well I object to being called Wife. But yes it's true." He crossed his arms across his chest.

Cordelia frowned. "I didn't even bring a gift!"

"You missed the shower!" Buffy told her.

"OH we should have another one! I could be chip and dip girl! Maybe we could call this one a reception. That way Angel and Giles could be there! Maybe we could have some sort of ceremony and Angel could give away the bride properly!" Cordelia was getting excited.

Buffy was practically jumping up and down. "YES! And we can take pictures. I so totally want to get one of them kissing!"

Cordelia gasped. "ME TOO ME TOO! I want a copy!"

Angel was doing an impressive impersonation of a goldfish.

Buffy nodded, "Then it is official! After we keep Spike from being eaten we have another party. Oh we've got to start planning!"

Buffy grabbed Anya's hand and they both stood up. Cordelia grinned and they went into the dining room. Spike groaned. Xander chuckled and Willow gave them a tentative smile. "Tara and I better go in there and uh...help...before they start...fitting you with a white gown or something."

"Oh God don't give them any ideas!" Spike moaned.

"Right no bad ideas for Buffy. She can come up with her own." Willow grinned as her and Tara followed the three women.

Spike refused to meet Angel's eyes. Angel finally gave up and instead asked. "Who is singing 'Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo'?"

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

"Well what now? I mean what do we do now?" Xander asked. "Harmony has the book right? Do we wait for her to call Katuo?"

Giles shook his head. "I think the best course would be to learn the spell to send Katuo BACK. At the moment we don't know where Harmony is. But if we know the spell to send Katuo back to where he came from we at least have a chance."

Giles lay down a pile of dusty books. "Willow tells me that you could read the Chinese spell that she used. I certainly hope so."

Xander groaned as he reached for the first book. Half an hour later Giles was sneezing nonstop. "I seem to have developed allergies."

Xander sighed. (Well at least I can still enjoy the small things in life) as he directed some of the dust.

Angel sighed himself as he looked at the huddle of girls at the table. "Ladies you are aware that the end of the world is coming right?"

"It always is! But if we stop making plans just because we fear the end of the world we would never get anything done! Much less go shopping!" Cordelia explained reasonably.

Spike walked over and glanced at their list. "NO NO NO NO I refuse! I will NOT wear a veil! You can't make me!"

"But you would look SO cute!" Xander looked up long enough to say.

"Not helping!" Spike pointed at him.

Angel covered his mouth but couldn't stop his eyes from twinkling.

"Oh don't think you are escaping! They have you put down for a bloody tux with a carnation in the lapel! Complete with...a speech?" He read off the pad.

"Speech?" Angel made a face.

Spike started to hyperventilate which is hard for a vampire to accomplish. "WE are NOT having Wind beneath our bloody wings played! I refuse I refuse I refuse! And no DOVES!"

"Well what would you like?" Buffy asked sweetly.

"I don't know?" Spike said frowning. "Wait wait I'm not agreeing to this!"

Anya made a show of thinking. "How about 'White Wedding' by Billy Idol?"

Spike groaned and collapsed on the couch next to Xander. "Make them stop?"

Xander shook his head not looking up from the book in his hands. "Can't stop them. No one can. It's part of their charm."

Spike pouted to himself.

"Hey G-man! Do you have any Nightingale hearts at the shop?" Xander asked as he concentrated on the spell and transcribed it on a pad of paper.

"That sounds better than bloody doves. And better than throwing rice." Spike mumbled.

Xander slapped him on the shoulder. "NO it's for the spell you idiot."

"Nightingale hearts? Um no we have sparrow hearts and hummingbird hearts. Perhaps we could substitute?" Giles asked.

Both Xander and Spike gave him a look.

"I suppose that isn't probable. I will get you some Nightingale hearts." Giles wrote down the ingredient and went to the phone.

*****************************************************

Meanwhile...

"EW who are these guys?" Harmony asked as she lay the book down on an altar.

"They are our distant cousins." The unnamed green demon bowed before her. "They will be the ones to actually release the great Katuo. He who will defeat the Lung de chuan ren."

"Do you mean Xander?" Harmony asked confused. "Then you give me back my Spikey right?"

"Yes." He grinned a particularly sickly grin. "In fact we are sending a rescue party...now."

*****************************************************

"Spike! How many times have I asked you not to smoke in here?" Giles asked irritated as he gathered ingredients.

They stood in the middle of the condo as everyone flitted around the room grabbing the ingredients needed as Xander mixed them up. Spike mimicked Giles a second before rolling his eyes and stepping outside the door. "There! Happy?"

