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As I write this, he's on tour again...somewhere far away, as usual. He says he loves me. If only he would prove it sometimes. He's never here...he's distant when he is. He'll come home and give me a kiss on the cheek before he gets involved in work or the computer. He'll play computer games or chat online instead of spending the time with me. I know we've been together for almost 6 years...married for 3...but it's like we live different lives now. He used to be so loving...calling me every night he was on the road, sending me flowers, waking me up when he would come home to make love until dawn, sweeping me off my feet to kiss me like his life depended on it.
I miss those days. Now I think we're only together because everyone thinks we should be. Everyone thinks we have the perfect marriage...they think we're so happy. I love him so much...I just wish he would love me back. I've tried everything...but he's so blind sometimes. The last time he was home I would ask things like "Do you still love me?" He looked up and smiled and said "Of course..." before returning to the contract in front of him. His beautiful eyes would rather read a contract than look at me nowadays.
The next night, while he was watching TV in bed, I stepped out of the bathroom, wearing a black silk negligee...he glanced up and asked when I got a new "nightgown" before turning his attention back to the football game. Doesn't he realize how much it hurts? Doesn't he know that I want to spend the nights sleeping in his arms like we used to spend every night? Now if we do make love, he turns to his side afterward and falls asleep, leaving me to lie awake alone in the dark. Is it that he's just clueless or doesn't he love me anymore? I once thought our love would be able to pass the test of time...maybe I was wrong.
Nick slowly closed the journal, ending the view of her soft curled writing, and sat back. He knew he shouldn't have read her journal, but when he moved her pillow and found the green leather book, his curiousity over took him. He could still hear her shower running, the water pounding lightly on the tile floor and walls as he slid the book back into its hiding place under her pillow. She thinks I don't love her? he thought, his heart sinking like a stone thrown into a river by a child: slowly as if being held up at first before reaching the near bottom and dropping.
He looked down at the simple gold band on his left hand, the memories and emotions coming into his mind in a sudden rush. He heard the water shut off...she'd soon be out. His head now full of confusion, he got up and went to the bathroom door. His knuckles lightly contacted the door in a soft knock before he grasped the cool metal knob. He turned it slowly before opening the door, the warm air of the steam-filled bathroom rushing onto his face and out the door. She whirled around, clutching a large green towel around her body, her eyes wide in surprise. "Nick?!"
"Didn't you hear me knock?"
"No...sorry. I'm almost done..." she started to gather up her things.
"You can use the bathroom now..."
"Mel..." he interrupted. "I don't need the bathroom...I need to talk to you..."
"About what, sweetie?"
"You know I love you, right?"
"Of course...I love you too..." He stepped firther inside the small room and shut the door behind him to keep the chilly air of the outer room from coming in, before he pulled her into his arms. Her shoulders fit pefectly against the width of his chest, one of her hands still holding her towel as the other wrapped around his trim waist. The dampness of her hair started to sink through the thin cotton of his t-shirt, but he didn't care...he didn't plan on wearing it much longer.
"I'm so sorry, Mel...I-I found your journal..." he softly stated. "I never knew..." Her head shot up, her eyes wide and her lips parted. He cupped the side of her face in one large hand and bent to press his lips gently to hers. He then pulled back to gaze at her softly, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "I love you so much...I never meant to hurt you..."
"I know..." she whispered back, tears brimming in her bright green eyes. He pulled her tight against him, the contact of their bodies intoxicating as he moved his hand down the curve of her spine, tugging the towel out of her grasp and tossing it to the floor.
"Nick...what are you doing?" she whispered as she looked up at him, her naked body pressed against him.
"Proving that I love you..." he replied before pressing his lips to the side of her neck.
"Oh, Nick..." she sighed as her head fell back to allow him access to her throat. His hands braced her back, arching it as he pressed kissing down her neck, fluttering his lips over her collarbone. Her body was so small compared to his, so delicate and soft. His lips traveled to her breasts before he stopped, picking her up and carrying her to the bedroom.
"I want to do this right tonight..." he whispered as he laid her down, pressing his lips to her once again, the kiss deep and passionate, as if his life were being determined by that kiss. His body was on fire, his lower belly being filled with the rumbling of sexual desire. He stood above her at the side of the bed, quickly peeling off his clothes before he laid beside her, pressing his bare body to hers, enjoying the simple touch of her warm skin on his. Their limbs twined together, they continued to kiss as hands roamed over each other's bodies. Soft and sensual, they touched, kissed and carressed every inch of the other's body before he raised to his knees above her.
"Nick, aren't you forgetting something?" she whispered, motioning toward his arousal and implicating protection.
"I'm not afraid anymore...If you would get pregnant, you don't know how happy I would be. I want a family, Mel...I want you..." he whispered, his blue eyes filled with passion, love and honesty.
