Coming Out Continued; When the Bough Breaks

Author's Note- Because a writers job is never done. You'll know when the world is safe for everyone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'Dear Journal
'Well, I'm back again. Wow, it's been almost two months. And what a wonderful two months. The guys have pretty much returned to normal around me. Justin is trying his hardest not to make gay jabs. Its touching really, that he cares that much about my feelings and still maintains his famous 'macho' attitude.

'Joey never left me, so I guess there's nothing I need to write about him. He's still the same shoulder I can cry on, and the same friend to make me feel whole when the outside would become too much. Even with all the guys' cooperation, life for a gay guy is hard. I mean, there's all the fans with marry me signs and 'you're so hot' signs. It's flattering, really, but that feeling that I'm an outcast that doesn't fit returns and slowly festers.

'J.C. really tries too. He's careful about his words. He never encourages me but yet he's there for me when I need him. Justin gives him a hard time about some things, but I don't think Just's words are that strong.

'And then there's Lance. The guy has come a long way; I'll give him that. I feel ashamed when that tinge of fear seeps through me while we're alone. I know he wasn't in the right state of mind, or whatever Joey said that made sense to me at the time. I can't really blame Lance, I mean, he had every reason to react the way he did. Deep down, it is okay with me. We're at peace with everything that has happened, I'm just not sure about the future.

'Okay, but the real reason we're both crammed into this tiny bunk is because there's another major milestone in my life coming up. In fact, it's about a hundred miles away. The guys are making me tell mom. That has always been bothering me and I think they know it. It's cool the way they want to help, but I am so nervous. I have no clue how she will react. I'd like- no, love to think that this wouldn't matter to her. I am her only son and all, but I know how important religion is to her. Am I the only one here who doesn't care what the Bible says all the time? I can't help who I am. It was easier pretending to be straight.

'Well, I'm sure you'll be hearing from me again. There are just some things that I can't bring myself to say, mostly when it comes to my feelings.
'Chris'

Chris set the worn tablet aside and looked out the window. The dread in his stomach was growing as he recognized more and more street names. After taking a deep breath, he worked on convincing himself that this would all be over soon enough and he could truly be at peace knowing he had done everything he felt capable of.

Suddenly Justin's golden framed head appeared on his lap, on top of his journal. "Hey," he beamed.

"Hi," Chris replied with a small smile. "Don't you have anything to do?"

"Yup, and I'm doing it," he replied.

"I can't express my gratitude," Chris mumbled, shoving Justin to the floor.

"Come on old man, lighten up. You're ruining the mood."

"Well excuse me," Chris retorted. "You just run along and play with you're Barbie doll girlfriend and ignore the real world. I don't mind."

Justin glared at Chris then finally pulled himself up off the floor. His chest rose as he filled his lungs, then smirked at Chris as he shouted, "Guys! Chris is being mean again!"

"You nasty little brat," Chris shot, bracing himself for the onslaught of affection that would be heading his way. You'd think that he was suicidal or something from the way the others guarded him. "You're going to die. I know where you sleep."

"What's going on?" Joey asked. Behind him was J.C., and not far after him was Lance.

Before Chris could voice his side of the story, Justin blurted out, "He is being a grouch again. And he's making fun of my girl."

"Well everyone makes fun of her Justin," J.C. smiled.

"Shut up," Justin replied.

Joey sat next to Chris. "What's up?" he asked.

"Nothing," Chris replied quickly.

"Bullshit," Justin interrupted.

"Justin, why don't you and the others go do something. Away from us."

"Are you telling me to leave?" Justin questioned, glaring at Joey.

"Yes, now do it," Joey ordered.

"Fine," Justin huffed, brushing past J.C. and Lance, who laughed and followed.

Once they were alone, Joey turned to Chris. "What's up?" he asked.

"Nothing," Chris replied.

"Okay then, let me tell you. You are nervous and probably scared shitless about telling your mom and how she will react. And I'm just annoying you. Right?"

Chris nodded. "Pretty much."

"Look, we're all going to be here for you, okay? Nothing's going to happen. You're mom will still love you. There's no question in my mind. Have you told Dani yet?"

"No. There's not a point in it."

"Well Chris, you did love her with all your heart and I think you still have some feelings for her. You really should tell her."

Chris sighed. "I know. I will. But not now. She can wait."

Joey patted Chris's leg in a friendly gesture. "Well," he said, getting up, " If there's anything you need to talk about, you know where we sleep, right?"

Chris smiled. "You guys have been hanging around me too long, you know that?"

"Yeah, but I still wouldn't have it any other way. You're my friend Chris."

Chris flashed Joey a genuine smile before turning his gaze to the window again. Small tremors of adrenaline coursed through his veins as he realized he knew exactly where he was.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Here's your keys. You gentlemen have a nice stay."

J.C. smiled at the young woman behind the hotel's check in counter before turning to follow the others to the elevator. They were staying in a nice hotel at the edge of Pittsburgh, about half an hour away from Clarion, where Chris's mother and younger sisters were still living. Chris had called his mother to let her know that they were in town, but used the excuse 'it was too late' to avoid meeting her tonight. His nervousness was beginning to rub off on the others. There would be no partying tonight, just a cool down night.

J.C. stepped in the elevator as Joey pushed the third floor button. He cast a smile to Joey as the doors started to shut. Then they stopped.

Joey watched in confusion as the doors slid open again. "What the..."

Chris smiled and looked straight ahead. "What's wrong?" he asked.

Lance cuffed Chris on the back of the head as Joey shook his head in confusion. "I don't know," he said, pushing the button again. Again the doors began to slide closed, but this time Joey saw Chris's small foot appear in the track and stop the doors. "Chris, come on, cut it out. That was funny like three years ago."

Chris giggled and stepped back beside Justin. "He doesn't think I'm funny anymore," he whispered.

"Joey doesn't think anything's funny anymore," Justin said, rolling his eyes.

"That's because he's gotta play caretaker all the time," Lance mumbled, almost too low to hear.

Joey glared at the floor, deciding not to waste his energy battling Lance's negativity. The little comments had been building slowly over time, almost too slow to realize. No one said anything, so the subject was never approached.

The quiet, friendly bickering stopped at that, and the five young men stepped out into the hall. Two bellboys were pulling their bags down the hallway. After each member selected their room and put away their things, they all met up in Justin's room.

With some small talk, the guys piled on the bed and the floor as Justin grabbed the remote and began channel surfing. "What does anyone want to watch?" he asked with a yawn.

"Not anything on that Pleasure channel," Joey said, catching Justin's yawn.

"Why not?" Lance asked.

Joey met Lance's challenging glare. "Because for one, I don't feel like it, and two, I don't have a credit card. Is that enough?"

Lance just huffed and stretched out on the floor.

"What the hell is up between you two?" J.C. mumbled as he pecked at the keys on his laptop.

"I have no idea," Joey shrugged, turning his attention to the TV.

"I'm sorry, I'm just not feeling that good I guess," Lance apologized as he picked at the carpet.

"Well knock it off. You're bothering me."

"Look, I said I was sorry," Lance repeated with a little more force.

"Guys, can we just watch TV for once?" Chris broke in.

"Yeah, sure," Lance exaggerated. "If Justin would stop changing the God damn channel."

Justin threw the remote in Lance's lap. "There asshole, you find something."

