40 Days and 40 Nights
40 Days and 40 Nights
by Dane
"That's it!" I thought to myself as my latest one night stand left, in disheveled clothing, from my hotel room with all the discretion of a bull in a china shop.
Fuck! Every time I think that the next one is going to be the last, someone comes by and then I'm shortly either being screwed to the sheets or I'm doing the screwing to some nameless stranger. Last month, it was that stagehand at Cincinnati. Last week, it was that Intern on TRL. Now, it was some guy from that club we just came from. Dammit! In the end, it's all the same. Sex, then comes the loneliness.
Of course, there was a time when the world seemed to be, well, more. It was all because of Britney. Sure, we hardly see each other to have a proper relationship but it was comforting to know that I had someone. She and I had the perfect relationship. We would talk on the phone all the time, watch old, sappy movies, go out on dinner dates, and lie in bed on Sunday mornings. Sigh! I miss her so much. Then she decided we needed to talk. I'm still mad that the 'talk' also included breaking up with me. Saying that 'I'm too possessive' and 'I need to be away from you'. What a load! I'm so mad at her, yet I can't seem to get over her.
So here I am, alone in my hotel room, watching Josh Hartnett confessing his issues to his brother in a confessional. I went further into my wallowing by ordering a whole lot of comfort food to go with all the beer that I have. I know I'm going to look like shit in the morning, but who really gives a damn. I always ended up like this after every encounter, ever since Britney left me. It makes me tired sometimes knowing that it's the same cycle over and over again.
Then it hits me like a Mac truck with the driver on Speed. Just like what Josh said to his brother on the film. The root of my problems and his is Sex. Well, maybe not all of it.
Sex with Britney was mind-blowing and she cited that's what we usually do too much of when we get together. Did she happen to forget that whole month before we broke up when we hardly touched each other in bed? What is she? Forgetful Jones? And what about all these one night stands that I'm having? They're all great, mind you, but I want something more now.
Maybe what Josh is doing in the movie is a good idea? Well, at least in theory. Let's take this experiment to the test, and why not, since Lent starts the day after tomorrow anyway. This would be my first try at abstinence and I'm really wondering if I have the will power to finish this. Maybe I sure put it on writing first. Alright, here goes.
'I, Justin Randall Timberlake will hereby abstain from any form of intimacy for a time period of 40 days and 40 nights.
Conditions of the said abstinence would as follows:
1) No sex with any gender.
2) No physical contact (No touching, kissing, hugging caressing, etc.)
3) And no self-gratification. (No masturbating)
Said form of abstinence will end upon said time period, or until self-preservation has ended. (In other words, until I become weak-willed and succumb to my baser instincts and fuck something.)'
I looked over the words that I've written down and I think the terms are pretty good. I have a day to settle everything and to get one last fuck before this experiment will begin. Maybe, just maybe, things will be okay. Now, to see if Lance is available tomorrow for a little one on one.
Day 1
I started pretty early to a beautiful day, and I knew that everything is going to go my way. Sun is shining and not a cloud in the sky. Wonderful.
After taking a brisk shower and a quick dress-up, I went to JC's room since breakfast is being held there today. I entered the room, whistling that new Sheryl Crow song and greeted everyone in the room a 'Good morning!" I sat down and poured myself a bowl of Apple Jacks and glanced around the room. Everyone is staring at me like I grew a third head.
"Who are you, and what have you done with our Curly?" questioned Chris as he pointed me with an accusing finger. The other three mirrored his expression.
I smiled sweetly and continued eating my cereal. "Chris, you know I love you, right? So please point that somewhere else, it's rude to point."
"Are you on drugs? If you are, give me your dealer's number. That's damn good shit if you're this happy in the morning," commented Joey, smearing a glob of cream cheese on his bagel.
"Jesus! Don't encourage him, Ass Wipe!" Lance admonished.
JC just stared in with this thoughtful look on his face, and then decided to focus his attention to his notebook full of song ideas. The rest of them went back to their own little world of morning fixations while I just let the feeling of momentary contentment fill my being.
Day 5
By now, I've noticed that people are starting to talk. They're not used to seeing a polite, always smiling, not diva-ish Justin. It was not as if I was out of character or anything, it's just I've haven't been like this in a long, long while. Mind you, I think I gave the make-up girl a heart attack when I complimented her about her new haircut.
Day 11
It's amazing what you can do on your spare time if you really think about it. Since the beginning of this vow, I practically stopped watching TV, using the Internet, reading magazines, and listening to the radio. I took a trip to the local Barnes & Nobles in the current city we were in. Now I know how Joey felt when he started collecting books a few years back. Armed with novels and the complete literary accomplishments of John Grisham and Tom Clancy, I left the place a few thousand dollars poorer.
Speaking of Joey, he was in the living room of our suite when he almost bowled me over. He grabbed the bags away and shoved some VHS tape to my face. It was his copy of 'Ginger Lynn's Greatest Sexual Hits' that he loaned me almost six months ago.
He eyed me carefully, hopefully trying to be as intimidating as possible. It was next to impossible really since he's hard to take seriously. "Do you know how long it took me to look for this? 30 minutes! I had Lonnie go to your bus to your baggage compartment and look what he brought with him." He pointed over his shoulder and I saw the two bags of 'stuff' that I packed and locked into my compartment so I wouldn't be tempted sitting pretty on the center table. I smiled sheepishly. "What going on, Justin? Normally, you bring your stash with you wherever you go. You've been acting like normal person the past week and a half," I gave him a snort. "We all know something is up. You might as well 'fess up now."
I sighed and told him everything. Too make a long story short; he didn't believe that I could do it.
Day 13
As fast as loose lips sink titanic size ships, the whole tour found out pretty quickly, thanks to Joey. After telling him about my vow, the rest of the guys came in wanting to know if it was true. The next day, Chris set up a betting pool with half of the crew and all of the roadies placing their money in. This, apparently, was the most notorious piece of gossip that anyone has heard in a while. I wrung my hands in frustration that everywhere I turn people are talking about it and predicting when I'm going to lose it. Johnny even called me, concerned about me. I allayed his protective streaks and went on with my business. Grateful to God in heaven, the guys chose not to talk about it around me. It's embarrassing enough that people know about this.
