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I stared out the glass pane window of my room. Outside, people walked on the sidewalk under my window, some with wings, some without. This was heaven, literally. Clean air, nice people, no pollution, no hunger, no poverty, seems perfect doesn’t it. It’s not. And you know why? It’s missing the one thing I need, the one thing I want. Nick. I could be stuck in burning hell and I wouldn’t care one bit. Just as long as I’m with Nick. Nick held a framed picture in his hand. It depicted a gorgeous young girl, with dark brown hair, and brown eyes in Nicks arms. His arms wrapped around her small waist and her hands went over his. He could remember clearly how well she fit in his embrace. And her skin, her once pale, but now tanned skin was enough to drive any man wild, without so much as a blemish. A tear dropped off the end of his nose, and on to the picture as a haunting memory replayed in his head, as it did so many times before.

“Nick! Stop and listen to me! He’s only a friend, that’s it. Only a friend. You gotta believe me!” Jen was sitting on the edge of the bed, her hands clasped together exasperatedly.

“You know what? I don’t know what to believe anymore. I really thought I knew you.” Nick replied.

His heart broke in half the second he walked through the door to find his girlfriend of over a year sitting on the bed with another man, a man Nick recognized from the many pictures of Jen’s high school years. Nothing incriminating about the action, they were simply talking. But something triggered in him, perhaps it was the fear of losing her. Especially since he came so close in the past to losing her. He loved her with all his heart and more, and the mere thought or chance of losing her brought out the worst in him. Her brown eyes told him nothing more than love and trust and hurt, but his muddled heart couldn’t even comprehend that much. There was no such thing as love to him.

“Please listen to me Nick, I don’t like him any more than a friend, we were only talking as friends. Nick, I love you, and only you.” There, she said it. She had handed her heart to him on a platter. Now the choice of whether to treasure it or crush it was completely up to him.

“Yeah well, you can just take that love and shove it up, what’s his name? Oh yeah, Ryan, well, you can just stick that up Ryan’s ass, ‘cause I sure as hell don’t love you.” It hurt him more than anything imaginable to manage those words that he so desperately tried to hold back. And the look on her face after the words erupted from his mouth put on a top to his misery. It was final, love was a lost cause to him.

Jen searched his eyes for any sign of remorse, and maybe even love, and found none. All she saw in the blue depths of his eyes was pure and complete misery. Mirroring her own pain. She took a deep breath and stood up. This was wrong, but if he wanted it this way, then she had to comply. She walked slowly to the door of their hotel room, it was in the middle of their tour and she had came along. Part of her, a very large part of her hoped that any second, he would call out to her, and realize his mistake and take her into his arms again. No such avail. Jen reached for the handle of the door, the metal feeling unnaturally cold against her searing flesh. She hesitated a little bit, knowing that this was probably the last time she would be walking out, and stepped into the hall. After hearing the final click of the door behind her, she leaned against the hall wall and all her bottled up tears flowed freely.

Nick stared at his hands. What had he done? The love of his life just walked out, and it was all because of him. Only after she had gone, had he realized what a complete fool he had been, driving her to leave, and actually letting her go. Tears flowed from his eyes, like blue pools overflowing.

Jen ran blindly, the tears blurring her vision. She tried to hold back a sob, but it came out, a strangled cry issuing from her lips.

“Jen??” A raspy voice called out, but Jen didn’t look back. AJ was only going to make her stay here and prolong the misery. She ran down the stairwell and out the front door, onto the street in New York. The cold air stung at her skin, but she couldn’t feel a thing. She ran down the street she knew so well, and towards the park, the one park she looked to for comfort for her troubles. An hour sit on one of the benches just surrounded by nature worked its magic and has never failed to relieve her of her troubles

Nick wiped up the outburst of tears and suppressed his sobs as he hurried through the door. The love of his life came so close of vanishing in the past, but he wasn’t gonna give it up without a fight. In his haste, he crashed into a bewildered AJ.

“Nick! What the hell did you do??”

“Where’s Jen?”

“She just ran past me crying! What the fuck did you do??” AJ went off on Nick.