Angel looked from side to side as he listened to the song 'Ev'rybody wants to be a cat' drift from the kitchen. When he was sure no one was looking he started to gently push the piece of furniture out of the way. Quietly carefully and slowly in an effort to make no noise. He kept looking every few seconds to make sure no one was watching him.

Everyone ignored Spike who was now outside as he lit up his cigarette and took his first drag off of it. One drag is all he got off of it as someone grabbed him from behind and started pulling him down the street. He struggled against his captors finally biting down on the hand over his mouth in an unknown imitation of Harmony earlier. As he felt the burst of warm liquid against his backside he yelled. "BLOODY HELL!" He jumped back as he spun around. "Now you've made me mad!"

He started forward to attack when he felt something hit him over the head.

As he fell the Extaplanta that had stood behind in the shadows put down the heavy wrench. "It pays to be prepared."

The two Gotaplants standing on the other side grabbed the unconscious vampire and dragged him behind them.

Inside the shop Xander fell forward as he felt the heavy hit to his head. He tried to uncross his eyes as he picked himself up. "Where's Spike?"

Giles looked outside the door. "Oh dear...we seem to have misplaced him."

Xander's heart lurched and fell into his stomach. "They've got him."

He grabbed the mixture as he ran out the door with the others close to his heels. Angel left the door ajar as they sped out of the house.

Angel got his first sight of the half dragon form of Xander as the man sniffed the air around them once they were outside. Giles took the mixture out of his hands as the boy ran around them trying to figure out which direction to go.

"Can you smell him? Can you sense which way they went?" Giles asked.

Xander looked up sharply as he picked up the trail and took off in that direction. By foot seemed to him to be taking too long and he completed his shift to full dragon. He roared as he slithered at full speed toward the missing vampire. The others did their best to keep up.

Meanwhile Spike was coming to. "Bloody hell? What did I drink?"

He looked around and noticed that he was tied to a frame. His hands were near his head and his ankles were spread apart. He saw the creatures that had kidnapped him standing around and he called to them. "Let me go before I rip you apart!"

The demons ignored him completely as two of their number dragged Harmony forward. "Harmony?"

The girl was unconscious as they tied her to the frame next to him. "What's she doing here?"

They didn't answer him as they looked at the book and mixed ingredients in a large vat. As the smoke began to rise in the air Harmony began to wake up. "Spikey? SPIKEY!"

"Harm what are you doing here?"

"They knocked me out! They told me that they were going to rescue you!" She told him trying to break free from her bonds.

Spike stared at her. "Why in bloody hell would they tell you that?"

She looked down.

"Harm? Is there something you don't want to tell me but that you better tell me before I rip your heart out with my bare hands?"

"They wanted me to get them a book." Harmony told him finally.

He looked heavenward before heaving a frustrated sigh. Finally he growled "They are wanting to KILL me you stupid BINT! To open the Hellmouth! You did exactly what they wanted!"

"They are going to kill you?" Harmony asked with a pout.

"I hate to sound like those slayerettes but...D'UH!?"

"I just wanted to save you."

"From WHAT?" Spike asked trying to figure out how to strangle her from his position.

"Xander!"

He looked at her like she had lost her mind. "Xander?"

"Yes! I mean it is obvious that you didn't want to be with him." Harmony tried to explain.

"Oh so you were going to save me from my husband and great sex? That makes sense...NOT!" he yelled as his eyes fluttered closed "I have been under Sunnyhell's influence for way to long. I sound like all of you now. You know? We have enough youth around here...how about a fountain of SMART! That may come in handy...I would bloody well try to drown you in it!"

Harmony stared at him and he glared back. "I should have let him eat you."

She couldn't think of a good come back so she stuck her tongue out at him.

"You know Harm? If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic!"

Nearby a chant began to lift into the air. The smoke thickened and the air began to crackle with energy. The two vampires forgot their argument as a form began to take shape in the smoke. It tossed its craggy head side to side as it took in the sight before it. A long neck on a large body with small useless wings on its back. A tail lashed side to side as sharp teeth snapped toward the chanters. The scales that covered the creature had a dusty cast and its eyes glowed red as it stretched and roared.

One of the demons on the ground threw itself on the ground. "Great Katuo!"

Katuo reached down and snatched the creature up in its powerful jaws, a second later it looked around for another morsel.

Spike looked at Harmony. "I hope it eats you first."