I honestly don't know which could be worse right now. Either every guy I pass by today is giving me 'give-it-up' look, or that the women were now reevaluating him with new insight.
Another thing is there is no such thing as total apathy to temptation no matter how much the Church encourages it sometimes, as such is this afternoon's near encounter with Sandra, the Management Goddess. Everyone was so out of her league that it would take a trip to the sun just for you to touch her toes. Too bad she's as dumb as a brick sometimes and yet, Chris still tries. Last time, he tried to ask her out but only got a pat on the cheek for his troubles. As a consequence, Chris turned to me for advice on his approach. It was just plain sad.
"Oh Justin!" purred a sultry, alto voice that I knew that Sandra possessed.
I looked up from the book I was reading and saw the lady herself leaning in her usual seductive yet casual way. My blue eyes took in the entire package and suddenly found myself with really hot thoughts. Oh God! She looked good! Real Good! Statuesque and delectable were the only way I could describe her. Her long legs made determined strides toward me from the doorway. Her skirt just hitched just in the right way that it was almost exposing her privates. Those red lips of hers parted just enough so her tongue come glide over them slowly. And her rack was a sight to behold as them were partly hidden by her sheer top. Her smirk and the come hither presence were barely hinting what she was going to do with me if she got her hands on me.
Suddenly scared for my life and virtue, I bolted when she came about ten feet from me. I didn't notice the audience that was just outside the room. I looked back long enough to see her pout and for one of the guys swearing his head off for losing in the betting pool. Passing Lance and Chris in one of the hallways, they gave me a questioning glance as they saw me run out into the venue without my shirt on. They heard the audience of teenyboppers go wild and decided to tell the bodyguards to go rescue me. I was lucky to get out of there alive with my boxers intact.
Day 18
I swear nothing is sacred anymore. News of my audience streak reached a whole new low of embarrassment for me when Nick Carter himself called me on my phone to laugh at my misfortunes.
There are some days when being me simply isn't worth it.
Somehow, I managed to avoid most of the people I really didn't want to see today and went to dance rehearsal early. When I got there, JC was already busting his moves. The player had 'Overload' on track. It was by this English Garage Girl Group that JC found while were in England for some promotions last summer. I was always amazed at the way he moved. It was like he was built for dancing. The way his narrow hips shimmy and his arms wave to the beat made me breathe hard. The sweat was pouring down slowly his exposed skin, giving him a glow of attractiveness. God! He looked sexy!
Wait a minute! What just happened now? Did I just find JC sexy?
I shook my head of any tempting thoughts just the same time as Wade entering the rehearsal hall. Joey, Chris, and Lance soon came afterwards and we got to work. JC didn't notice a thing until Wade tapped him on the shoulders and told him to get into the beginning formation for 'Pop'.
JC? Sexy? What the hell is that all about?
Day 25
It's been a week and I'm starting to feel like I'm delusional. I'm here in the small kitchen of the bus that I shared with Chris and JC, eating my usual cereal while pondering about the latest developments of my life.
1) No matter where I go, I'm bombarded with sex. Five days ago, some of the cleaning staff of the hotel we were staying in surprised me in my room and started to offer me 'services'. My self-control won and security promptly escorted them out. As a result, I had to take a very cold shower just to remove the image of that one girl in the red underwear. Two days ago, I was accosted by one of the roadies who offered me a blowjob. He was a tall, slim, and blue-eyed brunette that had cocksucker lips. It was a good thing Lance was looking for me at the time or I would have given in. An hour later, I heard Joey cursing up a storm with expletives from languages that even Lance hasn't even heard from. I silently smirked to myself, knowing that he won't be getting the money from the betting pool.
2) Like sex, JC seems to be everywhere. Well, that's understandable since I had to work with him. What I mean is that I see him even more that usual. Normally, on what little rest time we have he is usually by himself writing some new song or sleeping. This week he's been with practically every single outing that the rest of us. I tried not to think of my sudden attraction to JC but he was making it a monumental task of it. When we would go out to some club, he would be wearing some outfit that radiated 'Sex'. Like that favorite pair of tight red leather pants that full out his legs in all the 'right' places, that really tight black shirt of his that was see through enough that you could see his nipples.
I smiled a really goofy expression on my face when Chris came out of his bunk and joined me with his box of Pop tarts.
"I still can't believe that I lost a hundred bucks yesterday because you, of all people, decided to keep his dick inside his pants," Chris commented, then biting into his cherry flavored Pop tart. "You know Just, I'm surprised that you lasted this long."
It took me a minute to get out of my trance before Chris said his remark again. I gave him that goofy smile again and suddenly he started chuckling softly.
"What?" I asked, scrunching my face in annoyance.
"You have that look again. Who is it this time?"
Confused, I reacted to the only why I knew how. "What the heck?"
"You heard me. Now, 'fess up and tell me who it is. You have that expression on your face whenever you have a crush on someone. Last time I saw that smile was when you were courting Britney. So, I ask again? Who is it?"
I blushed like a teenager with a humungous crush. Although that isn't so far from the truth since I only recently turned 21. "It's JC," I said softly.
"What about me?" said a bedhead disheveled JC. He passed by, scratching his butt while I stared at his behind, much to Chris' amusement.
"Uah! We were talking about your new material that you're wanted to show the execs. I told Chris that you were sure to get the first single of the new album." I hoped it was a convincing lie, and to my relief that it was because JC just sat down beside me and smiled in his usual spacey demeanor. Chris said nothing but from his eyes I could tell that he was thinking only so much mischief. I rolled my eyes and relished the closeness that JC was providing as he laid his sleepy head on my shoulder. I frowned, hoping that nothing will come out of this.
