With the initial shock wearing off, Destiny allowed her best friend's recent revelation to sink in and began asking the obvious questions.
"How far along are you?" she asked, unable to hide her excitement.
"The doctor thinks about ten weeks from my calculations," Faith answered. "But I'm scheduled for a sonogram next week to be more exact."
"How cool," Destiny smiled. "A little Howie."
"Hey, now," Faith smiled, for the first time all day. "It could be a little Faith, or a 'mini me' as I like to call it."
"Of course it could," she answered. "But, speaking of Howie, he doesn't know anything?"
"I haven't breathed a word, and I'm begging you not to."
"You know I won't, sweetie," she assured her. "But I'm not gonna have to. He will eventually figure it out, you know?"
"I know," she sighed. "And I'm gonna tell him. I've just gotta find the right time."
"How long do you plan on waiting? If you wait too long, you won't have to tell him.... your belly will do it for you."
"I know," Faith replied softly, her eyes filling with tears. "You aren't telling me anything I don't already know."
"Oh, sweetie. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I'll be quiet and you just let it all out. Tell me what's going through your mind."
Taking in and exhaling a deep, cleansing breath, Faith began to open up, the strength of the friendship she shared with Destiny providing the comfort and support she needed.
"I'm terrified that Howie won't react well to the news. What if it scares him off?"
"Faith....," Destiny said softly. "How long have you two been together?"
"Almost three years."
"Three years. That's quite a while. Has he ever hinted at wanting to go on without you?"
"Well, no.... I guess not."
"Exactly. So, now that you are carrying his child, why would he want to? I think he will be thrilled."
"I don't know, Des," she replied. "I just can't convince myself of that."
"But, you haven't even given him a chance. And, honestly, do you not think he has the right to know he's gonna be a father?"
"Of course he has the right to know. But, that's just it. He already plays so many roles. Singer, songwriter, musician, entertainer.... not to mention all the charity work he does and the small acting roles he has taken on. Where in his hectic schedule would he find time to add 'father' to that ever growing list? Besides.... there's yet another role I feel we'd have to add."
"And what's that?" Destiny asked.
"He and I have been living together for a couple of years now," she started. "And it's no secret we've had sex before marriage. I always thought I'd be the one to wait until I was married for all that. But, I love him enough not to pressure him into marriage. I know that he loves me, too, and until now that has been enough."
"But, not anymore?"
"When it was just the two of us, it WAS. But, I feel strongly that a child deserves a real family, you know?"
"So, tell him that.... let him know you feel that strongly about it. You know he's a damn good man, and he will most certainly do right by you.... not because of any obligation he may feel, but because he loves you."
"Destiny.... as much as I'd love to be his wife, I just can't force him into it. If we'd already been planning to get married, it would be different."
"You are SO hard headed," Destiny laughed. "Do you know that?"
"Who, me? No way," she snickered.
Standing up to stretch her legs, Faith blatantly changed the subject.
"So, tell me what Mr. Mysterious had to say when he called earlier," she smiled.
Destiny could feel her stomach beginning to tie itself in knots again just thinking about it.
"He said he'd been thinking a lot and he now realizes how he has neglected me and taken me for granted. He apologized for being a lousy boyfriend, and said that he would go back and change things if he could. He also said he feels it is time for a change in our relationship, and while he can't undo the wrongs that have been done, he CAN, however, promise to make my future happier than my past. He asked me to meet him this weekend, and made a special point of telling me to dress up."
"Oh my God, girl! You DO realize what that sounds like, don't you?? It has all the signs of an upcoming proposal! How wonderful!!!"
This time, it was Destiny's blue eyes that filled with tears, a few of them beginning to spill out and drop down her cheeks.
"Oh, no," Faith said, sitting back down beside her. "What's wrong? I thought you'd be happy about it."
"I guess I should be," she answered. "I mean he IS a great guy. And when we are together, we do get along well, and we are happy for the most part."
"But....?"
"I'm just not sure I love him that much," she said sadly.
She really wanted to tell her best friend the 'reason' behind that statement. She wasn't actually trying to hide anything from her. It just hurt too damn much to think about AJ, and it would hurt even more to have to talk about her feelings for him.... the man she could never have. Even if he wasn't engaged to someone else, he was one of Nick's closest friends, and she just couldn't hurt Nick like that. The best thing to do, she thought, is to forget about AJ, and the feelings I have for him, and take whatever happiness I can find with Nick. That's exactly what I have to do, she told herself, silently vowing to herself that she would do just that, as hard as she knew it was going to be.
"You don't love Nick?" Faith asked, shocked.
"I don't know. Maybe it's just nerves taking over," she offered, praying she could disguise her feelings for AJ just long enough for them to fade away. But, how long would that be? And how long could she keep up the charade?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The two friends continued to chat through most of the afternoon, trying to keep the mood light, discussing mainly what Destiny should wear for the big night with Nick coming up.
"I saw this sexy little black dress at the mall last week. I may go out there and see if they still have it," Destiny said.
"Cool," Faith smiled. "Make sure it is something he will remember. This is going to be a very special night for the two of you, and you'll want everything to be just right."
"Yeah, you're right. I guess I should go on down there and see what I can find. Wanna come along?"
"No, thanks. I think I'll take a nap if you don't mind," Faith answered.
"I don't mind at all," she answered, nearly jumping out of her skin when the phone beside her rang.
"A little jumpy are we?" Faith joked. "Wouldn't be nervous, would you?"
"Hush!" she replied jokingly, picking up the phone.
"Hello?"
"Des, this is Kevin."
"Hey, Kev. What's up? How you been?"
"I'm pretty good. Um, listen, I need to talk to you, I need some advice. I thought we might could have lunch," he said.
