A NEW DAY 
by Michelle T
© 2000

CHAPTER THIRTY

Nick and Brian sat with AJ and listened mutely as he told them every little 
detail.  He kept stopping to take deep breaths or to slam his fist against 
his leg.  Brian had released him soon after he started talking and now sat 
facing him on the end of the couch.  Nick was bent over resting his head in 
his hands, sitting still on the coffee table.  He looked up at AJ from time 
to time, but the anguish in his eyes hurt him too badly and he had to look 
away.

"AJ, why didn't you tell us how bad this was affecting you?  We all loved 
Deanna too, we could have helped you through this," Brian asked softly.

"None of you seemed affected by it, none of you even mentioned her name this 
week."  AJ looked up confused.

"We were and still are affected.  We just decided not to mention it to you, 
out of respect for your feelings."

"God, AJ, I'm sorry, we didn't see this happening," said Nick softly, 
confused by his concern for AJ's sanity, but still furious with him for his 
actions.

"Guys, can I talk to AJ alone?" Howie stood quietly at the door and spoke in 
a remarkably calm tone.

Brian and Nick exchanged looks and turned to AJ.  He nodded his head and they 
got up and left the room.  AJ stood up from the couch and walked around the 
table towards Howie.  Howie put up his hand to stop him from coming any 
further.

"D! I'm so sorry!  Please believe me." AJ started towards him again and fell 
to his knees before him.

"AJ, don't do this, get up!" Howie pulled on AJ's arm and led him over to the 
couch.

They sat silently for several moments.  Finally AJ stood up and faced Howie.

"Christ, D, just get it over with!"

"Get what over with?" asked Howie looking up at AJ questionably.

"Get up and beat the shit out of me!  I deserve it, you'd have every right! I 
abused and fucked your girlfriend!  Come on, man, hit me!"  AJ was shaking 
with fury.

Howie stood up and locked eyes with AJ.  His fists were clenched at his side 
and he took a slow  deep breath. 

"AJ, I'm not going to hit you. Sit down."

AJ stared at him in disbelief and allowed Howie to guide him back down onto 
the couch.

Howie ran his hands through his hair and turned to AJ.  "Bone, I'm not going 
to freak out over this.  It's evident to all of us that you need help in 
dealing with Deanna.  I'm sorry none of us knew how badly this has been 
getting to you.  Promise me, that tomorrow, you'll call someone and go talk 
to them about this and everything else.  If you don't, then we'll be in even 
deeper shit." 

AJ continued to stare at him, shaking his head slowly.  "D, how can you sit 
there and look at me?  Do you know what I did to Michelle?" Howie nodded 
slowly, "I freaking hurt her like crazy, I called her names, I took all my 
anger out on her, because she cared, because she reminded me of Deanna, I hit 
her for Christ sakes!  How can you not hate me?  What is wrong with you?"

Howie closed his eyes and let out a slight sob.  "Fuck, AJ, keep it up and I 
will fucking deck you right here and now.  I am trying my best to stay in 
control and not flip out.  The last thing we need here is me ranting and 
raving at you or Michelle over this.  I love her deeply and I know she didn't 
fuck you because she was in love with you or because she wanted to hurt me.  
>From what I've heard she thought all this was her fault.  Do you realize 
she's up there planning on killing herself, because she thought she led you 
to this?"  He stared at AJ and watched his friend fall apart.

AJ gave up and slumped sideways onto the couch, covering his head with his 
hands and cried again.  Howie watched him for several moments, with tears 
running down his face.  He wiped them off and stood up.  He looked around, 
not sure what to do.  He walked over to the bar and poured himself a small 
glass of whiskey.  He gulped it down rapidly and wiped his arm across his 
mouth.  He grabbed another glass and refilled both.  He brought it over to AJ 
and knelt down before him.

"AJ.  AJ, stop.  Here, drink this,"  AJ sat up and took the glass from Howie. 
 He stared at him briefly before downing it.  Howie drank his slowly, 
watching AJ.  AJ just stared at the empty glass, turning it over and over in 
his hand.  

*********************

Nick and Brian were in the living room, pacing around, not sure of what to do 
with themselves.

Brian strode over to the front window and leaned against it.  "Where the hell 
is Kim?" he spoke out loud thoughtfully.  He pulled his cell phone from his 
coat pocket and punched in Lauren's number.   He spoke to her briefly and 
turned to Nick.  "She's not with Lauren."

Nick walked towards him, his face ashen, his hands shoved deeply into his 
pockets.  "Try Telly's."

Brian dialed Telly and held his breath.

"Hello?"

"Tel, it's Brian.  Is Kimberly with you?"

"Brian? Yeah, Michelle dropped her off a couple of hours ago, what's wrong?" 
Telly heard something strange in Brian's voice.

"Tel, just keep her there, please.  Something's going down over here with AJ 
and Howie and Michelle.  This is the anniversary of Deanna's death and it's 
not going well.  Please don't let Kim know anything is wrong, ok?"

"Sure, Brian.  Don't worry about her.  I'll make sure she's oblivious to 
everything.  Where's Kevin?" Telly was shaking slightly, sensing something 
terribly wrong was going on.

"He's here, upstairs with Michelle right now.  I'll have him call you a 
little later to explain everything, ok?"

"Ok, and Brian? I'm sorry for whatever is going on.  I wish I could do 
something to help."

"Telly, you are, just by taking care of Kim.  I don't know when Michelle will 
be able to get her.  If things don't change, it may be a while, ok?"  Brian 
was scared of what he had seen in Michelle's eyes.  He knew she was in deep 
trouble emotionally.

"Ok, I'll call Lauren in the morning and we'll take her to shopping or 
something, ok? Keep me informed, please."

"I will Tel, thanks, bye"  Brian hung up the phone and joined Nick on the 
couch.  The house was deathly silent.

*************************

Michelle got off the bed slowly and walked towards the bathroom.  

"Where are you going?" Kevin rushed over to her, frightened for her.

"I've just got to go to the bathroom," she said quietly looking at the floor.

"No, you don't, not alone at least."  He took her hand and led her into the 
bathroom.

"Kevin, I'm not a baby, I don't need you in here," She looked up at him with 
defiance.  Her eyes were so puffy and rimmed with red.

He pulled her against him and hugged her fiercely.  "Please don't do 
anything, Michelle.  I love you so much and can't stand seeing you like this. 
 Please don't go backwards, you have me to help you through anything, 
remember?  Howie and AJ both love you too, you know that.  AJ didn't mean to 
hurt you.  He needed us to deal with Deanna and we didn't realize it.  Howie 
will never hate you, I've never seen him so happy as he has been since you've 
gotten together.  Please believe everything I'm saying." God, how was he 
going to get through to her.

"Kevin, I'm so tired.  I just need to pee and I swear I won't do anything 
else. OK?  You can even leave the door half way open," she said pulling away 
from him.  He nodded and stepped out of the bathroom, keeping his hand on the 
door knob, just in case.

She walked out after a few minutes and headed back to Howie's bed.  She 
looked down at it, sighed and climbed in, pulling the blanket up over her 
head.  Kevin lowered the lights and sat at her feet, just watching her.
 
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