Day 27
By some logistical coincidence, it happens that half of the Backstreet Boys were staying in the same hotel we were staying. Nick, Howie, and AJ were in the same city we were for some charity benefit. We all had lunch, but I spent the whole meal stuck with my thoughts. Somehow, their conversation revolved around my vow and Howie stared at me with admiration. As I was leaving to get dressed for the benefit, I saw JC's beautiful face gleaming with laughter because of AJ's joke. What I didn't see was Nick's scheming look.
Day 28
Today, I was cornered. Of all the things, it was probably one of the lowest things to do to a person in a weak position. Namely, me. I still can't believe that a Backstreet Boy would do this to me.
The BSB bus had broken down so they had to share our buses until the next city. I was in the three-man bus with JC, who was sleeping in his bunk, Nick, and AJ. Lance and Joey were sharing their bus with Chris and Howie so all of them could play some ridiculous drinking game that the two Valencia boys used to play when they were in college.
I was close to nodding off to sleep in the lounge area when Nick and AJ decided to make their presence known by banging on the door. They barged in anyway but stood above me. The grogginess of my senses was slowly going away as they waited for me to wake up. I knew something was up. Then Nick decided to speak up.
"Okay, Justin here's the deal. You see, what you are doing is unnatural. Man is meant to spread his seed as much as possible from puberty onwards. Its nature's way, and you are trying to go against nature. So," Nick held AJ close while the latter grinned wolfishly. "We are going to help you see the error of your ways and show you the true path."
Somehow, in a really weird and bizarre fashion, that sobered me up faster than a shot of adrenalin through the heart. I shot up and stood head to head with Nick but he wasn't backing down. A smirk filled his face and a very suspicious thought entered my mind. "You made a bet in the pool, didn't you?"
Nick tsked me. "Yes, we did, but don't worry." He pulled out a piece of paper, which I inspected as a contract of sorts. "It says here that if I were to win in the pool, all proceeds will go to any charity of your choice. After all, the pot is now close to 15 grand. It would be a waste if you would suddenly lose control one day before the 40-day mark and the money would just go to some SOB that you didn't like. At least this way, you know where that money will go."
"Besides," injected AJ as he faced Nick in the face. "We are willing to anything for you to blow your load. Anything to make you feel the relief of letting it all out in one hot explosion. Anything to make you feel totally sated and," he purred, "relaxed."
My eyes went wide. "Anything?" I squeaked. Damn Chris and his Frankie Goes to Hollywood sound trips.
"Anything," AJ repeated before kissing Nick slowly and seductively. My breathing just went erratic and I prayed that AJ wouldn't use the tongue. Then he proceeded to do just that and plundered Nick's mouth. My shaft was so hard that I was really, really considering giving in. My hands were possessed as they continued to grope each other while they eyed me with glee. I was about to touch my dick when the bus suddenly lurched to a stop and I was thrown forward. I crashed out of the lounge with AJ and Nick in a tumble. The bus went to a complete stop and soon the voice of the bus driver came on the speakers. I thanked the Lord above for small blessings.
"Sorry about that, guys," the driver said over the speaker. "The engine just overheated so we have to stop for a while. The other bus is pulling over now in front of us."
I took that opportunity to jump the bus and run as fast as my legs can take me. I didn't even bother to listen to the protests that Nick was shouting from one of the windows. Dammit, when this damn vow is finished I'm going to have to implement that '20 ways to get back at Nick Carter' list that I made months ago.
Day 29
It was funny to see Howie scolding the two younger Backstreet Boys. Since AJ and Nick were taller than Howie by some inches, it was gratifying to see AJ cower under one of the multitudes of hats that he has and Nick shrinking, figuratively, to that of a scared 12-year-old boy. The 'Peaceful' one of the BSB on the other hand looked anything but peaceful at the moment. He looked rather like a disappointed schoolmaster and spitted out a whole lot of strongly worded epitaphs. Must be the effects of a college education.
Me And Chris just sat back and watched the whole tirade. While Chris watched with fascination, I looked on with glee and righteous smugness. So sue me if you find me shallow. It felt good knowing that Nick was going through Howie's wrath. It was a more potent weapon than Kevin's anger because rarely does Howie show any negative emotion. I wouldn't want that disappointment directed at me. I don't think I could live with the guilt.
When all three of them left for their new bus, most of us were holding in our laughter when Nick and AJ followed Howie like a pair of beaten puppies. We all waited a good 5 minutes after they left to let loose the fits that threatened to blow up. It was days like these that make it feel good to be me, and that feeling started to spread itself throughout the day.
JC and I stayed at the hotel while the rest of us went to some radio interviews. It was a good thing that Joey lost the toss otherwise I would be there with Lance and Chris. I wasn't about to admit it yet to Lance and Joey that I was slowly falling for JC.
I felt too much like a stalker watching his victim, but I couldn't help it. JC was too fucking beautiful to ignore. I don't think he even realizes it.
My best friend was lying down on his chest just listening to some random selection of music from his MIDI player. He had on his slightly oversized headphones, which gave him as much surround sound without compromising the quietness of the room. Frankly, I don't care. I wanted to see him move about to the music. Sigh! He looked amazing when he moved.
Whether it was on purpose of not, JC choose to wear some pair of really worn jeans and a black wife beater that showed off his torso. If he moved just right, I could see a little bit of his nipple that looked juicy enough to be licked and sucked. He would tilt his head a bit, his eyes closed and his lips parted a little, and I would picture myself biting his lower lip just to make him moan. His long neck exposed made me want to lick it slowly with my tongue and mark it with my teeth. JC moved a bit and the wife beater hitched up a little, showing me the tight six-pack of his stomach. Now I wanted to handle them with feather touches while I kissed him.
After a few minutes of daydreaming, I heard JC starting to snore a bit. I held back the smile on my face and tucked him in. I removed the headphones and slowly smoothing out the tangles in his mane of hair. I honestly didn't know what possessed me but I almost kissed his forehead. Settling for just feeling his silky hair, I got off the bed and headed for the bathroom. There was a cold shower with my name in it.
