Black Eyes, Blue Tears
Part 11
“We’ve got him,” Detective Harris said into the phone with a smile.
AJ grinned at Lance, “Do you think he’ll get bail?”
The detective said quickly, “No. Why don’t you and Lance get out of that neighbourhood now? JC isn’t going anywhere.”
“I’ll consider it. Thanks,” AJ said ending the call.
“You think he’ll come after me?” Lance asked AJ worried for the other man more than for himself.
AJ promised, “He’s not going to get the chance. Want to go back to the hotel with the others?”
“That would be nice. Can I still room with you?”
“Of course. If you need me for anything just tell me,” AJ said seriously.
Grabbing the bag from the floor AJ smiled over at Lance knowing that finally the healing could begin now that JC was out the way. His grin widened as Lance hugged him; it was the first time Lance had initiated such intimate contact.
“Come on, angel. I can’t wait to surprise the guys!” AJ said with a smile.
Lance bit his lip, “Ya think the press are there?”
“Don’t worry. We’ll be okay.” AJ said as the pair walked outside downstairs.
Lance handed in the key to the woman at the desk, giving her a wide smile. The woman just stared at him in shock; unable to believe this was the same man scared man she had seen the day before.
Lance looked at the sea of fans with a groan, not wanting to face them after everything that had happened. He wordlessly took the fake nose stud AJ passed him grinning. The fans would have a hard time spotting them now that they looked the complete opposite of their images.
Lance was wearing all leather with a studded choker with two fake eyebrow rings and one stud in his nose, he looked more like a punk star than a boyband member. AJ, wearing a charcoal grey suit with a white shirt and blue tie looked like the perfect businessman.
“Ready to face the hordes?” AJ asked with a grin.
Lance smiled, “Ready as I’ll ever be.”
The pair turned the corner of the street, grinning when the fans nervously moved out of their way seeing only a dangerous man instead of the charming, gentle bass singer. Holding the door open for the younger man, AJ breathed a sigh as relief as they entered safety.
*******
“I won’t be a sec,” AJ said before he walked over to the desk and asked the receptionist, “Any messages for AJ McLean?”
The woman smiled at him cheerfully, “Mr Richardson said he’ll see you and your guest tonight. Mr Fatone said to tell you everything is taken care of. Have a nice day!”
“Thanks,” AJ said walking over to where Lance was waiting with the bag.
Lance let out a breath he hadn’t even realised he was holding as the elevator doors closed in front of him. The only people in the compartment were him and AJ, something the green-eyed man was thankful for. He didn’t think he could handle a lot of people, all he wanted to do was sleep.
The new tour manager snarled when the pair got off the elevator, “You turned up then! Who’s this?”
AJ just rolled his eyes, “This is my one of my best friends, Lance Bass. He is going to stay with me for a while. Can you make sure we’re not disturbed?”
“Fine, but you’re not to disappear without telling me in future!” The man replied walking down the corridor in a huff.
Lance smirked, “Charming man (!)”
“He’s a ray of sunshine in the dark world of show business,” AJ said wryly opening the door of his room, motioning for Lance to go in first.
The room was exactly like every other hotel Lance had been in but that didn’t matter to him. Hotels were normal now; he failed to be impressed by them. He quickly lay down on the bed, the emotional roller coaster if the last two days finally catching up with him. It was difficult to believe that he had only told AJ the truth two days ago, and that JC was already in jail. He just hoped that they would be able to send JC away for a while.
*******
The man looked directly at the camera as he said, “This is Kurt Loder with a shocking MTV News. JC Chasez has been arrested on multiple counts of rape and grievous bodily harm after Lance Bass filed the charge. This is seen by some to explain Lance Bass’ sudden disappearance two days ago. It is believed that Bass could be in a safehouse by the Chicago PD.”
Diane Bass stared at the television in a mix of shock, disgust and rage. How could this have happened to her baby, how long had it been happening? Why didn’t she see anything? More importantly why didn’t Lance tell her about it? She quickly called her son’s mobile only to be told that the cell phone she was calling was switched off. Was her son avoiding her or was he really in hiding?
*******
At the same time Lance was laying asleep in AJ’s arms, the Backstreet boy was softly humming content to just hold Lance knowing the other man was safe. He froze as Lance started screaming desperately fighting with an unseen foe.
“Shush, its okay. No one is here, just me - Alex. I’ll take care of you!” AJ whispered into the singer’s ear not touching Lance in case he made the situation worse.
Crying Lance shouted, “No! Stop! Let me go! Stop, please!”
There was a crash as Chris and Nick kicked the door off its hinges, running into the room in a mix of fear and anger alarmed by Lance’s cries. AJ jumped up ready to defend Lance with his life.
Looking at the distraught bass singer, Chris menacingly approached AJ snarling, “What did you *do* to him?”
AJ said quickly, “Nothing. He’s having a nightmare; he has a lot of them. Back off and let me take care of him.”
“Alex, where are you? JC let Alex go, please!” Lance whimpered as he reached out to find only air where AJ had been laying.
Pulling out of Chris’ grip AJ knelt down on the bed next to Lance and gently touched the blonde’s hair saying soothingly, “I’m here, Lance. JC is not going to get the chance to hurt you again! I promise, baby.”
Nick looked at AJ in anger unable to believe AJ was putting pressure on Lance by broadcasting his feelings about the suffering man. Lance didn’t need anything else right now. Nick knew how protective and caring AJ was so it didn’t make sense for the dark haired man to be so uncaring of Lance’s pain.
“Alex, what’s wrong?” Lance asked opening his eyes to find AJ watching him with unspent tears in his eyes.
AJ answered with a grin, “Nothing. Do you want to get up, sweetheart?”
Lance’s eyes widened as he saw the two men staring at him and AJ on the bed, “I guess. Er…what are Nick and Chris doing in our room? JC isn’t after us, is he?”
“No. He is still locked up. We just wanted to see if you wanted to hang out with us?” Chris said quickly not wanting to alarm his friend.
Lance just arched his eyebrows at them, having noticed the broken door. There was more to the situation than Chris was saying, Lance let it go for now knowing that AJ would tell him if he asked.
“That would be nice. Come on, Alex.” Lance said pulling AJ up from the bed, not letting go of the other man’s hand.
As the four walked down the corridor Chris said, “We’re all meeting up in Justin’s room.”
“You’re back!” Howie exclaimed as he and Brian got off the elevator and headed towards the singers.
AJ answered with a grin, “Yeah.” His grip on Lance’s hand tightened when the man quickly moved so that he was pasted against the Backstreet Boy’s chest, one hand clutching onto AJ’s shirt.
Seeing the reaction they had on Lance, the others froze giving the pair space. They didn’t want to scare Lance, they had only intended on welcoming him back. AJ simply allowed Lance to hold onto him, he wanted to hug the younger man but was worried it could upset Lance.
Smiling up at AJ Lance opened the door of Justin’s room and letting Brian and Howie walk in. Hearing Chris bicker with Nick just in front of them Lance and AJ smiled at each other.
“What the fuck?!” Howie shouted in shock as he walked in to find Justin and Kevin in bed together, naked.
Chris snarled, “How could you take advantage of him like this, Kevin!”
“How could you do this to Kristen?” Brian asked angrily.
The shouting and anger caused Lance to desperately search for someplace to hide. He was operating purely on instinct, the instinct that anger and shouting normally led to pain for him.
Spying the bathroom, Lance ran inside locking the door behind him as hard leaned lessons returned to his memory. *Keep down. Keep quiet…make as small a target as possible, * Lance kept repeating his mantra mentally as he crouched against the sink where he had a clear view of the door.
AJ snarled at the room, “Shut up, you stupid Fucks!”
The five stared at him in shock wondering what had made AJ so angrily, seeing that Lance was nowhere to be found they started panicking. Where had Lance disappeared to and why?
Moving outside the bathroom door AJ said soothingly, “Lance, baby? It’s Alex, can you let me in?”
His voice echoing in the now silent room Lance said shakily, “N…No. They are gonna hurt me. I haven’t done anything wrong, have I? I tried to be good, honest! Why are they angry with me?”
“They’re not angry at you and no one is going to hurt you. Can you let me in, sweetheart?” AJ pleaded ignoring the other people in the room.