“Shit…” Nick ran towards the elevator and slammed button angrily. AJ followed him down the hall. When the elevator didn’t come, Nick cursed at the elevator and flew towards the staircase, with AJ close behind him. No time to worry about disguise today, and plus, who would recognize Nick Carter with puffy red eyes and a tearstained face? They reached the street and Nick abruptly turned to the right with AJ following. Central Park. That’s where she would be. It was the infamous get-back-together place for them. Jen ignored the curious stares of people passing by and continued to run, with her tears blinding her. It didn’t register in her pain filled mind that she had approached a street, or that Nick and AJ were not too far behind her, calling her name. She just kept on running. Straight into the street.

The symphony of burning breaks, and a piercing scream filled the air. Adrenaline filled Nick’s body and he sped toward the street corner. He shoved his way through the mass of people, hoping against hope that the young lady that lay in the street would turn out to be some else’s sweetheart, and not his. The familiar face stared up at him, from the street, her eyes filled with pain, both physical and emotional. Nick’s suppressed sobs made their way up his throat and escaped from his lips. He knelt down beside her and grabbed her hand tight.

Jen felt a burning pain throughout her body. But the pain was nothing compared to the breaking sensation she felt in her heart. She gazed up at Nicks face, which was becoming more and more fuzzy. She felt his tears drip onto her face, and closed her eyes, the fuzzy feeling overwhelming her whole body.

Nick muttered to himself, as Jen’s eyes began to close “I killed her”

I leaned my head against the window pane. Nothing hurt as much as this incident. Did he really hate me? I felt tears run down my face, but didn’t bother to wipe them. After a month, the pain was as fresh as if it was yesterday.

Nick sighed as the tears ceased to fall, and his mind went miserable with memories once again. He remembered against his will every single aspect, and detail about the worst part of his life. The most painful part. The time the doctor came into the waiting room in the hospital and told them with remorse on his face, that Jen was in coma. There was very little chance that she would ever wake up, but her parents insisted, hoping against hope that she be kept on life support. It was over a month, and Nick was beginning to come to terms that she was probably gone, left without even knowing how much he loved her. How much he cared. Damn, he would give everything he had just for eternity with her. Nothing mattered anymore.

Joy burst in the door of my room. No one knocked. No dirty secrets existed in this celestial place. “Hey Jen! I’ve got great news!” exclaimed Joy. I stared at the happy lady. She had helped me so much during my first week here, which was coming to an end as of now. I looked at her, and made sure my eyes registered the simple words “Please leave.” She didn’t go, but just continued her chatter.

“You’ve got your first assignment! They made an exception so that you only have to finish this one to get your wings!” Joy was puzzled as to why they let her pass with only one merit..Maybe the mission was harder than usual. Nothing Jen couldn’t handle ofcourse, Joy had faith in her.

“Here’s that folder, I didn’t look at it yet” Joy handed me a folder, and I took it without much enthusiam. Oh great. Just what I needed, to matchmake two people. I knew, along with all the other unwinged people up here that most of the first time assignments revolved around matchmaking. A sigh escaped my lips and reluctantly opened the folder. I stared down at a snapshot of a face all too familiar to me.

“Nick…” I croaked. I bit back sobs and read down the page.

“Help him get over loss…start up his career again…matchmake with Meredith…” This can’t be happening to me, it was hard enough living each day, with the memory of the harsh words he had said to me before I died, and now I have to help him love another girl, another girl to take my place. My heart, still in shards from the pain that was still fresh, felt like it was being stomped on by a thousand and more steel boots. The pain was unbearable.

“I can’t do it..I’m sorry, I just can’t. I’ll do my three normal assignments instead of this one.” I said quietly, swallowing the sobs that were making its way up my throat and handed the folder back to Joy.

“Sweetie, I know you can. You just don’t want to.” Joy said softly, not accepting the folder. “And besides, you have to. They assigned this mission to you because it is your job.”

“You know what? Your right! I don’t want to do it! And is that so wrong??” I blew up. I couldn’t do this. I just plain couldn’t. It’d be like opening up the wound with a poison tipped knife. Joy looked at me and said nothing. She sighed and open her mouth to speak.