"I don't have to take this. You queers sit here and have fun. Get me in the morning." With that, Lance got up and left.

The others watched him go then looked at each other. "What's gotten into him lately?" J.C. asked. "I thought he was better than this."

"He was," Joey said. "I suppose we'll find out sooner or later. Leaving him alone about it will only make it worse."

"Hey! Look, it's Dumb and Dumber!" Justin exclaimed, pointing at the TV.

Without another word, the four focused their attention on Jim Carrey.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



*Ring*

"No..."

*Ring*

"Just..."

*Ring*

A tired hand reached over and grabbed the phone off the nightstand. "What?" Chris snapped.

"Well I missed you too," Beverly said with a hint of annoyance for the mood of her son.

"Mom?" Chris sat up and rubbed his face then looked at the alarm clock next to his bed. It was only nine in the morning. "What's wrong?" Chris questioned.

Beverly sighed loudly. "Oh, nothing, I just thought that MAYBE you would want to spend time with your mother whom you never get to see anymore due to your widespread success." There was a pause. "But, nevermind, if you want to sleep all day in a hotel..."

Chris struggled to keep himself from groaning and just hanging up. Were all mothers this sarcastic? "Mom, we were up last night and just didn't get up yet. We are still coming over-"

"You were up partying? What have I told you five about that? I hope you're not drinking. You know what I feel about that. That's just what you don't need in your life now Christopher."

"Mom, I'm gonna be late for the AA meeting."

"Chris you are a lying creep, you know that?" Beverly laughed. "Fine, I'll let you go. But I want all of you here in time for lunch, understood?" "Yes mother," Chris replied.

"Good. And don't act so happy Chris. It's not like we see each other everyday you know."

"Sorry mom. I really am happy."

"I know. I'll see you guys soon. I love you."

"Love you too mom," Chris sighed. Then he hung up the phone and lay back down. As annoying as she got sometimes, he had never once disrespected her. By his book, women were to be treated with the utmost respect at all times. Call him old fashioned, but even being gay did nothing to wave that golden rule.

With a sound mixed between a growl and a groan, Chris sat up. God, he did not want to get up. As he swung his legs off the side of the bed, his body protested every move. Chris winced as he stood, feeling his knee ache from being still too long. He had grown to detest that knee, cursing it for making him feel old and unable to keep up at times. It hurt from lack of movement and from too much, therefore making it extremely hard to go through a whole day pain free. The brace helped somewhat, and aspirin eased what his mind couldn't block out.

After adjusting his boxers, Chris limped to the bathroom and prepared for a new day, whatever it might bring him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Joey walked up to Chris and threw his arm around the shorter man's shoulders. "So what's the game plan?" he asked.

Chris finished chewing his pop tart and said, "Mom called already. She wants us to go over already."

Joey looked at his watch. "Well what time did you want to see her?" he asked.

Chris rolled his eyes. "Never."

"Well we better get going now then," Joey smiled. There was a knock at the door and since Joey was leaning against it, he opened it.

"Hey guys," J.C. greeted, walking in and looking around.

Chris nodded his head and finished his pop tart.

"Where is everyone?" J.C. asked. "When are we going?"

Joey shut the door and answered for Chris, "I don't know where everyone else it and we're going as soon as they get here."

"Oh," J.C. said simply as he sat down next to Chris. "Where's mine?" he asked, nodding towards the pop tart wrapper with a pat on Chris's knee.

"Ow, God J.C., don't do that!" Chris exclaimed, jumping up and rubbing his knee.

"Sorry, I forgot," J.C. apologized. "It giving you trouble again?"

"Always," Chris replied, digging up another pack of pop tarts and throwing them to J.C.

Suddenly there was a single knock and the door flew open, causing Joey to stumble towards the center of the room. Justin stepped inside, sporting blue sunglasses and a bandanna. "Wazzup homies?" he beamed, walking past Joey.

"First of all," Joey said, straightening, "We are not 'homies' and second, don't you know how to knock?"

Justin turned and looked at Joey. "Come again?"

"Nevermind," Joey sighed, shaking his head.

"Are we leaving yet?" Justin whined. "I got things to do and places to go."

The others laughed. "Justin," Chris started, "I don't know where you think you're going to go in this town, but I promise you it won't be very exciting."

Justin sighed and sat on the bed beside J.C. "Fine. I GUESS I'll go with you guys."

"Where's Lance?"

"Nobody knows."

"He didn't like, get drunk on that sissy hard lemonade did he? Because he'd like, have to drink the whole damn 24 pack," Justin said, then began laughing at his own visualization.

As if on cue, there was a knock on the door.

Joey looked at the others hesitantly before opening the door, revealing a tired looking Lance. "Hey guys, am I late?" he asked, walking past Joey with a small smile.

"Not really," Chris answered, picking at his knee brace through his jeans. "We were just waiting for you."

"Oh," Lance replied. There was a moment of uncomfortable silence before he spoke up, "Well are we ready to go now?" he asked.

Chris looked up at Joey. "Yeah, I guess we better before mom gets freaked and calls again."

"Moms are suppose to get freaked," J.C. smiled as they got their things together.

Chris smiled and tried to believe that as they walked down the hall towards the elevator.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Chris, relax. You're making me tense."

"Sorry Joey, I just can't help it. What if-"

"Chris, don't think about that. Everything will be fine. She's your mother."

Chris sighed. That's exactly what was scaring him. She was his mother, the one and only. He knew his mother as good as anyone knew their mother. So why was this doubt still in the back of his mind? His stomach was tight with tension.

"We're here," Justin announced, looking out the window at the fairly small cream colored house.

Chris looked around Joey and saw his mother and Taylor outside, washing the black PT Crusier Chris bought her. They had the same taste, and once Beverly rode in Chris's red Crusier, she fell in love with it. Chris managed a smile at that thought.

Joey pulled up into the driveway, parking beside Chris's mother and little sister. Beverly dropped the hose and met her son as he stepped out of the Acura. "Chris! You're here!"

"I'm here," he smiled, letting himself be pulled into a hug.

Justin was at his side, waiting for his hug from his second mom. But before Beverly released Chris, Taylor flung herself in his arms. "Justin! You came home!"

J.C. laughed and kneeled down beside Justin. "Where's my hug? Don't you like me anymore?"

Taylor released Justin and hugged J.C. "I like you, silly," she smiled.

Joey placed a hand on Chris's shoulder and smiled at Beverly. "I hope we didn't keep you waiting."

"No you didn't, not that long at least. I called Chris, what, three hours ago? Beverly replied with a hint of sarcasm. Then a smile spread over her. "So how are you guys?" she asked, looking over her four adopted sons.

"We're fine Bev, thanks for inviting us over," J.C. smiled.

"Hey, you're my boys. You're welcome here anytime, if you feel like coming back to Pennsylvania."

"I try to, but for some reason the big body guard type people grab me and make me sing and stuff," Justin smiled.

"Wouldn't know why," Lance teased.

Beverly patted Chris's arm. "Well what do you say we go in for lunch? I wouldn't want you guys getting spotted and having you stuck in the house for you whole stay."

Chris watched suspiciously as a car slowed down while driving down. Normally he wouldn't have minded, but he would always be protective of his mother and family. "Yeah, let's go in now," he said, putting an arm around Beverly as they walked inside with the others.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



'Dear Journal,
'Well, here I am again. Mom finally left me alone long enough to collect my thoughts. We got here this morning and she welcomed the other guys and me. The girls are so sweet to all of us too. They really make coming home worthwhile. I never realize how much I need these innocent little girls in my life. Someone who won't look at me accusingly or sympathetically.

