"Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep"
By: Kasey
(c) 1999/2000
I wont lie - I will hurt you if you steal.

Chapter 8

	She couldn't sit still. It was impossible to sit
still while she had the phone call on her mind. As
much as Howie tried to distract her, he couldn't. He
watched her with worried eyes, his heart sinking as,
with each minute, each hour that passed, she grew more
and more nervous, and more and more adamant that
nothing would stop the killer from getting to her. She
wouldn't sit down and listen to him, wouldn't let him
touch her, in a way to comfort her. She paced, she
jumped nervously at the slightest sound and Howie knew
that this kind of behaviour would break her. Then...he
shook his head at the thoughts that crowded into his
mind. No. He had lost one woman to death, he would not
lose another. He needed to get through to her
someway...but how could he do that?
	" Kasey," his soft voice even made her jump. She
rubbed her arms with her hands as she faced him and
smiled shakily.
	" You've said it all before Howie."
	" No I haven't. I told you that to let him get to to
you like this is wrong. I've told you about the woman
I lost. But I never told you the full story. Maybe if
I tell you what happened, how it happened, you'll
realise that letting this bastard win will do you no
good," he said and she shrugged, glancing nervously at
the phone as she sat down.
	" Okay. Whatever. But it wont work. I can tell you
that now. Nothing will work. He's going to win and
there's nothing I can do to prevent it," Howie sighed
at her defeat but said nothing more as he moved closer
to her, taking her cold hands in his warm ones and
rubbing them.
	" Her name was Valerie. She came to me, saying that
she had witnessed her ex-boyfriend deal drugs and then
kill the  person who bought them. She had a record so
no one else believed her. But I did. I had a hunch
that she was telling the truth, so I asked the Captain
to let me protect her. I never realised then what
effect that would have, that it would bring about her
death but he let me do it. Except it was in a
safehouse. Away from everyone she knew. Or so I
thought. But someone in the force was an informant for
her boyfriends gang. Had us followed, told her
boyfriend. A month after she had come to me, begging
me to protect her, she was dead because I was stupid
enough to fall for her. She only wanted to be
protected. But she wasn't a very strong woman, at
least not mentally. She had been in and out of foster
homes as a child, raped as a teenager, got involved in
drugs and prostitution by the time she was sixteen.
She had a bad start in life and as soon as the
assignment was over, as soon as we had got her ex, we
were going to make a new start in life, together. I
thought that I could change her. That when we were
together, everything would work out fine. I was naive
in a way. I thought she loved me, but it turned out
she loved the power, the uniform, the ability to hide
behind it. From the moment we set foot in the
safehouse, she was back on the drugs, hid it from me.
I never even imagined she would do that. I was blind
to her faults and tried to act the man and protect
her. Then, the day she was killed, I had stepped out
side for two minutes. Just two lousy minutes. By the
time I stepped back inside, someway, her ex had got in
and killed her, then got out again. I still dont know
how he managed to do it without me hearing him but he
did. It was thought she may have let him in, but I
dont want to believe that she was capable of that. But
she was so high on drugs the day she died that it
would have been hard for me to judge her state of
mind," Howie said softly and Kasey stared at him,
sorrow and sympathy filling  her heart.
	" I'm sorry Howie. I really am. But what does this
have to do with me?" she asked and he sighed, running
a hand over his face.
	" Because she was a weak woman and she let a man
control her. Whether it was her foster fathers, the
man who raped her, her pimp, her drug dealer, her ex
or me, she let men control her thoughts and actions.
And in the end, she ended up dead. Because she trusted
someone she shouldn't have. Because I let my guard
down. Because all of her life she had let men break
her down and use her weaknesses against her. You're a
strong woman Kasey. I can see that. I saw that when
you were lying on the road and still trying to get up.
I can see it in your eyes. I can feel it every time I
hold you. But if you let him get to you, if you let
his words sink into your brain, if you believe him and
believe in what he's capable of doing, then you're
becoming another Valerie. You're letting one man break
you down and letting him get into your strength, into
your mind. I dont want to lose you. I lost one woman I
loved to death, to her weaknesses. I dont want to lose
another woman that I could be falling in love with,"
Howie said softly. 
	" Howie..."
	" Kasey, dont listen to him. Dont let him break you
down. Fight him, fight his tactics. All he wants to do
is make you vulnerable, break you down and use that to
draw you towards him. Dont let him do that, please.
You're stronger than that," Kasey stared at him, her
eyes filling with tears at the impassioned plea in his
voice. Before she could speak, before she could tell
him that for him, and only him that she would do that,
that she would be strong and not let him break her
down, the phone rang. They both jumped and as Howie
reached for it, a determined look on his face, Kasey
reached out a hand and stopped him, her green eyes
lighting with a plea, to let her deal with him, to let
him see that she could be strong, just as he asked. He
glanced at her, and almost smiled in relief. Her eyes
were full of the strength he had seen in them last
night. 
	" Hello?" Kasey answered the phone as Howie drew his
hand away from it. 
	" Hello Kasey," the voice was husky, low...and
chillingly familiar.
	" Why keep calling?"
	" Because I love the sound of your voice. I imagine
what it will sound like when I enter my knife into
you," he said and she could hear the coldness, see the
blackness of his eyes. She swallowed hard and grasped
Howies hand.
	" You dont scare me."
	" I dont? What, is Watchdog by your side? Well he
wont be for much longer," he snarled angrily.
	" What do you want with him anyway? What did he ever
do to you?"
	" He slept with you. You're not his to sleep with.
You're mine. Do you hear me? Mine. In every sense of
the word, in every thought, every deed. I'll love you,
till death us do part," the voice recited the wedding
vows and Kasey knew then that never again would she be
able to hear those words and not think of this man.
	" You dont love me. You love the thought of hurting
me, of having me. Men like you have no concept of
love," she said and he snarled, sounding like a
wounded animal.
	" Bitch."
	" Bastard," she snapped back and hung up. She didn't
even realise it but she was shaking. Howie captured
her hand and brought it to his lips, pride in his
eyes.
	" Good girl. Dont let him intimidate you," he said,
steadying her hands. She breathed in deeply. He would
call back. She knew he would. She had to get ready for
round two. He didn't disappoint either. Just as Kaseys
nerves settled, the phone intruded again," Do you want
me to handle him this time?"
	" No. I have to show him I'm not scared of him. Its
the only way I know how to deal with him," she said
and picked up the receiver. Before she even placed it
against her ear, she could hear a cold grating sound,
like a knife being run across another one, as if it
were being sharpened. She bit her lip as the image of
the knife came to mind but she pushed it away, buried
it for later.
	" Slowly, methodically I will cut you open, all the
way down. It wont be fast, it wont be quick. It will
be painful, it will hurt and you will scream. It turns
me on to hear a woman scream. Does it turn you on?"
his voice was flat, cold, emotionless and it was all
Kasey could do not to shudder.
	" You're insane."
	" Insane?" he laughed coldly," My dear, you have no
idea what you're talking about. I'm sane. And I'm not
the monster you think I am. Oh yes, I know how you're
thinking, know what you're thinking. After so long of
doing this, I've become quiet adept at reading a
womans mind. I know what you're thinking. I know why
you're thinking it. Dont think I dont know Kasey
because I do. Dont be so naive to believe that you're
safe from me for one minute. Because one day, one day
very soon, I will have you and we will become one. And
then it will be ashes to ashes, dust to dust," he said
and hung up, just like before, needing to get the last
word in.