A month later...

I made the decision to go and see Natalie. The air had to be cleared, if not now, then, it would just be left until we reached the point where we wouldn't know how to talk to each other. I rang the bell and waited nervously.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

It was a beautiful, sunny day with the birds a chirping and a warm steady breeze blowing in. I breathed it in, as I was standing there folding clothes and packing them away. I had just come home from a morning trip to the beach for a dip in the warm waves. It was refreshing, believe it or not. It cleared my head of all the things that had been pressing on my mind for the last several months. I had felt so much more freedom in those few hours, than I had in my entire life. I head back into the closet for more clothes, as I heard the doorbell ring. 'Who could that be?' I thought to myself. I threw the clothes on top of the suitcase and went downstairs. I opened the door and was surprised to see Charlie.

"Charlie..."

"Natalie.. Hey, how are you?" I ask quietly

"Hi.. I'm doin' alright, I guess.. Why don't you come on in." moving out the way

"How, um.. are you and the baby doing?"

"Thanks. I'm ok and so is the baby... but how did you know?"

"Oh, from a combination of things. One, being you're well.. very pregnant, as anyone can plainly see. You sure didn't fill me in on that significant piece of information. Anyways, do you know if its a boy or girl?”

"I wasn't sure if I was going through with the pregnancy, and I didn't want to tell you under the circumstances. I don't know what I'm having. I may not keep the baby"

"That is your choice ,I guess, but I think you will end up regretting it, if you do. "

"I already regret it. I wish it wasn't happening. I don't think I'd feel any different, even if Brian and I were still together"

"That is an awful thing to say. I know you love Brian and I don't want to hear you say how much you don't, because I know it's a load of crap. Why in the world would you not want his baby? If I had someone that cared for me that much, I would be overjoyed at the thought of having his baby, as would any other woman. "

"Yeah, maybe, if I had my career and school had finished but it isn't and Brian's not really in the best position to be a Dad is he? With him having his career, so that leaves me, doesn't it?"

“So? I know that the pregnancy didn't come at the right time in your life but you could get through it. But, it sounds to be like you don't want to. Plus, if you really didn't want a baby right now, you should have made sure that you were protected, if you were going to sleep with him. I don't care if he had on a condom or not, those stupid things can break easily. If you were so against getting pregnant, you should have done something about it." taking a breath. " Yes, Brian's career would get in the way of his parental duties, but that doesn't mean that he wouldn't try to be there for you two as much as he could. I'm sure its a lot to handle on your own. You're probably going out of your mind with all the decisions and how you're going to get through it. Going through it with help, beats going through it alone, if you would only accept it.”

"I'm not sure I can do it. My parents are going to hit the roof. I'll be surprised if I'm not flown back to California the moment the baby is born"

"Well, that depends on if you tell them or not. I am not going to tell you what to do. You can make your own decisions. If you want to go home, then go home. Maybe, you’re parents will help you out. Just remember, you'll be back under their roof and all that entails. However, if you keep telling yourself you can't do it, then you won't. You can continue school until it's close to time and then just take some time off. You can always go back. Actually, if you really wanted, you could take some online classes and still keep up. I am sure you could probably get someone to watch the baby later on, so you could take come night classes. But, its all up to you.”

"I'll think about it. Do you wanna go for a drive? I need to get away"

"I guess, I can. Let me run upstairs and grab some shoes. "

As I try to find my sandals, a box fell on me, spilling on the floor. "Shit." I turn to pick it up and see a picture of Nick and I laying at my feet. I picked it up, looking longingly at it before putting it back in the box. I wish I hadn't seen that, I thought to myself, sighing. Just looking at the picture, made me start missing him all over again. I definitely didn't need that right now. I had been doing well, with not thinking about him. I had promised myself I wouldn’t do this. I didn’t need him. Finding my shoes, I slipped them on and went back downstairs, leaving the rest of the packing until later.

"You ok?" I ask as she comes down the stairs

"Yeah, I'm fine. Let's go." grabbing my keys and heading out the door.

"So, umm, how have you been?" I'm starting to feel uncomfortable around her and I don't know what to do.

I wasn't into spilling my guts out to her. I didn't want to talk about it at all really. I didn't know where we stood, nor did I know if she was even going to be staying around. But, it didn't really matter, because I was going to be in Boston by Saturday morning anyways. "Busy. I've basically deemed myself a workaholic. Most days, I survive by mere adrenaline." with a small faux laugh

"Wow, it must be hard. I'm sorry you're so busy with work. You never used be like that, did you?"

"Every so often, I did. Don't be sorry, I'm not. But pretty soon, it's going to slow down. I'm kinda looking forward to it. "

"I can imagine you are, but you were always great at your job. Listen Nat," I begin but my cell rings. "Oh...Hey, blondie. Yeah. No, I'm fine. Oh, well, tell AJ to tell Brian that I can't see him tomorrow. Actually, I don't think it's a good idea I see him at all. Ok...yeah...see you at home. " turning back to her. "Sorry about that"

I tried not to think about the fact that they lived together. It was weird. "It's fine"

"I know it must be weird for you, but lets face it; Brian and I aren't getting back together"

"So, you're not even going to give him a chance? He loves you, shares another life with you. I know deep down, you still love him. What if you two were meant to be together and you're just throwing it all away? "

"I'm not the one throwing it away. When this all happened, he told me he was going to fight for us despite my protests. Nothing came of his vow. About a month ago, I went to the studio because I wanted to try and sort things out between us, ask him if he wanted to give us another go and he wouldn't even talk to me. So, now I know where I stand"

"Where do you want to stand? Really? Charlie, I'm sure he's fighting for you, but you're the one not listening. If you really want to be back with him, you would make yourself available. Then, you might hear those vows. And until then, don't give me that bullcrap."