'Lunch went pretty uneventful. In fact, I could have sworn everything was normal a couple of times. And by normal I mean in a fancy restaurant, with the occasional fan approaching us. We laughed and joked, Lance even got in on some jokes, granted they were horrible...

'But now my attention is turned to tonight. We're going to do something for dinner, with the girls, then once we're back home and mom starts talking, trying to catch up like she always does, then I'm going to come out. I thought I was free once I had told the other guys, but slowly my sickness built back up and I realized that I had everyone's approval but the one person that means more to me than anyone. Then after that, I will have done everything except come out to the public and I will not do that. I can't do that. The truth is, people like Eminem really scare me. It's argued that he doesn't stand behind his lyrics, but he does. I know it. The guy is a serious head-trip. And even if he doesn't believe what he sings, a lot of people out there do. The world isn't safe for a gay. Hell, it's not even safe for black people, even after all these years and fighting. This world isn't the perfect image some people think it is. Look closely, and you'll find we're coming apart at the seams.
'Chris'

Chris sat in his room on the bed with only one lamp on. He closed the journal and laid it on the floor. With a sigh, he picked up the cordless phone beside his bed. His nerves grew as he dialed Dani's number. He listening to the phone ring twice, then the soft voice of the woman he had devoted three years to. "Hello?" Dani asked.

"Hi," Chris replied, blushing already.

"Chris?"

"Yeah, the one and only."

"How are you? I haven't heard from you since we, you know…broke up."

"Sorry," Chris mumbled. "Um, I have something to tell you." He picked at the quilt he was sitting on.

"What is it? Are you okay?" Dani questioned, becoming concerned.

Why was he doing this anyway? They weren't going out or anything, why did Dani have to know he was gay? 'Well, I work with her,' Chris realized. 'And we did share some special times together. She's still my friend, I guess I owe it to her.'

"Chris?"

"Yeah, um, well I'm not really sure how to tell you this, but…" Chris took a breath. It was getting a little easier, but not by much. "I'm gay." 'Your ball.'

There was nothing but a slightly static filled silence to answer him. Dani shifted the phone to her other ear. "You're gay? As in queer gay?"

Chris winced and knew immediately this was a bad idea. Now he couldn't fire her because she would turn it on him. "Yeah, if that's what you wanna call it."

"And during what point in our LONG relationship did you realize this?" she asked defensively.

"Actually right before we broke up," Chris replied. He got up and began pacing.

There was a tense silence again. "'I can't believe this. You're gay. Does anyone else know? Are you fuck buddies with one of the guys now?"

Now Chris's defenses were on the rise. "No, I'm not, although it wouldn't be any of your business anyway," he said. "And the only other people that know so far are the other guys."

"Well that was nice of you, to give them a fair warning and all. Now they'll know who's pinching their ass at night."

"I thought you would be a little supportive, but I guess you're not really the person I thought you were."

"Oh yeah, you tell me that I attract fags and expect me to be happy about it? At least my new boyfriend isn't gay. We've done more in a week than you and I have in a year."

"Well I'm sorry I'm not a player," Chris replied. "And this wasn't about you, okay?"

"Just tell me one thing," she said roughly. "Did we break up because of this?"

Chris thought. "I don't know. It was a mix of things, Dani. We just weren't right for each other, at least not anymore."

There was a small groan of frustration. "Yeah, I'll agree with you there," she snapped. "I like real men, and the problem is, you do too." (Click)

Chris pushed the 'talk' button with his thumb and tossed the phone over his shoulder. At least he was honest with her. That was about the only positive thing to come of this. Chris sighed and lay on his back. Maybe Dani would quit on her own. Or maybe not. She did love money. Either way, he could always wait until she slipped up before firing her.

There was a knock at the door before Justin poked his head in. "You ready?"

Chris sat up. "Yeah, where are we going?"

"You mom picked out some southern cooking place. Who were you talking to?"

Chris looked Justin in the eyes as they walked down the hall. "Were you listening?"

"No man, I just saw that the base unit said 'hand in use' and put two and two together. But if you don't want to talk about it-"

"It was Dani."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"And?"

Chris shook his head. "Now that I don't want to talk about."

Justin nodded. "Okay."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



"Chris, stop playing with your food and eat it."

Chris looked at his mother. "I'm not a little kid, I know how to eat."

"Then do it," Beverly countered.

"So Chris," Joey spoke up. "Justin tells me that you called Dani. How is she?" he asked, making eye contact with the shorter man.

"She has a new boyfriend," Chris stated, picking at his chicken.

"I never did like that girl," Beverly said. "She wasn't right for you Chris."

"I know mom."

"I know someone who has the prettiest girl, and she's even going through nursing school. I can set you two up sometime."

"You don't have to mom," Chris said.

"Nonsense, I want to. You need a nice young lady in your life. For heaven's sake, you're almost thirty Chris! You need to settle down. Get me some grand kids."

Chris hung his head.

"I don't think Chris is interested in having kids," Lance smiled, his eyes sparkling.

"Well he will in time."

"No, I don't think so," Lance said, eating his mashed potatoes.

J.C. nudged him in the side.

Beverly let it pass. "So when are you guys going to have a concert up here again?"

"Pretty early in our tour actually," J.C. said.

"Oh well that's good. We'll get to see you guys soon enough."

"I told you that," Chris said.

"Oh well I just forgot Chris. You hardly talk to me enough."

"Once a week isn't enough?"

"Justin, how often do you talk to your mom?" Beverly asked.

"Almost everyday," Justin said, flashing a smile.

"See there? Justin loves his mother."

Chris rolled his eyes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Night had fallen hard and the house had grown quiet. The rest of the guys went back to the hotel but Beverly forced Chris to stay. Deep down, Chris was thankful. He couldn't afford to chicken out now, not after he'd come this far. Tonight he would come out to her, then he could go back to life on the road and forget about everything.

Joey had taken a few minutes in the parking lot to wish Chris good luck but the gesture did nothing to soothe Chris's nerves. He hated feeling like this but he couldn't stop. Nothing would help until it was all out in the open.

Taking a deep breath, Chris walked down the stairs and sat on the couch next to his mother. "Hey," he breathed as he tried to get comfortable.

"Hey Chris," Bev smiled, pulling Chris into a hug. "I've missed you so much. Thanks for visiting."

"Yeah," Chris replied, looking at his shoes. His confidence took one look at the approaching situation and hung the 'Out for Lunch' sign on the door.

"Hear anything from your dad lately?"

"Nope."

"Well what have you guys been up to?"

"Nothing much."

"Chris, I can hardly believe that. Come on, what's wrong?"

Chris hesitated, finding that his voice had packed up and headed out with his confidence.

"Come on honey, you know you can tell me anything. Are you unhappy with Nsync?"

"No."

"Are the guys kicking you out?"

"No." Although they probably should.

"Did you hurt you're neck again?"

"No."

"Knee?"

"No." Keep guessing, you'll get there eventually.

"Your sugar didn't bottom out did it?"

"No."

"Well help me out here Chris, I can't read your mind."

Say it…say it…

"Chris?"

Say…"I'm gay."