“You’re going down in half an hour. I suggest you make yourself presentable. You have an hour with Nick every night. No one else can see you but him. Understood?”

The information struck me like a axe on wood. The information sunk in as I sat in shock. I didn’t have a choice. I couldn’t refuse. Her last piece of advice took me by surprise. I didn’t understand, but then again, I didn’t understand more than half the things presented to me.

“Have faith and remember, things don’t always turn out the way you think it will,” She looked at me one more time and walked out the door.

Joy sighed and hoped that Jen would pass this mission, not for Meredith, but for Jen. All missions are tests of self strength and understanding what is in their own heart, and in Jen’s case more than ever. She hoped that she would recognize that in time. Sometimes rules were meant to be broken.

Nick's tears and memories left him more depressed and exhausted than before. He laid back on the bed, clutching the framed photograph of Jen and him and soon fell asleep, dreaming of her.

I sat on my bed. I was scared, nervous, sad, angry, and many other emotions jumbled together. I did as Joy said, washing my face, and changing. I hardly remembered what I put on. I looked into the mirror and stared at my reflection. The dress I had on was black, and had speghetti straps. It was a simple dress. The hem trailed on the floor and the dress hung on the my curves like nothing else. My hair was just pulled up into a messy bun. None of this registered in me as my fright and anticipation grew. A part of me wanted so bad to see him again, but another part of me dreaded my departure. My thoughts were interrupted as a weird sensation filled me. It was time. I knew it was.

Next thing I knew, I was in Nicks bedroom. I scanned the area and found that it was kept the same way as it was before I left. My eyes rested on the bed, and more importantly, who was in it. Nick. My breath stopped, and my heartbeat quickened. He was sleeping peacefully, with a picture of us in his hand. My favorite picture. It was during one of our first few months together. We were so in love, and claiming it was a daily, if not hourly ritual.

I unconsciously began to walk toward him. His blond hair shone in the dim lighting of the room and his features were as gorgeous as ever, even though his cheeks looked as more sunken than usual. Tear streaks ran down both his cheeks and I felt my hand reach out to stroke his face. I let my fingers trail down his jaw line and sat down at the edge of the bed. I just couldn’t control my self and ran my hand through his silky hair. Its been such a while since I’ve felt the softness of his hair, but the feeling was imprinted in my brain permanently.

Nick stirred in his sleep, but not opening his eyes, but recognizing the touch. Only one person in his life had that soft light touch, that was capable of doing so many things for him, Jen. He couldn’t bare to open his eyes and find her gone, and that it was only a dream. He felt her hand run through his hair, brushing a few pieces off his face. The same hand traced his tear streak and ran a finger over his bottom lip. It couldn’t be a dream, and he couldn’t bare not being able to see her, not being able to drink in the image of her body, her face. He could feel her weight on the edge of the bed. Slowly, almost painfully, he opened his eyes. The sight he saw could make blind men able to see. Jen was perched on his bed, with a black floorlength gown.

“J-J-Jen?” He whispered, not believing his eyes. I heard my name being whispered and stared into the eyes that caused me so much pain earlier.

“Yeah, its me” I whispered back, continuing to stroke his hair. He looked at me with so much pain, hurt, and..love. He simply sat up, and wrapped his arms around me. The embrace was tight, but loving. I felt my eyes watering over and started to sob, burying my face in his shirt.

Nick’s own eyes started spilling over. Maybe she was back, maybe this was all a horrid dream, just maybe. He held on to her, afraid that if he let her go, he would be resigned to spend the rest of his life in his miserable dream—no, nightmare. Her tears wet the shoulder of his shirt, but Nick felt her head remove itself from his shoulder.

“Are you here? For good?” Nick asked, hopeful and scared of the answer.

I sighed.This was the one subject I didn’t want to talk about. I explained the situation, saying simply that I was here to help him heal. He took the information as well as a person in our situation can. His arm was wrapped around my waist the whole time and frankly, I like it like that.

It wasn’t fair. To send me to see him, love him, when I was just beginning to accept my loss. Not fully, heck, not even partially, just enough to let me realize that I’ll never be able to be with him again. Never.

