There is No Sex on the Backstreet Tour bus

Girls of the teeny bopper class of 1999, I have one peice of advice for you; No matter what they tell you, there is no sex on an Backstreet tour bus, none. Oh there’s Backstreet on an Backstreet tour bus, but you want sex, and there’s no sex on an Backstreet tour bus.

Don’t go to after parties ready to give ass, sure Backstreet’s inside, but you’re not the only one tryin to get your freak on. There’s professional hoochies tryin too.

If a boy talks acts black, and talks black, but is white, he’s an Oreo. If a man acts 16, and looks 16, but tells you he’s 27, he’s having a mid-life crisis.

Get rid of all the stupid ass tats.

Britney Spears couldn’t have possibly been with Nick all those times, Christina Aguilera was doin some of that shit.

Young men, if you give your girl a necklace and she breaks up with you, let it slide. Why spend the next 30 days in juvinelle retention because some jock stole your genie in a bottle.

Wife beaters; there ain’t nothin wrong with that.

No matter what you think, of what I’m saying, remember this, there is no sex on an Backstreet tour bus. If a famous person is bitchy, they won’t be famous that long. They’re to bitchy to realize they’re askin for a beat down.

If a girl always bares her mid-drift, she’ll probably suck your ****.

If a guy looks like Ronald McDonald, he’ll probably suck your ****.

Here’s a horoscope for everyone: Aquarious-you’re gonna die Leo-you’re gonna die Taurus-you’re gonna die Libra-You’re gonna die AJ-you’re gonna die f---in No man goes to a Britney Spears concert for her singing.

If you’ve been dating a man for four months, and you travel with his four best friends, you are a groupie.

Some of the things I’ve said may not apply to you, some of the things I’ve said might have offended you. But no matter who you are, you must remember this one thing; no matter what a bodyguard says, there is no sex on an Backstreet tour bus, none.

**By Chris Rock

Even though we would love to have sex in the Backstreet Bus, we will just have to go back to da Bida's instead.