"What."

Uh oh.

"You're what?"
"I'm gay mom."

Beverly searched his face desperately for any signs of a joke. Then she rose. "Get up."

Chris got up, his throat tight. She pushed him to the door. "Mom?"

"Don't 'mom' me. I didn't raise my son to be gay. What the hell is wrong with you Christopher? Do you not realize how hard it was to have you when I was sixteen? Do you not remember being out on the streets, living in the back of a Suburban? For Christ's sakes Chris, God did not get us through all that so that you could be gay! John 3:16, God gave His son because He loved this world and He expects you to honor that! Leviticus 18:22, Thou shalt not lie with mankind! How dare you disrespect the Lord and show your face in this house! It's abomination Chris. I can't believe you would turn against the only man that was ever there for you!" She opened the door to the cool night. "Now leave."

Tears were slowly spilling despite his efforts to hide them. "Mom, please-"

"Now Christopher. And I don't think it would be wise of you to come back."

With a crushed spirit and a new, deeper meaning of hopelessness, Chris turned his back to his mother for the first time. The cold mist enveloped him as the door slammed behind him. He heard the deadbolt sink into the doorframe.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chris all but ran back to the hotel. All the freaks were out now, relishing in the cover of night. His breath showed in the moonlight as he panted. The tears had stopped. He would not let anyone see him like this. At least not anyone that lived on a street corner.

Once in the elevator, he collapsed against the wall. He would not cry, not here. His mind was still reeling from what had happened. His mother, the person he looked up to the most in his life, had just dis-owned him. God he was sorry. It hurt now more than ever.

The elevator dinged and opened its doors on the third floor. Chris got out and rounded the corner, everything in a haze. He got to his door and to his disappointment, found Joey parked outside. There was no way around him.

Chris pulled out his keys, causing Joey to wake from his light slumber. He rose and noticed Chris's red eyes and nose. "Chris, I'm sorry," he said quietly, pulling Chris into a hug.

Chris nodded. That was all he could do before his bleeding heart overflowed in the form of tears, which fell to Joey's shirt. "She hates me," he sobbed out.

Joey rubbed small circles on the older man's back. "I'm sure she doesn't hate-"

Chris clung tighter to Joey, not caring who saw him in this fit of hysterics. "She kicked me out Joey, forever. I can't go back."

Joey sighed, his anger already busy cleaning its guns inside of him. "It'll be okay Chris," he tried to comfort.

Suddenly feeling like he was getting love he didn't deserve, Chris pulled away. "I just want to go to sleep. Permanently might be nice."

Normally Joey would take that for a joke but not now. "Chris, come on, let's go out. We can get drunk and forget about it okay?"

"Drinking never solves anything Joey."

"But it helps for a little while doesn't it?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Okay then, let's go." Joey pulled Chris down the hall, waving off the bodyguard. Joey could handle this.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Joey and Chris walked down the street, side by side. Streetlights lit the sidewalk dimly, casting long shadows down the alleys. Cars rumbled by, although compared to a lot of states; the town was pretty much quiet. Everyone was either sleeping or already packed into a club. Everyone except Chris and Joey.

"So…do you want to talk about it?"

"I thought we were trying to forget it."

"Just thought I'd ask."

"Well thanks, I suppose," Chris smiled. "I'll tell you later."

"You mean like when you're too drunk to remember anything?" Joey asked.

"Yeah, that sounds good to me," Chris replied. They rounded the corner and could see the neon signs from the brewery lighting up its corner of the night.

Out of the corner of his eye, Chris saw a sharp glint from the shadows. Joey must have seen it too, for they both stopped at the same time. Then a man appeared, dressed in the usual druggie-like attire, consisting of black jeans, dirty white T-shirt, and an old leather jacket. Chains jingled as he walked, and through an unkept goatee, he smiled revealing yellowish teeth. In his hands, he toyed with a glistening knife. "Well what have we here?" he asked sarcastically.

Suddenly wishing Joey had allowed the bodyguard to follow; he spoke up, "Look man, we're just going to the club. What do you want?"

The man stepped closer, his eyes reflecting the look of a cat that had just cornered a mouse. "I want to see you bleed," he threatened, turning to Chris.

Frozen, Chris replied, "Me? I don't know you-"

"Doesn't matter," the man replied. "I'm just doing a favor for my friend. You probably don't know him, but I bet you know his girlfriend." He turned the knife over in his hand, admiring it. "It seems you made her cry, fag."

Joey's mind was racing so frantically; it subconsciously put the puzzle together. He cringed for Chris, but stood his ground. It was only one man. Surely they could take him-

Footsteps sounded behind Chris and Joey. They turned quickly; founding themselves surrounded by three more equally dangerous-looking men. And who knew what they could be packing.

"I didn't mean to-" Chris started, turning back to the 'leader'.

"Tough shit, queerbait," the man snapped. "Know you're gonna die."

The man lunged for Chris. Before Joey could come to his friend's aid, he was hit over the head from behind. He dropped to the ground with a yelp. Looking back up through darkening eyes, he could see the vicious beating Chris was taking. Then things grew black and painless.

Chris couldn't even run. They descended on him at once, the first hard punch to the stomach bringing him to his knees. Blows were raining from all around. He felt a long hard object crack low against his spine while fists battered his face. A sharp sting burned on his arm, and heavy dog chains slammed against his folded legs. The pain was too intense. He could taste his blood, even smell it. He hit the ground beside the unconscious Joey, a mixture of blood and tears blinding him.

"FAGOT!"

"FUCKING QUEER!"

"ASS FUCKER!"

Soon his mind closed down his hearing in order to give more strength to his body. He could no longer see, but he could feel. He felt the cold dampness of the gritty concrete beneath him. His hand lay in front of his face, bloody fingers lying limp against the sidewalk. The thick chains cracked wherever they fell, and now heavy boots were exploding through his ribs. The long object proved to be a lead pipe, as the dull echoing thud broke through to his half-shut down mind.

The men looked at the broken, bloody body at their feet and decided he was no longer worth the trouble. Almost as suddenly as the attack hard started, it stopped. Through the beating, they had moved the man into the alley, which was for the better. No one knew this man's last name. Knew nothing about his life, except the fact that a man several states away claimed he was gay. So he had been punished for it.

Chris lay still, unable to move. He was just inside an alley, lying in excruciating pain in a shadow. He knew then that the men had left when he felt no stinging pain but just a dull ache all over. Blood crept up his throat, threatening to choke him, and he coughed, setting fire to his body. It was cold. Slowly his other senses came back online, and he could hear once more the rumbling of cars and distant chatter of people. A breeze blew lightly, sending a crumpled piece of paper scampering by, escaping out onto the sidewalk. Joey lay a few feet away.

Chris remained silent, trying to fight the pull of dark sleep. His body trembled. He watched his own fingers shake, his fingernails scraping the dark concrete. Several warm spots were seeping through his clothes. He couldn't take a deep breath. He felt he was suffocating.

Chris turned black, wet eyes to the lit sidewalk. A gentle clip-clop sound began, growing louder. In front of the alley appeared a tall, pure white horse. No, not a horse Chris realized. The single spiral horn protruded from a clean forehead. It seemed to have an inner glow, shinning brightly in the black night. The silky mane and tail bounced as the unicorn approached. Lowering its head, the beast stopped in front of Chris and gently nuzzled his shoulder.

