A NEW DAY 
by Michelle T
© 2000

CHAPTER TWELVE - DAY TWO

Michelle awoke around nine and felt a chill go over her.  She opened her eyes 
and looked towards the windows at the gray morning.  The rain has stopped 
finally, she thought.  She laid there breathing slowly and not moving.  She 
felt stiff and lonely and horrible.  She heard someone enter the room quietly 
and held her breath.  

Howie moved silently across the room with a tray in his hands.  He placed it 
on a low table in front of the windows and then turned towards Michelle.  He 
saw her eyes open and moved toward her. "Oh god, Howie, what have I done?" 
she whispered with fear and guilt in her eyes.  

He took in her bare shoulders and her wild hair spread around her and the 
pillow.  He sat down gently aside her and reached for her hand.  He held it 
tightly in his and smoothed back her hair with his other.  He saw a tear 
slide down her cheek and he brushed it away and said, "Sssh, don't cry, 
Babe." He bent down and kissed her cheek before leaving her side.  He walked 
across the room to the closet and opened it.  After a few seconds he pulled 
her long satin robe from a hangar and brought it back to her.  She slowly sat 
up clutching the sheet to her bare chest.  He helped her slide the robe on 
first her left arm, around her back and then over her right.  

He got up and turned his back and headed back to the table.  "Come, have some 
tea with me," he said quietly.  She gathered the robe around her and climbed 
out of bed slowly.  He pushed the table closer to the window and brought the 
two chairs together, side by side.  He turned and held his hand out for hers. 
 She took it and let him pull her over to a chair.  He gently pushed her down 
onto it and proceeded to pour her a cup of tea.  "Milk and sugar?" he asked 
kindly.  

"Just sugar, please." She replied softly.  He prepared her drink and held it 
out to her.  She took the cup from him gratefully and brought it up to her 
lips.  "Thank you."

He fixed his own tea and sat next to her, "Talk to me, Sweetie," He stared at 
her with a kind and caring expression.  She looked up at him and expected to 
see disgust in his eyes, and was momentarily taken aback to only see kindness 
and concern.  He reached over and gathered her bandaged hand into his, 
rubbing her covered palm and then her fingertips.  

"Howie, I don't know what to say…..I…… I think I used Kevin last night.  Oh 
god, he's been so comforting and good to me and this is the way I respond?" 
she replied as fresh tears threatened to spill from her eyes.  She was so 
confused and shook her head slightly. "Howie, I'm not a slut.  I've never 
ever slept with someone the day I've met them.   God, I haven't even had sex 
in over a year and I haven't thought of men in that way for just as long." 
The tears slid down her face.

Howie gently squeezed her fingers and said, "Michelle, none of us would ever 
even consider thinking of you as anything but a warm, caring, loving person.  
I know in my heart you wouldn't just sleep with anybody unless there was 
something there.  I understand why you slept with him, believe it or not.  
Yesterday was an incredibly emotional day.  We all felt and went through 
things that have shaken us up, more so than we've been affected since Deanna. 
 You and Kevin sharing last night together was a culmination of all the 
emotions we exposed yesterday." His voice was so smooth and his tone so 
incredibly comforting.

Michelle looked at him in amazement.  "God, Howie, how do you do it?  How do 
you just keep on being more and more precious to me? But the fact remains; I 
mistook Kevin's feelings and turned them into my own desires.  God, I haven't 
even looked at another man in so long and in one day I find three gloriously 
beautiful men and am attracted to each and every one of them.  What does that 
say about me?"  She lowered her eyes and fixed her gaze onto her teacup.  
"I'm so confused.  I love Kevin, but I'm not in love with him.  He makes me 
feel safe and special. He was so tender with me yesterday and he kept me from 
falling apart several times.  How could I repay him like this?"