"I love you baby..." she whispered up at him before he dropped his hips, thrusting himself inside of her, causing them both to moan in pleasure. It was like nothing they ever experienced, the lust, the passion...the sensations overtook them. It was as though they were no longer in love, but were now one. Their heart beat in conjuction, they're bodies joined for the moment, but their souls now tied together, twisted into the knot of devotion. They were soulmates, their inner fires sparked together. The faint smell of sweat and semen filled the air of the room, thick and heavy like their breathing as they collapsed back on the pillows in each other's arms.
"I love you so much..." he whispered against her damp hair as he held her close to his body.
"I love you too..." For the first time in almost a year, the two slept in each otehr's arms that night, waking up a few times to prove their love again and again.
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For a change, Nick was able to spend a few weeks at home, recooperating from the strenuous touring the band had been through. The days he spent with Melissa catching up on lost time, and they spent the nights in each other's arms. On a rainy Wednesday afternoon, Melissa come out onto the porch where Nick was seated with a legal pad, scribbling down a few song ideas as he waited for supper time to roll around.
"Nick, sweetie...Um, I need to talk to you." Her voice was low and shaky, nervous yet happy.
"What's wrong, baby?"
"Oh..great choice of words..." she shakily said, trying to smile. "Um...You know how a few weeks ago you said it would be great to start a family?"
"Yeah...I was serious..."
<;p> "Oh...that's good..."
"Why, Melly? What's going on?" he whispered as he stood up and gathered her into his arms as soon as he saw tears in her eyes.
"I'm pregnant, Nick..." she whispered as she looked up at him, a small smile on her face. "I hope you aren't mad..."
"Mad? Mad?! That's great!" he said as his face lit up, his blue eyes large and glittering, his smile wide. He picked her up off her feet and swung her in a circle as his laughs echoed out into the rain.
"You're happy?!" she asked with a relieved smile. "I thought you only said that...I was so worried..."
"Sweetheart...I want to have a family...and I want it with you..." he replied as he gazed down at her softly. "I love you so much..."
"I love you too..." Their lips joined passionately, the outdoor environment the last thing in their minds at that moment.
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Nick paced in the waiting room of the doctor's office as Melissa sat in a chair with a magazine propped on her now rounding tummy. She looked up from the pages and followed him back and forth across the room with her eyes.
"Nick...you can relax you know..." she said in a matter of fact tone that basically stated "sit down now before I get the urge to hurt you".
"I know...I'm just worried. I want the baby to be healthy and I wanna know what it is..." he said as he took a deep breath and sat down beside her. "What do you want: boy or girl?"
"I know what you mean..." she replied softly, her smile gentle and loving as she leaned forward to press a kiss to his cheek.
"Carter?" the nurse's voice rang through the waiting room.
Nick leapt to his feet. "That's me...I mean us...I mean her..." he stated akwardly, realizing he couldn't be the one with a baby.
He took Melissa's right hand in his and put his left hand at her back as he followed her into the office. She was soon laid out on the table and the doctor started the ultrasound. Nick glanced at the screen as the image started to flicker into focus. The last time, the baby hardly looked like anything, but now...it looked like a baby. It's body, so small, so fragile...He helped create it. He glanced from the screen to his wife and grinned, not sure what he should do. He swung his head back to look at it some more before the doctor began to speak.
"The baby is doing great..." he said with a smile, seeing Nick squeeze Melissa's hand tighter. "Now...you did say before you wanted to know the sex of the child. You haven't changed your mind?"
"No..." Nick said, his heart beating faster now, anticipation overtaking him. "We haven't changed our mind..."
"Then you'll be happy to welcome your daughter to the world in a few short months..."
"A...a girl?" Nick asked, wide eyed. A slow grin spread across his lips as he looked down at Melissa. "We're gonna have a little girl..."
"Yes, Nickers...we're gonna have a little girl..." she replied softly, the faint sign of tears of joy brimming in her eyes.
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Nick stood at the window to the hospital nursery. There she was, the second row...the first one on the right. She was sleeping, her body so small in the big room. He smiled softly, thinking of her mother sleeping back in room 210. Mackenzie Jane Carter...you're beautiful like your mother... The nurse walked into the nursery and peeked into Mackenzie's bed before looking up at Nick. She smiled and mouthed, Is she yours?. Nick grinned and nodded. The reply: beautiful...just beautiful...
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Nick walked from room to room of the house, Mackenzie in his arms as he told her about her new home.
"And this is your room...the one with all the Winnie the Pooh stuff. And your mom and I are across the hall. And someday you might get a little brother sleeping down the hall..." He didn't realize Melissa was standing at the top of the stairs, pausing when she heard Nick's soft voice. She smiled and listened as he told her what to do if she would have younger siblings, wondering if he realized she would never remember his words. She smiled and then crept back down the stairs and started to clean up the baby's stuff. She smiled to herself as she thought of her husband and daughter upstairs, the feeling of utter happiness washing over her like waves on the sand.
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THE END