“Okay, just you.” Lance said before opening the door and pulling AJ inside the bathroom.
*******
“I feel like shit,” Chris said to the room at large looking at the floor.
Howie just nodded unable to believe that they had scared the bass singer so much. Lance had sounded terrified because of them, he had read all about being careful with someone who had been abused but had failed at the first hurdle.
“Did you hear what Lance said?” Justin asked pulling on a robe and getting out of bed.
Brian nodded guiltily, “Yeah. He thinks we are going to hurt him. You think we should talk to him?”
Nick shook his head, “Lance’s not going to let us near him for a while. AJ is the only one he feels safe with; it will be a while before Lance can relax around us. It is to be expected given what he has endured. He spent the last five years getting hurt if he did or said something wrong, or without permission. He needs to learn how to feel safe around us, to trust us again.”
“You think we should call a shrink or someone?” Brian asked worriedly.
Kevin said thoughtfully, “That’s not our decision to make. It would probably be the best option but Lance needs to decide that himself. He needs to have control of his own life again.”
“You know this is all your fault!” Brian said glaring at his cousin.
“Really (!) Me and Justin had planned to tell you about our relationship after we had gotten Lance away from JC.”
Chris asked with a grin, “What is your relationship?”
Justin grinned widely, “ That’s easy, we’re in love with each other. We have been for 17 months, JC knows about us. I was a little shocked JC didn’t make me get info from Kevin about where Lance was.”
“What about Kristen?” Howie asked suddenly.
Knowing what he had to say was going to shock his friends Kevin took a deep breath, “I was never involved with her. She offered to help me cover up my sexuality. We were both lonely and sure that we would never have someone, so we got married. I met Justin and everything clicked into place. Kristen and I are getting a divorce and she is getting the house. I don’t need it, I have my home with Justin.”
“How come you don’t look shocked about this, Nick?” Chris said his eyes pinning the blonde in place.
Nick shrugged, “I knew about them, they’re great together.”
“You knew and you didn’t tell me?” Brian asked feeling betrayed.
Nick grinned saying idly, “Not my place to tell you. Anyway, it is none of your business. Like the fact that I’m gay and engaged isn’t any of your business.”
“Engaged! To who?” Howie exclaimed in shock and amazement, he had always figured Nick couldn’t keep anything secret obviously he was wrong.
Nick gave a mysterious smile, “The most wonderful guy on the planet.”
“Now we’ve finished sharing our darkest secrets, can we get Lance out of there?” Chris said angrily.
*******
“I really tried to be good! What have I done wrong?” Lance asked half crying.
AJ held his hand out in invitation as he said, “You haven’t done anything wrong, they’re just fucking idiots who don’t think before doing anything.”
Lance warily scooted closer to AJ, at the other man’s reassuring smile he moved into AJ’s arms. He sighed contentedly when AJ gently placed his arms around him, taking care not to irritate any of the wounds on Lance’s back. He absently noticed that AJ was humming again; Lance had noticed that the older man did that whenever Lance was upset.
Lance asked curiosity finally getting the better of him, “What song is that you’re humming?”
AJ answered with a grin, “Hmm? Oh, its called I’ll Stand By You by the Pretenders.”
“Could you sing it for me?” Lance asked nervously.
“Of course Sweetheart,” AJ said with a grin.
Lance grinned, “You call me that a lot or baby or angel.”
“Sorry. If you want or if it’s making you uncomfortable, I’ll stop.”
Lance said shyly, “I like it. It feels like you really care about me, as if you really want to be with me, as if you don’t see me as dirty.”
AJ said seriously looking Lance in the eyes, “I do care about you. I want to be around you and you’re not dirty. You’re wonderful, brave, strong, caring and beautiful.”
“Thanks. Can you sing that song for me?” Lance said a warm feeling in his stomach.
AJ just grinned and started singing his voice full of love as he tenderly looked at Lance trying to express just how he felt.
“OH, WHY YOU LOOK SO SAD?
TEARS ARE IN YOUR EYES
COME ON AND COME TO ME NOW
DON'T BE ASHAMED TO CRY
LET ME SEE YOU THROUGH
'CAUSE I'VE SEEN THE DARK SIDE TOO
WHEN THE NIGHT FALLS ON YOU
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
NOTHING YOU CONFESS
COULD MAKE ME LOVE YOU LESS
I'LL STAND BY YOU
I'LL STAND BY YOU
WON'T LET NOBODY HURT YOU
I'LL STAND BY YOU
SO IF YOU'RE MAD, GET MAD
DON'T HOLD IT ALL INSIDE
COME ON AND TALK TO ME NOW
HEY, WHAT YOU GOT TO HIDE?
I GET ANGRY TOO
WELL I'M A LOT LIKE YOU
WHEN YOU'RE STANDING AT THE CROSSROADS
AND DON'T KNOW WHICH PATH TO CHOOSE
LET ME COME ALONG
'CAUSE EVEN IF YOU'RE WRONG
I'LL STAND BY YOU
I'LL STAND BY YOU
WON'T LET NOBODY HURT YOU
I'LL STAND BY YOU
TAKE ME IN, INTO YOUR DARKEST HOUR
AND I'LL NEVER DESERT YOU
I'LL STAND BY YOU
AND WHEN...
WHEN THE NIGHT FALLS ON YOU, BABY
YOU'RE FEELING ALL ALONE
YOU WON'T BE ON YOUR OWN
I'LL STAND BY YOU
I'LL STAND BY YOU
WON'T LET NOBODY HURT YOU
I'LL STAND BY YOU
TAKE ME IN, INTO YOUR DARKEST HOUR
AND I'LL NEVER DESERT YOU
I'LL STAND BY YOU
I'LL STAND BY YOU
WON'T LET NOBODY HURT YOU
I'LL STAND BY YOU
WON'T LET NOBODY HURT YOU
I'LL STAND BY YOU
Part 12
AJ slowly opened the door, Lance hiding behind him. It had been four hours since the AJ had joined Lance in the bathroom and sang to him. Four hours during which the pair had simply held each other, taking comfort from the other’s presence.
“Lance, I’m sorry for doing that to you.” Brian said anxiously as he looked at the pair, noticing that Lance was hiding from them again.
Lance asked ignoring the blonde, “Can we go back to our room, Alex?”
AJ said seriously, “That might be a little difficult seeing how we no longer have a door on the room. Give me a sec and I’ll get another room.”
“I’ve arranged for you to have room 1055. It’s down the corridor,” Kevin said handing AJ a key with a smile at Lance.
Lance smiled shyly at Kevin saying, “Thank you. I’m happy for you and Justin.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to hang out with us for a while?” Joey said trying to get back the friendship he used to have with Lance.
Lance said nervously, “E…Er…N…Not right now.”
“Okay. Just remember that you can talk to me about anything,” Joey said with a grin moving to hug Lance.
AJ glared at Joey causing the man to back away seeing that Lance was now pasted against AJ in fear. Joey knew it was ridiculous but he couldn’t help but feel angry at AJ for taking Lance away from him.
“Come on, sweetheart.” AJ said not reacting to Lance holding onto his top. He gently smiled at the younger man, holding out one hand and letting Lance decide what to do next.
‘AJ is so great about everything. He doesn’t even yell at me,’ Lance thought amazed. Lance looked at the hand, taking it and smiling thankfully at AJ.
The pair walked out the room oblivious to looks on the faces of their friends.
*******
Brian and Joey looked at each other in a mix of shock and awe. They had never imagined AJ could be so tender.
Nick broke the silence, “It’s amazing how he does that, isn’t it?”
“The way he knows what to do without threatening Lance? Yeah, I wonder how he knows?” Chris said in admiration.
Joey said thoughtfully, “I think he’s going on instinct but it seems to be working. Did you hear about the MTV report?”
Kevin said angrily, “Jive wants Lance to hold a conference tomorrow, they are ignoring Johnny’s suggestion to leave him alone.”
“What did you expect? They don’t care about us, they never have.” Brian said with a resigned sigh.
Kevin said apologetically, “I told Jive that Lance isn’t going to be there but they threatened to sue him for breach of contract.”
“Basically, he has no choice. That’s what you’re saying.” Chris said glaring at Kevin as if it was his fault.