Unable to move, Chris watched in awe. The pure white hide withered as the unicorn puffed against his neck. Bright blue eyes looked over his body and the mare shook her head, ruffling her mane and releasing a light flower scent. Suddenly she backed away, her horn glistening silver. She whinnied shrilly and reared, standing up and exposing a round white belly as cream-colored hooves dug through the air.

Then mysteriously as she had appeared, the unicorn turned and galloped, her sturdy body bouncing in fluid motion. The last thing Chris saw was the shimmer of a wispy tail.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



"This place is almost as bad as New York," Justin commented, watching a third cop car scream down the road.

"What the hell happened down there?" J.C. questioned.

"I don't know," Justin shrugged, watching an ambulance race in the same direction as the police. "They're like, three blocks from here though. I can see the lights reflecting on that building over there- WHOA! What the hell was that?"

J.C. jumped up and stood beside Justin at the large bay window. "What?" he asked, searching the dark street.

"This white thing just went by. I think it was a UFO!"

J.C. smacked Justin. "My ass. Come on, let's go check it out."

"We're gonna go down there?" Justin questioned.

"Why not? You got something better to do?"

"But J.C., there's like, freaks out. I just saw these four guys go by a little while ago. One of them had a lead pipe! You'd have to be stupid to-"

"Justin, that's why we hired bodyguards. Idiot. Now come on! We're missing all the action." J.C. stopped with his hand on the door.

"'Fine…" Justin sighed. "Should we get Lance?"

"There's no time, let's go!"

"Jeeze, you'd think it was a man on fire or something. It's probably just a drunk that tried to rob some place," Justin rationalized.

"We'll never know unless you get your ass in gear," J.C. said, dragging Justin into the hall.

They grabbed a bodyguard and ran outside, jogging lightly to where all the commotion had congregated. A few other people had stopped too, most likely locals on their way home from the club down the street.

J.C. and Justin pushed through to the yellow tape and tried to figure out what was going on. On the other side of the taped off area, a bloody body was being lifted into the ambulance. The smell of blood was faint, but strong enough to be recognized even by the two singers. A few drops of blood were splattered on the sidewalk. A small pool had collected further back in the alley. Blue and red swirled, lighting up the dim area.

"Man, I'd hate to be that guy," Justin murmured as the ambulance doors closed.

"JUSTIN! J.C.!"

The two turned in the direction they had heard their names. "Joey?" J.C. questioned, taking a step towards the yellow tape.

A police officer stepped in between them. Joey snapped his cell phone shut and took the ice pack down from the back of his head as he started for his friends.

"I'm sorry, you can't cross the line-"

"They're with me," Joey said, stepping beside the officer. "Ask him," he said, nodding towards the bodyguard.

As the two moved aside to talk, questions were spilled. "Joey, what the hell happened? Are you okay?"

Joey nodded, giving each of them a quick hug. "It's Chris, he…they…"

J.C. placed a hand on Joey's shoulder. "Take a deep breath. What happened?"

"These guys, they jumped us…they hurt Chris really bad- God it was terrible, he looks so bad!"

J.C. and Justin looked towards the ambulance. "You mean that was Chris? Our Chris?"

Joey nodded, wiping tears. The ambulance pulled away, screaming down the dew-coated street. Justin looked around. "All this," he said, motioning to the blood, "Is his?"

Joey nodded once more. "I tried calling you…" he said softly.

"Let's go guys," the bodyguard instructed, herding the guys to a police car. "Go to the hospital, I'll take care of everything else."

Numbly, the three filed in the back seat of a cop car and watched as the door shut. A few comforting gestures were made.

Their minds didn't clear until they had sat down in the waiting room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Lots of screams. Flashing lights. Thundering doctors. Pages over the intercom. Blood. Medicine. Blood.

Sights, sounds and smells were swirling around J.C., Justin and Joey. They had been sitting here for an hour now, at least. J.C. looked at his watch. Ten minutes. Damn.

A nervous fist grabbed all their stomachs and squeezed tightly. What the hell happened? Justin was afraid to ask. The flash of this bloody best friend had sent his mind on a ten-day rock climbing adventure, and the return to sanity was late in coming. Joey hadn't volunteered any specific details, and the Justin and J.C. were sure that was for their own good. They'd find out later, in police reports.

Time dragged on. Lance had arrived. Bodyguards showed up. News reporters showed up. Bodyguards kicked news reporters out. Doctors jogged by, some covered in blood. Police dwindled. Time dragged on.

A police officer finally gathered enough courage to approach the shaken men. Joey looked up. "I'm sorry about what happened," the officer started, "But we're pressed for time. I need to get your statement now."

Joey sighed. "You can't wait until we know how he is?"

"That's not going to help anything. We can't find any leads. I need your statement now. We can do it here, if you wish."

Joey squinted at the officer's nametag. "Officer Sullivan? I thought I gave you guys a description already."

Eric, a bodyguard, nudged Joey gently. "Just give the statement. It's gotta be done."

"Yeah, we're here for ya," J.C. said, attempting a smile.

Officer Sullivan pulled out a notepad and pen as Joey looked to the floor and sighed. Then, softly, he began. "I don't really know what happened. He-"

"He who?" the officer questioned.

Joey glared. "Chris," he corrected himself, "came back to the hotel really depressed. He and his mom had a fight and she basically kicked him out. So I offered to take him to the club down the street."

The cop nodded and continued scribbling. Joey felt J.C.'s hand on his shoulder. "So we were walking down the street…just talking you know, and this guy just appeared out of nowhere." He took a breath. "He said that…uh…Chris's ex-girlfriend Dani told her new boyfriend that Chris was…" Joey looked around, lowering his voice, "She told him that Chris was gay, and then her boyfriend sent these guys out to punish Chris."

"So the victim is a homosexual?" Officer Sullivan asked, looking at Joey with not quite as much sympathy now.

Joey nodded, not looking up. How clean the floor was…

"Continue," the officer sighed.

"Well I saw the guy go for Chris, but before I could do anything, I was hit from behind. I don't really remember much else…"

"What about when you woke up?" the officer asked blatantly.

Joey shot the others a questioning glance. He was starting to get the impression this cop didn't care as much anymore. Then his thoughts turned dark when he remembered the scene that greeted him. J.C.'s hand started small circles. "My head hurt," he started. "Then I remembered what happened and I looked for Chris. He was…" Deep breath. "He was lying beside me, real still…he was bleeding a little from the cuts, and there was bruises…I couldn't wake him up-"

"That’s enough," the officer interrupted, closing his notepad with a snap. "I'll need the victim's statement when he wakes up."

"That might not be for a while," a doctor stated, stepping up beside the officer.

All four singer's heads snapped up. "Why? Is he okay?" J.C. asked.

"He's in critical condition," Dr. Windsor replied. "He was beaten very badly. There was some swelling around his lower spine, which worried us, but it seems to be receding. He's very lucky. He has a mild concussion, several cuts, three cracked ribs and some horrible bruises. It'll be a long while before he's back to his normal self. Does anyone know why this assault occurred?"

Justin looked up with sparkling eyes. "Because he was gay."

The doctor made a note on his charts. "I'm afraid it's still to early for him to have visitors. I'll send someone for you when he awakens."

"Thanks," echoed the guys.

Dr. Windsor smiled. "It'll be okay guys. It's bad, but it could have been worse."

