A NEW DAY 
by Michelle T
© 2000

CHAPTER NINE

Kevin nodded and stood up, "I'm going to check on Michelle," He walked slowly 
out of the kitchen and into the bedroom on the right.  Howie and AJ collected 
the empty soda bottles and attempted to straighten up the mess, but neither 
really cared; they were just trying to find something to do with themselves.

Kevin had so many thoughts swimming around in his head.  He never expected to 
hear that Kim's dad was actually dead.  He just assumed that he and Michelle 
had gone their separate ways.  He rubbed his hand along the back of his neck 
as he entered the bedroom.  The room was rather dark, just a small lamp on in 
the corner by the windows.  He walked over between the two double beds, 
pulling a chair behind him.  He sat down wearily and watched Michelle sleep.  
God, he thought, I care so much about her already and it's only been one day. 
 Hell, it's only been about 6 hours since he'd met her!  How can he be having 
these feelings?  He started stroking her right arm that was flung out on the 
bed near him.  He lightly traced the edge of her scar that was not covered by 
bandage.  This must be it, he thought, our connection.  He brought his gaze 
back up to her face and watched her eyes moving behind her eyelids.  She must 
be dreaming he thought, smiling.  

Suddenly, she let out a small whimper and cried, "No!" while moving her head 
back and forth.  

Kevin was startled and jumped up to sit next to her.  He lightly laid his 
hand on her shoulder and nudged her, "Michelle, wake up, honey,"  

Her eyes slowly came open and she drew in a deep breath.  "Oh god, I was 
dreaming I was driving down the road and my car went out of control and I 
kept spinning around and around!" she said hoarsely.  She tried to sit up and 
Kevin reached over to help her.  She pushed the hair away from her face, 
rubbed her eyes and then focused on him.  "Kevin! You been here long?" she 
asked getting her voice back.

"No, just a few minutes.  How are you feeling?"  

"Better, now, I guess.  What time is it?" she asked.

He looked at his watch and said, "Almost 10:30.  Are you hungry or thirsty?"  

She shook her head slowly and gave him a small smile.  "What's been going on 
while I've been sleeping?"

"Well, we've just been hanging around.  Kim went swimming with Nick and Brian 
and now they're playing Nintendo in the other room."  He brushed some of the 
hair off her check that had fallen back down.

"Kevin, you look beat!  And if I'm correct, you are still wearing the same 
clothes you had on earlier when you and AJ found me in the pouring rain.  Why 
don't you go take a nice hot shower and relax?  I'm fine, I promise!" she 
nudged him off the bed with her right knee.  

"Ok, you're right, that sounds mighty good actually.  Are you sure I can't 
get you anything?" he asked sweetly.

"If you have any Tylenol or aspirin, that would be good," she said.

"Ok, I'll see what I can do," He got up and went towards the door as AJ and 
Howie appeared.  

"Kev, how's she doing, man?" AJ asked quietly.

"Good, Howie you got any pain relievers in your stuff?" Kevin asked.

"Most likely, I'll go check," Howie said and left the room.  

Kevin watched him go and said to AJ, "I'm going to take a shower.  Ok, if I 
use your room?"  AJ nodded and walked over to Michelle.

"Hey Gorgeous," he said as he sat on the left side of the bed facing her.  He 
reached over for her hand and brought it up to his lips for a soft kiss.

"Hey, Sexy? What have you been up to?" she asked him smiling.

"Just chillin' with my pals!  I'd rather climb in there with you and heat you 
all up though," he said with a sly grin.  Michelle laughed out loud and 
thought once again how much fun he was.  

Howie came jogging back into the room with a bottle of water and some 
Tylenol.  He went around and sat on the other side of Michelle.  He leaned 
over and kissed her cheek.  "Hey Sweets, how are you?" he asked.

"Good and how is my beautiful Sweet D?" she asked with a wink.

AJ threw his hands up and said, "What's this? You flirting with my pal too?  
Here, I thought you only had eyes for me!"  

All three laughed and Howie handed her the pills.  "Thanks, Howie."

They chatted about inconsequential things for a long while and then Michelle 
sighed and said, "God where were you wonderful guys a year ago?"  

At that AJ's face froze and his eyes turned mournful.  Michelle caught his 
look and was confused, "AJ?" 

He stood up and started walking out of the room.  Michelle quickly looked 
over at Howie who was watching AJ with a sad look.

