"I didn't hear you leave. I wonder how am I still here. I don't want to move
a thing. It might change my memory."

Sydney sat on her king sized bed in a daze. After a little while,
the shrill ringing of the telephone interrupted her thoughts just as the
answering machine picked up. Sydney vaguely recognized the concerned voice
of her best friend, Theresa.
"Syd? You there sweetie? I just wanted to drop a line and see how you were
doing. Give me a ring whenever you need to."
Theresa sounded like a mother talking to her daughter after skinning her
knee. Sydney smiled slightly at the thought, but it soon faltered when the
phone rang again.
"I'm not going to answer. I don't feel like talking to anyone,"
Sydney thought to herself.
The familiar *BEEP* of the machine echoed throughout the room. The voice on
the other end of the line immediately caused Sydney's eyes to swell up with
tears and they made a steady stream down her already flushed cheeks.
"Uh.hey Syd. Um, I just wanted to know." he paused and took a deep
breath. "I need to know when I can come by to get my.uh.my stuff. You know
how to reach me." *BEEP*
Sydney's heart clenched. She stopped breathing momentarily, a feeble attempt
at calming her nerves.
"This is happening. This is really happening," Sydney thought to
herself as her hand started shaking with the realization. She clutched a
pillow close to her. In a moment of pure rage, she threw it as hard as she
could across the room. It hit the vase sitting on her dresser and caused it
to fall to the floor and shatter. Bits and pieces of the porcelain lay
mingled with yellow roses - the same yellow roses that he had given to her
just last week.
"How could he just throw everything we had away like that? Why am I
not enough? Why the hell did I have to love him so much?" Those questions
continued to plague her mind. She must've already asked herself the same
thing fifty times.
Sydney and A.J. had known each other for years. After realizing that they
had deeper feelings for one another, they brought their relationship to the
next level. For two and a half years they had been a couple.
"Two and a half years.gone. Just like that. *poof* And for what? A
little more space? Some more free time?" That's what he had said. That he
needed his space again. He had told Sydney that he loved her with every bit
of his heart, but he felt smothered.
Sydney scoffed as she replayed the event in her head. "If he loved me so
much, then why'd he leave?"

"Oh I am what I am. I'll do what I want, but I can't hide. I won't go. I
won't sleep. I can't breathe until you're resting here with me. I won't
leave. I can't hide. I cannot be until you're resting here with me."

Everything in the apartment reminded her of him. He still had shoes lying
around, shirts hanging over her chair, his toothbrush was still in the
bathroom and various items, which belonged to him, were strewn all around.
No matter where she turned, where she went, it was like he never left, like
he'd come walking right back into that door and sweep her off her feet. The
satin bed sheets that he bought her for Christmas still covered her
mattress. The living room couch, kitchen table, her bed and even the
carpeted floor brought back a flood of memories of their lovemaking. This
was turning out to be a lot harder than she thought.
After staring at the wall for who knows how long, she finally cast her gaze
up to the window. It was already dark.
"Time sure does fly when you're heartbroken," Sydney thought to herself. Or
did it? Just a few moments ago she could've sworn that time stood still.
The phone rang again. The loudness of the ring startled her. This time, she
was going to pick it up. Sydney inhaled deeply and slowly let out her breath
as she reached for the phone.
"Hello?" Did her voice really sound like that? It came out much softer than
she had intended.
"Syd?" It was Howie. 'Oh God, what does he want?'
She did her best to get her composure together before answering. Sydney
took another deep breath and continued. "Yeah?"
"Hey, you alright? What's wrong Syd?"
He didn't know. Howie had no clue. Why hadn't Alex told him already? Just
as she thought she could say it out loud - verbally - and not just in her
mind, her body convulsed in yet another set of loud sobs. Howie's voice
turned frantic.
"Sydney? What's wrong? Do I need to come over there? Syd?"
"Howie, I'll be alright. Just, please, give me some time. I'll call you
back when I can."
With that said, Sydney quickly hung up before he could protest. Just as she
was about to lie down, someone rang her doorbell. Sydney's heart leapt into
her throat. What if it was Alex?
Quietly, she padded into her living room towards her door. Without making a
sound, she looked through the peephole - it was Theresa. As much as she
loved the girl, there was no way Sydney could endure the looks of pity that
were sure to come from her friend.
Sydney turned around and walked into her bedroom. She collapsed on to her
bed and the exhaustion she felt finally took over.

Sydney could feel the warm breeze graze over her skin as she was lying on
the beach. The sun was tanning her skin to a golden-brown hue. She hadn't
even realized that she dozed off until something incredibly cold and wet
splashed all over her skin. With a loud gasp, Sydney quickly sat upright to
see what the source of the water was. When she was able to focus properly,
she saw a dripping wet Alex standing in front of her, grinning like the
Cheshire cat. In a blink of an eye she was standing and running after Alex
down the beach, both laughing and carrying on like neither had a care in the
world. When she finally caught him, he simply vanished into thin air.

