A NEW DAY 
by Michelle T
© 2000

CHAPTER THIRTY THREE

"Michelle, just sit down and relax," Dr. Jack Towers had been at a dinner 
party with his wife and several close friends when Kevin reached him on his 
cell phone.  After listening to Kevin's voice trying to explain what had 
happened, he'd rushed the twenty miles to the hospital to find Michelle in a 
rage.  He signed her out after talking to the doctor on duty and had led her 
and Brian to a vacant office on the second floor.

"RELAX! How the fuck am I suppose to relax, Jack?" Michelle stopped her 
pacing and turned to him with her hands on her hips, "I want to get the fuck 
out of here and forget this fucking day ever happened!"

Jack chuckled lightly, causing her to stare at him with fury.  "Christ, Jack, 
this isn't a laughing matter!"

"Well, this certainly isn't the Michelle Wyman that Kevin was describing to 
me earlier.  From what he said, you were on the verge of suicide and, well, 
you can rant and rave all you want, because it's a lot healthier having you 
in this state."  He got up and guided her to a seat next to his.  "Let's just 
sit down, you're making me tired watching you stalk back and forth across the 
room.  I've had a long day!"

"Tell me about it!  Well you can forget worrying about the suicide shit.  
When I came to earlier, I was freaked thinking I'd done it again.  I had 
promised Kimberly I was past that crap."  Michelle slouched in her chair and 
groaned.  "Jack, I just want to go home!"

"You can later.  Now, why are you so mad?"  Jack watched her twisting her 
hair and staring stormily out the window.

"I'm mad, Jack, because I've fucked everything up!  Howie has been the best 
thing to ever happen to me and I've totally screwed that up!  I'm mad because 
AJ was hurting and he didn't let me know.  I thought we were close!"

"Michelle, listen to yourself.  How many people did you hide from when you 
were hurting?"  Jack looked at her pointedly.

Michelle swung her head towards him and gave him a baleful look.  "What the 
fuck are you talking about Jack? I didn't even know any of them back then?"

"I'm not talking about AJ, Kevin, Howie or the others.  I'm talking about the 
people who loved and cared for you.  Your husband, your friends, Patti.  Did 
you turn to any of them?  Did you come out and let them know how depressed 
you were?  Did you ever stop to think that maybe any one of them could help 
you?" 

Michelle stared at him open mouthed.  "Oh, like Rob could help me!  He was 
part of the problem, remember?  Anyway, I get your point!  Ok then, why the 
hell didn't any of them tell me this was the anniversary of Deanna's death?  
For christ sake's, she's the one who pretty much cemented my relationship 
with AJ.  Her death devastated him and, according to him, my presence helped 
him deal with it!"  Michelle got up and strode over to the windows, shoving 
her hair behind her ears.  "I guess not enough though," she said softly.

"Who's the only one he called today?" Jack asked her quietly.

Michelle turned and sat on the credenza.  "Why did he treat me like that?"

"Only he can answer that.  And I understand he's already tried.  You just 
wouldn't listen to him.  You took all the blame onto yourself."

"I am at fault.  We've had an incredibly flirtatious relationship from the 
beginning.  I didn't realize I'd gone overboard." Michelle looked down at her 
feet and found them hypnotizing.

"I know you didn't!  Michelle, I've know you for five months now and they way 
you and AJ interact is just a reflection of his flirty attitude.  It's 
contagious.  You've enjoyed each other's company and have become great 
friends.  You haven't done anything wrong.  You yourself told me that's not 
all to your relationship anyway.  You've described some very intense and 
serious discussions with him."

"I know, but, oh Jack, why do I feel so dirty? Why did I have sex with him, 
really? It's probably because I am just a whore.  I probably just gave into 
my sick, whoring ways.  I've always been like that." Jack stood up and 
quickly walked over to her.  He pulled her head up gently and looked deeply 
into her eyes.

"Michelle, you've told me that before you met the guys, you'd only slept with 
two people in your life.  Your husband and Brad.  You know, Michelle, you've 
sat before me several times and have always asserted that you never regretted 
having that abortion.  Well, you do and you've held it inside all these 
years.  Just accept the fact that it was a wise decision at the time and face 
reality that you are not a whore.  You've made yourself believe that because 
of the abortion.  You were young, innocent, and just discovering a whole new 
world.  So you made a mistake.  Everyone does.  And then with Rob, you did 
what you felt was right and had the baby.  Do you regret that?"

"NO!  God, no!  How can you even ask that?  I love Kimberly more than anyone. 
 I'd do anything for her."  Michelle looked up at him incredulously.

"I know that.  Just checking." He chuckled softly, again.

"How the hell did you ever get your license?  You're not suppose to be like 
this.  You're suppose to be stern and quiet and just nod your head and make 
little notes about how screwed up I am."  Michelle smiled slightly at him.

"If I was that way, would you still see me?"

"NO!  God, I'm sorry, Jack.  You are awesome and I'm glad Kevin introduced 
us.  You make me feel better, you know?  Anyway, back to AJ and Howie.  What 
do I do?"  Michelle jumped off the credenza and started pacing again.

Jack smiled inwardly, glad to see she was calming down.  "You need to talk it 
out.  You all do.  You need to sit down and not place blame on yourselves or 
each other.  You need to listen to each other. AJ needs to confront his 
feelings about Deanna and his guilt for not being there for her.  You need to 
explain to them why you felt it was all your fault. By the way, I take it you 
still haven't told Howie about the abortion?"

Michelle swung back to look at him with fear in her eyes, "No, only Kevin and 
Nick know still.  How can I tell D that now? I tried in the beginning, but he 
kept saying the past was past and he loved me for who I am today.  He won't 
love me anymore."  She sighed and sunk into a chair.

"We'll need to discuss your guilt further.  But, until you face your biggest 
baddest secret and share it with him, you won't be able to forgive yourself."

Michelle sat silently for several moments before rising again slowly. 

She and Jack talked for ten more minutes.

********************

Brian had sat in the waiting room for ages.  He was so relieved to see Kevin 
and AJ walk in that he jumped up and ran towards them.  "What the heck took 
so damn long?  Where's Nick and Howie?"

"Howie's getting a couple stitches in his hand.  Nick's with him." replied AJ 
while absentmindedly rubbing his jaw.

"What's up with Michelle and Jack?" asked Kevin looking towards the door of 
the office.

"They've been in there forever.  No screaming or crashing sounds though?" 
Brian tried to smile, but only half succeeded.

Just then Jack opened the door.  "Kev? Hey good to see you." He said shaking 
his hand and looking at Brian and AJ inquiringly.

"Jack, thanks for taking the time for us. We really didn't know what else to 
do besides calling you.   This is my cousin, Brian and this is AJ.  Guys, 
this is Dr. Jack Towers, my psychologist, and Michelle's.  Our savior!" Kevin 
grinned fondly at Jack. 

"I wouldn't go that far, Kevin.  But, thanks.  Brian, AJ, nice to meet you.  
AJ? You feel like talking?" Jack Towers was kind.  He noticed the tired, 
ravaged, guilt ridden face of AJ.

AJ shrugged his shoulders lightly, then nodded his head.

"Good, come on in." Jack reached out and guided AJ towards the door.

"Michelle in there?" AJ asked frightened, pulling back slightly.

"Yes, and she wants to see you and talk to you.  Come on, she's past the 
biting stage."  Jack grinned and tugged AJ into the room.

Kevin sighed in relief, glad Jack was so comforting.  He collapsed onto one 
the sofas, leaned his head back and closed his eyes.

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