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Can You Feel Me? : Chapter 12
Nick grunted and spoke in a croaked voice, "Brian? I can't breathe."
Brian let him go and smiled, "I told you that I was going to give you a big
hug."
Nick rubbed his ribs, "I think you broke something. Damn, you weren't
kidding." Nick's attention was drawn by the white bandages that were
swathed around his wrist to halfway to his elbow. He stared at it, wiggling
his fingers and wincing in pain.
Brian noticed and took the maimed arm in his hands, "Nick, how did it get
this bad? Why couldn't you talk to me about it?"
Nick heard the pain in Brian's voice and couldn't even look him in the eye.
"I'm sorry. I just.....it was too....." He heaved a sigh and picked at the
blanket spread over him, at a loss to explain what had happened.
Brian saw that Nick wouldn't look at him and he sat on the bed next to him,
wrapping him in his arms, "You can tell me anything Nick, anything. I know
it's hard to get out, but when you are ready, I'll be here.
Nick just sat in Brian's arms, still and quiet. He needed to tell someone,
it was ripping him apart inside. He tried to get his voice to co-operate,
but when he opened his lips, all that came out was a quiet sob.
That quiet little sound just about killed Brian inside. Nick was young,
yes, but he was so much stronger than people gave him credit for. For
something to be tearing him apart like this, affecting him so deeply, it had
to be bad. He just held nick tighter as he cried against Brian's chest.
Katya watched as Nick cried quietly in his friend's arms. Her heart went
out to him, in some ways dying was easier than going back and facing what
had driven you to desperation in the first place. She knew Nick was strong,
but right now he was more fragile than glass, both physically and
emotionally. She could only pray that nothing would happen to shatter him
into a million pieces before Brian, and Nick's other band mates, could start
to rebuild the foundation of strength that had crumbled beneath him tonight.
The other three that were sleeping on the chairs scattered around the room
slipped back into consciousness as they heard muffled sobs in the room.
Kevin was the first to his feet, thinking it had become too much for Brian.
When he cleared the sleep from his eyes, he was astonished to see Nick
curled up in Brian's arms, crying.
He walked over quietly and sat on the bed, trying not to startle Nick.
Brian's eyes met his and without a word between them, Kevin wrapped his arms
around the two of them. Another second later, two more pairs of arms came
around Nick, enveloping him in caring. Kevin tightened his arms around
Nick, "That's it Buddy, let it all out."
That was it for Nick. He let loose with a deep sob and unabashedly bawled
his eyes out. The eyes of the other four met over top of Nick's head in
concern. It was obvious that something was tearing Nick apart, but none of
them knew what it was. He seemed to cry himself out and the five of them
kept the embrace, letting Nick get himself together.
When Nick had quieted to the occasional halting breath and soft sniffle, one
by one they all pulled away. AJ was the last to let go, "Junior, you
scared me." He softly and playfully cuffed the younger man on the back of
the head, "Don't ever do that again!"
Nick looked up at him and nodded, "I'm sorry, AJ."
AJ hugged him again, "No need to apologize, Nick. Just know that I'm here
and I'm a great listener if you need a shoulder, ok?"
Nick nodded again and kept his eyes down on the blanket, picking at it some
more, "It's just too hard right now."
AJ gave him an understanding look and turned to the door when they heard the
sound of it opening.
Brian, Kevin and Howie joined AJ on their feet as they saw Jane and Bob
Carter standing in the doorway. They all smiled to greet them when they
heard Nick's voice from behind them, hard as nails. "Get out."
Jane's face fell and Bob's seemed to harden to stone. "But Nick...."
Nick's face was as stony as well but the fire in his eyes let everyone in
the room know just how enraged he was. "Get out! GET OUT NOW!!!"
The other four in the room stood watching the exchange slackjawed in shock.
None of them had ever seen Nick so angry.
Nick was now shaking with rage and the heart monitor they had him attached
to was registering more and more beats per minute, looking like a graph of
an earthquake. He was sitting ramrod straight in the bed, his hands balled
into fists and the strain on the stitching on his slashed wrist causing
crimson to rise to the surface of the bandages swaddling his arm.
An alarm went off on the monitor above Nick and Brian ran to him, "Nick,
calm down! You are going to send yourself right back into a coma!"
Kevin looked at the obviously distraught state Nick was in and then at his
parents, who seemed to be the trigger for it. Looking back at Nick who was
pale and shaking and then back at the Carters, "I think maybe you should go
into the waiting room. Nick's still very....I don't think this is good for
him at all." He pleaded with his eyes for them to understand.
Jane's eyes flooded with tears, "O...ok. We'll be down the hall. Just tell
him we love him."
Before Kevin could say another word, Brian's startled cry made him wheel
around just in time to see Nick standing beside his bed, weaving
uncontrollably, his eyes still shooting hateful looks, "GET OUT OR I'LL
THROW YOU OUT MYSELF!!! GET THE FUCK OUT NOW!"
Katya could feel the anger rolling off of Nick in waves. Hitting her
almost like a blow, even though it wasn't directed at her. She quickly made
her way over to where Nick was weaving and trying to untangle himself from
the I.V. tubes running into his arm in an attempt to either get them out or
get out of the room himself, at this point Katya wasn't sure which one it
was.
The door opened again and several nurses and a doctor rushed into the room
just as Nick crumpled to the floor, the heart monitor accelerating wildly
before flatlining.
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