Katuo turned to him and lowered it self down to his level. Spike closed his eyes as it opened its large jaws. A sound of impact a second later had him opening his eyes. "What the..."

Xander wrapped his long body around the other dragon's body as he tried to bite at its throat. His claws grasped at the creature as he tried to pin it down. The roars vibrated the very air around them as each cried out in frustration. Spike watched the battle as Angel released him from his bonds.

"Hey let me go too!" Harmony cried out.

"Um later...maybe...Xander might be hungry." Spike smiled at her. "So stay put for now."

She struggled as they ran toward the rest of the group.

Xander tightened his body around Katuo trying to wrestle him to the ground. He felt the teeth of the other graze his neck as he drew back. He head butted it as it came in for a second try. He felt talons rake his side and he screamed.

Giles, Willow and Tara started their potion as the two dragons fought each other. Willow called out, "Ignis incende"

The fire under the pot instantly started at Willow's words. They threw herbs in as they chanted from pouches they wore. "This won't work unless Xander does the spell!" Willow called out.

"I'm afraid he's a bit busy pet." Spike called back.

Smoke began to rise from the pot and float through the air. "Giles what do we do? It's now or never!"

"Les poissons Les poissons How I love les poissons Love to chop And to serve little fish First I cut off their heads Then I pull out the bones Ah mais oui"

"What the HELL is that?" Angel asked as he heard the music coming closer.

"That? That sounds like Willard!" Willow looked around. "But he's in the kitchen!"

Angel swallowed hard. "Uh..."

"Ca c'est toujours delish Les poissons Les poissons Hee hee hee Hah hah hah With the cleaver I hack them in two I pull out what's inside And I serve it up fried God, I love little fishes Don't you?"

"Where is it coming from? How did he get out of the kitchen?" Buffy asked looking around too.

Angel cleared his throat. "Um..."

"Here's something for tempting the palate Prepared in the classic technique First you pound the fish flat with a mallet Then you slash through the skin Give the belly a slice Then you rub some salt in 'Cause that makes it taste nice (Zut alors, I have missed one!)"

"What is it singing?" Anya asked.

"A song from The Little Mermaid!" Tara said blushing that she knew the answer.

"I rather like this song." Spike said moving his head in time with the music.

"You would!" Willow smirked a little.

The two dragons stopped their battle momentarily as the music got closer.

"Sacre bleu What is this? How on earth could I miss Such a sweet little succulent crab? Quel dommage What a loss Here we go in the sauce Now some flour, I think Just a dab."

Katuo slid out of Xander's grasp as he moved his great head left and right looking for the source of the sound.

"Xander! Quickly now while he is distracted!" Giles yelled.

"Now I stuff you with bread It don't hurt 'cause you're dead And you're certainly lucky you are 'Cause it's gonna be hot In my big silver pot Toodle loo mon poisson Au revoir!" A flash of purple streaked by the group with a dragon on its heels.

"Was that a purple tutu?" Angel asked as Xander ran by in his half dragon form.

The smoke surrounded the area as a half glimpsed purple form and the dragon ran around the area. Xander's voice raised in the night in words that had not been spoken in hundreds of years. A flash of light and it was over.

They all froze looking at each other. "Some how I thought that there would be more to it." Willow said disappointed.

The bushes rustled as the sound of singing started to fade off. "Kiss the girl..."

"Willard is getting away!" Giles shouted.

"Let it!" Buffy said. "I think it earned its freedom don't you? With that whole providing an important distraction and saving the day type thing. I think he's mostly harmless don't you?"

"I suppose you are right. I just feel very nervous setting a purple tutu'd creature with an addiction to Disney songs on the loose."

"There are worse thing in the night." Willow told him.

"I suppose but not much worse." Giles rolled his eyes.

"Should we free Harmony? Dust her? What?" Willow asked.

"Too late, someone already freed her. And it looks like our little pissy demons got away too. But at least we have the book!" Buffy said. "Had the book?"

Xander sighed. "It apparently pulls a disappearing act after it is used."

"Yes hidden again until someone finds it again." Giles said. "I found a reference to it earlier."

"At least next time we will be more prepared." Xander said.

"Careful mate! We don't want to learn from this." Spike told him with a smirk.

"That is the last time I let you read my Calvin and Hobbes books." Xander grabbed him wrapping an arm around his shoulder.

As they started walking home...

"What I would like to know is how did it get out?" Cordelia asked.

"Ahem um well?" Angel said trying his best to look adorable. He figured that maybe if he looked sweet no one would be mad. It worked with others.