"Maybe, you're right. There's a part of me that...that doesn't want to go back to him"

"Because he might hurt you again, or because he was weak and made a mistake?"

I shake my head and bite my lip. "If it was done to that then, I'd be able to handle it but I'm starting to fall to somebody else"

" How do you go from loving someone and wanting to get back with them, to falling in love with someone else? Do you want to be with this other person?"

"I'm not in love with him. I have feelings for him, ones that I thought would go away but they're not"

"..Do you want to be with this other person? “

"I think I do"

"OMG.. " I sigh.. and just keep looking out the window. I felt sorry for Brian. I knew what he was going through. And now, he didn't have a chance. “ Who is he?”

"What does it matter who he is?" I ask carefully

"It doesn't I guess. I was just asking. "

"But...I should tell you, not just because I want us to start again and hopefully become good friends again, but because....you need to hear it from me"

Dreading that I knew the answer already, my stomach started to churn. My grip tightened on the steering wheel, as I prepared myself to hear what she was going to say. But instead, I just blurted it out. "You're falling for Nick, aren't you?"

"Yeah" I say weakly, clasping and unclasping my hands. "I never intended for this to happen. You have to believe me. I can't explain it. There's some spark between us"

My gut was wrenching. I thought I was going to be sick. I closed my eyes for a few seconds, trying to soothe the blow. Didn't work. I couldn't believe this was happening. How could she do this? How could she do this and still want to be such good friends? She knew how much I cared for him and she did it anyway. Was this my punishment for my mistake? It was childish in a way, but she apparently wanted me to suffer as much as she did. I was so hurt and a bit angry at her. I didn't know what to say to her, so I decided not to say anything and just continue staring out the window, concentrating on the driving alone.

As the silence became unbearable, I knew I had to try and talk to her. I knew she was upset, I was expecting that but I needed to be honest with her and tell her the truth. "Natalie, please talk to me" I begged

After a few minutes, without taking my eyes off the road, I muttered: "I'd rather not. Besides, what do you expect me to say?"

"If you won't talk to me, then stop the car and I'll get out"

After rolling to a stop for a traffic light, I turned to her. "Don't even start with that attitude. What the hell do you actually want me say?"

I run my hand through my hair and look out of the window. "I can't help how I feel, I'm sorry"

“Yeah, I’m sure you’re sorry…” I say a bit sarcastically “You just couldn’t wait to rub it in my face could you? Pretending to want to be friends, just so you could drop the bomb and watch me crumble. You know how much I care for him but could give a shit less!" The light had turned green and I pushed on the gas. I was still on a roll, as we continued down the road.

“For God sakes, I even fell in love with him! Somehow, he found a way to get to me, and I finally felt like I could let myself go; be myself and not get hurt. He turned on me, just like you are! I am done playing games. This revenge thing you got going, it wont work. I’m not going to let myself be sucked into this childish charade. I’m above that. Thank god, I’m going somewhere where no one can touch me!”

"You think I've turned on you? You think I'm out to get revenge? If that's what you think, then screw you! Run and hide somewhere else, but you can kiss our friendship goodbye"

“I think we did that already, once before…”

"I don't want to fight with you. If it means putting us first, then nothing will happen between me and Nick"

"How can you guarantee that? You just told me you had feelings for him and want to be with him. Does he feel the same?"

"I don't know and that's the truth. Maybe, I'm reading too much into it or I'm hormonal"

A part of me hated to lose her friendship forever. We had been friends since we were little kids. She knew me inside and out, but for the last several months, she had been so disconnected, she had no idea in the world how I was feeling, how my world had turned upside down and how alone I felt. Could I really trust her to still be my "sister", to be that friend that I so desperately needed? I thought as I continued down the expressway.

"Maybe when we get back, we can hang out some more like we used to. You can help me pick out baby stuff"

"I wish we could but, I can't."

"You can't? Have you got a busy week ahead, because we can always rearrange"

"No, it's not that"

I smile "A vacation or a work trip?"

"Umm.. neither.. I gotta job transfer to work at the corporate up in Boston. I start on Monday"

"You're moving? Friday? But...your life it's here"

"I know it's hard to imagine, but you've missed out on a lot. My life used to be here, but I don't want to be a part of that life anymore. I've moved on. I'm making a new life for myself. And, I'm kinda looking forward to the adventures I might find in Boston. "

"These past few months have been surreal and I'm sorry I haven't been there. I don't agree with you going, but I understand why you're doing it. Just promise me one thing"

“What?”

"That you'll be here for the birth, regardless of where Brian and I stand with each other. I'd love you to be there"

Giving her a smile, "You can count on it. I wouldn't miss it"

"Thanks"

As I returned my gaze to the road, I noticed a car coming down the road, rather fast. 'Figures.. people always think they can speed on this road. Oh the cops, won't get me... Yeah well... ' But, it seemed to me as the close he came, the faster he was going. I thought of honking horn to get his attention. But when I did, the driver didn't seem to hear it. He came faster and faster and had served into our lane. 'Shit... We are in trouble, if I don't do something. There were cars starting to come on the other side and there was a guardrail on our side. I started to panic.. "What do I do... what do I do..."

I turn to her, panic in my expression. "He's gonna hit us"

"I KNOW THAT!"

With a sickening feeling in my stomach, I tried to move closer to the guardrail. I would rather hit a guardrail than another car. Maybe, he will swerve into the other lane and miss us. Please God, I prayed, don’t let us die”.

Only not long after that, the car was plowing into us at excessive speed, throwing us over the embankment and flipping over to land at the bottom of the valley....