Day 31
I'm wallowing in despair. If I only knew how hard it was to forgo sex for this long, I would have slapped myself upside on the head. Ten days. I keep telling myself that after ten day, this will be all over.
Today was one of those rare day-offs that we get and I decide to go shopping with Joey. We got to the mall easy with our disguises, looking pretty much like your average pair of yuppie executives. I found myself constantly moving, doing something, trying on clothes, so I wouldn't be looking at people left and right. Everyone that I look at looked good, and if I looked at them for more than a few seconds, my mind takes over and I see them in their skivvies. You know you're delusional when you see almost naked people everywhere. Heck, Joey is one of my best friends, almost a brother, but damnit all, he's starting to look sexy.
Now, I was sitting in one of the local Starbucks. Two hours ago, I kept on looking at Joey and kept on seeing him in a bright red thong. Deciding that image only proved to be distracting, I went on another direction and continued my shopping. Five bags and a few thousand bucks later, I'm sipping my Frappuccino while trying not to look at other people.
I honestly don't know why my subconscious is feeding my brain all these mirages. I kept on swallowing air each time some piece of ass would come into my field of vision. My palms would sweat when some chick would do something like flick her hair or lick her lips. Not even the cool coffee drink I was drink would lower my temperature whenever a hot guy would swagger in and smile like an A & F model. I felt like I was dying. Maybe I should give it up and let some idiot take the damn pool money.
Day 33
"Damn Justin! Since when did you start to smoke?" asked Chris as he entered the green room and flapped his hand back and forth to disperse the smoke.
I know I shouldn't be smoking but I needed something to take the edge off me. I was close to losing it. Today was unbelievably hot for some reason. Everyone in the tour decided to strip down to bare minimum and it was driving me up the wall. Skin everywhere, and I can't touch any of it unless I lose control. By now, I was shaking like a leaf in the wind. I need to walk it off. So I did and people were backing off when they saw how much I looked like shit. 30 minutes of walking around the venue didn't help at all. I sat on one of the storage containers while appearing like an addict on withdrawal. Lance then decided to approach me. He stood to my level and held me eye to eye and threw the cigarette n my mouth.
"Justin," he said with a comforting tone. "I think it time you gave up." I was about to protest but he cut me off. "I know, I know. The vow. But you already proved all of us wrong by getting this far. You look like your going crazy here. Please, please do yourself a favor and take care of yourself. It's getting to be a problem. The papers are starting to notice about your, err, endowment problems. Can you imagine the wildfire you are going to cause if you continue? So," he handed a gay porn mag, "please take this and go to the nearest place were you could jack-off. Trust me, you look like you need it big time."
I nodded and resolved myself to follow Lance's words. I rolled up the magazine and walked with new purpose to the nearest place for relative privacy. My walk to end the 'vow' caught the attention of the tour staff and everyone started to follow me. Privacy? Bullshit! Somewhere in my back, I heard Lonnie, who was being held back by Dre, shouting 'No Curly! Don't do it!' If I weren't so focused on what I was about to do, I would have laughed my ass off.
Getting agitated pretty quickly, I was twitchy with need to find some empty space. I managed to find one of the makeshift offices empty and locked the door. Outside, I heard the hushed up anticipation of the people behind it and I decided to get down to business. I sat down on the seedy couch and opened the rolled up mag. The front cover was a cute brunette with blue eyes and my dick turned to rock when I noticed the similarities of the barely naked guy to JC. I was about to open up my pants when someone cleared their throat.
"Oh please don't stop on my account. I love it whenever I get a free show," said a familiar alto voice. I looked up from the centerfold spread of the guy stroking his dick to see Sandra smirking. Shocked out of my wits, I covered my hard on with the said magazine. "Damn, you're skittish. Don't worry, Justin. I'm not going to molest you." She just sat up straight on the swivel chair and folded her hands on the table.
"You're not," my voice squeaked.
She smiled so innocently. "I'm not, besides I wouldn't know what to do with you. Contrary to what most people think, I'm not a sexually active as most people. I just like to dress up sexy, that's all."
I sighed heavily. With Sandra in the room, I simply couldn't do this. It was like having a voyeur look at you and I wasn't that kinky. I don't know why but my cock simply wilted when the opposite was supposed to happen. Flinging the magazine to the wall, I gripped my curls in frustration. I was close to sobbing when Sandra, the Management Goddess, placed a comforting hand over mine.
"Oh Justin! What you are doing is just fine. No one should be telling you what to do. A lot of people won't say it but they admire you for what you are doing. People may think its unnatural for someone to hold out sex for this long but most of them already forgotten that there was a time when not having sex was better than doing it. Trust me, I've been where you have been. What I learned is that sex is overrated."
My eyebrows quirked up. "Pardon my curiosity, but what do you mean by that you know what it feels like?"
She smiled in recollection. "I was a nun."
That threw me off the planet! Sandra? A nun? The sexiest woman in the tour was a follower of Christ's teachings? Shit!
"Sorry, pardon me but did you say that you were a nun?" I just had to ask, didn't I?
She tilted her head slightly and patted my cheeks, which made me blush for some reason. I don't know what happened really but she somehow silently told me that I should keep on going. In a weird X-Files sort of way, I was reassured. Sandra then pointed to the open window that led to the buses. I gave her a thankful smile and scrambled to the high window with the help of some unsteady boxes. By the time the crowd outside was let in by Sandra, I was well out of the hearing range of Lonnie's happy tears. Its true, by the way, that it's pitiful for 'some' grown men cry, especially if they're big and bulky.
Day 34
Like Joey before him, Lance, the manipulative bastard that he is, swore up a storm after his failed attempt at getting me to lose it. After I ran to the relative safety of the three-man bus, he wouldn't talk to me for the rest of the day. Shit! He still isn't talking to me. Frankly, I didn't care if he didn't talk to me for a few more days. He may be capable of holding a grudge for a long time but it's foolish to hold one because of this. But then again, the pot is now close to 17 grand. Damn, I would be holding a grudge too, if I had money in it too.