Nick began to let the truth sink in. This couldn’t possibly be it, the end. Not when she felt so right in his arms. There has to be a way out of it. He didn’t want to be a part of ‘God’s big plan’, he just wanted to be a part of Jen. Is that really too much to ask for?

The two despairing lovers got nothing done that first night. They simply held each other and took comfort in the fact that they were there together. Jen and Nick both felt that they could not separate again, but when the time came, Jen found the courage, somehow, somewhere, to leave him.

Nick sat in shock. He had lost her again. This was just too much. He could never take losing her over and over again for the next few nights.

I resumed my position at the window. This time, thinking, rather than staring aimlessly into space. Why did our lives come to this? We were so perfect together. We planned to get married one day. What did I do to deserve this? Was this a cruel wake up call to the bitchness of life? I was dead. Not officially, I mean, my body wasn’t buried. It was on life support, but without my soul there, it was nearly impossible for me to wake up. I knew Meredith. She had light brown hair, and clear blue eyes and interned at the hospital Brian visited occasionally. Her petite figure was rather stout, but toned. She seemed more cute and innocent than anything else. Was she really the one that Nick belonged with? I just couldn’t picture it. Hell, I couldn’t picture him with anyone else but me. Meredith was nice enough. Dammit, why did I have to call Ryan up to talk? It just wasn’t fair. Wasn’t fair—I seemed to be saying that a lot these few weeks. Perhaps that was the lesson, nothing is ever fair.

Nick showered and put on some clothes. Seeing Jen and knowing that she’d be back tonight gave him hope that she might be accessible. But that talk with her stole his last hopes of her ever coming back again. She was officially dead, right? Nick couldn’t tell anyone about it. They’d never believe him, especially since the truth was so far away from what they wanted. That special sense of protection calmed him, it was like she was watching over him from above, over every move he made.

Nick got into his car and drove to a spot he became painfully familiar to-the hospital. He didn’t know why he was here, perhaps to talk to her, to see if she was listening. And deep within him, a tiny flame flickered. He thought seeing her again and having her explain what she was here for had made sure she was gone. It didn’t.

“Hey Nick!” Meredith looked up from her papers and smiled at him. She had seen him a lot through the past few days. She knew all about his lost girlfriend. What a shame.

Meredith had known her briefly before she went into a coma. She was devastatingly gorgeous. Meredith liked Nick. She always had, but she could never compare with Jen, and she knew it. Here she was, just a hospital intern, and Jen was something so much more. She thought that the death of Jen would leave an open space for her, but seeing Nick come in every single day, with a permanent frown on his face, but eyes full of hope every time he asked if there was any change in Jen’s condition, lessened her hopes. He loved her, and everyone knew it. Nothing she could ever become, could match or even come close to Jen.

“Hi Meri,” Nick approached the counter, giving her half a smile. He and Meri had come pretty close friends over the last month. He was touched by her understanding and her patience with him, every single time he begged her to say that Jen woke up. He looked up into the gentle blue eyes and asked the simple question again. “Any change?” “Sorry…no, she’s been the same,” Meri answered, mood darkening a bit. She wished for Nick’s sake that Jen would just wake up. It wasn’t her idea of fun seeing a perfectly fine young man so depressed. He was lucky the Backstreet Boys were on vacation. What would he do if they had to go on tour? Mope around?

Nick nodded and walked the all to familiar route to her room. He walked into the room and winced at its startling bright white walls that didn’t spare the eye any comfort. “Hey Jen.” Nick said softly, taking a seat on her bed and clutching her cold hand. “How’s it going?” Nick studied her, her once rosy lips, that were now a pale pink, and her skin, which once held a golden tan, but now was just a shade away from matching the walls. He didn’t care. All he wanted was her. She could become transparent and if she woke up, he’d be more than happy.

“You know, you visited me last night. I gotta say, it was possibly the best hour of my life. Why Jen? Why was I so cruel? Why didn’t I stop you from leaving? Dammit, if I was only more careful, you’d still be here. I’m so sorry, I’m sorry for everything I did. Why aren’t you coming back? Why?”