“Yeah, that’s what Kev’s saying. Now who’s going to break the news?” Nick said seriously, looking at the others.
Imagining AJ’s response Kevin said, “I will. You know that AJ’s going to freak.”
“Can you blame him? He loves Lance and knows more than any of us how it’s affecting Lance.” Joey said reasonably. He didn’t like the idea of Lance facing the feeding frenzy that was the press. Hell, he’d seen sharks friendly than the press.
“I’ll be back in a couple of minutes. Can one of you see about getting a restraining order on JC? Just in case he doesn’t go to jail.”
“You really think that’s going to happen?” Justin asked Kevin worriedly.
Kevin sighed, “I hope not but we have to be ready for anything.”
“I’ll call.” Chris said wanting to do everything he could to help his green-eyed friend.
*******
AJ looked at the younger man who was half asleep in his arms. He was worried, all Lance seemed to do was sleep. Surely that was a sign that something was wrong? He froze wondering if he should ask Lance about getting a blood test. He didn’t know how he could ask, but if there was even a chance of JC having given Lance something they had to know.
The sound of someone knocking on the door woke Lance up. At first the man stayed still, not knowing where he was, and whose arms were around him. As memory slowly returned he looked up to find AJ looking at him with a weird expression on his face.
On seeing Lance looking at him AJ quickly smiled not wanting Lance to guess at what he was thinking. Hearing someone knock on the door again AJ said, “James, can you get up for a second? I need to answer the door. It could be important.”
Lance did as AJ asked, lying back down on the sofa, looking at the door anxiously. He was confused when Kevin walked in. Why was Kevin checking up on them? They had only left the others a couple of minutes ago.
“Hey Kev.” AJ said in greeting, moving so that the older man could get inside the room.
Kevin knew they wouldn’t like his news but he hoped they wouldn’t blame him for what he had to say, “Jive said Lance has to hold a press conference. We’ve already said that they should leave him alone, but they won’t listen. They said if he doesn’t they will sue him for breach of contract.”
“I have to t…tell everyone…w…what JC did?” Lance asked looking at AJ in desperation.
AJ frowned at the idea thinking fast he said, “No. Tell Jive Lance can’t say anything until after the court case. That way we can deal with them later.”
“That might work. Are you going to get the police to back you up on that?” Kevin said with a smirk.
AJ smiled at Lance “I’ll call Detective Harris and get her to back us up. I think she’ll do it, she seems to like you.”
“She’s nice. The DA is going to call today about when I have to go and discuss my testimony with him.” Lance said nervously biting his lip.
Kevin said quickly, “I’m sure everything will be fine. You want me to call the DA’s office and see when they’re going to come by?”
AJ looked at Lance when the man nodded AJ said, “That would be great Kev. Thanks.”
Kevin smiled and left the room intending on making his phone call.
*******
“NO! Please not him!” Nick shouted in despair.
Nick didn’t even notice when Howie slowly pried the phone from his grip, concerned that someone had upset the blonde.
Howie asked angrily, “Hi, this is a friend of Nick’s. Can I ask what you said to him?”
A woman replied politely, “This is Chicago General I had to inform Mr Carter that his fiancé was killed in a car crash. Mr Carter was the only contact listed.”
Howie felt terrible for how he had acted. He said softly, “Thank you for calling.”
“Nicky?” Howie said gently opening his arms.
Nick desperately clung to the older man as he cried over the loss of the most important person in his life. Howie didn’t say anything, just gently ran his fingers through the blonde’s hair. He didn’t know how this was going to affect his friend, he hadn’t even known Nick was engaged! He did know however, that Nick would only have gotten engaged if he believed the relationship would last and if he loved the man with everything that he was.
It was then that Brian barged into the room happily humming, relieved that everything seemed to be going okay. He stopped at the scene before him and looked at Howie in askance. The older man just shook his head before turning his attentions back to the man in his arms.
“Why did it have to happen to him?” Nick asked hoarse from crying.
Howie said honestly, “I don’t know, Nick.”
“Did she tell you how it happened?” Nick said needing to know.
Howie didn’t know how the knowledge would help but he answered, “He was in a car crash.”
“Who are you talking about?” Brian said angrily.
Nick shouted, “My fiancé. He was killed a couple of hours ago.”
“I’m sorry, Nick.” Brian said guiltily.
Brian went to hold his friend but Nick only held on tighter to Howie. Brian couldn’t understand Nick’s reaction but accepted it. He left the room in silence and walked to Kevin’s room. He would have to tell everyone that Nick and Howie couldn’t make it to the restaurant.
*******
There was a loud beeping noise as Nick’s phone went off. It took out of his pocket and looked at the number in shock unable to believe what he was seeing. The number was identified as his fiancé’s cell phone.
“Hello?” Nick answered on automaton.
“What’s wrong, babe?” A man asked worried at Nick’s tone.
Nick said hopefully, “Ben? That really you?”
“Yeah. Why?” Ben answered confused why his lover was even asking.
“I just got a call telling me you had been killed in a car crash.”
Ben shouted angrily, “What the fuck? Baby, I was in a car crash but I just got a few bruises. I’ll be at your hotel in five minutes.”
“God, I can’t wait to see you.” Nick said seriously. He smiled when Ben said I love you before hanging up the phone.
“He’s not dead!” Nick said excitedly as he jumped up in the air.
Howie said happily relieved, “That’s great!”
“Yeah! He’s going to be here in a couple of minutes so you can all meet him!!” Nick said running over to the mirror.
‘I look a mess,’ Nick thought noticing his red eyes puffy from crying. He ran into the bathroom and washed his face with cold water. He was straightening out his clothes when there was a distinctive knock of three raps followed by a two second pause and one more rap.
Nick ran over to the door and fell into the arms of his lover. He kissed Ben hungrily remembering how just minutes ago he had thought he would never be able to do this again. He would never feel Ben’s lips on his, or the peace of being in Ben’s arms.
“I love you, baby.” Ben said seriously when they broke apart with a grin.
Nick answered immediately, “Not as much as I love you.”
Howie stared in shock at the identity of Nick’s fiancé, it was Ben Affleck. The movie star who was supposedly straight, at least according to what he had heard. Realising they were both staring at him Howie smiled at the pair.
“Hi, I’m Howe.” Howie said holding out his hand.
Ben shook the offered hand and said with a grin, “I’m Ben, nice to meet you.”
Howie asked as they all sat down, “So how long have you been dating Nick?”
“Two years and don’t worry, I’m not going to hurt him.” Ben said smiling at Nick and gently stroking the blonde’s hand he was clutching with his thumb.
Howie said seriously, “Good, I’d hate to have to kill you. I’ll go and let you two have some time together.”
“Bye, Howie. Thanks for everything.” Nick said with a grin as the man left.
*******
Nick said his eyes shining with unspent tears, “When I got that phone call it felt like a part of me had died. All I could think was that I’d never hold you, never feel your lips on mine.”
“I’m sorry, baby. I’m never going to leave you, and even death cannot truly separate us.” Ben pulled Nick onto his lap and wrapped his arms around the singer.
Nick smiled, “How long can I keep you for until you have to go back?”
Ben said with a grin, “I haven’t got anything planned for at least seven months, I wanted to make sure we had enough time for our honeymoon.”
“I can’t wait. I know we were going to tell the guys about us tonight when you arrived but I already told them I’m engaged.”
“How did you tell them?” Ben asked with a grin, breathing in the scent of his lover.
Nick blushed, “I kinda blurted it out when the others started freaking out over Kev and Justin. I wasn’t really paying attention everything has been too chaotic recently.”
“Why what’s happened?” Ben asked confused knowing it was just supposed to be boring interviews and photo-shoots.
Nick said seriously, “AJ found out JC’s been hitting Lance for the last five years. For the last year JC’s been raping Lance.”
“What’s happening about it?” Ben asked the thought that JC wasn’t going to be punished made rage burn through his veins.
Nick said worried, “Lance is pressing charges but he’s really skittish. When everyone was shouting earlier, Lance ran into the bathroom thinking we were going to hurt him. He doesn’t like anyone touching him. He doesn’t trust anyone. Lance keeps saying that it was his fault, that JC was only hurting him because he deserved it.”
