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Ran across some photographs
I found your picture there,
And it reminded me of all we shared
We were crazy, lost in love,
Kissing in the street
And baby I couldn't help wondering

It's funny how you tell yourself you're over someone and then they find their way back into your heart. I always told myself, I'm done crying myself to sleep; what's the use it won't bring him back, there's no more tears left to cry. He's gone and I'm over him. At least that's what I thought before I stumbled across these old photographs.

Do you still ride your motorcycle 80 miles an hour in a 55 zone?
Do you still comb your hair straight back with your aviator glasses on? Do you have everything you need?
I gotta know,
Baby...
Do you still love me?

I still remember the way he looked when he'd come in from riding. He'd have this sexy look on his face & his hair would all be out of place in little floppy curls on his head. He looked so cute.Sometimes I still find myself wanting him to come through that door. Hoping and even wishing that he was just on a long bike ride. But he won't be coming through that door, he's gone and he isn't coming back. Not after the things I said to him. I found a picture of him standing in the rain. We were in Seattle that weekend for a concert. I remember walking down the street with him and it started to rain while I was taking his picture. I wanted to it so bad that I couldn't let a little rain stand in the way. He had taken his glasses off and his eyes were so beautiful, I just couldn't resist. That night we danced in the rain, right in the middle of the street with everyone watching and probably thinking we were insane. But that didn't matter to us. All that mattered was that we were together. Of course I had to drag him into it, but it was worth it. We were so in love! I miss him now more than ever. I find it harder to sleep at night, some nights even crying myself to sleep.

You wanted fun and games
That's just the way you are
I felt like a satellite around your star
I admit that I was charmed to my very soul,
And even now I want what I let go

I still remember the way it happened. Me losing him. It had been raining hard that night in July. The news kept saying there was a hurricane watch and to be prepared. Of course I tried thinking of something else but my mind kept wandering to Xander. I was the only one he allowed to call him that. I was like my nickname for him. He was in the studio that night recording for their new album. He had called earlier and said that it'd be running late and he could wait to get home into my arms. Me, being the stubborn one that I am, still did not forgive him for the night before. We had gotten into a fight and I had gotten so angry that I said I was sick and tired of his crap. He said "Well FINE! If you hate me so much then why don't you fucking get out!!!" I said that I just might.

That morning he pulled me close and told me he didn't mean what he said that he never wanted to see me go and if I did it would tear him up to watch me walk out the door. I just kissed his check and went downstairs. That night I wanted him there to comfort me but I was still mad at him. It wasn't until after I got that call that I realized how much I truly do need him. It's times like these I wish I could turn back the hands of time and bring the man I once had back into my arms. If I could I would have said "I love you" a thousand times over.

Do you still like drinking cappuccino at the Starbucks on the Sunset Strip?
Do you still wear your faded out jeans with the pocket and knees open?
Do you still find it hard to sleep?
Do you have everything you need?
I gotta know
Baby...
Do you still love me?

I remember the moments we shared at the Starbucks on the strip. We had a table in the corner that we referred to as "our table". It was our place. A place we could go to be together. I went there last weekend and just sat there thinking about the conversations we had and how we shared our first kiss there. I still remember it like it was yesterday. He was wearing his white wife beater with faded blue jeans on. His black and white Von Dutch hat was pull down shadowing his face and he was wearing his aviator glasses. We were talking about his new album when he asked if I wanted to go on tour with him. I told him I would. Then he leaned in, flashed a sexy smile and asked me if he could tell me a secret. I said yes wondering what it could be. So I leaned in and just as my face reached his, he pulled his glasses off and kissed me. Even thinking about it now I can feel his lips on mine. I miss the way his kisses felt. So passionate and meaningful. Like I was the only one in the world.

Do you still drive reckless and crazy?
You know how crazy that made me
That's what I hate about you
It's what I love about you
Do you still look best when you're angry?
Do you know how much stress you gave me?
It's what I hate about you
What I love about you

He use to make me so angry when he'd speed down the street. I'd get mad and say "You're reckless Xander! Absolutely reckless!" and he'd look over at me with a sly grin "Yeah, but I'm a good reckless driver!" I'd just slug him playfully and tell him to watch the road. I use to love making him mad. He never really understood why. But I couldn't help thought I thought that stubborn, stuttering man was just so sexy when he was angry. He was just so cute and he'd get so frustrated and start stuttering. He did put me through a lot. There were times when I got so mad I couldn't even look at him. But through it all I always tried to give it my all. I just wish that I hadn't been so stubborn. I would feel as bad as I do know. I'd still miss him with every beat of my heart. But I wouldn't feel guilty.

Do you still like playing your guitar when it's hard to find the words to say?
Do you still go driving through the mountains when you feel you gotta run away?
Do you still find it hard to sleep?
Do you have everything you need?
I gotta know
Baby

He always said music is the way to your soul. Sometimes when he couldn't find the words to tell me he loved me, he'd put on a song and we'd dance. He'd always sing softly in my ear as we danced. I remember our first Valentines Day together. He put candles all over the room and after we exchanged gifts he played a song he wrote for me on his guitar. If there was anything about that man that I loved more than ever, it was his voice. He had a way of reaching deep inside and touching you heart and soul. I couldn't have asked for a better man. I just wish there was a way to get him back to me. I went to visit him tody. I couldn't hold back the tears that seemed to fall in sheets. I couldn't tare my eyes off the picture inside the headstone. His beautiful face smiled back at me. The wind rustled the leaves around, in that instant I could've sworn I felt him. It was in that split second I closed my eyes and said, " I love you forever my sweet Alexander." I kneeled and laid the single red rose on his grave, kissed my fingers and put them to his picture. I know I'll always feel him near. When the rain falls, when the wind blows and in the cold of the winter, I know he'll keep me warm. He'll never leave my heart, that's where he'll stay always. I just had to give him one last kiss good-bye.

Do you still ride your motorcycle 80 miles an hour in a 55 zone?
Do you still comb your hair straight back with your aviator glasses on?
Do you still find it hard to sleep?
Do you have everything you need?
I gotta know, baby...
Do you still (love me)
Do you still (Do you still)
Do you still

It's funny how you tell yourself you're over someone and then they still find their way back into your heart. I wish sometimes that I could forget him, forget his beauty. But it's like that quote "It's hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone when your heart still does." I guess my heart just doesn't want to let go.

Do you still love me....