Sydney woke up with a start, beads of sweat forming on her brow. She
had been dreaming, and the realness of it shook her to the core. He was
gone. She wondered if things would ever be the same. Probably not, but then
again, her emotions were running rampant right now. Coherency wasn't coming
to her easily. She took a quick look at the alarm clock next to the bed. It
was 3:00am and she was wide-awake.
Sydney stumbled out of her bed and walked to the phone. "First
thing's first." With that thought in mind, she yanked on the phone cord and
disconnected it from its socket. She really wasn't up to everyone calling
her tomorrow to see if she was 'alright,' because, frankly, she wasn't. And
Sydney knew she would snap at someone for asking.
She walked into the bathroom and was shocked to see her reflection in the
mirror. Her eyes were bloodshot and her skin was puffy and blotchy from all
of her tears.
'God, I hate crying.'
Sydney opened her medicine cabinet in search of her Nyquil. She did
her best to focus her eyes on the small print on the back of the bottle.
Then she took twice the recommended dosage. Not enough to cause her harm,
but definitely enough to keep her knocked out for a while. The last thing
she wanted was to talk to someone.
After she was done brushing her teeth and splashing cold water on
her face, Sydney returned to her bed. She lay down on Alex's side of the
bed, hugging his pillow close to her. She could still smell him. Another
flood of tears washed over her until the medicine finally took affect and
she slipped into dream-filled slumber.

"I don't want to call my friends. They might wake me from this dream. And I
can't leave this bed. Risk forgetting all that's been."

A familiar voice broke into Sydney's dream. Her Nyquil induced slumber was
being disturbed and she felt a heavy fog cloud around her brain.
"Syd? Honey, wake up. It's 4 o'clock already."
The recognition of who was speaking those words hit her like a brick.
Sydney clammed up and her voice came out much stronger and icier than she
intended it to.
"Why the hell do you give a damn?"
Alex winced at her harsh tone. He figured that he deserved it.
"Furthermore, what the hell are you doing in my home?" Sydney asked, eyeing
him stonily.
Alex sighed. He honestly hadn't meant to hurt her so much. "I've been
calling all day, but I kept getting a busy signal. I got worried," his voice
tapered off as he watched her reaction.
"Did you ever stop to think that maybe I didn't want to talk to you, or
anyone for that matter? Or is that too much to comprehend?" Sydney bit back.
"All I want is to be left alone."
"Did you get my message?" he asked warily.
"Yeah, I got your damn message. Want your stuff? Take it. I don't ever want
to see any of it again. Just get it and go. Please." Sydney was fighting a
losing battle with herself. She was trying hard to keep her emotions under
control. She didn't want him to see her break down.
Alex sighed again and began to rummage around the apartment for his things.
As he walked in and out of her home, Sydney remained in her bed and faced
the wall opposite the door. She had begun to cry again and tried to compose
herself before he saw her. When she heard Alex's footsteps coming closer,
she quickly wiped the tears from her cheeks.
"Well.um.I'm gonna get goin' now," he mumbled.
Sydney turned around in the bed and faced him. Even though the tears were
gone, it was still evident that she had just cried from the red blotches on
her face. She couldn't bring herself to say anything. Instead, she got up
out of the bed and walked towards Alex. He wondered what she was going to do
next. She simply stepped passed him through the doorway and walked to her
front door, which she then opened. With the doorknob in her hand, she looked
pointedly at Alex. It was obvious she was kicking him out.
A.J. slowly trudged through the living room, knowing that this would be the
last time he would talk to her. Was he actually ready for that? He really
did love her.
As Alex neared the front door, Sydney held out her hand. The motion took
Alex by surprise but he quickly figured out what she wanted, his key. She
stood patiently as he fumbled with his key rings to unhook the one that
belonged to her. When he handed her the key, he simultaneously grabbed her
hand. He wasn't going to leave without her hearing him out.
"Syd. This has got to be the hardest thing I've ever done," he took a deep
breath before continuing. "I just want you to know that I do love you. I
really do. I.I.this is just." He stopped. He didn't know what else to say.
"I think maybe that I should just go." He released her hand and began to
walk through the door.
Sydney took a deep breath, doing her best to hold reign on her emotions.
"Alex." He stopped in his tracks. "I loved you too." The last few words she
would ever speak to him were followed by the soft click of the front door
closing. Alex hadn't turned around when she called out to him. He knew it
would've been too hard to leave. When he heard the lock, he willed himself
to walk to his car and drove off before he ran back to her.
As soon as the door shut, Sydney slumped down to the floor in a crumpled
heap and let out all of her pain in one long strangled sob.

"Oh I am what I am. I'll do what I want, but I can't hide. I won't go. I
won't sleep. I can't breathe until you're resting here with me. I won't
leave. I can't hide. I cannot be until you're resting here with me."

The End

*Lyrics from "Here With Me" by Dido.