"I can't believe this," Justin said as the doctor left. "It's so unreal." Then he turned to Joey. "Why didn't you take one of the bodyguards? You knew…"

"Knew what, Justin?" Joey defended. "I knew that we were going to get attacked? No, sorry kid, but I had no clue. It's not like I wanted this to happen. I wish I could have done something, anything to prevent this. This is my fault."

"It's not your fault," J.C. said softly. "It's nobody's fault. We just have to pray that he gets better." J.C. gently took Joey's hand and closed his eyes, lowering his head.

The others mimicked the action, forming a chain of prayer. The police watched with a critical eye from the opposite corner of the waiting room. Rumors were starting and jokes were being traded. It was only some gay guy that got the shit beat out of him. Probably deserved it. These kids didn't belong here. The cops would pretend to work on the case until they left, then everything could go back to normal. After all, who cares about gays?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Are you the gentlemen here with Mr. Kirkpatrick?"

Justin nudged Lance awake. "Yeah, can we see him now?"

"Yes, he's about to wake up and his vitals are steadily improving. Follow me."

The four singers followed the nurse, followed by Eric, then Officer Sullivan. They were led back a brightly lit hallway and around a corner. They passed many rooms along the way, and caught the stares of several patients. They were led to a room near the end of the wing before the nurse stopped. "He may be confused at first, just be gentle and use soft voices. I'll send the doctor in to check him over."

"Thanks," J.C. nodded as they quietly stepped inside.

Chris lay in the bed before them, thin white sheets drawn over him perfectly. An IV dripped steadily into a clear tube leading to the needle that pierced a vital artery. He had been taken off the ventilator but was still very pale. Stitch-closed cuts littered his body, along with ugly dark bruises. In short, he looked like the living dead.

"Oh my God," Justin whispered as they approached the bed. "He looks really, really bad."

Joey took the chair by Chris's head. He sighed sadly and took Chris's cold hand, not saying anything. "Uh guys," J.C. said. "All of us being here isn't going to make him wake up faster. Let's wait outside." At the other's questioning looks, J.C. nodded towards Joey.

Understanding, Justin said, "Yeah, uh, Joey, we'll be right outside. Get us if anything happens."

Joey simply nodded, his eyes not leaving Chris's still form.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



"Is this what you wanted?" Justin growled, shoving Lance against a wall. "Is this how you wanted him to end up? Aren't you proud now, Lance?"

J.C. grabbed Justin's shoulder. "Justin, knock it off. He didn't have anything to do with this."

"Well he's being awfully smug about the whole thing. Anything you'd like to get out in the open, gay hater?"

Lance looked coolly into Justin's icy eyes. "Justin, I am in no way happy about what happened to Chris. I don't hate him-"

"You do so!" Justin argued. "You're prejudice against homosexuals!"

"Then so are you," Lance countered.

"What?"

"The word prejudice means to pre judge something or someone. It seems like you're prejudice IN FAVOR of homosexuals, mainly Chris!"

"CHRIS is our friend!"

"I know that," Lance replied, pushing Justin's hands down. "I can't explain it Justin. Chris is my friend, and always will be, but-"

"But you hate the fact that he's gay," Justin finished.

"Will you stop putting words in my mouth?"

"Guys, please. Justin, Lance has a right to think whatever he wants. If you'd open your eyes, you'd see how hard he's trying. It's not easy to suddenly drop what you have held sacredly for all your life. And Lance, try being just a bit more compassionate. Honestly, would you act any different if it were me or Justin lying in there?"

"Would you be gay?"

"Oh my GOD," Justin groaned, turning away.

"I'm sorry, that's not what I meant," Lance started.

J.C. sighed. "Okay, lets just put this conversation on hold until Chris is better, okay? He needs all the strength he can get."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Joey sighed and held back his tears. He couldn't help but feel responsible for this. He should have done something. Should have brought a bodyguard. Something.

"Chris, please man, wake up. We're all worried about you. They got ya pretty bad, but the doctor says everything will be okay. I'm so sorry man. This shouldn't have happened. I'm gonna kill Dani and her boyfriend. This wasn't even her business. You were with her for three years man, you didn't deserve this. It's a shame, isn't it? This happens everyday. Even sadder is that nobody cares. People hating, killing other people for being different. It makes me sick." Joey gently rubbed Chris's hand with his thumb. "We're gonna get you through this. You just gotta wake up, okay? We're all here for you, nothing is gonna get you now."

Then, ever so slightly, Chris's hand twitched.

Joey blinked. "Chris? You there buddy? Come on, wake up."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Chris was floating peacefully. Nothing hurt, he wasn't too hot or too cold, it wasn't too bright or too dark…and he certainly had not been dis-owned by his mother. He liked this comfort. All he had to do was lie here. Stay still and enjoy the serenity…

"…We're all here for you, nothing is gonna get you now."

Who dare interrupt his bliss? Joey? Well, he supposed he did owe Joey something, at least a hand squeeze. So that's what he did. Man, it was hard to move that hand.

"Chris? You there buddy? Come on, wake up."

God Joey, what is it now? Can't you see I'm happy like this? If I wake up, there'll be pain. Pain is bad. Please don't make me open my eyes. The world hates me. Just let me be.

"Chris? Joey says you moved man. I miss you, come on, please wake up."

Justin? Justin is here too? Oh God, what if he saw me. I don't want to see the pity in their eyes. Wait a minute, I must look like shit now. Well good, now everyone can see Chris with the shit beat out of him. This brightens my day.

"Um…hi Chris. Uh…you're scaring us all…you gotta wake up."

Lance? Lance cared enough to be here? He must be laughing his head off now. This is what he wanted, after all. To hell with the fags.

"Chris, damnit, we know you're awake. Stop fucking around and open your eyes. Now."

Chris forced his eyes open. He was instantly assaulted by the bright light and the squeezed his eyes shut, turning his head to the side. He tried to lift his arms but found them to be too heavy. His whole body felt stagnant and heavy.

"Turn the lights off," Joey ordered, sending Justin scrambling.

Once the room had dimmed, Chris attempted to open his eyes again. Things slowly came into focus. There sat Joey, looking pretty worried.

"Chris? You okay? Are you there man?"

Chris stared blankly. This was the world he left. There were his friends, rejoicing that he had opened his eyes. Their faces and touches felt so good. So welcoming. Nothing could be better than this, to be loved by his friends. He offered a small smile.

Then the pain set in. He forced his eyes closed again as tears stung his eyes. A terrifyingly tight, dull pain wrapped around the base of his spine, biting through the bone. That pain alone was enough to spill tears, then came the numerous throbs on the rest of his body. He had a headache. His arm stung. Every breath gnawed at his ribs, squeezing his lungs. His left leg felt as if it had been shot. Not that he had even been shot, but this had to be what it felt like.

"Guys, get the doctor," Joey said as he placed a hand on Chris's shoulder. The older man was whining slightly as he writhed on the bed. Joey's heart sunk. The smile Chris had given them made Joey forget, for a second, what had happened. But now, seeing his friend in so much pain killed him. "Chris, it's okay, the doctor's coming."

As if on cue, Dr. Windsor appeared and gently pushed Joey out of the way. A nurse went to the IV and increased the drip's speed. The doctor leaned over Chris, shining a pen light in each of the coffee-colored eyes. "Mr. Kirkpatrick, can you hear me?"