Nick sighed and continued. “I’m sorry. I’m so selfish. Look at me, I’m just sitting on my ass, feeling sorry for myself. I know I don’t deserve you. I don’t. You can do so much better. Why did you waste your time on me? You could’ve gotten any guy you wanted, and yet you settled for me. With a better guy, you wouldn’t be in this predicament. Nope, another guy would’ve known what he was gonna lose, before he lost it. I wasn’t so lucky. I can only hope that you loved me. Perhaps that’s why you put up with all my antics, my mistakes, and my faults. I can only hope. You know, you died a virgin. I felt so good. I mean, you’re the first girl that I felt truly loved me. You didn’t want my body, nor fame, you wanted me. And like hell I wanted you. But you made me wait, till we were both ready. I love you so much for that. I love you so much.” Nick stopped talking, since tears were running down his face. Another day passed in the hospital.

I didn’t get as dressed up as the first night. I simply wore baggy cotton lounge pants, and a tank top. Through my long hours of simply occupying space, and thinking, which seemed to be the only thing I was good at these days, I came to a conclusion. I was going to complete my mission as briskly as possible. Seeing him again, I couldn’t help but rekindle my hopes for us to be back together, and that simply wasn’t possible. I was sitting on my bed again, and waiting to get sent down.

Nick sat on his bed, waiting for Jen. He knew she would come about now. He had a feeling. This feeling wasn’t correct sometimes, though, but he felt it was. True enough, Jen started appearing by the doorway. Nick made no move to get up.

“Hey,” He whispered, using the same tone he used in the hospital.

“Hey,” I answered softly. I struggled beyond belief to control my self, and not throw myself into his arms. Nick waited for her to approach him. She didn’t. Jen just stood there and stared at her shoes. Nick couldn’t take their separation anymore, and started walking toward her. He tried to wrap his arms around her, but she stepped away, keeping her distance. This simple gesture was like shooting a sharp arrow straight through his heart. In simple words, it hurt like hell.

“I—We..We can’t. I’m sorry, we…we just weren’t meant to be,” I explained softly. It was harder than imaginable to just stand there, watching his pain grow. This was for the best. For who? I don’t know.

“W-W-What?” Nick stammered, the pain in his voice was evident. I’m positive this was hurting me more than him. “How can you say that?”

Nick felt his heart crack open. If this was what Jen felt like the day she ran off, then he saw exactly why she did.

“I’m sorry. There’s another girl for you. I-I’m not the one,” That hurt. It was probably the hardest and most painful thing that’s ever issued from my mouth.

“No, there isn’t. You’re the only one I’ve ever loved, the only one I’ll ever love,” Nick pleaded. He couldn’t be with anyone else. It just wasn’t possible.

“Nick…Don’t say that. You’ll love again, another girl, far better than me,” I tried to convince him. I can’t say it worked, but how can you convince another, if you can’t convince yourself? “Look, I probably shouldn’t be telling you this, but Meredith is your soulmate. The one that you’re destined to be with. Please trust me on this, and just let it be,” I pleaded with him. I thought it was easier than to spend more time and linger around. The faster he loves another, the faster I can let go of him.

“Is this for real? It simply can’t. I don’t love her, I never will. Jen…You’re the only one I’ll ever be able to love. You are my soulmate, please believe me,” Nick begged. It killed me to see him like this.

I didn’t want to do this. Lord knows it was the last thing I want to do, but I sure as heck didn’t want to spend more time with him. It just made it so hard, for me to go back, to leave him again.

“Jen?” Nick called out to me. I had been silent for a while. I detected hope in his voice, thinking perhaps I’d yielded to my heart.

“Look Nick, you don’t belong to me. We’ll never be together again. Just go out with Meredith. She’s good for you. I’ll come back once you go see her.” The truth hurt. It didn’t feel good, to be honest and blunt. In fact, it felt horrible. I couldn’t believe my own words, and I’m a pretty open minded person.

“I’m sorry for the ultimatum. Its just gotta be this way,” I couldn’t look back, and just willed myself up there again, without hearing what he had to say next. I was so fragile as of now. If he had said anything else about us, I would’ve succumbed to my heart, and I couldn’t afford that.