Ben said thoughtfully, “He’s been abused for years, it’s bound to have screwed up his perceptions. From what I’ve read a lot of people are frightened and have self esteem problems after they’ve been raped.”
Nick nodded, “I said as much to the guys earlier. I think they’re all a little worried because he has become really attached to AJ. I guess we should go tell everyone just who my fiancé is.”
*******
Nick smiled at Ben before opening the door of Kevin’s room unsurprised to find Nsync there as well as the other Backstreet members. The two groups had gotten closer while they were working to save Lance. He smiled at Lance who was sitting in the corner next to AJ.
Nick coughed and everyone was immediately silent. He said seriously, “I would like you all to meet Ben, my fiancé.”
Justin grinned and ran over and pulled Ben into a deep, tender kiss causing gasps from the audience. Ben just kissed back and broke apart with a grin/ “Woah. I wasn’t expecting that!” Joey said in shock.
Justin turned to Nick and pouted sexily.
“Come here,” Nick said with a grin pulling Justin into a kiss causing even more gasps.
“Nice to meet everyone.” Ben said breaking the shocked silence. Chris asked the room at large, “Did I just see that?”
“Yeah. Er…Kev, aren’t you going to do anything?” Brian said looking at the dark haired man.
“Yeah.” Kevin said walking purposely toward Ben. Everyone waited expectantly for Kevin to hit the film star and was stunned when he kissed Ben passionately.
“I’ll introduce you to everyone, babe.” Nick said with a grin, not reacting when Ben placed a hand at the back of his neck.
Nick smiled at the two men in front of him, “This is Joey Fatone and Chris Kirkpatrick. Remember the crazy one and the hyper one? They’re in Nsync and wish they could be as good as us.”
Ben grinned at the indignant “Hey!” from the two men and looked over to where AJ was sitting with Lance.
“This is AJ McLean.” Nick said with a grin.
Ben took the offered hand, “Hi AJ. How are you?”
“I’m good, obviously not as good as you. I guess you already know Kev and Justin?”
“We know each other really well.” Ben said with a smirk.
“This is Lance Bass.” Nick said smiling at the green-eyed blonde.
Ben smiled gently doing his best to show he wasn’t going to hurt the man. “Nice to meet you, Lance.”
“Now you’re here, Benny we can go for that meal if it’s okay with everyone?” Kevin said seriously looking around the room.
There were nods all round and the ten men headed back to their rooms to get ready.
Part 13
The night had been fairly painless Kevin reflected as he lay in bed, arms around his sleeping lover. Kevin knew he was supposed to sleep so he would be refreshed for the conference in the morning but he couldn’t stop thinking about the shock on everyone’s face when he and Justin had kissed Ben.
He didn’t think the others would be very happy if they found out exactly how close they were, how the four of them often spent months together. How they would sleep with each other in a regular basis, so they had sex with each other but that didn’t mean anything. He loved Ben and Nick but not the way he loved Justin.
Justin was his light, heart and conscience. He wasn’t naïve enough to think all they needed was love, love was great but you needed to be independent of each other. Kevin knew if he and Justin didn’t have their own friends and lives, they would drive each other crazy. He loved the way Justin would happily tell him if he had broken a rule, if he was talking shit, and the way Justin always supported him. Justin was something Kevin often felt he unworthy of, not that Justin didn’t have his failures. Justin was headstrong, lazy and stubborn, not to mention impulsive.
Kevin sighed, Lance was on his mind again, well Lance and AJ to be exact. Lance was becoming dependent on AJ, and Kevin didn’t know how to break them apart. He knew Lance needed someone to feel safe with but AJ? The pair wouldn’t even be able to spend a lot of time together after the tour, becoming dependent would just result in pain. He didn’t want either of them hurt, not after what had happened.
Looking at the clock, Kevin realised he only had two hours before he had to get up. Hearing the sound of someone banging, Kevin jumped out of bed and ran out of the room.
*******
“Baby? Let me in! Lance, please!” AJ shouted as he knocked on the door worriedly.
He had woken up to find Lance nowhere to be seen, hearing the sound of water he had relaxed. It had been a forty minutes since he had awoken and Lance was nowhere to be seen. He had jumped out of bed when he realised water was coming through the bottom of the bathroom door.
Kevin asked using his key to get into the room, “What’s wrong?”
“Lance has been in there for forty minutes at least and I’m worried about him.” AJ explained impatiently still knocking on the door.
“Okay, we’ll kick it open.” Kevin said and kicked the door.
The door shook but didn’t open so AJ kicked the door again over the location of the lock. There was a loud crack as the lock busted. AJ opened the door and gasped, Lance was laying in the overflowing bath, an empty syringe sticking out of his arm.
Picking the syringe up AJ gasped in shock and fear. It was completely empty. What had Lance taken? Why had he missed the signs that Lance was using? With his past, he should have seen the truth.
Kevin quickly called an ambulance and reception in the hope that the on duty hotel doctor would be able to help Lance. He was then informed that the doctor was off sick. ‘Some hotel,’ Kevin thought with a sigh as he looked over at Lance and the clearly shocked AJ.
*******
Wondering where Kevin was Justin walked out of their room and shouted shocked, “What the fuck’s happened?”
“We are taking Lance to hospital. We think he may have taken something.” Kevin answered as they waited for the elevator.
“Call the others. I’m going with him.” AJ said as he helped the paramedics wheel Lance’s stretcher into the elevator.
“We’ll be there as soon as possible.” Kevin promised before the doors closed, he prayed Lance would be okay. He didn’t think AJ could handle it if Lance died, none of them would really handle it. In the last two days they had all become fond of the shy blonde.
Within fifteen minutes the singers along with Ben Affleck were on their way to the hospital each worried about how Lance was. Chris and Justin were feeling guilty for not thinking of the possibility of Lance trying to commit suicide.
“Why did he do it?” Joey said looking at the others in the car with him.
“I don’t know, maybe it all became too much. It could have been that he was worried about the press or his parents.”
Justin paled, “SHIT! Who’s going to call them? They’ll freak.”
“I will later.” Joey said ending the conversation.
*******
“Who is here for Lance Bass?”
“We are. How is he?” Kevin said as the group jumped up from their seats expectantly.
“He’s still critical. Only to be expected. I’m surprised no one saw the signs!” The doctor said looking down at the chart in his hands.
“What do you mean?” Chris asked suspiciously, did Lance have a drug problem.
The doctor said confused at their reactions, “Why his illness! He’s lucky we caught it in time.”
“Just what is wrong with him?” AJ asked angrily annoyed that the doctor wouldn’t just tell them what the problem was.
The doctor explained, “Mr Bass has Type 2 or non-insulin dependent diabetes. He mustn’t have been eating properly or taking his medication for a while, at least two weeks. He managed to inject his emergency insulin but it wasn’t enough. We have placed him on an insulin IV, so we should see some improvement soon. I’m just concerned that he may have some other problems.”
“So he was injecting insulin?” Joey said feeling guilty for what he had been thinking.
“Yes. I advise you all to go home, Mr Bass can’t see anyone until he is stable.”
AJ pleased, “Please, can I stay with him? Lance has recently experienced a traumatic ordeal and he gets frightened if he’s alone.”
“Oh. I guess you can, as long as you don’t disturb him.” The doctor said before leaving the room.
AJ let out a sigh of relief as he looked over at the seven men who were staring at him in confusion and anger wondering why he had basically told the doctor what had happened to Lance.
Brian asked the others, “What are we going to do now?”
“We’ll have to make sure the press leave him alone.” Nick said seriously seeing the others were too caught up in their thoughts to speak.
“I’ll take care of that.” Howie said seriously knowing that the Nsync members would want to spend as much time taking care of Lance as possible, even if Lance wouldn’t let them near him.
“We’re going to wait and see how Lance is. We’ll be fine with the guards.” Justin said speaking for his bandmates looking up at their worried bodyguards who had heard why JC was in prison, and vowed to help Lance as much as possible.
“*ALEX*!” The shout reverberated through the hospital, causing everyone to look up in concern.
*******
AJ immediately ran down the corridor in the direction of the sound, hating himself for not going to the blonde’s room as soon as the doctor gave permission. He ran into the room to find Lance being held down by two orderlies, while a young woman doctor tried to approach him.