Chris nodded, turning away from the unfamiliar doctor. His hands grasped the sheets on either side of him as he made a futile attempt to roll off the bed.

"Mr. Kirkpatrick, I know you're in pain, just relax. Do you know where you are?"

The pain began to dull and a warm, tingling seeped trough his arm, spreading throughout his body. Slowly he opened his eyes again, searching for Joey.

"That's it, just calm down. Now, can you tell me where you are?"

"Hospital." Man, that sounded weak.

"Very good. You're a lucky man, Chris." Dr. Windsor made some notes on his ever-present chart book then continued, "Nothing permanent. Your spinal injury had us worried but miraculously you recovered. Besides a few cuts and bruises, there's nothing too bad. I'd count your blessings, Mr. Kirkpatrick."

Chris remembered lying on the wet concrete. Alone, in the dark. He had found a new phobia now. From this day on he would not be caught anywhere with out someone else. There was something else too. Oh God yes. The unicorn. What the hell was that? He was pretty sure he had been hit upside the head with something, so maybe that was it. It had to be. He just imagined the fact that a pure white mare with a single spiral horn had nuzzled him with its soft, pink nose and white whiskers. There were no relaxing pale blue eyes in the alley. No sound of hollow hooves. No smell of flowers. There couldn't have been. Unicorns didn't exist. Just a child's fantasy, much like his hope of ever being accepted in this world.

"Chris, do need anything?" Joey asked.

"Unicorn?" he questioned without thinking.

Joey looked at the others. "What?"

Chris shook his head slightly and licked his lips. "Water."

A nurse appeared with a cup in hand. Guiding the straw towards his parched and cut lips, she said softly, "Drink this slowly."

Chris obeyed, tuning red and shameful eyes to the others. He hated being helpless. He hated the others seeing him like this. Beaten like the piece of shit fag that he was. Nobody loved him. Really loved him, like the blooming romance between Justin and Britney. Nobody would either. You can't be gay and be in a boyband. Now that Dani had told her boyfriend, the whole world probably knew by now. Hell, there was probably a story about him on the news as he lay here.

Joey noticed Chris's discomfort. "Guys, uh, why don't you wait out in the hall? I'll get you in a few minutes, okay?"

"Yeah," J.C. nodded. He, Lance and Justin followed the nurse out into the hall.

As they left, Officer Sullivan entered. "I'm here to take his statement now," he announced, pen in hand.

"I don't think he's ready," Joey started. "He just woke up-"

"Mr. Kirkpatrick, do you think you can give your statement now?"

Chris blinked. "Uh, I guess."

"Don't do it if you don't think you can," Joey said, placing a hand on Chris's arm.

"Go ahead," Officer Sullivan urged.

"Uh," Chris started, taking a shaky breath. "Well me and Joey were walking down the street, we were going to go to a club-"

"A gay club?" the officer questioned with a hint of a smirk.

Chris returned a questioning look. "No, just a club. It was dark and everything and this guy jumped out from the alley." Chris paused, swallowing the rock of a lump in his throat. "He said that my ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend told him that I was gay, and that I made her cry or something."

"You made her cry?" Officer Sullivan questioned.

Chris shrugged painfully. "I don't know."

The officer rolled his eyes. "Go on."

"Well then they started attacking."

"And?"

Chris looked confused. "They hit Joey first, the guys that crept up behind us. Then they…started on me."

The officer looked straight into Chris's eyes. "Did they rape you? Penetrate you with a foreign object?"

Chris gulped. "N-no."

Joey stood up. "I don't think that's necessary-"

"Just routine," the officer snapped. "Mr. Kirkpatrick, describe the beating to me. What did they hit you with?"

Tears crept into Chris's eyes. He could sense the officer's hate. It was everywhere. He closed his eyes, praying this would end soon. Thank God Joey told the others to leave. "I don't really remember. A pipe, I think. Chains. Their hands and feet. A knife."

"And did you at any time cry out or fight back?"

Chris sniffed, keeping his gaze on the sheet spread over him. "I don't know. I didn't fight back, I couldn't."

The officer stood his intimidating stance a little longer. His gaze managed to make Chris feel like the guilty one here. "That's all. You two have a nice day." With that, he left.

Joey gave Chris a hug the best he could. "It's okay," he comforted.

Chris had been strong until Joey's gentle gesture. He found himself crying lightly into Joey's warm embrace. "Everybody hates me," he confessed.

"That's not true Chris," Joey replied, letting go of his older friend. "A lot of people hate homosexuals. Unfortunately, as much as I want to, I can't change that. But I'm always here for you, okay?"

"What are we going to do if this does get out?" Chris asked. "Nobody will like Nsync anymore. Our whole audience is female, and I'll just ruin everything. They're too young to understand. They'll just know that that old guy Chris is a fag and he's probably raping Justin Timberlake."

Joey winced at Chris's words. "You're not quitting the group, if that's what you're hinting at," Joey informed him. "We'll get through this. We are sticking together Chris, whether you like it or not."

Chris smiled again. "Thanks Joey."

"Don't thank me for being your friend," Joey replied. "It's my pleasure. You haven't changed Chris. Not one bit. I don't think anything will make me stop liking you."

"You're a rare friend Joey. There needs to be more people like you in this world."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Joey marched up to Beverly's door and banged on it as hard as he could. He waited impatiently, his breath steaming in the early morning air. Eric stood behind him.

Finally the door opened and Beverly appeared in her night robe. "Joey?" she squinted. "What do you want?" A small black dog yapped between her feet.

"It's five 'o clock. Do you know where your son is?"

Beverly's squint turned into a glare. "No, nor do I care. Goodbye Joseph."

Joey stopped the door from setting into the frame. "He's in the hospital Bev. ICU. Still don't care?"

Beverly shoved the dog away from the door. "What happened?" she asked.

"He was attacked. Because he was gay. Do you know the feeling of loneliness he has now? Do you know how much you've hurt him?"

"I have a feeling," Bev replied.

Joey's eyes bulged. "And?"

"I can't help it. He chose to disobey the Lord, even after all His kindness. That is something that can not be forgiven, nor allowed in the house."

Joey rubbed his temple in exasperation. "I can't believe you. I- this is…" Joey growled and threw his hands in the air. "Goodbye," he said, turning around. Then he whipped back around, once again stopping her from shutting the door. "I can't believe that you would chose to value what COULD be a fictional being more that your own son. He is your FLESH and BLOOD, Beverly. Chris is here, now, for you to touch and talk to and love. You don't have to pray to him, only for him. If you love him at all, you have to see that!"

Beverly looked offended. "The Lord is not a fictional character Joseph. The Lord is what kept Chris alive years ago! We were fighting for our survival years before you were even a spark in your parent's eyes. Don't talk to me like that again young man. Goodbye."

Joey looked heartbroken as he retreated, walking backwards away from the house. "You don't deserve such a wonderful son," he spat, then turned and headed back to the hospital, bodyguard in tow.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Joey marched right back to the hospital. He headed straight for Chris's room, but J.C. stopped him in the hall.

"Look," J.C. started. "I don't think I want to know what you just did, so I won't ask. All I need you to do is talk to Justin and Lance, but no together."

v Joey stopped. "Why?" he asked. As far as he knew, everything was fine. Sure Lance still had a little negativity for Chris, but he had greatly improved. And last he paid attention to Justin; the kid was just as bouncy as normal.