Nick watched in awe, as she disappeared before his eyes. Gone, again. How is it possible for him to be paired with someone else? It was a hard choice. To be with another woman, and see his true love again, or not see either ever again. If only he had another minute with her. He was sure she was a centimeter from cracking. He made his choice. He’d go out with Meri once, and then Jen would come back to him. He picked up his phone, with a new determination, never once thinking about Jen being not alive, and he being so.

I watched him pick up the phone. My broken heart broke again, if that was possible. Part of me wanted him to mope around, his love for me being so strong that he couldn’t see another woman. The other half wanted to get this over with as soon as possible, to avoid such pain. Damn. How could he just pick up the phone and call so easily? Is this what I really wanted? No. I don’t want any of this. I only want Nick.

Nick sat at the dinner table. Meredith sat across from him, wearing a short cut black dress. He wore a blue silk shirt, and black pants.

Nick simply said to Meri that he wanted to try to move on, and asked her out to dinner. Meri glanced at Nick. A smile sat on his face. Whether it was real or not, well, she didn’t know. She still couldn’t quite believe she was here. Especially since seeing him so downcast just yesterday.

“So, how’s your life?” Meri tried to start a conversation. All evening, he has just been sitting there, not offering more than one word answers, and only stating a sentence when he had to. She couldn’t help but wonder but whether he really wanted to be or not.

“So-so. Yours?” Answered Nick, pushing his food around in his plate.

“Pretty good..This is great food, where’d ya find this restaurant?” Meri tried again. It was better than just sitting there and staring at each other.

“It was the place Jen and I went to on our first date. She wasn’t dressed up, so we ditched the place, and got pizza instead. We had so much fun..” Nick said wistfully, staring into space.

“We were so loud in the pizza place, that they had to tell us to shut up, and then finally kick us out,” Nick carried on. A smile was tingeing his face as he obtained a dreamy look.

Meri sighed inwardly. Atleast she got him to talk, not about such a appropriate subject, but atleast he’s talking. Who was she kidding, Nick would talk to the homeless man down the street about Jen.

Dinner went by quietly. Nick didn’t say much, unless anything connecting to Jen was brought up. Nick drove Meri home and walked her to her step.

“Look Nick, I had a great time tonight, and I do like you. But you still love Jen, and I can see that. You’ll always love her. You and I will never be, and I accept that. Just have faith in Jen, she’ll pull through,” Meri looked down at her feet. Nick loved Jen and will always love her. There was just simply no room for her in his life.

“Thanks. That means a whole lot more to me that you think,” Nick responded softly. He reached out and hugged her petite figure to him. He took one look back and walked back to his car.

Nick opened his door and saw Jen sitting on his bed. “I went out with her. Happy?” Nick was a bit upset about her ultimatum.

“Nick, do you like her?” I asked softly. Part of me wanted him to say yes, so my mission would be complete, but the other part of me wanted him to say no, that I’ll be the only one for him.

“No. I don’t. I love you.” Nick said simply, moving around the room, taking off his shoes, and his jacket. I said on his bed, watching move around. Was that the answer I wanted? I don’t know.

“Do you love me?” Nick asked softly. He knelt down by me and stared into my eyes. There was no way I could’ve lied to those eyes, so I averted my gaze.

“No. I love someone else.” I did the only thing I knew. When your heart is confused, your mind automatically takes over. This action, my heart regretted with passion, and so would my mind, was I to know what was going to happen.

Nick felt like he was struck. How could she love another? All his fears washed over him and taunted his miserable heart. She was too good for him, and finally, she’s realized it. “Y-Y-You do?” Nick asked, hoping he’d heard wrong.

I nodded in response. If only I didn’t call up Ryan. Then this whole screwed up situation wouldn’t be happening. Why did I say I loved another? There was never another person. I guess I just couldn’t take the pain, of seeing him every night, him being so close, but so far. What I did next, was only refuge for me, probably hell for him…I left.

Nick sat on the edge of his bed. It was his 7? no, 8th beer. Oh hell, he couldn’t even count to ten, let alone keep count of how many beers he’s had. This was the only quick way of atleast numbing the pain. Nick eyed a bottle of tequila sticking out of his closet. AJ probably left it there. He stumbled over to it, and pulled it out. Nick unscrewed the cap, joyously finding the bottle brand new, and guzzled a mouthful.

