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Can You Feel Me? : Chapter 15
Not for the first time since this whole mess happened, she closed her eyes
and asked why she was there, hoping for some answer to fall into her lap.
Just like every time before, none came. With a sigh she opened her eyes and
realized several hours had gone by. Nick was still clinging to her like a
life line, his peaceful face showing none of the strain and stress of the
last six months.
As she looked down at him, his eyes fluttered open and he smiled when he saw
her still there. "I guess my first good night's sleep in six months wasn't
your purpose either huh? You're still here." He smiled at her and she
couldn't help to smile back.
"Well if it was sleep you needed, they could have sent Mr. Sandman to bring
you a dream. And make her the cutest that you've ever seen..."
He groaned and plugged his ears with his fingers. "Dammit, now that song
will be in my head all day. I hope you're happy!"
She stood up and sat in a chair by the bed, "Yup." A self satisfied smirk
on her face.
Before another word could be said, a new doctor came in, "Good Morning, Mr.
Carter!"
Nick raised his head, "Nick. Just call me Nick. Mr. Carter is my fa....
well Mr. Carter is someone else."
The doctor looked at him closely and nodded, "Well Nick it is then! How are
you feeling this morning?"
Nick shrugged, "Less out of it. My wrist still hurts. But I guess that's to
be expected huh?"
The doctor nodded, "Ok now the we have the physical out of the way. How
about the rest of you?"
Nick eyed the doctor warily, "You're a shrink, aren't you? Did my parents
send you?"
The doctor shook his head, "Yes and no. I am a shrink, but your parents did
not send me. It's hospital policy with cases like yours that they have a
hospital psychologist talk to you before discharging you."
"Your name?"
The doctor raised an eyebrow in confusion and then his mouth dropped open as
he lightly slapped himself on the forehead, "Oh, in all the pleasantries, I
forgot to introduce myself. I'm Sterling. Sterling Davies. And before you
ask, no money does not shoot out my rear end when I laugh. My mother watched
too many soap operas. I narrowly escaped being called Brick or Stone or
Granite or something equally ridiculous."
Nick looked at the man going on, his hands flying around as he spoke and
realized he reminded Nick of Brian. They had the same exuberance. 'I think
I'm going to like this guy.' Nick smiled, the first genuine one to someone
other than Katya in a long time. "It could have been worse you know."
Sterling raised an eyebrow, "Do tell."
"Seymour, Horace, Deuteronomy....."
Sterling dropped his clipboard on the bed in recognition, "You watch Mad
About You too? Doody-on-a-you...."
"Deuteronomy!" they both said at the same time.
Sterling laughed and sat on the edge of Nick's bed, "Yup that would have
been hell as a child. At least nothing rhymes with Sterling."
"Hurling."
Sterling laughed, "I was before the times of Hurl, Nick. Thank goodness."
He wiped imaginary sweat off of his forehead.
Nick smiled, "So did they tip you off on who I am?"
Sterling shook his head, "Who you are?"
Nick nodded, "I thought they would have. I'm one of the Backstreet Boys. I
used to be known as the cute one, now it's probably the crazy one."
Sterling shook his head, "From what I've seen so far, you seem to be quite
normal. The Backstreet Boys huh? What do you sing?"
Nick raised an eyebrow, "You really haven't heard of us?"
Sterling shook his head again, "No, can't say as I have. I'm more of a
classic rock kinda guy."
Nick smiled, "Journey?"
Sterling nodded, "Oh yes. The Guess Who, Ted Nuggent, all of that kind of
music. Keeps me going. So what do you sing?"
Nick shook his head, "I think I like it that you don't know who I am. You
don't expect anything from me."
Sterling shrugged, "Ok then. You will just be Nick Carter, fellow Journey
fan. Ok with you?"
Nick nodded enthusiastically, he liked talking with this guy, "More than
ok."
Sterling tapped his pen on Nick's wrist, "So fellow Journey fan, did Steve
Perry drive you to this?"
Nick shook his head, "No."
Sterling nodded, "Well what did?"
Nick looked over Sterling's shoulder at Katya, who was watching the two of
them from across the room.
Katya had watched the doctor and Nick interact and she knew that Nick could
trust him, she could just feel it about him, his light gave that away. She
knew Nick needed to talk to someone before the weight of it all drove him
mad. She looked back at Nick and nodded her head, giving her vote for him
to talk to the doctor. He'd been keeping this to himself for too long.
Nick took a deep breath and held it, trying to size up the man in front of
him. Could he be trusted?
Sterling looked at him, "Nick, what you say stays here with me. It doesn't
leave this room. "
Nick closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He started the same story that
he had told Katya the night before, finding once the words started coming
out of his mouth it became impossible to stop them.
He told him about finding the papers and finding out his mother was really
his aunt and vice versa, he told him about burying himself in his work, not
letting himself think about it. About avoiding his brother and sister,
because he knew if he saw them he would have to build upon the lies that
they had all been fed their entire lives.
He told Sterling about the book his mother had written, The Heart And Soul
of Nick Carter, and that it now made him sick, the lies had spread further
than their family now, it had become world wide. "All of the things she
wrote about being pregnant, she must have taken from being pregnant with
my....cousins."
"Just because they aren't biologically your siblings now, doesn't mean they
aren't your brother and sisters. Nick, they are just as innocent in all of
this as you are. They are just as much victims of all of this. But you are
their big brother, their protector, and that goes way beyond any biological
claims."
Nick sighed, "Will they see it that way though?"
Sterling nodded, "When you and their parents decide to tell them, you need
to be there to tell them that you will always be their big brother, that
nothing will take you away from them. Give them the security of knowing
that nothing is going to change between you and them. And mean it, Nick.
You can't avoid them. They need you just as much as you need them."
Nick nodded, "I do need them. Oh god, I miss them so much!"
Sterling smiled, "Then call them. Call your brother and let him know you
are thinking of him, from the way you talk about him, he seems to be the one
you miss the most."
Nick smiled at the mention of Aaron, "I will. He's probably pretty hurt
that I haven't talked to him in so long."
"Kids are resilient, as long as you are sorry for it, they'll forgive you
almost anything. Just give him the love and attention you've been holding
back on and he'll eat it right up."
Nick nodded and fell quiet. Sterling looked at him and knew there was more
to the story. Something Nick needed from him to be able to continue.
"Nick? What is it?"
Nick was looking down at his hands, which rest in his lap. He seemed as
still as a statue. Sterling put a hand on his shoulder and Nick looked up,
tears streaking down his cheeks and his lower lip trembling as he tried to
control his emotions enough to speak, "Am I...a..mi...mistake God made and
couldn't take back?"
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