“I’m afraid you’ll have to leave,” A nurse said to AJ as she walked into the room.
AJ growled, “I can’t leave him, he was calling for me.”
The doctor sighed, “Well get over here then! We need to keep him as calm as possible.”
“NO, please! Let me go! I’ll be good!” Lance shouted fighting and kicking at the man restraining him.
AJ ran to Lance’s side and started stroking the man’s hair chanting, “Shh, I’m here. We’re at the hospital, JC hasn’t got you. You’re safe, James.”
Lance calm at AJ’s touch, causing the orderlies and the doctor to look at the pair in confusion before leaving the room, secure that the patient wasn’t going to have any more violent episodes.
The nurse quickly checked Lance’s vitals, “I’m Kim and I’m his main nurse."
"Nice to meet you. I'm Alex but everyone calls me AJ. How come he's gone back to sleep?"
Kim looked AJ over carefully before saying, "It'll be like this for a while, until his body chemistry is back to normal. Even when he wakes up he may not be too coherent. Could you tell me what happened to him to make him react like that?”
“He’s been abused for years, I found out a couple of days ago. We managed to get the guy arrested.” AJ answered gently stroking the sleeping man’s arm.
“What kind of abuse?” Kim asked wanting to know because it would change the nurses she assigned to Lance. They couldn’t risk upsetting Lance further, and anything that could cause flashbacks had to be avoided.
AJ sighed, “He has been beaten for the last six years. The rapes started about 14 months ago. He’s scared of people and if being restrained. The bastard who raped James used to restrain him and cut him while he raped him.”
Kim took a pen from her pocket and wrote on Lance’s chart, “I’ve made a note of it in his chart. When he wakes up, would it be okay if one of our psychologists came to talk to him?”
“That’s not my decision to make. I’ll talk to him about it and see what he wants to do.” AJ said smiling at Lance’s relaxed face.
‘Thank God that poor man has someone he can trust,’ Kim thought as she left the room.
Not knowing if Lance could hear him AJ started talking, “It seems you can’t catch a break, kid. Don’t worry, we’ll make sure you’re okay. I’m here and our guards are outside. The guys are in the waiting room. God, it scared the life out of me when I found you. I’m going to make sure nothing ever hurts you again. You can come and stay at my place, you’ll love it there.”
Part 14
“Chasez, you’ve got a visitor.” The guard said as he walked down to JC’s cell.
JC arched his eyebrows, “Who is it?”
“A Mr Pearlman. He said that it’s important he speak to you.” The guard said as he led the man out.
The guard led JC to a small private interview room and let JC inside. With a nod at Pearlman he waited outside, whistling quietly.
“What are you doing here?” JC asked as soon as the guard had left the room.
Lou Pearlman grinned, “I’m here to help, Josh. I know that little slut is lying about you. Without Lance’s testimony they won’t have a case. I could help convince Lance not to talk in return for you agreeing to come back under my management.”
JC smiled cruelly, “I’ll work for you as long as you manage to convince Lance to disappear.”
“I knew you would see it my way.” Lou said before walking out the room with a grin.
*******
Joey was sitting in complete silence, focused entirely on the man lying in the hospital bed. He couldn’t help but feel guilty for never knowing Lance was diabetic. It was just one more thing he had missed. What did it say about their friendship if a complete stranger was able to see Lance was hurting, that he was afraid of JC before he did?
“Hey Joe. How is he?” AJ asked as he walked back into the room, having only gone to shower and change in the shower room couple of doors away.
“No change.” Joey said with a shrug.
Lance struggled to open his eyes focusing intently he managed to say, “A…Alex?”
In a flash AJ was at Lance’s side, gently holding the man’s hand, “I’m here.”
Joey’s face fell, no longer was Lance calling to him to protect him and reassure him. He had lost his friend and he didn’t know what to do about it. He moved back to let the pair talk in privacy.
“You look good.” Lance said with a grin as he opened his eyes.
AJ grinned, “The others convinced me to have a shower. They threatened to make me leave otherwise.”
“I’d like to go to your place. What’s it like?” Lance said struggling to keep his eyes open.
AJ smiled realising Lance had heard his words, “It’s a beach house. It is beautiful, really relaxing and quiet. I go there whenever I want to just be myself.”
“Sounds great. How long until I can get out of here?”
AJ shrugged, “No idea, Sweetheart. We’ll have to ask the doctor. You gave us all a scare earlier.”
Lance said apologetically, “Jayce always had my medication. It was another way he could control me.”
“So he wouldn’t give you your pills unless…?” AJ said not knowing how to voice his fears.
Lance explained tiredly, “Too make sure I would be obedient and that I wouldn’t tell anyone. That time he tied me up once after I tried to stop him raping me, well, when he let me out I was too weak to stop him. After he finished raping and cutting me, he unfastened the chains, gave me an injection of insulin and had some doctor friend of his check me out.”
The doctor walked in and said, “You have been unconscious for the last four days. Once we are satisfied your sugar levels are okay you can leave. This time make sure you stick to your regime!”
“I will.” Lance answered noticing the way the doctor sneered at their joined hands.
“In light of your lifestyle, I’ve arranged a blood test.” The doctor said deliberately not looking at them.
AJ saw red at that statement, how dare this man treat Lance like that! Lance had been through enough without having to put up with homophobic idiots. He looked at the blonde and saw Lance was crying softly, making no noise. He wondered why the doctor who had admitted Lance allowed this homophobic scum to treat Lance after what he had confided.
AJ stalked towards the doctor, aggression radiating from him. Before he could hit the doctor Joey and the rest of their friends appeared. They eight immediately noticed the anger coming from AJ and the shame from Lance.
“AJ, back off! Lance needs you.” Kevin said knowing exactly what to say to get a reaction.
AJ walked back over to Lance and said quietly, “I’m sorry for scaring you, baby. I promise not to do that again. I was just angry with him for saying that to you.”
“It’s okay. Y…you don’t think I’m a slut like the doctor does, do you?” Lance said looking down at the bed.
AJ said seriously, “Of course not, Sweetie. He’s just a jerk. I’m here for you and I trust you.”
Howie and Chris glared at the doctor as they heard Lance’s words. They couldn’t believe the doctor had actually said that, nor could they believe AJ hadn’t killed the man. They decided not to do anything in front of Lance, knowing the younger man couldn’t handle the aggression right now.
Ben sneaked out the room to where the bodyguards were waiting. Maybe the singers couldn’t do anything but he could. He quickly told the singers what the doctor had apparently told Lance and smiled when the guards promised to deal with it.
“What did you do?” Nick whispered to Ben as his fiancé walked back into the room.
Ben just gave an innocent smiled, “I mentioned what the doctor had said to your guards to make sure they don’t let the man in again.”
“Thanks.” Joey said knowing what the actor had been trying to do.
Looking at Lance Chris said, “We heard from the DA. The case is going to trial in two weeks. Apparently he rushed it through given the nature of the case, and our celebrity status.”
“Oh. I should meet with him and discuss my testimony.” Lance said wondering how he was going to handle it. He didn’t like the thought of having to explain to everyone what had happened, and was sure he would end up in tears.
“So when are you getting married, Nick?” AJ asked changing the subject quickly.
Nick grinned. “In two months and then we were going to spend three months sailing around the world.”
“Sounds great.” Brian said grinning at the couple who were happily holding hands.
“Has anyone heard from my mom?” Lance said nervously.
Justin nodded, “She was going to come up here as soon as she heard you were in hospital but Chris said it would be best to leave it until you were a little more coherent.”
“Thanks. I’ll explain everything to her once I’m out of here.” Lance said yawning loudly.
“I think that’s our cue to leave. We’ll see you tomorrow, Poofu.” Justin said with a grin before the singers walked out, AJ remaining behind.
“What does the DA think the chances are of winning the case?” Lance asked seriously.
Happy that he could give some good news AJ grinned, “He said they’re good. A couple of other guys have gone to the police about JC but they dropped the charges.”
“Oh. When did they do that?” Lance asked wondering if he was somehow responsible.
AJ said with a frown, “Er…1999 and 2000, I think the DA said.”
“He started rapping me in November 2000. I’ve wondered why he didn’t do it earlier.” Lance sighed.