"AJ!  AJ!" she yelled and he turned around surprised at her tone, "Please, 
come back? Please. I'm sorry, I'm not sure what I said, but please come 
back," she held out her hand to him.  He hesitated for a few seconds and then 
walked back to her, grabbed her hand and sank down onto the bed by her legs.  
She sat looking at him and thought he seemed rather defeated.
  
"What's wrong, Sexy? What did I say?" she asked him softly.  

He looked up at her and then over at Howie.  Howie looked back with tears 
glistening in his eyes and nodded his head.  AJ nodded too and turned back to 
Michelle.

"Six months ago, my best friend, one of our very best friends, Deanna, killed 
herself while we were out of town on a short promotion.  We weren't there for 
her either." he said disgustedly staring into her eyes and then looked down.  

Michelle tensed up and squeezed his hand.  "Oh, man, I'm so sorry, oh, god, I 
didn't know. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come into your life and make you 
dredge up your feelings.  Christ, how I wish you never saw me now!" she 
whispered as tears rolled down her face.   

Kevin happened to walk into the room just as she was saying that.  He leaned 
against the doorjamb and watched the scene in front of him.  Howie reached 
over and placed a hand on her shoulder, "Michelle, please don't say that.  We 
care about you." 

AJ snapped up his head and looked at her harshly, "Michelle when you said 
that, about where we were a year ago?  That's when you attempted suicide 
right?  and……..Oh god, how I wish I knew you then and could have been there! 
 I wish I was there when Kevin tried it, I wish I was there when Deanna 
succeeded!  But I wasn't!!  I let everyone down!!..…What the hell is wrong 
with all you people?  What the fuck were you thinking?"  AJ was shaking and 
stood up.  His hands were balled into fists and he spun around to leave.  

Kevin walked towards him and grabbed him into a hug.  AJ fought him off at 
first, but Kevin was stronger and held onto him tighter.  

"Jesus, AJ, I'm so sorry!  I'm so incredibly sorry I did this to you……" AJ 
stopped fighting and clung onto Kevin, letting his sobs overcome him.  
Michelle grabbed Howie's hand and he pulled her into a hug as they watched 
Kevin and AJ, both with tears pouring down their faces. 

AJ cried hard, letting all his anger out and Kevin clutched him and cried 
just as hard.  "I'm sorry AJ, I was so stupid!  I wasn't thinking right.  I 
was so caught up in my own misery and let my demons overcome me and I wasn't 
thinking of how much I'd be hurting you or Howie or anyone else.  I just 
wanted to be free from my misery.  Please, AJ, please, don't hate me!"  Kevin 
cried.  

Michelle and Howie were both crying wholeheartedly by now.  Howie got off the 
bed and walked over to his two friends.  He wrapped his arms around both of 
them and cried with them.  They included him in their embrace and stood that 
way for several minutes.  Michelle closed her eyes and cried behind her 
hands.  She did this, she thought; this is all my fault.  She turned her head 
away from them and continued crying into her pillow.  She completely 
understood what Kevin had just said.  

Several minutes later she felt a hand on her left shoulder pulling her 
backwards.  She looked up into AJ's teary eyes and he pulled her up into his 
arms.  "I'm sorry, Baby, I'm sorry.  Please don't cry.  I'm sorry.  I didn't 
mean to shout at you.  Please…look at me," he begged.  Kevin sat down next to 
AJ and by Michelle's legs.  He placed a hand on each of them and closed his 
eyes.  Howie came back over to her other side and climbed on the bed as close 
to her as possible.  Michelle opened her eyes and looked at all three of 
them.  

"Michelle, you okay?" whispered AJ.  

Michelle nodded and said, "AJ, I'm sorry…..I wish I could fully explain why I 
did what I did, but what Kevin said pretty much sums it up for me too.  I 
wasn't thinking of anyone else but myself.  I was being selfish, but I 
couldn't help it." She looked at him and felt a rush of love.  "AJ, you can't 
blame yourself for what happened to Kevin or Deanna.  If they could have, I'm 
sure they would have asked you for help.  I know I couldn't bring myself to 
let anyone know the extent of my thoughts and feelings.  I felt no one would 
understand me." She hugged him tighter and laid her head on his chest.  "I'm 
sorry, Baby." She whispered.  

AJ struggled with his thoughts.  He looked up at Howie and extended his hand 
to him.  Howie grabbed it and squeezed it.  "D, you're my best friend and if 
you ever, ever, get down, you better come to me and I mean right away!" AJ 
stated.  

Howie nodded his head and said, "Definitely, Bone!"  They all sat silently 
for a few minutes, lost in their own thoughts.