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Can You Feel Me? : Chapter 20
Sterling nodded, "It has everything you asked for and an open space that
they are holding for you."
Nick smiled, it wasn't quite up to par with the smiles Brian was used to
from Nick, but then again, none of them had been for a long time. That was
when he would know Nick was truly better, when his smile came back.
Sterling took the smile as his thanks and continued, "They can take you
tomorrow. So we'll have you on a plane tomorrow morning."
Brian's head snapped up, "P-plane? What do you mean plane? How far away is
he going?"
Sterling looked at Nick for permission to tell Brian and Nick nodded.
Sterling sat on the bed, almost on top of Katya, who got out of the way.
"Montana."
Nick nodded in approval, "Do they have snow?"
Brian looked at him like he had lost it completely, "Snow?"
Nick nodded, "I miss snow. Sterling asked for preferences of where to go,
what I wanted. I asked for snow. " He looked at Sterling, "Do they have
snow?"
Sterling nodded with a smile, "A foot and a half and expecting more."
Nick nodded again, "Good. What else?"
Sterling looked at all the information he had written down, "Well, they have
a great reputation. They deal exclusively with people who have attempted
suicide and they specialize in the issues that go along with it. They have
short term and long term patients, a world renowned staff and something I
think you will really love about it. They are pioneers in the area of art
therapy."
Nick's smile got just a tiny bit bigger.
Sterling patted his hand, "I thought you would like that." He handed Nick a
bag, "Kevin gave me this to give to you."
Nick looked inside and found a long sleeved sweatshirt, some tear-aways,
boxers, socks and shoes. It was just like Kevin to think of something
practical like this, he knew Nick would be itching to get out of the
hospital gown.
Nick set the bag down on the bed and looked at Brian, "Can you tell the guys
what's going to happen?"
Sterling stood up, "No, Brian can't. But you can. They have been sitting
out there worried sick about you, they deserve to her from you what is going
on. You need to do this, Nick."
Nick sighed, he knew he couldn't avoid facing the music any longer. "Ok,
let me get changed. I'm not going out there with my butt to the breeze for
all the world to see."
Brian sat down on the bed and grabbed the brochure of the place Nick was
going that Sterling had put on the bed, "Ok, I'll wait. Don't fall in."
Nick rolled his eyes and went into the little bathroom. He took his time
changing, pulling out all the clothes and laying them on the edge of the
sink. Folded in his sweatshirt he found a note,
"Nick,
Sterling told us what happened to you. I'm so sorry that had to happen to
you. I'm more sorry that maybe something I did made you not feel you could
come talk to me about this. Whatever it is that I did, I'm sorry.
I may be way out of line and making things worse, but I know you feel like
you have no mother or father, like you have no one who will take care of
you. You do, Nick. I've always cared about you and looked out for you. If
you need someone to look up to, like a big brother or a father figure, let
it be me. We've been together so long, you and I, that I feel like I've
practically raised you. You've always been like a brother to me and I've
always felt like I want to protect you from the world like a father would a
son. Heaven knows I've been hard enough on you like a father would, but
it's only because I see so much potential in you, Nick, and I want to see
you grow into the man I know you can be. And when you do make it through
this, and you will, I know I will be as proud of you as I would be of my own
child.
I understand if you don't want this. Just don't bring it up and I'll know to
leave it alone, but I just wanted you to know how I feel.
Whether you take me up on this or not, you'll always have me in your corner,
Kevin"
Nick leaned against the wall, feeling the tears sliding down his face. But
for the first time in a long time, they were tears of gratitude. Someone
wanted him, not because they had to, but because they wanted to. He felt
like he was blind not to have seen that he had a family, it may not be
biological, but it was all the family he had right now and maybe all the
family he needed to see him through this.
He dried his tears, washed his face, brushed his hair and teeth and changed,
feeling almost human again. It was such a relief to be out of that
contraption they called a hospital gown. He took a few deep breaths and
walked out of the small room, the note from Kevin firmly held in his hand.
Nick stopped short when he saw that the room was a lot more full than when
he left. Sterling looked at him, "I thought in here would be more private."
Nick nodded and looked at his friends, no his family. They all looked like
hell and he imagined he didn't look much better. Then his eyes fell on
Kevin. The light pouring off of Kevin was incredible, it seemed to reaching
out for him shining with love and understanding. It felt wonderful to be
wanted simply because of who he was on the inside, not because he was family
and had to be kept that way, not because he was Nick Carter, Backstreet Boy.
No, just because he was Nick.
Kevin was looking at him with an expression anxiety and hopefulness, praying
he hadn't done anything to make Nick worse.
Without a word, Nick walked over to Kevin and stood in front of him, shyly
looking down at his feet, only to quickly look up at Kevin and then back
down at his feet.
Kevin knew the next move was up to him. He held open his arms and the next
time Nick looked up, he saw Kevin waiting with open arms for him. His
bottom lip quivered as he threw himself in the older man's arms and held on
for dear life as Kevin wrapped his arms around Nick, tears in his eyes.
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