"Sure. I was just getting ready to head towards the mall. Wanna meet me there in, say, half an hour?"
"I'll see you there," he answered.
Hanging up the phone, she grabbed her keys and her purse and said bye to Faith.
ke yourself at home. Eat anything in there you want, take a nap, watch tv. Whatever you wanna do. Mi casa es su casa," she smiled.
"Gracias," Faith responded.
"I'll be back in a couple hours."
When she opened the door to leave, she saw Howie's car pulling into the driveway. Quickly closing it back, she turned to Faith and said, "Um... you have company."
"What? Wh.... Oh no. Howie?"
"Yeah," she answered. "Be nice. Just see what he has to say. I'm sure he's probably pretty confused. If you don't want to tell him yet, don't tell him. But, I think you're worrying too much. Will you be ok or do you need me to hang around?"
"No," she answered. "You go on. I'll be fine."
"Good luck," she said, making her way out the door.
Faith slowly got up and met Howie at the door. He didn't say anything at first, just walked in and sat down, his brown eyes red and swollen. He sat there for several awkward minutes before speaking.
"Faith, I don't know what's going on, but I wish you'd please talk to me. I don't know what I've done wrong," he said, as she sat down across from him.
"Howie, it's nothing you've done wrong. I promise."
"Then what? Why did you leave? I'm in the dark here. Is it someone else? Do you not love me anymore?"
"Of course I love you. I always will," she said, feeling so guilty for causing him such obvious pain. She had to tell him. She realized that at that precise moment. "But.... there IS someone else," she whispered, scared to look him in the eyes.
After another few moments of awkward silence, he asked, "Do I know him?"
"Not yet," she smiled.
"Do you think this is amusing?" he asked, clearly irritated. "Because I don't find it a damn bit funny."
"I'm sorry, Howie. I never meant to hurt you. It is very important that I tell you about this other person, though."
He stood and began to pace back and forth across the room in front of her. She was still grasping for exactly the right words to say.
"This other person is someone I love, someone I'd do anything for, someone I'd die for," she started.
"Someone you love more than me?" he asked, his voice growing louder and more intense.
"Not more than you.... it's a totally different kind of love," she said. "This person is also someone YOU love, someone YOU'D do anything for, someone YOU'D die for."
"Oh really?" he asked. "And just who the hell is this 'someone'?" he asked, stopping directly in front of her, standing above her, his arms crossed in front of him.
Slowly, she reached out and took his hand, pulling it closer to her, and placing it on her tummy.
"This someone..... is our child," she said.
She then saw something in Howie's face that was indescribable. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. A single tear dropping down his cheek, he dropped to his knees in front of her, and gently laid his head on her tummy in place of his hand.
"Our... ch...ch...child??" he said through his tears.
"Yes," she nodded. "I am pregnant."
Still on his knees, he raised his head to look at her.
"And THIS is why you left? Because you're pregnant? Were you scared to tell me?"
"In a way, yes. It's just that, well... I feel like a child needs a real family.... a mother and a father.... who are married. But... I didn't want you to feel obligated to marry me just because..."
Before she could finish her sentence, he touched his finger to her lips, hushing her. Still on his knees in front of her, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small box. Opening it in front of her, revealing a breathtaking diamond ring, he said, "I've had this ring for a while. I'd planned to ask you the night you left."
Tears of mixed emotion fell down her face. He had already planned to ask her to marry him.... without even knowing she was pregnant.
He began to softly speak again.
"I want to spend my life with you by my side, through all the ups and downs, through all the good times and bad. You are the part of me that makes me whole.... and now we have this child.... part of me, part of you... making him or her whole. I love you, Faith, and I want you to be my wife. Will you marry me?"
She was so touched she couldn't speak, but the tears, the huge smile and the nodding head all told him she was giving him a big yes. He gently slid the ring on her finger, touched his fingertips to her chin, and placed a soft kiss on her lips, so overwhelmed as he realized how blessed he truly was.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"So, what did you need to talk to me about?" Destiny asked Kevin.
"Well, it's about my marriage. Maddie and I have been talking some and have worked through most of our problems. I realize now that a lot of what happened was my fault. I wasn't always there when she needed me, when she reached out for me. She got tired of being alone. I can't exactly blame her for what she did. But, I'm not sure I can fully trust her again, either," he said. "You know her pretty well. What do you think? Do you think I can trust her enough to give our marriage another shot?"
"Kevin.... I can't really answer that," she said. "Do you love her?"
"Yes, I love her. I will always love her."
"Do you think she loves you?"
"Yes. I know she loves me. She must to be able to put up with all my quirky ways."
"Then I say go for it. When it comes down to it, love conquers all.... and love is worth fighting for," she said.
As they ate their lunch, Kevin asked how things were going with Nick. She explained to him what Nick had called and said and what she thought he'd planned for the upcoming weekend.
"For someone who is gonna be proposed to, you don't seem very excited," he pointed out.
"I am excited," she tried to convince him. "That's why I'm here at the mall.... to get the perfect outfit for that night."
"Des....," he said, a very serious tone in his voice. "Look me in the eye and tell me you are in love with Nick enough to pledge the rest of your life to him."
She looked up at him and said, "I....um.... I...."
"You're in love with AJ, aren't you?"
Totally taken aback by Kevin's openness about it, as if it were no secret at all, she didn't know what to say.
"H-h-how do you know?" she stuttered.
"It's obvious when you two are around each other. I've seen it for a while. The chemistry and the electricity, the sparks, the desire, the passion.... it just beams from both of you when you are together."
She didn't say anything.... she didn't need to. He was right, and they both knew it.
"Looks like you've got a major decision to make, soon," he said. "So, what are you gonna do?"
What the hell am I gonna do, indeed??!!?? she thought