By now, the sight of 'seeing' naked people during the days turned pretty much into an everyday occurrence. But that doesn't mean that I'm not immune. My constant hard-on is now held back on my body by packing tape so it wouldn't point out. Thank God I don't have stomach hair. But still, the huge bulge was still there. Let's just say that I found out a few secrets from wardrobe that worked in hiding any embarrassing predicaments. Hey, it beats having to wear baggy outfits everyday.
By now also, I've been watching JC more and more. Whenever he would look my way, I would blush like crazy. Seeing him half-naked during costume change and after the show made me feel like a peeping tom. I can't help it. To me, he was like an angel in a human guise. His hair, silky and flowing, make me want to run my hands through them and smell the Vanilla scent of the shampoo that he uses. I crave to trace my fingers on his face and to kiss his pink lips. Those hard nipples of his that make me want to lick and nip them like a candied treat. His hard, taunt ass that perks and sways when he walks. I wonder if they look as pliant as them appear. Maybe if he would bend over a little more....
"WAKE UP, CURLY!"
I woke up to Chris screaming to my right ear. Rubbing my ears in irritation, he just grinned like the annoying little elf that he is. To further aggravate me, he pulled out his handkerchief and wiped away the drool on the side of my mouth. Chris gave me an insolent smile and said, "Schoolgirl".
I gave him the one-fingered salute and retorted, "Whatever, Hobbit!" He just sat down beside me on the stage and I resumed by favorite hobby of watching JC dancing to some music from his MIDI player. It was truly an amazing scene just watching JC move.
"So have you told him yet?"
I gave Chris a cursory glance and went back to my JC-watching. "No, I haven't told him yet. In fact, I think he doesn't even notice the way I'm acting whenever he's within a 100 feet of me. He's been getting denser and spacey-er more in the past year or so than the ten years that I know the man. I mean, I don't know what I find utterly beautiful about him but he makes me feel like I could do everything I put my mind to. It's like he's my own personal Zen antenna. He grounds me and, recently, he's starting to be more."
"So why don't you tell him how you feel? Your vow is almost over anyway. What's a few more days?"
"Oh no. Remember the last time you said those same words." Chris thought for a moment before blanching with revulsion. "Yes, that time when Joey went on an eating binge because the higher ups didn't want to give us some time-off. So when they actually gave in, you said those very words and tempted fate. A few days later they canceled the vacation to force us into doing more promotion. Not only was Joey like a bear to everybody, but he also threatened bodily harm to management. We all begged Kelly to take some time off from work and bring Brianna over to calm him down. It worked and we all lived happily ever after."
"Okay, okay, don't be a prick about it. I mean, honestly, what can happen if you tell him how you feel?"
"Well, he could reject me and give me the we are just friends speech," I sighed softly in despair, "or he could kiss me senseless and I'll have no choice but to fuck him senseless."
Chris groaned. "Nice mental picture there. The infant fucking the tightass." I cuffed him upside his head and laughed at his pain. "I guess I deserved that one. But seriously man, I don't discount him yet. For all you know, he'll surprise you. You can tell him anything, he won't reject you." He smirked. "And he won't kiss you silly yet. He'll do that only after you've finished your self-imposed punishment."
I punched his arm in retaliation. "I wish you would stop saying that about my celibacy. It's not a self-imposed punishment, for God's sake." He just went away and I settled back to watching JC.
Day 35
I woke up and the first thing I thought when I saw my rock hard erection was, "6 more days, Justin, six more days." Less than a week left of my promise to myself and I'm somewhat elated.
Sandra's words rang in my head and I thought about the truth about them. Sex really is overrated. Nowadays, people don't understand the sacredness of the concept because it's so available and the younger generation is so exposed to it. Add peer pressure and all too human curiosity to the equation and what you get is the result of a really fucked up society. I should be the one to talk since I'm a product of this generation, much like Lance, Nick, and AJ. It's really sad sometimes.
Whoa! When did I become such a deep-minded individual? Maybe all this lack of sex is finally affecting my brain in ways that I don't even know about.
Well, off to another cold shower and gathering of teenies. Maybe Lance finally got his head out of his ass. Nahhh!
Day 36
Actually, I have only three days and four nights left. It seems like my mind likes to sigh every chance it gets. Tonight, JC invited me to watch John Mayer at some local venue. I thought about it and my head told me that this was a bad idea. My gut tells me otherwise so I took the route that required the least decision making and went with JC's invitation.
I was just about to go out and meet up with said obsession when someone knocked on my door. 'Who could that be?' I thought to myself as I spritzed myself with the cologne that Chris penned, in a moment of utter ridicule when I first bought it and the people virtually flocked over just to smell me, as the 'Fuck Me Potion'. I opened the door and came face to face with the only person that I haven't thought of since the beginning of my celibacy. Britney.
"What are you doing here?" I asked with a massive amount of annoyance.
She gave me a low chuckle and wrapped her arms around my neck. "I came to visit my boyfriend, silly. Didn't you get my message that I was going to visit today?" She gave me a smile, which sickens me for some reason. I gently removed her from my body and stood over her like the Spanish inquisition.
"What are you doing here?" I repeated, trying to be as stoic as possible. I got a reaction from Britney. She looked unsure now. She sighed and looked at me in the eye.
"I'm here to see if we can get back together." I snorted in disbelief. "I'm serious, Justin. It hasn't been the same since we broke up. I may not have considered your feelings but I do love you. I was selfish in thinking that I would be better off without you. I miss us. Please, can we get back together?"
I looked at her as if she were crazy, well, not really, just more disbelief. My brain just couldn't connect this Britney with the Britney that broke up with me six months ago. Something was up. I just know it.