"Justin is about ready to strangle Lance," J.C. said. "I think in some twisted way, he blames Lance or something. I don't know. That's why you're going to talk to them."

Joey sighed, suddenly feeling very old. "Okay. Where are they?"

"Justin's waiting in the waiting room. Lance is wandering, I think he went to get something to eat." J.C. placed a hand on Joey's shoulder. "Thanks man."

Joey smiled. "Thank me later. Like with a Playstation game or something."

J.C. rolled his eyes as he watched Joey walk towards Justin. Then he slipped into Chris's room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Joey plopped down beside the slumping Justin. "Hey," he said softly, not sure if Justin was aware of his surroundings.

Justin looked up, turning blue eyes to Joey. "Where'd you go?" he asked, almost accusingly.

"Does it matter?" Joey retorted. "I came to talk about you, not about me."

"Why are you talking about me? J.C. sent you, didn't he?"

"That's not the point," Joey said. "Do you want to tell me what's going on?"

"Nothing."

"Justin, you gotta talk sometime."

"So? Not here, not now."

"Don't make me sit on you."

Justin looked up, a smile pulling at the corner of his mouth. "You wouldn't."

"Watch me," Joey smiled, standing up.

Justin laughed. "Okay, okay, I'll tell you. Don't embarrass me in public."

"I'm waiting," Joey smiled.

Justin took a breath. "I'm not trying to be mean to him. It just comes out. Because of his stance on this, you know?"

"I think so," Joey replied.

"I mean, J.C.'s not totally right…it's just…I don't know. I mean, this could have been Lance's doing, had you not caught it. I know the chances are really low, but it COULD have. And Lance walks around here, not saying a word. He does care, right Joey?"

"Yeah," Joey replied, running a hand through his hair. "He does care Justin. I'm not trying to put words in his mouth, but maybe he already feels guilty? Lance is the businessperson, and in Mississippi who knows what he was exposed to. He could just be confused. But don't worry about him caring about Chris, I can see that in his eyes."

Justin smiled. "I believe it Joey, I just wish I could see it."

"That's one of the problems today, Just. People know it's wrong but nobody takes a stand. It's a shame, but what can you do?"

"Yeah," Justin sighed. "It sucks."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



J.C. sat down next to Chris. Unsure of whether or not he was safe to touch, J.C. simply looked. He studied the peaceful, sleeping face, littered with scratches and a huge bruise over his left eye. There was a cut on his lower lip, which looked somewhat aggravated.

"Chris, I'm sorry this happened," J.C. said quietly. "I can't even understand it. Once I opened my eyes and put our differences aside, you were no different. You like guys, I like girls. Where is the threat in that? How does that one factor cause so much hate?" J.C. sighed, picking a tiny pebble out of Chris's hair. "I don't understand it, but I'm gonna try bringing you back. Our sun is gone, Chris. We miss you. Listen to me, I sound like you're dead. I think your spirit might be, at least for a little while. You're our brother though Chris, and we won't let you slip away. So you just concentrate on getting better, okay? You'll be annoying the hell out of us soon enough."

J.C. grew uncomfortable talking to his beaten friend and got up, walking back to the door.

As the door closed, a single tear tore a path down Chris's face and soundlessly dropped to the pillow.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Chris lay in bed, staring out the window. He watched the wind tousle the treetops. The leaves shimmered in the mid morning sunlight, sparkling against the bright blue sky. A few fluffy clouds floated by, changing shapes every couple of minutes. It was so peaceful out side. That's where he wanted to be right now. Away from all the pain inside the hospital. It was making him sick.

There was a knock on the door and Chris turned eager eyes to find the guys, led by Joey, enter the room with smiles on their faces. "Hey Chris," Joey smiled. "How ya feeling?"

"Like I want to be back on the bus, cramped together with you guys," Chris replied.

"Well that might be possible," J.C. said. "The doctor said you can go today, once he gives you another once over."

"Really?" Chris smiled. He cast another longing glance outside before turning back to the guys. "You all don't have to check on me, you can like, take a shower if you need."

"Well we were worried about you. No offense, but you don't look so hot," Justin said with a smile.

"He's just trying to get out of rehearsal," Lance teased.

Chris smiled at Lance, glad that the blonde was still his friend. "I wanna go," Chris whined.

"Glad you're up for it, we missed you," Joey said, gently placing a hand on Chris's shoulder. He would wait to discuss the details of what happened, like the cops and the confrontation with Beverly; there would be plenty of road time for that.

"Well how's my most popular patient this morning?" Dr. Windsor asked with a smile as he entered the room.

"Bus sick," Chris replied. "I want to leave."

The doctor smiled and recorded the monitors in his charts. "So I take it you feel good."

"Good enough."

"We'll you'll be getting a prescription of pain killers, antibiotics and anti-inflammatory pills. You are not to participate in the dancing activities or hardly anything I imagine you normally do. If you have any numbness in your legs or get dizzy, come straight back here. Other than that, you're good to go."

"Thanks, now unhook me and give me my clothes back," Chris said, sitting up.

"Uh, well you're clothes have been burned. They were beyond salvageable," Dr. Windsor replied.

"Don't worry Chris, we got you some of your FuMan stuff," Justin spoke up.

"Thanks," Chris smiled.

"I'm going to go get your bills together and I'll have a nurse come in to take the IV out. Good luck to you, Mr. Kirkpatrick."

Chris shook the doctor's hand. "I have these guys, I'll be fine."

"I have seen how much they care about you, they've hardly left here since you arrived," the doctor smiled, then left.

Chris sighed and looked out the window. "I just want to get away from here."

"I know, we're going," Joey replied. His voice lowered slightly as he continued, "I'm sorry."

Chris turned to look at him. "For what?" he asked.

Justin lay Chris's clothes on the bed as the other guys backed off from the semi-private conversation. "For letting this happen," Joey said.

"Joey, you did not let this happen," Chris said. "They jumped us, remember? There was nothing you could do."

"But I should have taken a body guard or something-"

"How were you supposed to know this was going to happen? This is Pennsylvania for Christ's sakes. Nothing ever happens here. Stop blaming yourself, please."

A nurse interrupted them. "I'm here to take out the IV," she smiled, stepping in between Chris and Joey. Chris returned his gaze to the dancing trees. He felt the small sting of the needle sliding out of his arm, quickly being replaced by cotton. "Hold this here," she said, pulling out a band-aid.

Chris obeyed, glancing at Joey. To prove that he had no hard feelings, he smiled. Joey smiled in return. Chris smiled at the others. They all smiled back. A warm feeling came over Chris, and at that moment he knew that everything truly would be okay. He had his friends- his brothers- the only family he really needed. Now he just had to resume their daily life so he could forget all of this. This helpless feeling. This hated feeling. He wanted to be back on the bright side, with 'normal' people.

They all knew that this would take a while to overcome. Such an act of violence is not forgotten easily. They knew then that the want was there, and each man in the room was willing to give however much love was necessary. Later would they discover the horrible nightmares, the new phobia of being alone in the dark, how the police had given up the search for the suspects as soon as they left, and much further down the road how Beverly was sorry for acting so harshly.

But this was now. Now was the time for healing.

Because you can be straight, but not narrow.

It's Never Finished

Home

Email: jaysmyrascal@cs.com