AJ smiled reassuringly, “Why don’t you go to sleep? I’ll be here when you wake up. The doctor who admitted you said sleep was probably the best thing for you.”
*******
AJ’s bodyguard was busy chatting up a nurse at the nurses’ station and so he didn’t see the figure approach the room he was supposed to be guarding. The figure grinned and slowly moved out of the shadows to reveal a slim woman with short platinum blonde hair. She was wearing a nurse’s uniform and carrying a clipboard.
The woman slowly opened the door of the hospital room, relieved when it didn’t make a sound. She looked at the bed in the centre of the room, which was illuminated by the moonlight streaming in through the blinds. The white light only served to highlight the bed and the nearby chair. The woman was giddy to see Lance was asleep, his right hand holding AJ’s. The older man was sleeping on an uncomfortable looking chair, positioned as close to the bed as possible. She reached into a concealed pocket in her clothes and took out her camera; she was going to get so much money for this picture!
As the flash went off, Lance started quietly sobbing causing the woman moved back into the shadows. Lance started shaking as he was crying, causing AJ to quickly wake when he felt Lance moving his hand.
“Shush, its okay. I’m here, Lance.” AJ whispered waiting for Lance to show some signs of relaxing.
Lance jumped up from the bed, waking himself up. He blinked rapidly as he tried to figure out where he was and what had woken him up. As memories of his nightmare returned, Lance started shaking in fear.
“Sweetheart? I’m here like I promised. I’m not going to leave you alone.” AJ said gently.
Lance said hoarsely, “Fuck! Even when I’m asleep he haunts me! Will I ever be free of JC?”
AJ said seriously, “I’m not going to lie to you, Lance. It will take time and it will be difficult. But you will manage to get through this and heal. You won’t be alone; I’m not going to leave you. You’re so strong, Lance.”
“Strong (!) JC beat me and raped me for years and I wasn’t strong enough to stop him!” Lance said angry with himself and JC. Sometimes all he felt was anger and pain, so much that he didn’t think it would ever go.
AJ said intensely, “You are. If that happened to me, I would have completely fallen apart. You haven’t, you are still sane and alive. You were strong enough to press charges and strong enough to tell me, a complete stranger what had happened.”
Lance smiled, “You’re different, Alex. I just felt like I could trust you, it was the first time I felt like that in years. I knew you wouldn’t laugh at me like Justin did.”
“Do you want to try and go back to sleep or want to talk for a while?” AJ asked willing to do whatever Lance wanted.
“Would you…could you…sleep in this bed with me? There’s plenty of room, and I’d feel safer if you were there.”
“Lance, I’ll do anything for you all you have to do is ask.” AJ said as the younger man held up the covers.
AJ got into the bed careful not to dislodge the IV in the blonde’s hand. Once he was in the bed, he wanted for Lance to give some sign of how he wanted to sleep. Lance moved out the way slightly and gestured for AJ to lie down on his back. As soon as AJ had done so, he lay back down with his head on AJ’s shoulder.
Lance grinned as AJ started to gently run his fingers through his hair, it was becoming an addiction for both of them. For Lance the feeling of AJ running his hands through his hair was reassuring and made him feel safe. The simple touches always made AJ feel calm and content as it allowed him to both comfort and connect with Lance.
After the pair had fallen asleep the figure took out her camera and snapped one last picture before leaving the room. She couldn’t help but feel guilty for what she was doing, but she pushed away that emotion. She didn’t have the time or money for morals or guilt. They had no place in her life anymore, survival was more important. Stopping to listen for any sounds she walked out of the room.
“What were you doing in there?” Paul, AJ’s bodyguard asked as he spied the woman leaving the room.
The woman answered with a smile, “I was just checking Mr Bass’ vitals. We need to make sure he’s okay.”
“How is he?” Paul asked seriously knowing what had happened to Lance.
“Fine, better than he was.” The woman answered quickly before walking away from the hotel room and disappearing down the corridor.
Part 15
“I’ve got the pictures you asked for.” The woman said emotionlessly, holding out a small brown envelope.
Taking the package Lou said with a grin, “You always do good work, Bobbie. Here’s the $1000 as per our deal.”
Bobbie nodded before walking out of the dark coffeehouse. She felt an overwhelming urge to go and wash herself clean, but she knew she could never wash away the feeling that she defiled something holy. Bobbie had no choice in the matter she reassured herself knowing if she hadn’t taken the photographs Lou would have released her porn film to the world. A scandal like that would destroy her career plus she needed the money. It was amazing how much it cost to live in the lifestyle that was expected of her.
Walking to a nearby store Bobbie quickly bought an envelope and stamp, maybe she could make things right. She knew she was safe from being picked up by the bodyguards given that she had worn a wig and disguised herself as a nurse. People rarely paid attention to the face of hospital staff, she had found.
With a sigh she placed the pictures and the tape of what she had overheard the night before in Lance’s room into the envelope. Writing the address carefully, she posted feeling equal parts fear and relief knowing Lou would be out for blood once he had discovered what she had done.
*******
“Now what do you want me to do?” Nick asked Kevin wearily.
They had spent the last day rearranging the rooms so that Lance and AJ would be comfortable when they came back. They had made sure they got two connecting rooms in Lance and AJ’s names but they knew only one room would be used.
Kevin grinned, “Nothing. Why don’t you and Ben go and relax. We’ll take care of everything else.”
“Thanks.” Ben said looking up from the book he was reading.
“You think we should go to the hospital and see how they’re doing?” Howie said seriously knowing the pair would need their friends around them.
Joey shook his head, “Lance would just be nervous if we were around. He’s a lot better though, he even suggested talking to the DA.”
“The DA’s going to see them today. She sounds nice.” Chris said walking into the room.
Brian said anxiously, “We should give them a warning that she’s going. You know how Lance is with strangers.”
Chris smirked, “I’ve asked Kate to give AJ a message that she’s going. We’d just be told to leave as soon as she turns up anyway.”
Justin said thoughtfully, “Maybe its not just Lance that needs to see a shrink, what happened to him has affected all of us.”
“Yeah. We’ll have to do it after we’ve finished with the trial.” Joey said seeing Justin’s point.
*******
“Lance? Can I talk to you about your testimony?” A tall slightly overweight woman asked as she walked into the room.
“Who are you?” Lance asked suspiciously.
The woman smiled reassuringly, “I’m the DA Irene Mills.”
“Nice to meet you. Can Alex stay in here while I talk to you?” Lance said nervously.
Irene sighed, “I would prefer to you alone. However if there is no choice, I guess he can be present, but he’s not to talk to you. It should be okay seeing as Mr McLean has already given me his testimony.”
Taking a seat the woman continued, “Can you tell me about the first time Mr Chasez hit you?”
Lance sighed as he said, “Josh offered to teach me some moves I was having problems with, it was only a couple of weeks after I joined the group. He pinched me when we were rehearsing one of our dance moves. If I made a mistake he would pinch me. A month after I joined the group he told me he loved me. I told him that I didn’t love him and he started punching and kicking me. He apologised afterwards and said he had just gotten upset because he loved me so much. Whenever I messed up in rehearsals the guys left Josh and me together for practice. He would punch me if I made a mistake; he said he was only trying to make me better. It worked and I always got the dance because I was afraid of him hurting me again. No one thought anything weird was going on when I said I bumped into something or fell down the stairs. I got used to it though, I thought he was only doing it because I was stupid and worthless.”
“Can you tell me what lead up to the first time he raped you?” Irene asked gently not wanting to upset him anymore.
Lance reached out for AJ’s hand as he said, “It was about 14 months ago. I told Justin that Josh was hitting me and asked him for help. Justin laughed at me and said I was lying. Then he told Josh what I had said. That made Josh mad.”
“What happened after he got mad?” Irene asked when it became clear he wasn’t going to say anything else.