"Michelle, please, I know Kevin inside and out.  He wouldn't have allowed you 
to use him.  I guaranty he wanted you and needed you just as much as you did 
him.  You have a connection and he saw a lot of himself in you yesterday.  
You have been given to us for a reason.  We all need you.  Look at how your 
presence finally got AJ to respond to Deanna's death.  Kevin found a soul 
mate in you.  Brian got over his self-pitying and you gave him the courage to 
call Lauren.  You should see his smiling face today," he said smiling at her. 
 "Nick has a new best friend and someone he can look over and care for.  You 
wouldn't think a twenty-year-old would need that, but he did.  He's been the 
youngest for so long and now he feels needed taking care of your baby."

Michelle looked at him gratefully and smiled warmly, "How do you need me, D?"

Howie sat silently gazing at her, "I…. I'm not sure, but I know in my heart 
that you are giving me something that I've been missing for so long.  My 
heart beats stronger when I look at you or think of you.  I'm drawn to you 
inexplicably."  

Michelle felt her heart skip a beat or two and she pulled Howie's hand to her 
lips and kissed his open palm.  "God, Howie, I love you!"

He took her cup from her hands, stood up and pulled her up to him.  He 
gathered her against him and held her tightly as she started to sob.  He 
clung to her tightly and whispered comforting words in her ear.

*******************

Kevin had been in the hotel gym working out very aggressively for over an 
hour.  AJ was with him but had been moving at a slower pace.  Kevin laid back 
on the bench press and placed his hands on the barbell over his head.  He 
gripped the cold steal and groaned.  AJ looked up from his position on the 
floor where he'd been doing pushups.  He got up and stood over Kevin.  

"What's going on Train?  You've been pushing yourself over the limit for the 
last hour and I know something is troubling you.  Don't start holding back 
from me again!" AJ stared fiercely at Kevin.

Kevin groaned again and sat up, placing his head in his hands.

"I've fucked up royally, AJ.  I totally took advantage of Michelle last 
night."  His voice caught in his throat and he looked up at AJ.  AJ was 
glaring at him.  

"What did you do!" he said in a deathly low voice.  His hands clenched at his 
sides.

"I took advantage of her vulnerability and slept with her.  Go ahead, hit me. 
I can tell that's what you want and I deserve it."

"You're damn right," AJ said and swung his fist at Kevin's face.  Kevin 
expected it but didn't block the punch as it knocked him off the bench.  He 
sat on the floor with his hands by his side, hanging his head.  

After a few moments, AJ walked over to him and held out his hand.  Kevin's 
head shot up expecting another blow and was surprised to see AJ's offer of 
assistance.  He grabbed his hand and got up.  AJ gathered him into a hug.

"Kevin, we both know that if I was in that room instead of you last night, I 
would have done the same thing, or at least made my best attempt." AJ said 
gruffly.  They parted and headed over to the water cooler.  

"AJ, then why the hell did you hit me?" Kevin looked at him pissed.

"Because it was you instead of me.  I've wanted her ever since we found her.  
I can't explain it, something about her makes me want to love her and keep 
her in my arms forever.  God, she's wonderful.  She's brought out all those 
feelings we talked about yesterday, but she's also made me really care for 
someone other than myself finally.   I'm extremely attracted to her.  She's 
not like all the fake whores who throw themselves at us day after day.  She's 
real and she's good."  AJ stopped and shook his head.  "God, Kevin what are 
we doing?"

"I don't know, Bone.  I love her too, but I've got Telly.  I'm in love with 
Telly, for Christ sakes.  And what does this say about my love for Telly when 
I slept with another woman last night!.  God, I barely even thought of her 
all day yesterday.  Michelle has been the constant one in my mind.  I've 
probably hurt her so badly and when, or if, I tell Telly, I'll be hurting her 
too." Kevin took a long drink of the cool water and then poured some over his 
sweaty head.

"Kevin, I understand, but we've got to stop and remember that you weren't the 
only one in that bed last night.  Was she responding?  Did she want you?" AJ 
asked cautiously.

"Well, yeah…… but AJ her emotions were all out of whack yesterday.  Christ, 
you heard all of the shit she's been through in the last few years.  She 
needed someone to love her in that way, and I should have stepped back and 
controlled myself and let her find someone when she was ready and in 
control."  Kevin walked towards the door of the gym.  "I've got to talk to 
her."  

AJ followed him and said, "We've got to talk to her."