I wake up, the room is spinning, my head really hurts and my stomach feels very unsettled. 'Oh god, what happened last night?' I wonder. My cell is flashing wildlyM as I attempt to grab it. I just about manage to access the messages. "Whoa” I say as I hear Shane's voice loudly, just making sure I'm ok.

"No, I'm not" I try to say sarcastically at the phone. "Your dumb message hurt my ears"

I fling myself back down. Ouch, that's gonna hurt and decide I'm not moving for the rest of the day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As the afternoon crawled by, I became more and more anxious, as to why Charlie stood me up. This was seemingly becoming a routine. She'd canceled or skipped out of the last 5 or 6 of our last dates and now this. And not only that, she won’t even answer my freakin’ calls! Was she out partying again? I was apparently coming in second next to her friends. I was hoping that the partying would not take over her life. I still wanted to be a part of it, but if she was going to keep blowing me off like this, then maybe it was time that I bow out for a while or all together.

I need to go and talk to her. Sitting around here isn't going to do anything. I grabbed my jacket and headed out the door. I pulled up in her driveway 20 minutes later. I didn't know exactly what I was going to say, but I wanted to find out what she really wanted. I rang the doorbell and waited with my hands in my pockets.

I curse as I hear the doorbell. I quickly put a clip in my hair and grab my coffee cup and head downstairs, nearly tripping on my jogging bottoms. I've made sure I've removed last night's make up, cause I wouldn't wanna scare anyone. I open the door and smile faintly.

"Hey. This is a nice surprise" I say

As I take her in, I can tell exactly what she was doing last night. Her eyes were still blood shot and her hair was pulled up in a messy clip, which was probably just put in. She was slightly pale, but still had some color in her cheeks. Lifting my eyes back up to hers, I say " I'm sure it is. May I come in?"

"Sure" I let him through and I stand against the door, sipping my coffee and trying to read him. Albeit, it was getting harder.

"Have a long night?” knowing exactly what she's been up to

"Yeah, it was" I start off. "Stayed up talking all night with some friends, so we didn't get much sleep" I add, trying to avoid the heavy drinking conversation

Oh, I knew she stayed up late, but she wasn’t just talking, she smelled of alcohol. Did she think that I wouldn't know what she was really up to? "Damnit Charlie, do you think that I'm that stupid, as to believe that? I know exactly what you were doing last night, I can smell it on you!"

"Fine. You want the truth? I went out and got completely wasted"

"I can tell. Apparently, drinking is more important than us" turning from her

"Oh god, here we go again. What is your problem?"

"What is MY problem? You're the one who has the problem. You're consistent partying and drinking is taking over our relationship. I am sick and tired of being the only one that's working on it and you don't seem to give a shit about it" pausing. "I'm tired of trying to plan things for us to spend time together only to be stood up and ignored by you. And, I'm also sick of being stuck talking to your machine. I want to talk to YOU, damnit. Not a recording, not someone else"

"You knew this before we started seeing each other. I happen to have a social life that I enjoy. And when I have I ever stood you up? If we make plans, I stick to them"

" Oh really... What about last night at Rosario's? Or last week at the park? Or before that, at movies?"

"Oh and you don't cancel plans when something comes up with the guys?" I argue back, regretting it instantly. I knew his job usually took priority.

I stood there glaring at her, as I could feel myself getting angrier. She was acting like a child. She was throwing it back in my face, just because she didn't want to take the blame for it. She knew that the band was a top priority for me. She knew that before we got together. At least I make the time for her... "Don't put the blame on me. I've made time for us. And when we go back on tour, there will a lot less time, but I'm hoping to make some time in the time that we have off. Now, if you don't want expend your spare time with me, then maybe we need to forgo this relationship. "

"Oh, so let me get this straight. You think that just cause we've slept together, I have to spend all my spare time with you?"

"No, but I would think that some of that time you would." I ground out. I raked my hand through my hair, to try and keep my cool. I turn back to her. "You know what? I think we need a break. You can do whatever you want on your own time and not have to worry, ok? You can spend all your time partying, drinking and having fun. If we find ourselves back together, then great. If not then, at least we made a go at it. " walking away from her, inching myself closer to the door.

"Brian, if you want a break then fine, I won't argue. I don't know if I can be the girl you're longing for. I guess I've spent too much time doing as I please and answering to no one but myself. I don't know if that will ever change. I do love you but I'm not sure I can be who you want me to be"

"I'm not saying that we have to spend every waking moment together. We both have lives outside of "us". I just don't want to lose you that partying, drinking lifestyle that can drag you down. On the other hand, I do want to be able to have some time to spend with you. Maybe, we should commit to some routine or something, if that is what you want. Make a date and stick to it. But the thing is, what do YOU want?" Her comment also got my mind thinking as to what kind of girl I really wanted. Was it her, or a combination or someone totally different? I wanted this to work and maybe I will find out the answer to the question as we move forward...

"I want to be with you" I answer quietly

The tension eased from my body a bit, as I heard her response. Maybe, my efforts weren't totally wasted. But, I didn't know what would happen with us next or in the future. I hoped we would stay together but I wasn't convinced. “If you really want to be with me, then you have to cut down on some of this “socializing”. The partying every night has to stop. I don’t care if you go out every so often, but I expect you to make the time to focus on us, on our relationship. If you can’t do that, then it’s over. “

I was a little shocked at his outburst but I couldn't really blame him. I had to put all my doubts and fears behind me, if I wanted this relationship to survive. Maybe, I couldn't be who he wanted me to be, but I was prepared to try "Ok, remind me never to make you angry again" I start with a small smile "Brian, I'll do what I can, just understand it may take a bit of time. I realize I'm having commitment issues. Mainly, because of how quickly everything is happening: me moving back, declaring our love and then sleeping together. The further it goes, the less self control I have. I told you once that this is my first serious relationship, so a lot of this is new to me"

“I’m not angry, I’m just....forget it. As long as you are putting forth an effort to fix things, then I think we’ll be ok. I know things started a little fast but I promise that things will only get better from here. You know sometimes, we need to surrender that self control to be able to happy: truly happy and in that, we might find out who we really are and what we want. Baby, we can get through it together, okay? Don’t worry. “

With that, I put my arms around him and lean into him. "I love you" I whisper

With an inner sigh at finally conquering this, I replied. "I love you too"