Lance was caught up in the memory of the experience as he said, “Josh waited until we were in his room. He was *really* angry. I tried to get away from him but he kept punching me and kicking me. He knocked me down onto the bed and I tried to crawl away. He pinned me down and he handcuffed me face down to the bedposts. Josh tried to get my pants off, I shouted at him to stop but he didn’t listen. He cut my pants off with a knife before undoing his own. Then I felt something at my anus, I shouted at him to stop and promised I would be good. He just said that he knew I wanted it, that it was just because he loved me and he needed to show me. He pushed inside me and I screamed feeling something tear. He thrust inside me, rubbing the knife against my back. After he came, he stayed inside me and said that it wouldn’t have happened like that if I had been good. I must have blacked put because when I woke up he was in the shower. He unfastened the handcuffs and said he was sorry but it was my fault for teasing him and disobeying the rules. He said as long as I was good he wouldn’t hurt me again.”
Lance swallowed saying, “Josh raped me again four days later. Every time I kept shouting at him to stop, he always said it was my fault and that I should be happy that it was me he was raping and not Justin. Every time he raped me JC would take photographs and show them to me later saying they showed what he was going to do to Justin if I told anyone about what happened. He started withholding me medication and starving me whenever I managed to knock him off me. The last time he tied me up to the and starved me for days until I was too weak to stop him. Whenever he hurt me or I was suffering from the effects of not eating or having my medication he would get this doctor friend of his to come and check me out. The doctor’s name David. The doctor would give me an insulin injection and sew up any tears on my body, normally giving JC any medication that was needed.”
“Why did you come to the police now?” Irene asked giving Lance a couple of minutes to collect himself.
“I was running away from JC again when I bumped into Alex. You see, I normally manage to run away from JC at least once a month but he always finds me and hurts me even more as punishment. When JC found me last time he let some of his friends rape me and cut me as punishment. Alex let me hide out in his room, saying that no one would look for me there. He was right; Backstreet and Nsync don’t normally hang out together much. He asked me why I was scared of JC and I refused to tell him. He let me sleep in his room. The next day he asked me again why I was scared and I told him that Josh hurt me.”
“What happened after you told him?”
Lance grinned, “Alex was nice. He didn’t yell at me or laugh at me. He asked me if he could talk to his friends about getting me away from JC. I said yes and he called them, all my group-mates apart from JC came to the meeting. They were angry when I told them that JC was hitting me, Justin laughed at me again. After they saw the cuts they believed me. Kevin asked if I was in a relationship with Josh and I told them all about the rapes. They all promised to help me, suspending the tour and making arrangements for someone to keep an eye on JC. AJ let me stay with him after the others left. We were asleep when Chris phoned and we had to leave the room. Alex took me to a small cabin he owns and we relaxed a little. He cleaned up my cuts and let me talk to him about what happened if I wanted. He just took care of me. It felt great, and I felt safe. I haven’t felt safe for the last five years. I spend every second of the day afraid that JC is going to hit me or rape me.”
Looking at AJ with shining eyes Lance continued his story, “Alex asked me if I wanted to go to the police to press charges, at first I was scared that everyone would find out how weak I was, that I hadn’t managed to stop him and that everyone would hate me. Alex convinced me otherwise and promised that I wouldn’t be alone, that he would stay with me. We came back to Chicago and I pressed charges. The police took photos and did a rectal exam. They gave me some cream for the tears in my rectum and then we went back to the hotel. We went to the hotel we shared with the rest of our groups. Alex and I went to sleep and I had a nightmare, I woke up screaming. Nick and Chris came in thinking I was being hurt and then yelled at Alex. Alex calmed me down and we went to see some friends of ours. Everyone was yelling and I was scared so I ran away and hid. Its safest to hide when people are yelling, that way you don’t get hurt.”
“What happened after you went into hiding?” Irene said not wanting to push too much but needing to know how Lance was psychologically.
Lance smiled, “Alex convinced me to speak to him. He said the others wouldn’t hurt me, that they weren’t angry with me. He started singing to me. It felt nice to think that he cared about me. We came out of the bathroom where I was hiding and went back to our room. Kevin said that I had to talk to the press but Alex realised that I couldn’t until the trial was finished. I woke up feeling sick but I managed to get into the bathroom. I ran a bath when I started feeling light-headed, and my mouth went dry. I managed to inject my emergency insulin but it wasn’t enough and I fell unconscious. I woke up in hospital and was told I had been in a coma for four days. I went to sleep and had a nightmare about Josh finding us. In it Josh raped Alex because he had helped me, then he started hitting and cutting us both. He gave us to his friends and let them rape us both while he took photographs. It ended with Josh shooting Alex in the stomach.”
Irene looked the blonde in the eyes as she said, “Will you be able to describe what JC has been doing to you in court? I’m afraid you’re the main witness we’ve got. The three others are willing to talk but they’re not very dependable. Some of them started on drugs after everything happened as a way of coping with the pain.”
Lance nodded seriously, “Yeah. If I don’t then he could hurt someone else. I don’t want that. What are our chances of winning the case?”
“They’re good and the videos we managed to find will be useful. JC said he had raped men during his interview so we’ve got a confession. The next step is to convince the jury that he did rape you, which shouldn’t be too difficult. We have got three people who will say that JC raped them and AJ has agreed to be a witness for us. I’m afraid we haven’t been able to trace anyone else but its still early days. Lance have you been involved with any other people?”
Lance shook his head, “No. JC is the only one I’ve been with. Why would anyone want me after what he did? I’m dirty.”
“You’re not, Sweetheart.” AJ insisted gently squeezing the man’s hand.
“I am, you just don’t see it.” Lance insisted desperate to make AJ understand. He was sure that once AJ realised just how dirty he was he would leave.
“I’m going to go and let you rest.” Irene said seeing she wasn’t going to get anymore from Lance at the moment.
“Bye.” AJ said for both of them while looking at Lance worriedly.
“Lance, we have the results of your blood test.” A doctor said as he walked inside not bothering to introduce himself.
Lance said nervously, “Oh. Can I see them?”
The doctor quickly gave the blonde a piece of paper detailing his results and waited. He hadn’t even bothered trying to move AJ knowing it wasn’t going to happen. He watched as Lance looked at the paper and started crying.
AJ looked at the younger man worriedly as the man started crying. He held his arms open for Lance and fiercely hugged the blonde, feeling Lance’s tears soaking through his clothes. AJ couldn’t help but wonder what Lance had read to make him start crying.
Part 16
Carson said with a smile at the camera, “Now for a TRL exclusive. Just hours ago TRL received a recording and photographs of Lance Bass and AJ McLean taken last night at Mr. Bass’ hospital room where he is recovering from the effects of hypoglycemia. Lance is being comforted by AJ who reportedly begged the doctors to let him stay. Now we are going to reveal exactly what TRL received.”
The tape of AJ and Lance’s conversation then started while pictures of AJ holding Lance’s hand appeared. When the recording finished it was with a picture of Lance and AJ in bed together with AJ curled protectively around the younger man.
Carson said solemnly, “As you have just heard Lance has just gone through a very traumatic experience but he is beginning to recover with the help of AJ and his friends. Lance has had no contact with his parents who have refused to comment on the upcoming court case. The Backstreet and Nsync camps have refused to comment however a source very close to them said that AJ and Lance were sleeping in the same bed ever since the pair returned to Chicago.”
AJ stared at the television in a mix of anger and shock, how had someone managed to sneak into the hospital room? Surely their bodyguards should have been able to protect them? In that instant he realised he would have to make sure Lance was moved somewhere a little safer. If a reporter could get in then so could anyone else. He knew JC would want a way to get even with them.
“Looks like we’re out the closet.” Lance said with a small smile.
Still worried that Lance hadn’t mentioned his results but also pleased at Lance’s sincere smile AJ answered, “I wasn’t in the closet to begin with. Could you tell me the results of your test? If you don’t want to then you don’t have to.”
Lace looked at the dark haired man for a minute before saying, “They’re negative.”
“Oh. Why were you crying?” AJ asked unable to understand Lance’s reaction. It wasn’t what how he had thought Lance would react to a negative result.
Lance forced a smile on his face saying, “I was just happy. Do you think I might be able to walk around the hospital for a while? I’m a little tired of hanging around the hospital all the time.”
Standing AJ said, “I’ll go ask Kate. She’s in charge of this floor today. I’ll see you in a couple of minutes.”
