Part 6
Neither Becca nor Kevin slept that night, and neither let on to the other that they were aware of the others' predicament. Becca knew her carefully controlled world was about to end and Kevin, Kevin kept hearing his daughter's voice at dinner: "I might be blonde, but I'm not stupid." He held his wife tighter to his chest as he remembered the countless times he'd heard Nick say the exact same thing, in the exact same voice. He closed his eyes tightly and a single tear escaped into the darkness, spreading thinly on Becca's cotton nightgown.
It was well after nine when Becca stumbled into the silent kitchen, still groggy from her restless night. Her favorite coffee mug was by the coffeemaker, and a fresh pot had been brewed. She smiled, knowing that Kevin was responsible. As she sipped her first cup and began to wake up, the previous night began to come back to her. The forms … where were Nikki's medical forms?
In a blind panic she began to search. They were no longer on the kitchen table. Had she taken them upstairs? That search proved fruitless as well. As she passed the small table in the entryway, she saw a note propped up with her car keys.
Hey baby,
I know you didn't sleep well, so I took Nikki to school. Hope you got a little more rest, you know I worry about you.
Becca smiled and continued to read.
I have some errands to run, so I won't be home till much later. I'm taking Nikki's health papers with me, this way you won't have to worry about them. One less thing to do, right? I love you, and I'll see you later.
Love,
K.
No. Oh dear god, no.
Becca sank to the floor and wept.
* * * * *
Nick was seated on the dock behind his house when a shadow fell across him. "I wondered when you'd be here," he said quietly, not even bothering to turn around.
"I had stuff to do first." Kevin sat beside him, staring unseeingly out into the crystal blue waters of the Gulf of Mexico.
"How's Becca?"
"She was still asleep when I left. She tossed and turned all night."
"She's not sick, is she?" Small talk. Fuck, he hated it almost as much as Kevin did.
"She's making herself sick over all this Nick."
"I don't know what-"
"Yes you do. Here, I brought these to you."
Nick finally turned around, squinting against the harsh springtime sun. "What's this?"
"Sarah Nicole's medical forms for the summer academy. We need help filling them out."
Nick swallowed past the lump in his throat. "Why do I-"
"Nick, cut past it, okay? I know."
"You know…"
"I've known for a long time, Nick." Kevin watched the range of emotions that crossed Nick's face and a realization suddenly dawned. "Fuck me sideways," he mumbled. "You didn't know, did you? You had no idea until all that shit happened out on the boat last weekend."
"Kevin-"
"How could you not know, Nick? Sweet Jesus, she's the spitting image of you. Hell, as a toddler, she was the spitting image of every Carter ever born."
"I'm sorry." Nick sighed and swiped a hand across his eyes. "Fuck, that's lame. I can't tell you … I'm just sorry. Kevin, we're not having an affair."
"I know that, Nick. I know that Becca's been faithful to me since the day we were married."
"It was only once, Kevin, I swear it." Nick was on the verge of tears.
"We had a fight. I remember it like it was yesterday," Kevin chuckled. "I was so damn pissed, and when I came home Becca was gone, and there was a hole in the living room wall the-"
"Same size as that fucking crystal vase." Nick laughed, remembering the story Becca had told him. "She was hurt, Kevin. And it just … it just happened. We knew it was a mistake, and it didn't mean thing."
There was complete silence then for a full five minutes before Nick spoke again.
"Why?"
"Why what?"
"You knew all this time, Kevin. Why not say anything?"
"I didn't know, Nick. Not for a long time."
"I don't understand."
Kevin leaned back and closed his eyes. "I always wanted a big family, Kaos. We tried and we tried, for years. Becca could never get pregnant again, and we just resigned ourselves to having one child. But it bothered me. I wanted it so bad it was eating me up. I finally saw a specialist when Nikki was eight or nine."
"And?"
"It's my fault Nick, I'm sterile."
"Shit."
"It was a lot to wrap my mind around, and somewhere in the midst of all of this I realized that there was no way Nikki could be mine. I love Becca enough that I made it work, Nick. We've never talked about it, ever."
"She has no idea?"
"About me? No." Kevin shook his head emphatically. "I couldn’t do that to her."
"So you just avoided it? Kev, that's-"
"I was afraid." He said it so softly Nick almost didn't hear him.
"Afraid? Of what, Kevin?"
"You."
Nick was speechless.
"I was afraid you'd take them from me, Nick. They're all I have and if I lost them…" Tears were running unchecked down his face and glistened in the hot Florida sun.
"But we love you."
Becca's voice behind them startled them both. They spun around to see her watching them both, anguish on her face, which was wet with her own tears.
"Bec-"
"So many lies, for so many years. I’m so sorry," she sobbed. In an instant she was in Kevin's arms.
"Baby, I love you so much." Kevin pressed his face into her hair as Nick watched from a distance.
"I didn't want to believe it, Kevin. I never wanted to lie to you, or to Nikki or …"
"To me," Nick said quietly.
"This is all my fault," she wept.
"Bec, I see three people here," Nick said. "Three adults who all played a part, so you can't take all the blame for this."
"What do we do now?" she whispered.
"She's your daughter, Nick," Kevin said. "Where do we go from here?"
"No," he said. "She's not."
"Nick you're her-"
"Kevin, don't jump too far ahead here. Sure, okay, one night I did something that resulted in a child, but that doesn’t make me her father. You're her father, Kev, you always will be."
"But you deserve to be in her life," Kevin said.
Nick laughed. "I am in her life, Kev, almost every day. I love her man, I always have."
"And that's enough?" Becca asked, not quite believing.
"Yeah, Bec, it's enough. Baby, it's more than I ever thought I'd have. Just don't shut me out of her life."
"She needs to know," Kevin sighed.
"Someday," Nick said. "But not today. And we'll tell her together."
Becca slipped away from Kevin to wrap her arms around Nick. "Thank you. Thank you so much," she sighed into his chest.
"Now what?" Kevin asked.
Nick smiled broadly. "So where are those papers we need to fill out? We've got a kid to send off to summer school."
"A very lucky kid at that," Becca smiled. "Three parents who love her to distraction."
"Damn straight," Nick said. His left arm still around Becca, he grabbed Kevin with his other arm and the three set off for the house to plan their daughter's future.
The End
5-2-02