"What do you want, Britney?" I asked point blank. Her expression was that of confusion but her eyes looked a bit panicked. "Six months ago, you dropped me faster than a bag of hot potatoes. I cried, begged, sent you gifts, apologized for crimes real and imagined, wrote songs about you, ranted, and even stalked you for a night. And do you know what I got in return for all my troubles? Zilch. Nada. Nil. Nothing. And now you come over asking if we can get back together. You have a lot of gull to do this, Britney. So, I ask again. Why are you here? And please, do give me an honest answer," I said rather bluntly.
Seeing her eyes shift from her false sincerity to calculating, she visibly is trying to decide what to do. Her head shot up and flashed me a cunning smile that reminded me of a wolf. "Justy, you want me to be honest, okay. I'll be honest. My PR team thought that we could get back together again. Think about it. We're good together, as a couple, as a team in front of the camera. If we hook up again, I'll stave off the rumors of me dating this guy and that, and you'll be able to say that you are not single anymore which is really what you want to keep the vultures out from asking about your single status." Like the sex kitten that she's been pulling on as of late, she slowly walked over to me and slid one of her hands slowly reaching to my groin. Her eyes literally sparked. "My, my, Justin. Please tell me all that is just because of little ole me." She pulled up to me for a long, lingering kiss. "You smell really good. Good enough to eat." I could only stand immobile, a numb puppet to her fingers. If something didn't happen some, I'll most probably be tasting some fish that I might regret later.
"Hey Curly! You ready?" Thank God for JC. He entered my room without as much a knock and Britney disentangled from me. "Oh Hi Brit! Are you staying? We'll have to catch up later, me and Justin are late. Hey Curly! Let's go." Wordlessly, I grabbed my jacket and wallet, and literally pushed JC out of my room, leaving a flabbergasted Britney in my wake. I knocked on Chris' door and told him in hushed tones to get rid of her for me. He complied and sauntered to my room. As we got to the elevator, I exhaled a breath that I didn't even know I was holding. JC, oblivious as always, just whistled the tune of 'No Such Thing'.
I was still hot and bothered, so I thought it was a mistake to give JC a good look over and what I saw literally made my dick harder. He was wearing his favorite jacket and his bucket hat covered his head. I suddenly had a vision of slow, languid lovemaking in a quiet Sunday morning with honey coating his body. The sudden jolt of the elevator stopping shook me out of my daydream of licking JC's nipples. He walked off first and gave me a good view of his ass. JC had to call my name for me to catch up with him when he somehow noticed that I wasn't following. "Justin!" the way he said my name sounded so natural and right that I just had to smile.
"Coming!" Shit! Even in a state of lusty contentment, it doesn't stop me from doing all these Freudian slips. 4 more days, I keep on chanting in my mind as I chased after JC, only 4 more days.
Day 37
Britney is nothing but persistent. She got some mixed up message that I was playing hard to get. When I got back from the concert, she was still waiting for me at my room. Getting pissed by that point, I managed to shove her out of my room.
After that, she's been hounding me all over the city like some crazed fan, only with more information and tenacity than your average Yogi Bear. She joined us at the radio station that all of us and nearly made you walk away. She ambushed us at lunch and tried to share the food that I ordered. I finally told security that if she's ever within 20 feet of me and the guys, intercept, and remove her from site. I know it's mean, but if she's going to act like an obsessed stalker then she'll be treated like one.
For the entire afternoon, I practically threatened her entire PR group to tell her to back off otherwise I wouldn't be held accountable for my actions. Hopefully that would be the last of her until next week when I'm actually suppose to she her. Joey and Chris were highly amused. Lance just felt like it wasn't his business and turned to his Wall Street Journal. JC on the other hand looked very concerned. He gathered me up into a reassuring hug as the whole thing with Britney spooked me quite a bit. I didn't even bother to give Chris the finger when I quickly ended the all too brief hug that I really wanted to last. Sigh! Three more days.
Day 38
Another day, another hard-on, then another cold shower and a bucket full of ice water. It really can't get any better that this. Sigh! At least, Britney was reined off somewhere else. I totally think I wouldn't survive another day with her. I either would have strangled her, or fucked her. Either way, I doubt any jury in the whole USA would hold me accountable if I did either one.
One last concert tonight and we're all going home. Lance would head off to his family reunion in the backwaters of Mississippi, Joey would fly to New York and spent his time with Kelly and Brianna, Chris would head for L.A. to finally do some FuManSkeeto work, and Josh would be flying back with me to Orlando.
One last concert. Why does that make me so paranoid? I don't know why it should. I mean, everyone virtually gave up on their money being returned to them like how many times over. It was a sucker's bet to place any money into the pool now. Only about 3 people now are possible winners of the money pool. With Johnny and Sandra being two of them, at least I know the money is going somewhere okay. Both promised me that all of it would go to charities. At least some good came from my sacrifice.
The concert ended a couple of hours ago. The entire tour, roadies and staff, all gathered in the main auditorium for the end-of-tour party. Inside, I was twitchy as hell, but being in the spotlight since I was 11 made me able to fake my way through the party. Although this party was tame compared to some of the debauchery that I'm used to seeing in other gatherings, I felt way to tempted to grab the nearest person and fuck them. Sorry to sound crude and all but everyone, and I do mean everyone, looked good enough to ravish. Maybe, it was the alcohol in my system.
I decided to leave since staying would risk temptation. Just as I was about to leave I saw something that made my stomach lurch to my throat.
Bobbie
What the hell is Bobbie doing here? Didn't they break-up a year back? I saw the familiar old affection between the two of them. She just touched his cheek and I eyed her as if I were a jealous boyfriend. Then they did something that made my heart drop. They kissed, and I couldn't watch anymore.
Running out of the venue, I quickly ran out into the pouring rain and braved the hundreds of fans that were still out there waiting for all of us to leave the center. Luckily Dre and Lonnie were there to lead me to one of the SUVs that would take me back to the hotel. Once inside, I cried silently and let my heart break.
