His arms slipped around me and pulled me even closer and his warmth was like a healing balm. I sighed against his mouth and gave myself over to the feelings that I'd been missing for so long, maybe forever. He kissed me thoroughly, never once taking the next step and I smiled against his lips.
"What?" he asked, pulling only slightly away.
"It's just ... so different, Brian."
"I'm not him, Bec."
"Thank God," I sighed, pulling him close again.
He laughed as his hands tangled into my hair and this time his kiss was nothing like the other. With soft, sweet sounds, his mouth made love to mine, touching and tasting every corner, every crevice, his soft tongue circling over mine until I was shaking in his arms.
Somehow we'd shifted and I was lying half beneath him, our legs tangled together, his hand brushing my hair back away from my face.
I needed his touch so badly. I needed his hands on my body and I was afraid to ask. I opened my mouth to speak, but closed it just as quickly.
"What?" he asked, grinning.
"I- I just -"
"Just tell me, Bec. It's so easy." He smiled tenderly into my eyes and I could no longer see him for the tears that were flooding my own.
Tentatively I reached my fingers out to touch his face. I touched his cheek and followed his hairline from one side to the other before slipping my fingertips into the soft curls on his neck. I wrapped a tiny curl around my fingertip, gratified when Brian closed his eyes and sighed.
"I need you," I said shyly. "Please?"
Brian skimmed his hand down my side, resting his hand on my rib cage, his thumb just beneath my breast. "I don't take this lightly. I can't make love with someone I don't love." He was dead serious and as he looked into my eyes I felt a blind sense of panic.
My eyes must have betrayed me because he was suddenly touching me, everywhere and saying, "No, Bec, don't, I didn't mean- I meant to say- Oh fuck."
Brian cursed? I shifted as he lay his head on my breast, trying in vain to see his face. "Bri?" My heart beat wildly in the awkward silence as I waited for him to speak.
He sighed and raised up on one elbow, searching my face. "I need to know something."
"Anything, Brian. You know you can ask me anything."
"Do you love him? I mean, do you REALLY love him?"
"No. I haven't for a very long time." I think I surprised both him and myself with my swift answer.
"Then why-"
"Why stay? Because it's comfortable. It's a known entity in my life Brian. I mean ... Nick is all I have. And you," I added hastily. "You're my best friend, Brian."
"That's not enough any more," he whispered. "I don't want to be your best friend."
"But- why not?" I was confused, and damnit, I don't LIKE being confused.
"Because," he smiled, "best friends can't do this." Gently he kissed me, just at the corner of my mouth. "Or this," he brushed his lips over mine.
"Brian-" I sighed and tried to pull him closer.
"Best friends don't lie awake at night wondering what it would be like to make love with their other best friend's wife..."
"You do?" I pulled back so that I could see his face.
"I do," he nodded, smiling as he blushed.
I smiled back as I rubbed my thumb along his lower lip. "What else don't best friends do?" I asked quietly.
Brian looked right into my eyes. "They don't fall in love with their best friend's wife, or their new best friend..." He looked so lost with his confession and all I wanted to do was sing for joy.
He loved me? He was in love with me? "When? Brian, when did this happen? How long-"
"Before Nick." He closed his eyes and waited. For what? Me to throw him out in outrage? Wasn't gonna happen.
"I'm so sorry." It was all I could say and it would never be enough. "You tried to tell me and I wouldn't listen. And then I married Nick anyway ... oh Brian..." I sighed, and the look of bittersweet pain on his face made me ache.
"Like I said, Bec, love makes us do strange things. I loved you enough to let you go, so you'd be happy."
I lay my head on his shoulder, my thoughts running wild. All this time he'd been there to hold me up, to support me, and knowing all the while he couldn't have me. And all the while I'd been growing closer to him than I was my husband, taking joy in the attention he paid to me, the way he made me laugh, the comfort I felt when he was near. He'd loved me all along in silence while I was slowly falling in love with him. And I never knew it.
"Brian, I've been so blind."
"I never meant for you to know, Bec. I didn't want to be the cause of you leaving Nick. That never stopped me from wanting to kick his ass on a regular basis, though..."
I giggled. "He's a good head taller than you, Brian."
"So what? He treats you like shit. No woman deserves that kind of treatment. I wanted you so bad, Bec, I wanted to show you what love was really like, what it could be if you just reached out for it."
I threaded my fingers through his. "Show me, Brian."
"Bec, that's not fair."
"Yes, it is. It's going to make up for all the unfairness. Please?" I wasn't beneath begging. I'd never wanted anything more than I did this. "Brian, make love with me."
"Why?" His eyes bore into mine and I could give him nothing less than and honest answer.
"Because I love you, too."
A ten ton weight had been lifted from his shoulders as he groaned, pressing his mouth to mine and covering my body with his own. He kissed me so deeply, so completely that I would have been happy with just that but then he touched me. I mean he TOUCHED me. His hand covered my breast and I swear I was on fire. In the back of my mind I was making comparisons, it would have been impossible not to. Nick was so much larger than me, he practically dwarfed me when we were together. But Brian? He was almost my size, and there was a comfortable equality there that made this all so right.
We lay together for the longest time, necking like teenagers and touching over our clothes. I think the last time I did that I *was* a teenager. Nick would never have taken that kind of time with me. With him, it was always right to the main course. Given my relative inexperience, I hardly knew better, but Brian was a good teacher and I was a quick learner.
