A NEW DAY 
by Michelle T
© 2000
FEEDBACK?: mtktmt@aol.com

CHAPTER THIRTY SEVEN
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"Oh, Kevin, of course I care about your feelings!  How can you even say that? 
 I love you guys more than you know and I never want to lose you.  I'm just 
scared that if Howie and I are over, then I will lose you too and I can't 
fathom that." she walked towards him and placed a hand on his arm, "I'm 
scared my wonderful life, that you have helped create, is falling apart.  I 
owe virtually all of my happiness to you and Howie and the others.  Please 
don't be mad at me, I can't take that." She pulled him over to the table and 
into a chair.   She stood behind him and wrapped her arms around his 
shoulders.  "Don't you realize, that it's you that has given me the strength 
to stay?  All these months you've been my rock, the person I share my 
thoughts and feelings with.  The one who has helped me overcome so much heart 
ache and guilt and fear.  If not for you…" Her last words were barely audible 
as an overwhelming sob escaped from her throat.

Kevin closed his eyes and absorbed her words slowly.  Turning in his seat, he 
pulled her down onto his lap and  forced her eyes to meet his.  "I'm sorry. . 
.  don't cry.  I'm scared too, that's why I snapped at you.  You've been my 
rock too and I can't help but fear how life would be without you in it 
anymore.  No one understands me the way you do.  I'll always be here for you, 
Howie or no Howie." He crushed her against him, as the kettle began it's slow 
whining cry.  "Now, turn that fucking thing off and let's go back to bed.  
It's inhumane to be up this early." 

***********************

A couple hours later AJ hung up the phone slowly.  He pensively walked out to 
the back patio towards Howie.

"How'd it go?" Howie asked pushing a cup towards AJ.

"Well, I'm not totally sure.  She's concerned and confused naturally.  Do you 
think I did the right thing telling her everything except. . . you know?"  AJ 
sat in the chair across from him and took a large sip.  "Christ, this isn't 
coffee!  What are you trying to do D, punish me?" He grimaced at the tea and 
put the cup back on the table.

Howie chuckled at him. "Don't be so dramatical, Bone.  Tea is very soothing.  
And as for your question, yes.  We already discussed this, AJ.  We agreed 
that if Patti ever finds out it will only be because Michelle tells her.  We 
can't be the ones to destroy their relationship, especially you.  You're the 
one that got them back together." Howie looked at AJ authoritatively.

AJ blanched at Howie's look.  "Ok, I just needed reassurance. You talk to 
Kevin?"

Howie nodded, "It's all set.  He's taking Michelle to her house in a couple 
of hours, so she can change her clothes.  Telly and Lauren are keeping Kim 
occupied for most of the day.  Brian and Nick will stay here and make sure 
everything is ready for later." Howie turned his gaze to the shimmering water 
of the pool and took a deep breath.  "This better work though!"

************************

Patti carefully replaced the phone into it's receiver while climbing out of 
her huge bed slowly, and then stumbled towards the bathroom.  As soon as she 
pushed open the door, the nausea overwhelmed her and she dropped to her 
knees, retching violently.  After several moments, she stood up carefully and 
flushed the toilet.  She mindlessly reached for a washcloth and ran it under 
the cold water while staring at her white face in the mirror.  "Ohhh, God, 
not now!"

************************
 
Michelle unlocked her front door and gently pushed it open, pausing at the 
thresh hold.  Kevin nudged her forwards sensing her hesitation.  "What is it?"

She looked over her shoulder at him and forced a small smile.  "Yesterday, 
this house was filled with happiness.  Today. . . I feel. . .  nothing." She 
turned her head away from him and walked down the hall, her eyes filling with 
tears once again.  She entered the living room and carelessly dropped her 
handbag on the floor before crumbling onto the couch.  Kevin closed the door 
behind him and walked towards her.  The sight of her curled up on the couch, 
with her head buried in her hands, sent a shiver through him.  He wanted to 
tell her that Howie was on his way, but had been sworn to secrecy.  He walked 
over to her and pulled her up into a sitting position.

"Kevin, please, leave me be.  I just want to sleep all day and not think." 
She tried to pull back but his large hands held firmly to her shoulders.  

"NO!  Come on!" he pulled her up and led her upstairs to her bedroom at the 
back.  She walked in begrudgingly and headed towards her bed.  Kevin stopped 
her and turned her in the direction of her bathroom.  "Go!" She groaned 
loudly at him and shot him at mad look.

"What the hell? Why are you being so freaking pushy?" she stopped at the door 
and turned back to look at him.  The grin on his face caught her by surprise 
and she looked at him shrewdly.  "What are you grinning at?"

He laughed out loud and turned her back around, pushing her into the 
bathroom.  "Just get your ass in the shower and stop being a miserable mope.  
I've got things under control."

She looked at him puzzled.  "What do you mean you have things under control?  
What the hell are you talking about?" 

He laughed harder at her expression.  "Go now!  Get yourself all prettied up 
and I'll be back in half an hour.  We've got things to do."  With that he 
pulled the door closed on her and headed back out to the living room, pulling 
his cell phone from his pocket and punching in a number.  "D! All set at this 
end."

Michelle stared at the closed door for a few seconds before flipping the 
light switch on and grimacing at her appearance in the mirror. -- God, I look 
like shit.  Now I understand why he forced me in here. --

***********************

AJ pulled his car into the driveway behind Kevin's truck, pulling the trunk 
latch before hopping out.  Howie climbed out of the passenger seat with a 
mixture of excitement, anticipation and fear.  They met at the back of the 
car and proceeded to pull out several bags.

The front door was pulled open and Kevin strolled towards them.  "Hey guys!  
Glad to see you."  He embraced each of them briefly; a feeling of relief 
overwhelming him.

"Kevin, thanks for all your help yesterday.  I'm sorry again for taking off 
last night, I just needed to gather my thoughts," Howie said shyly.  Kevin 
grinned at him and took one of the bags into his hand before leading them 
into the house.  

Quietly they set about unloading the bags and putting the contents in their 
proper places.  AJ strolled into the living room and selected a variety of 
CD's.  He brought them back to Howie and said, "These should do the job."  
Howie looked at the selection and smiled broadly.  

Kevin finished in the kitchen and walked towards them pointing at his watch.  
"Bone, we better get out of here."  AJ nodded his head and turned back to 
Howie with a look of hope.

"No matter what happens today Howie, I want you to know you've been the best 
friend I ever could have asked for.  I'm really sorry I've put you in this 
situation and I'd give up everything right now to make it all go away." 

Howie watched him with compassion.  "AJ, you don't realize what you've done 
for me.  You've given me the push in the right direction, you know? You've 
made me realize I can't lose her."  He pulled AJ towards him and hugged him 
tightly.  "Thanks. . .  and thanks for pulling all this together for me this 
morning."

AJ nodded with tears in his eyes and walked out the door.  Howie turned to 
Kevin and clasped his shoulder.  "Ok, Train, this is it.  Wish me luck."

Kevin smiled broadly at him and covered his hand with his own, "You don't 
need it, D.  You've had it for the last six months.  We'll see you in eight 
hours."  He released him and walked out the door, closing it quietly behind 
him.