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Can You Feel Me? : Epilogue
The cd was finished and was only waiting now for it's release date. Their
first single, "I Want It That Way" was burning up the airwaves and Nick was
enjoying the last few days of calm before the chaos of the record release
took over his life.
The Florida sunshine warmed his shoulders and arms, the flesh not used to
being exposed to the elements. Ever since being released from the clinic,
he had to be careful to always wear long sleeved shirts or have an armband
or something around his wrist to hide the scar that creeped up his arm from
his wrist. He raised his arm and looked at the thin embossed line of pink
flesh that was the still healing scar. He smiled as he let his arm down.
Kevin had been dragging him to the gym lately and he had to smile at the
irony of working so hard to get his body in the decent shape it was in and
then not being able to even bare his arms because of the scar on his wrist.
He chuckled at the thought of the theories going around about why he was so
reluctant to show some skin. There was the Brian influence ones, but by far
his favorite was the one that was going around saying he refrained from all
drinking, sex and even bare arms because he was going to enter the
priesthood after the next BSB album was released. He rolled his eyes at the
thought. "If they only knew."
He looked out over the ocean lost in his thoughts. He started humming to
himself one of the songs off their new cd and then abruptly stopped when he
realized what it was. The Perfect Fan. Merely the thought of the song
drove a sharp pain through his heart. Even though it had been written
before Brian had known of the whole mess that Nick's family life had turned
into, Brian had offered to pull the song from being considered for the cd.
Nick just couldn't let him do that, he knew how proud Brian was of it, even
going back to Kentucky to record a choir as the backup vocalists on the
song. Instead of pulling the song, Nick and management struck a compromise.
The song would go on the cd, but under no circumstances was Nick to do
vocals for it. Instead, the producers had him recording I Need You Tonight
as it was easily the most popular and requested of the solo songs that each
Backstreet Boy had performed during the last tour. (author's note: Go get
your copy of Millennium and you will see that Nick truly is nowhere to be
found on the song The Perfect Fan) For the three days that the other four
recorded the song, Nick couldn't even go inside the studio during playbacks,
it just upset him too much.
The slap of paper against skin brought him back from his thoughts and he
looked down into his hands seeing the envelope gripped in his hands. He
closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths to calm the icy fingers that
seemed to be poking at his gut from the inside. He opened them again and
slowly slid the folded paper from where it had lain untouched for months
now.
It was time. There would never be a day he was truly ready to face this,
but the sunlight on his arms and the gentle sounds of the ocean gave him the
courage that he lacked. His hands shook slightly as he unfolded the paper
and Jane Carter's handwriting attacked Nick with memories of childhood
notes to the teacher excusing absence and of gift tags on birthday presents.
He smiled softly as he remembered her hands as she soothed away childhood
scrapes and bruises and the way those hands would always make him feel
better by just holding him close and rubbing over his back or smoothing his
hair. He remembered the birthday parties where her writing was on the tags
of the colorfully wrapped presents and where every cake, every year was made
with lots of chocolate and lots of love.
He looked down at the paper in his hands and carefully folded it back up and
put it back in the envelope, unread. With a breath slowly drawn in and let
out, he got to his feet and walked back up the dock to the house, leaving
the sunshine behind him. Someday, Nick thought, but not today.
There was silence. Stunned silence. All eyes were on him and he was at a
loss for what to do. Then he remembered what was in his hands. He thrust
his hand forward, bearing a sunflower.
Another hand came out to meet his and took the offering from it, hesitantly.
Before the hand could be withdrawn, he gripped it tightly in his own and
pulled the owner of the arm closer to him. He wrapped his arms around what
had always meant comfort to him and sighed.
There was a lot to be worked out, a lot of talking and listening to do, but
right now something needed to be said above all else.
"Happy Mother's Day, Momma."
Jane Carter's eyes dripped tears onto the shoulder of Nick, the son she
thought she had lost forever, as she held him so tight that her shoulders
ached. One by one, every member of the Carter family joined the embrace,
starting with Bob and ending with Angel.
Jane's hands rubbed over his back and smoothed down his golden hair in a
gesture that comforted both of them and together they started again, a new
beginning.
THE END
really and truly the end this time.
so? what did you think? Can You Feel Me? Index |
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