We were still kissing when I felt his hand slip beneath my top and just rest on my stomach. He pulled away to look at me, his eyes asking permission to go further. I smiled and gave a slight nod, and the last barrier fell away. Brian pulled my top over my head and lavished kisses on my tummy, drawing swirly designs with his tongue as I giggled. And as I giggled, he ran his hands up under my naked breasts, cupping them gently and teasing the tips with his thumbs before capturing one tight peak between his lips.
Gently he teased me, pulling just a little with his lips and then chastely kissing the swell of flesh above his hands.
"Brian, more!" I couldn't stand it. I wrapped my hands around his head to pull him closer and he obeyed. He squeezed my breasts in his hands and reached out his tongue to tease where his thumbs had been and I gasped. His touch took my breath away and I began to shift restlessly beneath him, my own hands reaching beneath his shirt to caress his warm skin. As I stroked his back he took me fully in his mouth, sucking at my nipples until I moaned.
"Shhh ... slow down, Bec, we have all night."
"No, I need you now. Brian, please..." I begged shamelessly. "Later, we'll have time for more later, please?"
He sat up to take off his shirt, and nearly fell off the couch. He rolled his eyes and made a face as I giggled, but I couldn't help it. The tension in the room had me so strung out I was either going to laugh or cry, and laughing seemed the much better option right then. Brian was naked to the waist as he pulled me to my feet and we stood completely still, our eyes meeting unwaveringly as we tried to make sense out of what we were about to do.
He smiled at me then, and I knew it would be all right. All of it. I rested my hands flat against his chest, feeling his heart beating steadily against my fingers and as I explored him, his arms circled my waist, his fingertips dipping just beneath the waistband of my jeans. It felt forbidden and it felt so good.
I did the same and the breath he quickly caught showed me the power I had over him, a power that was equaled in his touches on my flesh. There were no more words needed. In silent agreement we dropped our remaining garments at our feet and stood open and vulnerable before one another. Unashamedly, we looked our fill, learning each others bodies, our desire building until there was not a second left that we could bear to be apart even by the minuscule space that was between us.
I reached for his hand and pulled him down to the soft carpeting to lay with me. His lips touched mine once more as his hand gently learned me, learned all of the places that make me shiver, all the hidden spots that would make me cry out his name as the night wore on. His fingers found me hot, wet and more than ready for him as he stroked my slickened folds, whispering encouragement as I cried out with pleasure.
He meshed his fingers with mine as he settled between my thighs, lifting my hands above my head as he rocked against my swollen entrance. "Help me do this," he whispered, and then groaned as my fingers wrapped around him to guide him home. He pressed against me, burying just the tip of his erection inside me and I felt myself pulse around him.
"Don't ... stop ..." I could barely speak, let alone breathe. I just wanted him inside me, everywhere at once.
He kissed me gently. "Now?" he asked and I could feel his restraint was almost gone.
"Now," I said, my voice breathy with desire.
In one fluid motion he was inside me, buried deeply, pushing the air from both our lungs with the force of our joining. We stayed so still, just long enough to savor the feeling, just long enough that our bodies began to demand more and then he began to move. His hands never left mine as he balanced above me, steadily rocking against me, his eyes locked with mine, watching my every emotion.
I felt so exposed and so loved. Never before had making love been this open, this wonderful. I felt the familiar numbness begin and I closed my eyes, concentrating, reaching for what had always been so elusive and what I was usually denied. I took my lower lip between my teeth as I tried to force my body into submission and my entire being tensed.
So close, always just so close ...
"Hey, open your eyes," he whispered, slowing his movements, paying no attention to my desperate attempts to keep him moving.
"No," I whimpered, "don't stop, please..." God, if he stopped now I'd never get the feeling back and just once I'd like to know what it's all about, just once ...
"Bec, just relax and let it happen. Feel what you do to me." He slid deeper within me and I could swear I felt him become thicker, almost on command.
My eyes flew open and he was watching me, a look of complete and utter devotion on his face, and then he began to move once more. Deeper and harder, his movements faster and more insistent, and then he added a little twist of his hips and hit a spot I'd never knew existed before. I cried out and he sighed with his success, and did it again. And again.
"Come on, Bec," he coaxed, and as I began to shatter in his arms, he ducked his head to suck on the pulse point at the base of my neck. "Yes," he sighed, and as I fell apart around him, he burst within me, in long deep streams, my name a chant on his lips.
We lay together in stillness, enshrouded in a contented silence until the shrill ringing of the phone startled us from a near sleep. The machine picked up and as we waited for the message to play itself out, Brian leaned over me.
"I do love you," he said, his eyes filled with emotion.
"I know, I love you too-"
And as Nick's voice filled the room we jumped guiltily apart.
*Hey, guess you're asleep already just like always* The sounds from a local club filled the background and I sighed as he made yet one more excuse for not coming home. *So anyway, I met up with this old friend* and then there were feminine giggles, very close by, *so I umm ... I won't be home tonight. I'll catch you tomorrow, sometime ... afternoon, I guess. See ya.*
The connection was broken and I sighed. Another night, another lame excuse, another bimbo ...
"He's an ass," Brian said.
"Yes," I grinned, "I guess he is."
"He doesn't know what he's missing."
"He doesn't know he'll never get it again, either."
For some reason, this revelation struck us both as wildly amusing and we giggled until we cried.
"But this also means..." Brian's voice trailed off.
"What?"
"It means we have all night to get better acquainted." He smiled, raising his eyebrows in challenge.
"It could take a very long time," I replied.
"Maybe the rest of our lives," he said with a grin.
"I'm not going anywhere." As I rolled him to his back, he grinned up at me and I knew that no matter what was to come, my best friend would be there with me, through it all.
3-28-02