After the drama that escalated the other day by my inappropriate comments, which I still haven't forgiven myself for, I'm starting to see that things with Natalie aren't exactly going in the direction that I hoped they would. I didn't mean that I wanted to take our relationship further...Well, I do at some point, but that's not the issue. I like her a lot. I've fallen for her in a big way but I wasn't sure about us. I guess it's the biggest commitment I've had to face apart from the band of course. But, as to making a commitment to one person? I wasn't sure if I'd ever be able to do. I admire Brian and sometimes I wish I was more like him but sadly I wasn't.

As I stand at the door ready to knock, I realize that I don't have a clue of what I'm doing. Maybe, it's better if I let her break things off with me, I thought. She deserves better. I knock on the door and wait for her.

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Sitting in the window seat, my eyes ran across the pages of the mystery novel I was reading. It was a fairly nice day outside, but it was also nice just taking some quiet time for myself: relaxing and diving into a thrilling adventure. As I turned that page to the next chapter, I heard a knock at the door. Sitting my cup of tea aside, I clumsily sprang up to answer it. Opening the door, I saw my boyfriend standing there, looking quiet nice.

"You took your time" I say giving her a kiss on the cheek

"Sorry, I was in the sun room reading a book.� Surprised by his cool undertones, but brushing them aside.. �How's your day been? Busy?"

I shrug. "I've had an okay day. Howie and J aren't very well, so our studio session got canceled and I went out on the boat"

"Oh, I hope they feel better soon. It stinks being sick. You're lucky you went out today, because I heard it's supposed to rain tonight. Hey.. I was wandering if you wanted to rent a movie and have dinner here."

"Sure, I guess it won't hurt, so long as we don't have to watch a chick flick" I say, grabbing my cell and sending a message to Brian. "I'm just letting Brian know that I'll be round a little later"

"If you have plans, we can always do it another night"

"No, it's no trouble. I mean how long does dinner and a movie take?" I sit down on the couch and switch the TV onto the sports channel.

I stood there puzzled by his cool attitude. He seemed like he didn't want to spend time together. Seriously, if he had plans or wanted to spend time with Brian, he could. I didn�t care. We could always do it later. I'm not one of those girls that always has to be at their boyfriend's side 24/7. But, maybe he's just stressed. Hopefully, a home-cooked dinner and good movie will lift his mood.

"Hey, do you want me to bring you a beer while I start dinner?"

"Not if you want me to crash my car or get done for drink driving. But, go ahead if you want a drink"

�Oh, you will not. It never bothered you before..�

I start channel hopping and after about five minutes, I let out a sigh and head into the kitchen

"What are you making?" I try and sound interested

"Something you'll love"

"Great! You're making pizza then" trying but failing to crack a joke

Letting out a giggle, "You wish. No, I got something more satisfying than that."

"I can hardly wait" I reply dryly as I get a glass of water from the fridge

"Would you rather have something else?"

"No, it's fine. Not really that hungry anyway"

Starting to feel uncomfortable, I place my hand on her arm. "Actually Natalie, I'm gonna take off. I'm not hungry at all and I have so much work to do. I'm sorry I put you through this trouble of making dinner"

Dropping the spoon back into the skillet, I turn to face him. "Nick, is something wrong?"

"Of course not" I lie, feeling guilty. "I just have things to do that I should have done earlier" I realized what I was doing. I was trying to be mean to her to get her to dump me, but I kept feeling guilty about it and I couldn't face doing it anymore tonight. I had to get away to rethink some things.

I knew he was lying to me and the excuse he gave was pathetic. Something was definitely wrong and he wasn't going to tell me. Fine.. let him deal with it. He apparently doesn't want my help. Why did he even come over here if he didn't want to see me? Whatever, maybe tomorrow he would have the corn cobb out his ass.

"Whatever. It's fine. Maybe, we'll do it another time. Go, do what you have to do. Tell Brian, I said hi."

"Yeah, I will. I'll call you sometime" I tell her and head out of the door