Day 39
I didn't bother leaving my room until it was absolutely necessary the next day. Lonnie and Dre gave me a break and didn't comment on the emotional state I was in last night. They gave me a very wide berth and didn't allow anyone to see me unless it was one of the guys that were going to say goodbye. By the time 3 P.M. came round, I knew it was inevitable that I was going to see JC, maybe even Bobbie, since we were going back to Florida together.
Since I didn't really want to see both of them leave JC's room together because I knew it would be painful to see, I checked-out a little early. Before leaving the room, I slipped on the darkest shades that I owned and let the wetness of my eyes well there. The heaviness in my shoulders just gave the people an impression that I was suffering from a hangover when it was my heart that felt heavy.
Bobbie wasn't with us on the plane back, she had to go back to work in Chicago. We sat beside each other in the front of the plane, but acted like a pair of silent mutes. I don't know what JC's reason is for not talking but he had this haunted look on his face that has fathoms of emotions. I have my reasons but I simply choose not to tell JC this. He may be my best and oldest friend, what I'm feeling my hurt him, and, more importantly, me. I don't want to hurt anyone. Scratch that. Maybe Britney if she doesn't get off that high horse that she's riding. Who does she think she is? The Queen Mother.
"Sir, is there something that I could do for you?"
I broke out of my revelry to see the over-used smile of the flight attendant hovering over me. I smiled in return and asked for a pillow. She left and I turned to see JC sleep, facing the darkening sky of dusk.
Day 40
Sometimes I keep on forgetting that Britney has the access code to get into my house. When I arrived in the middle of the night to my large and gaudy house, there was stuff everywhere. Flowers, new shoes, balloons. Heck, even a new motorcycle that I was hoping to buy later on. I swear that woman needs to see a shrink. This is way to psycho even for me. First thing I'm going to do in the morning is to change the code. I surely don't want to wake up one day and find that she bought me a stable full of horses just because I remind her of a wild colt in bed.
I checked the clock beside my hardly slept-in bed and noted the time. 4:52 A.M. Nineteen more hours until I'm free. Sadly, I considered finding a trick with long, brown hair and a tight, slim body first minute of the new day. Not bothering to change out of the clothes that I'm wearing, I gradually went to sleep, dreaming of JC, and I didn't care if I was crying again.
I woke up late in the afternoon to the sounds of someone playing the piano in my living room. I immediately disregarded Britney because despite her 'talents' she doesn't know how to play a piano. The guys were off to various parts of the country so that left JC or someone who is a member of my family. Knowing that I looked like shit, I quickly traded in the clothes that I wore on the long plane ride to comfy jogging pants and a black wife-beater. After doing a 5-minute version of my one-hour bathroom morning ritual, I steadily paced to the living room. The tune being played now started to become known to me as the JC's familiar soul-soothing voice began to sing. It was by his latest find. Some new Jazz artist named Norah Jones.
I waited 'til I saw the sun
I don't know why I didn't come
I left you by the house of fun
I don't know why I didn't come
I don't know why I didn't come
When I saw the break of day
I wished that I could fly away
Instead of kneeling in the sand
Catching teardrops in my hand
My heart is drenched in wine
But you'll be on my mind
Forever
Out across the endless sea
I would die in ecstasy
But I'll be a bag of bones
Driving down the road alone
My heart is drenched in wine
But you'll be on my mind
Forever
Something has to make you run
I don't know why I didn't come
I feel as empty as a drum
I don't know why I didn't come
I don't know why I didn't come
(Don't Know Why by Norah Jones)
He stopped playing, noticing me finally and turning to face me. He looked absolutely horrible, like he ran a marathon and drank an entire bar stock of alcohol at the same time. Without a second thought, I placed him on the sofa and got a glass of water for him. He drank slowly, almost afraid of letting it go all the way down as if it will drown his lungs. I waited a few more minutes before JC could even speak; he was trying to force his nerves so he could tell me just what happened.
"I'm so sorry if I just barged in here, Justin. I just didn't want to be alone right now."
I gave him a tentative smile, knowing that my smiles are like rays of sunshine for him. My heart felt conflicted now. Is he back with Bobbie? Why is he here with me and not on the phone talking to her like what they used to do? Did something happen? I squeezed a heartening hand on his shoulders, afraid of doing anything more.
"So, what happened Josh? We may not talk like we used to, but I'm still your best friend, right?" My insides tightened, wishing I was more than his best friend. All he had to do was give me his trademark goofy grin and I was in seventh heaven. No, scratch that. I was fucking euphoric. Nothing wholesome in my thoughts about Josh when he does that. "I saw Bobbie with you the other night. Does this have anything to do with her?" I went to get a drink since I felt like I could use it. A quick peek at the wall clock told me that was just after 5 P.M. I'm deeply concerned that I still had 7 hours to suffer. I sat across from him and waited for his explanation.
"I know that I haven't been a good friend to you in the past few days, Justin. Something happened alright." He gulped a breathe of air and looked down at the floor. "A few days ago, Bobbie called and asked if she could she could see me. I had her flown down and we met up after the last show. She said that she wanted to talk after the show, saying that she didn't want to distract me from what she was going to say. My performance was less than stellar that night, as you may have noticed."
My memory went back to that night. Yeah, JC's dancing was a little off and he seemed somewhat distracted. Not that I would have placed it at the time because of my lovesick puppy routine. Back to the present, I took stock of his sad eyes. What could have happened? I waited patiently for JC to continue.
He sighed a tired breath. "During the party, we talked. She told me that she had HIV."
It took me a whole minute to process what JC had just said. The ramifications of all this struck me down hard. I kept on swallowing the lumps in my throat. Fear seized me as I waited for him to finish.
"She said that I should have myself tested. Bobbie said that she got it from an ex-boyfriend that she dated before me. It helps that we always used protection when we have sex but you can never tell if the condom broke in the heat of the moment. She just wanted to make sure I was alright, despite our messy break-up."
He looked at me with glazed eyes and I just had to give some leeway to vow and give him a supportive hug. I had to admit that even if I was attracted to him, there wasn't anything sexual in that embrace. Just my pure unconditional love for him. He needed me now as a pillar of strength. My abstinence seems to be insignificant compared to want he was going through now. We mainly talked, asking questions and discussed the possible consequences. He told me that he went to have himself tested earlier in the afternoon and that he came directly from the testing clinic to my house. The results of the test will be done in a couple of days, JC admitted. The hours moved and the focus of our conversations turned towards me. He asked me about my vow and how was I holding up. "Fine," I told him but he gave me an unreadable gaze. I really didn't want to confess everything to him yet, since he was part of the situation in a round about sort of way. We ordered some Chinese for dinner and eventually our exchange turned to the merits of Star Wars movies, Tom Clancy novels, Degas paintings, and Lance's anal-retentiveness. It felt oddly comforting.
"Boy, if Lance's ass gets any tighter, big as it is, we might have to force him to have surgery so he could take a shit. "I laughed at the almost insolent but playful tone of JC's criticism of our friend's personality. Personally, I think I've fallen more of Josh in the past few hours than I ever had in the past 40 days. After that comment, both of us said nothing, making a silence that left no impression of reaction.
We faced each other and both of us smiled in spite of ourselves. Then something changed. All of a sudden, I'm held prisoner by Josh's steel blue eyes. The intensity of his gaze started something incendiary in my being. My skin flushed and my legs were too numb to move. I didn't notice him move closer to me until I felt his breathe on my skin. I wasn't afraid, apprehensive maybe, because of the power he had over me. He licked his mouth, wetting his mouth before descending on me. His lips left a ghost of a sensation on mine. Then the ghost became a touch, progressing into a torturous demand. I gave in to what I was feeling and opened my mouth to his incessant tongue. His arms encircled me, caressing me hard and soft at the same time. Boy, if this was heaven then I'm sure as hell that I don't want to leave. He deftly ran his hands all over me, slowly removed my clothes, while kissing and nipping my mouth like a tasty treat. Those hands of his are skillful, talented, long-fingered, and smooth instruments of desire. With one touch to my cock by those amazing hands, I was set on fire. JC slow and firm movements on me maddened my sense. His tongue was now licking me on the hollows of my neck, hitting my pleasure point. My dick hardened so more and his hand strokes were now more vigorous. As he continued his exploration of my body with his tongue, I shuddered in ecstasy when he bit one of my nipples into hard nubs. I'm surprising that I'm lasting this long. His hand all of a sudden stopped their motions. He then stopped his ministration of his tongue and placed his face near my ear. He licked one part of my ear before saying, "Come for me, Justin." With those words, my body spasmed into one big explosion. My hot semen came out of me in waves of joy. The force of it all paralyzed me in undeniable bliss. A second later, the world quickly turned black.
I woke up just a few seconds after in passed out. I smiled at JC, who was holding me close to his chest. I couldn't believe that I waited this long for him. A synapse flared in my head and I jolted out of his embrace to face the clock. 12:37 A.M. It was after the 40 days already but what time did we do this? My questioning eyes fell on JC and he gave me a reassuring smile.
"Don't worry, Just. We did it after midnight so you actually stayed celibate for 40 days and 40 nights."
The relief I felt was overwhelming. I know that JC wouldn't lie to me just like that. This promise was too important to me. I sat down beside him. There were some questions that needed to be answered.
"Why did you do that to me, Josh?"
He gave me a smile that melted my heart. "I knew you were attracted to me, Justin." The shock on my face must have been really funny. Maybe JC wasn't all that oblivious to everything around him. "I saw the signs but I decided to wait. I knew you wanted to prove to yourself that you could do this. So, I waited until the end of your abstinence. It helped to that I had a legitimate reason to seek your company and security." He bit his lower lip nervously. "And also that I'm I love with you."
The world around me stopped. Did Josh just say he loved me? I looked at his eyes and I knew, just knew, that he was serious about this. I felt like I was the happiest guy in the whole universe. Leaning in, I kissed him and laid my head on his chest. We both didn't feel the need for me to reciprocate his actions. Josh was still afraid of his unknown fate. Having sex now would only damage the peace. So there we stayed on the couch, slowly going asleep and ready for the new ay to start. When the sun arrives, we will face whatever's out there together.
Epilogue
So now, me and Josh are a couple. I've never been this happy before. We found out the next day that he was HIV free. We celebrated by having a marathon sex session in my house where we christened every room. You should see the expression of Lance, Chris, and Joey when they walked into my place a week after Josh and I got together.
"Damn, it smells like a whorehouse in here!" exclaimed Lance as he smelled the reek of sweat and semen. Joey didn't even bother with the smell but one look at us going at it on my kitchen table, he then turned and bolted. Chris, being the pervert that he is, just grabbed a drink and some snacks from the refrigerator and sat on the bar stool on the counter, watching us. Lance rolled his eyes and dragged Chris' protesting ass out so we could have our privacy.
Somehow, Fate has been kind to me and made sure that I didn't see Britney until a month later. I was at some Jive shindig with all of its major artists and employees. It was good that the press wasn't invited; otherwise it would have been unbearable to live without JC touching me. Being the good friend that he is, Joey managed to good me a few good Polaroid shots of Britney's reaction when Josh dipped me in the middle of the party and kissed me. The next day's Inquirer stated that Ms. Spears was caught red-handed in an alcohol binge to end all alcohol binges, wailing about all the good-looking ones were always taken. I honored the public humiliation by fucking JC to the couch after I bought the copy.
In retrospect, I didn't exactly learn anything new here. I just had to be reminded of them. Like all things, sex is relative; just like love. It has joys and consequences that we all have to pay for in the end. And like Nick said once in a drunken haze, sex is nature as well as human. It's only how we react to it that makes I worthwhile sometimes.
While I can honestly say that JC is the best lover of my life, I'm sure it will only get better from here. Now if you'll excuse me. I have an appointment with my boyfriend about a hot tub and a late night dessert involving his body being covered with chocolate sauce.
The End
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