"You let it out?"

"Sorta, kinda, maybe?"

Spike hummed to himself as they made their way back to Giles. "You do know that it is a DISNEY song right?"

"Yes but it is the bloodiest Disney song I've every heard. And it has a good beat. Is it annoying you?" He asked Giles.

"Yes."

Spike smiled and started to sing loudly.

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

Epilogue:

"Things have really changed haven't they?" Angel asked looking around the room.

"Well you know what they say...Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine." Buffy smiled as she put a balloon up with Anya's help.

"Do you think things will work out for them?" Angel asked.

"Well I hope so it's not like they have a lot of choice in the matter do they?"

In the back of the house voices began to rise. "I'm not a COMPLETE idiot you know...some parts are missing!"

"I'm just saying that you should be nice to Buffy and Cordy. After all we are getting free gifts out of this!"

"What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free?"

"Shh!"

They walked into the room and Buffy gave them a look. "Now you know you aren't supposed to see the bride before the ceremony."

"We are technically already married. And I'm NOT a bride!" Spike sneered.

"Whatever...why aren't you dressed?"

"I'm dressed, do you see my interesting bits?" Spike asked gesturing down to his clothing. "Look I'll pin that bleedin white carnation to my coat but that as far as I go!"

"Ooooo Okay I guess!" Buffy pouted.

Willow bounced out with the camera. "Camera ready!"

"Now you know pet I can't be photographed right?" Spike smirked.

"Yes you can! I enchanted the camera!" Willow gushed clicking a picture.

Spike blinked as he saw stars. "Oh look stars...maybe they will sing at my wedding." He said rubbing his eyes.

Angel moaned slightly, "Oh don't even go there!"

Spike pouted. "My mummy won't even be at my wedding."

"You're mummy is insane!" Xander told him.

"Well...yeah...what's your point?"

"She would try to eat the guests among other things! Never mind...we can send her pictures if you want." Xander said rolling his eyes.

"Too bad Willard couldn't be here. He could sing at your wedding." Tara sighed.

"Well at least your real friends are here!" Anya said.

"HA! Some friends! Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies. You won't even let me MAKE any bodies!"

"You'll live or unlive or whatever Spike!" Xander told him as they prepared for the ceremony.

"Yes, but will I enjoy it?"

Xander kissed him deeply. "What do you think?"

"I think...it is worth a try." Spike said then leaned in and whispered. "Husband. But I get to be husband too."

"Whatever you say." Xander smiled. Then hugged him tightly and mouthed. 'Wife'

The ceremony wasn't too long but it was enough for those watching including the slayer who put her arm finally around the ex-demoness and the ex-demoness who laid her head on the slayer's shoulder.

And for once...a ceremony went off without a hitch...although Spike could have done without another toaster.

The End...

The challenges:

Dragon challenge:
Willow messes up a spell after misinterpreting a Chinese spell, The result is that a mystic lock is placed upon the Hellmouth. Spike becomes or is made one with it's key. (Oh, in case you are wondering...to be used to unlock the Hellmouth, he would have to die. A BIG NO NO in his book.) A dragon (OF THE CHINESE variety, long beautiful and powerful...not to mention immortal) is summoned...expect the closest un-bonded being with dragon blood... is Xander. So, he becomes a full blood... full power guardian dragon...is bonded with Spike ... whom at first he does not love. The rest is battles...blood...LOVE...and SEX.

Witch challenge:
In "The Witch", Willow tries to find out who the witch is by seeing who has checked out any books on witchcraft and finds them all checked out by Xander. The following exchange occurs:
XANDER: "It's not what you think"
WILLOW: "You like to look at the semi-nude engravings?"
XANDER: "Okay, it is what you think."
What if it isn't what Willow thought? We all know there are hidden depths to Xander that just don't get explored. The Challenge is to explain The Real Reason(tm) why Xander checked out those books and have him come out of the proverbial broom closet.
Lines to include:
"Hey! Watch where you point that thing!"
"Feather dusters can be deadly. There's all sorts of latent power in cleaning utensils, you know."
*Zap* "Yikes! It wasn't supposed to do *that*...though it is kind of pretty."
"Back off or the Mr. Sheen gets it!"
"Make it stop dancing! Make it stop dancing! Oh great, now it's singing!"
And the following exchange:
"I thought you said you could control it!"
"That was before *someone* decided to let their hands wander!"
"What's it doing now?"
"Oh, that's fine, it's just...uh oh, DUCK!"
And, of course, a yummy S/X pairing.