Lance smiled the other man left, taking a piece of paper out from under his pillow he looked at the results in a mix of shock and anger. It was the worst word in the world right then. How could the word Positive hurt so much? Lance had no idea how to tell AJ he was HIV positive seeing how he couldn’t handle it himself. Lance knew he should tell AJ but couldn’t help but feel the Backstreet Boy would leave him. AJ deserved someone who wasn’t HIV, someone who was unspoilt.
AJ walked in with a wheelchair and said, “Kate’s said we can go. Oh, Kim’s back on duty tonight. You’ll like her; she’s really nice. She took care of you the day you were admitted.”
“Cool. I suppose we should take the guards with us?” Lance said removing the frown from his face.
AJ nodded, “Yeah. Kate said the doctor will discharge you tomorrow if your blood sugar is okay.”
“That sounds good. You know, I don’t need this.” Lance said honestly as he got into the chair.
“Apparently its hospital policy. You up for a brief tour of the hospital?” AJ said pushing the wheelchair out of the room.
“Yeah.” Lance said as they approached the elevators.
Just as they reached them a little boy about ten appeared and looked at them in shock. Then the boy held his hand saying, “Its nice to meet you. I’m Graham. Are you ill? I am.”
AJ shook the boy’s hand as Lance said, “Hi Graham. Where are you going?”
Coughing violently Graham said, “Pediatric Intensive Care on the ninth floor. Would you like to see the other kids? They would like to meet you and that way I won’t get in trouble for sneaking out the ward.”
“We’d love to see the others.” Lance said as the elevator arrived and the three got inside.
Graham grinned and immediately the pair felt a little happier. Graham lightly bounced on the spot as he shouted, “Cool! They others are going to love me for this! A lot of them are like me, they won’t have a chance to see you guys in concert.”
“Why do you say that?” AJ asked shocked.
Graham said honestly “We’re going to die. My best friend Michelle has leukemia. I’ve got AIDS. My mom had it as well but she died. My nurse Linda said she’s still watching over me.”
“I’m sure she is and she’s proud of you.” Lance said looking at the little boy unable to believe how brave the child was.
“Come on! Sarah loves you guys.” Graham said as soon as the elevator door opened.
Lance and AJ followed the boy smiling sadly at each other when they saw just how many children were on the terminal ward. AJ couldn’t help but admire the people who worked with the children. He knew it took a special kind of strength to look after someone you knew was going to die.
*******
The pair spent hours on the ward talking and playing with each child. Both wanted to make the children’s lives a little happier, to make sure that each child had something happy in their lives. Just before they left the pair did a quick rendition of what had become their song, I’ll Stand By You by The Pretenders.
“See you later. I hope you get better soon, Lance.” Graham said sleepily hugging the pair before getting into bed.
“See you Graham. Sweet dreams.” Lance said seriously, a small tear in his eyes.
“Thank you so much for doing this.” A nurse said they were on their way to the elevator.
Smiling AJ said, “That’s okay, we wanted to do it. I’m going to write a cheque for two million dollars the ward to make sure the children have everything they need.”
Lance said quickly, “So will I. Would it be okay if we came to see Graham later?”
“Thank you. Graham hasn’t got long now and I know he would like to spend time with you.”
“How long do you think he has?” Lance asked wanting to do his best to make the young boy’s last days as happy as possible.
The female nurse said sadly, “Realistically probably about ten days. He’s got pneumonia.”
“Oh.” Lance said in shock unable to believe the boy was going to die so soon.
She replied, “Yeah. It hurts every time a child dies but they are going to a better place. Could you leave now? We need to get the children to sleep and that won’t happen if you’re here.”
“Okay.” Lance said seconds before AJ wheeled him out the ward.
*******
Lance looked at AJ knowing he had to tell the other man the truth. AJ deserved the truth. The way AJ had behaved with Graham and the other children had reassured him that AJ wasn’t going to leave him because of his illness. He felt guilty for even thinking that way.
Pulling AJ down on the bed next to him Lance said, “I lied to you Alex. My results weren’t negative. I’m HIV positive. Do you hate me now?”
AJ took Lance’s hand and said seriously, “Oh James, I could never hate you. I’ll take care of you. You know that, right? This doesn’t change how I feel about you.”
“Don’t you see? I’m dirty. I’m fucking poison!” Lance shouted at AJ, desperate to make the other man understand what he thought his illness meant.
AJ protested furiously, “You’re not. Having HIV doesn’t change who you are. You’re still the man I love.”
Lance shouted in anger, “You’re fucking insane, Alex! You can’t love me! I’m dirty and worthless.”
AJ said quickly, “You’re not. You’re wonderful and I’m going to make you see that. I’m tired. Can we go to bed now?”
“I’ll ask them to bring in another bed for you, you shouldn’t have to be near me.”
AJ said gently, “As far as I’m concerned there’s no problem with sleeping in the same bed with you. I love you and that hasn’t changed.”
Lance shrugged, “I guess you can sleep in my bed but I’m only trying to help you. You deserve better than me.”
“There’s no one better for me. I love you not someone else.” AJ said passionately.
As AJ joined him in the bed Lance said, “You say that now but once you see how ugly I am, you’ll change your mind.”
As Lance closed his eyes AJ vowed, “I won’t. I love and I’m not going to leave you. No matter what it takes, I’ll make you see that.”
*******
“You think AJ and Lance have seen the news report?” Chris asked worriedly.
Howie shrugged, “I guess not. If they had then AJ would have called us to demand we get somewhere else for them to stay.”
“You think they’re okay?” Justin asked concerned.
Kevin said tightly hugging his lover, “Sure, babe. They’d call us if they needed us.”
“Yeah. I wonder how that reporter managed to get in there?” Nick said carefully not knowing how the others would react.
Joey said seething, “I don’t know but I’m going to talk to the guards. They were supposed to be protecting Lance and AJ.”
“Yeah. Have you heard anything about Lance’s parents?” Howie said trying to defuse the situation.
Justin sighed, “Yeah. They called me after they saw the broadcast demanding to see him. I said that Lance was resting. They also wanted me to ban AJ from staying with him, it seems they think he’s taking advantage of Lance.”
“AJ couldn’t, wouldn’t do that to Lance.” Howie said knowing that sort of behaviour wasn’t in his friend.
Trying to make Howie understand their point of view Nick said, “I know but they don’t know him.”
Howie nodded in understanding before silence descended in the room, each too caught up in their worries for their friends to bother making small talk. They had more pressing matters on their minds, like what they were going to do if JC didn’t go to jail?
*******
“Call for you, Lance.” Kate said with a grin as she walked into the room to find the pair in bed together.
Lance smiled in thanks as she gave him the phone, “Thanks. Who is it?”
“No idea. He’s from your management, apparently.” Kate said with a shrug.
“Hi?” Lance said into the phone.
Lou sneered, “Bass, so happy to hear from you.”
“What do you want Lou?” Lance asked angrily still unable to forget the way Lou had treated him. Lou had known about the beatings, even going as far as encouraging JC by saying it was the only way Lance would learn.
Lou said coolly, “Is that anyway to talk to an old friend? Just a little promise, withdraw from the trial or AJ might have a little accident. I’m sure people would believe he got drunk over the stress of your situation ran into a car. It wouldn’t be the first time something like that has happened.”
“Don’t even think about coming near him! If anything happens to him, I’ll kill you.” Lance promised unwilling to let something happen to AJ.
“Think about it. I’ll talk to you soon, Lance.” Lou said as he ended the call.
Lance hung up the phone and looked at the man sleeping at his side. As he looked at AJ he vowed to do his best to protect AJ from everything, even himself. AJ had risked so much for him and Lance wasn’t going to let it be in vain. Lance would gladly give his life for AJ, the man who had come to mean so much to him. Lance was sure that he had some feelings for AJ but having never been in love he had no idea what love was supposed to feel like. He had spent years singing about love, but had never felt it.
“James?” AJ asked as he woke to find Lance staring at him sadly.
Lance whispered, “You know I would do anything for you, right?”
“I know. What’s wrong Sweetheart?”
“Nothing. I just wanted to make sure you knew that.” Lance said as he snuggled into AJ’s arms. He couldn’t tell AJ about Lou’s threat, it would only make the man worry and he wasn’t going to put AJ through that. AJ didn’t need anything else to worry about. He knew AJ was already panicking about the trial.
Continue
Back To Black Eyes, Blue Tears Main Page
