The last few weeks have seemed like a blur. From the moment when this whole mess began, to the point where I sat reading the confirmation date for my twelve week scan. It wasn't for another few weeks yet, but I'd booked it, just to be prepared, well, as prepared as I could be. I couldn't be more grateful to Nick. He'd been amazing since letting me move in and we were becoming good friends. It was nice but it still didn't make up for the emptiness I felt. Natalie and I were on talking terms but there was a part of me holding back from telling her that I was pregnant and living with Nick. However innocent the situation was, I didn't want her jumping to conclusions or feeling any more guilt about that night. The truth is, I guess, is that I haven't found the right time to talk to her about it. The longer I leave it, the harder it gets and now I fear I'll show before I get the courage to tell her. Also, it meant discussing Brian: a very sore subject for me still. The longer I don't hear from him or see him, the better I feel, but it's inevitable that we'll have to talk again. Then, there are my parents. I haven't even told them about the pregnancy. They tried their hardest to keep me in California and they weren't happy when I begged to move here, on the promise of continuing with my schooling. They're gonna be in for a huge shock. I stuffed the the letter back into my bag and ran my hands through my wet hair. The 80's special on the music channel brought me out of my little daydream, as I heard the opening of Air Supply's All Out Of Love. Fantastic! I thought, rub it in a little more. I found the remote and turned the TV off. I grabbed my school bag and found my assignment. I figured that I'd try and get some work done.

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I had just left the studio and was making my way over to see Charlie. It had been eating at me, whether or not she had decided to keep the baby or get rid of it. I kept praying that she would keep it and that things would work out between us. I didn't want to see that baby destroyed and I didn't even really want her to give it up either. I knew that if she had decided to put it up for adoption, that they would find a loving parents to care for it. But on the other end, I knew that she would someday regret that decision and then it would be too late. I figured that if I found out that she wasn't going to keep it, that I would fight for it, no matter what. I figured that going over there to talk to her might be a bad idea but, I had to do it. I knew Nick wouldn't be there, so I was going to take the chance. I finally pull in the driveway and walk up to the door.

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After about an hour, I put my pencil down; frustrated. It wasn't going to happen today. I got up and grabbed some juice from the kitchen.

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I stood outside the door, trying to build up my courage for what might not be a pleasant conversation. I took some deep breaths to calm my nerves before ringing the doorbell.

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I heard the doorbell, as I slipped the glass into the dishwasher and dried my hands. It had to be Nick, only he could be that blonde and forget his key. I opened the door, smiling.

"You'd lose your head if it wasn't screwed on" I say playfully and stop when I realize it isn't Nick. "Umm, Brian" is all I can manage to say.

"Hello, Charlie.."

"Nick isn't here"

"I know. I'm not here to talk to him. I'm here to talk to you."

"Ok" I say a little nervously, after I gesture for him to come in, "What's up?"

"Well, first of all, how are you? You look good"

"I'm good and yourself?"

"Oh, just peachy... " with a forced smile. "I,, umm.. need to ask you something. It's been driving me crazy for weeks now.. "

"What is it?" I ask warily

I didn't know how she would react to it. I figured she might get angry or either annoyed that I had even bothered to ask her, considering how things were between us. As I weighed the options, my hand fidgeted at my sides. Finally, I just went for it.

"I need to know if you decided to keep the baby."

"I'm not going to have a termination. I thought about it and I can't go through with it, but I...I don't know if I'm going to keep him or her"

Her answer wasn't totally what I had hoped for, but then again, I didn't really know what to expect. At least she wasn't going to abort it. I could live with it, if she decided to adopt, but I wouldn't exactly like it. I would take it if I could, but I knew that the environment wouldn't be suitable. Having a baby and being in a band, weren't a stable fit. But, would I quit the band, to raise a kid? I didn't know. I would have to think about that, and I had plenty of time for that.

"Ok.. I'm glad you decided not to. I would hate for you to endure all that and the repercussions. But, at least he or she will have a chance, whether you decide to keep it or not. "

"I'm already dealing with the consequences of our actions. I wish it had never happened, because lets face it, my only options are adoption or raise the baby myself. You can't do it, because of your career, so basically, I'm doing my schooling for nothing. I may as well go back to California. I'd rather face my parents, than stay here with a ruined life"

"Look, I'm sorry I came in and ruined your life. I'm sorry you got pregnant. I don't know how but, blame me for it, since I couldn't control my need for you, when you told me to back off. I'm sorry, I'm weak and made a mistake. I'm sorry you have deal with so much. I will hire a nanny to stay with the baby, while you go to school. But, I am not going to apologize for that way I feel about you or this baby."

"Would you even be here right now, if i wasn't pregnant?"

"I dont know. Probably. Charlie, despite what you might think, I love you with all my heart. I know I can't change what I did, but nothing is going to change how I feel about you. It kills me to see how much I hurt you. I would take it all away if I could. But, I am going to try to fight to keep you. I just pray that you can open your heart again and let me in."

"I want to, but I can't risk having my heart broken again. I think it's best if you stay away" I say with tears in my eyes

"Is that for forever?'

"I don't know, maybe. I can't handle seeing you"

Just hearing her say those words crushed me. I couldn’t breathe. How was I going to go on without her? I didn't think I could. This separation was already killing me, but for a lifetime? It would be unbearable. Suddenly, I felt all the walls closing in. I had to get out. There was no point in me staying any longer. Taking a hard gulp, I sucked in what air I could and tried to speak.

"F.. " *cough* "Fine. I cant say goodbye... I won't. Just.. just let me know.. somehow, when you have the baby." Looking into her eyes one last time, praying to God it wouldn’t be the last. "I'll always love you.." then turned and walked out the door. The moment I took the first step, I knew my life was never going to be the same.