“What the hell…”Brian walked into Nick’s room. They had an interview and Brian was responsible for making sure Nick showed up. He scanned the room, with beer cans strewned all across. He found Nick sitting on the floor, leaning on his bed, with a tequila bottle in his hand.

“Yo Nick, wake up man, we got an interview this morning. Brian shook Nick, but there was no response.

“C’mon man, get up!” Brian tried again, this time louder. There was still no response. Shit, Nick wasn’t responding to anything Brian was doing. He checked for Nick’s breath, but found none.

“Crap!” Brian fumbled with his jacket and pulled out his cell phone.

“Hello? Police? Yeah, my friend is unconscious, and has been drinking…”

“Doctor?” Kevin stood up. They called off the interview this morning, after Brian called them.

“Mr. Richardson,” The doctor regarded him.

“Your friend, Nicholas Carter, has alcohol poisoning. We had to pump his stomach out. He was lucky, but may not be so next time.” The doctor inwardly wondered what drove this young man to drink so hard. He certainly wasn’t a heavy drinker, since his alcohol tolerance was low.

“You may see him now, but try to keep the noise down.”

Kevin nodded and the rest of the guys got up to see Nick.

Nick lay in his hospital bed, the same hospital that Jen was in. How could she do this? Why did Brian have to find him? Why couldn’t he have just died?

“Hey man,” AJ and the rest of the guys walked through the door.

“Hi," Nick mumbled, not looking up. The last thing he needed was their sympathy.

“How’re you feeling?” Brian walked over and sat on the chair by Nick’s bed.

“Just dandy,” Nick said sarcastically. He just wasn’t in the best mood. Brian looked taken back, but Nick made no move to make amends.

“Look man, we’ll leave you to sleep or think or something, feel better, okay?” Kevin suggested. Nick nodded and remained silent, staring into space. The guys filed out, and Nick drifted off into a restless sleep.

I stared at his face, so full of misery and pain. I’ve never regretted something so much as what I regretted that night. Why did I have to go and lie?

“I’m so sorry,” I said softly, tears running down my face, hoping somehow, he’d see what I’m seeing, as I stroked his hair.

"I'm sorry for lying, I’m sorry for hurting you so much…There never was another guy. It was always you. I was hoping that I’d spare myself some pain, and just pair you off with Meredith. Didn’t come out so well, huh?” I paused, thinking maybe somehow, he could hear me in his sleep. “Damn. I love you.” I said it. And I’ve never ever meant anything more in my life.

“I love you so much,” Tears ran down my face, and at this point, I was so choked up, that I couldn’t have said anything more if I wanted to. But it didn’t matter, the most three words in the world were said. I was once faced with the question you were to pick one to follow, which would you pick, your heart, or your dream?’

My dream was to be with Nick, to pronounce my love for him. My heart wanted to do the same. And if my heart and dream wanted the same, wasn’t I twice as obligated to follow? I felt myself being taken away. To where? I don’t know, I just remember falling into a deep sleep.

Nick heard Jen talking to him. He guessed that she thought he was asleep, but he wasn’t. He could never sleep through an angel’s touch. Hearing her say those three magic words, somehow renewed his hope. He didn’t know how, but it was a sense he got that everything was going to be okay, just knowing that Jen did love him. Nick smiled to himself and drifted off to a lighter sleep, dreaming of the day that he and Jen would be together again.

I woke up in a strange room. For one thing, the walls were not light blue, as they were in my room in heaven, it was a startling white. A man wearing a white jacket came in a started observing the machines next to me, paying no attention to me. I was too scared to let myself think, that maybe I was back. And so I remained quiet. Finally, I couldn’t stand it any longer. I had to know.

“Excuse me? Where am I?” I asked softly, causing the man to jump up in surprise. He looked at me with wide unbelieving eyes, and ran out the door shouting “She woke up!” I was overjoyed. I was finally back. Nothing was more beautiful than the white walls, which suddenly became gorgeous to my eyes, and the weird machines which were beeping. Why and how? I didn’t know. I scanned the room and found a note. It read: