My eyes are so rootless
We quickly split up and decided to meet in the food court in another 20 minutes. I started from the end of the mall and worked my way towards the middle, and Chantal started from the opposite end and worked her way up. Izzy had the task of combing the parking lot for Nick's car.
20 minutes later weary and worried I bumped into Chantal. "Any news?" I asked her anxiously.
"No," she said sadly. "I even ducked my head into a few stores. I guess you didn't see him either huh?"
I just shook my head. This didn't sound good at all. Lord knows where he could be and where Katie was right now and what they might be doing together.
"Here's Izzy now. Maybe she knows something," Chantal tried to console me.
"Anything?" I called over to her as soon as she was in hearing distance.
"No, I must have walked up and down every single parking lane and I didn't recognize his car. He probably left already," she reported.
"Shit!" I cursed as I collapsed into a nearby chair. "Now what? Don't see why the stupid asshole can't turn on his fucking cell phone!"
"Maybe it's because he's kind of famous and has some obsessive fans who somehow got his cell phone number and call it at least once a day," Izzy reminded me.
"Thanks for the explanation Miss Smartypants," I said sarcastically. "Now what do I do?"
"I'd go over there as fast as I could and show the bitch who Nick really belongs to," Chantal piped up.
"Like that's going to make everything better," I mumbled. I'll tell you straight up. I'm a lover not a fighter. I HATE confrontations. I can never think of good comebacks until like hours later. And if someone yells at me? Forget it! I'm liable to burst into tears.
"What do you mean it's not going to do any good?" Izzy asked angrily. "She could be out there fucking YOUR boyfriend and all you can say is well... me going over there isn't going to make everything better," she mimicked. "Chantal's right! You got to get your ass over there and show her that you mean business!"
"Thanks for the great mental picture there by the way. Now not only am I afraid of a confrontation, but I'm afraid of walking in on them doing ... stuff," I told her dryly, not being able to even complete my thought.
"Look, she had her chance with Nick because you weren't around right? Well, if you don't show up this time she's just going to try and take advantage of the situation and fill Nick's mind with all that 'well your girl is never around when you need her, so you should let her go' bullshit," Chantal advised. "Can't you see what she's trying to do? She's trying to weasel her way into your place. Is that what you want?"
I paused to weigh what Chantal was trying to say and I had to admit that she was right. Maybe the first time I couldn't do anything about the situation, but this time I had the chance to change things. I could prevent the obvious from happening. "Fine! I'll go over there!" I firmly decided, a little surprised that I'd actually spoken out loud.
"That's the spirit!" Izzy urged me on as she pushed me towards the nearest exit. "Good luck and call me later. I want ALL the details!"
"Yea... Good luck!" Chantal echoed. "Show that bitch who's in charge!"
Before I knew it I was climbing into my car in total disbelief of what I was about to do. I HAD to do it though. I would not let myself be walked over again.
Taking a deep breath I started to back out of my parking space and tried to think of what the hell I was going to say when I got there.
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Once I left Izzy and Chantal at the mall they decided to sit down and rest for a little bit. I guess all the drama was a little too much for them or something. Besides, Izzy had yet to decide which of the two dozen outfits she had seen that she actually wanted to buy.
"I think it's a toss up right now between those white capris with the pink halter top or that black skirt with the slit on the side with the black lacy tank top?" she asked Chantal.
"Hmm... What about if you get the capris, but wear them with the black tank top," she suggested.
"That might work..." Izzy considered for a moment, but then sighed. "This is too hard! I need another opinion."
"Call up Ashley," Chantal suggested. "Ask him what he thinks."
Izzy just shrugged. "I'm not to sure if I should. He's going to be busy and besides I get the feeling that Lou isn't very fond of me."
"What makes you say that?" Chantal asked in a confused voice.
"I don't know. Just a hunch I have. It seems that he's trying to come between me and Ashley and what better reason not to like me? I'm related to Kevin and friends with the other guys. They got screwed over by Lou. Maybe he thinks that I may be putting ideas in his head or something." She paused to stop and sigh. "I tried telling Melissa about it this morning, but she was too wrapped up with all the shit she's going through with Nick, so she just thought I was being paranoid."
"So, you think you can unload on me because I don't have a man," Chantal joked around. " It's fine though. I don't mind you confiding in me."
"Aww, Chantal..." Izzy sympathized, feeling bad that with all this drama going on between both my relationship with Nick and hers with Ashley that Chantal must feel like a third wheel because she was single. "You know what! I just got another one of my brilliant ideas!"
"Oh no... I'm scared now! What are you trying to get at?" she cautiously asked.
"I'm going to get you a man! There are some really hot single guys in Ashley's group and-"
"Uhmm... wait a minute here," Chantal interrupted. "Don't I get a say so in this? What if I don't WANT a man? I mean between what you've told me about Lou and what Mel is going through with Nick right now... It's enough to make me want to swear off guy's for a while."
"Come on Chantal! Really Lou isn't like that with every girl that one of the guys date. Just me because he's got a personal vendetta against my cousin. He has no problem with Jacob's girlfriend. In fact he seems to love her. I think he just hates me."
"But-" Chantal protested.
"No buts," Izzy interrupted. "I'll tell you what. I'll ask Ashley to bring a few of the guys to Melissa's party tomorrow night and then you can get to meet a few of them and maybe something will come out of it. Personally I think that you'd be perfect for Dan."
"Okay, knock yourself out Iz, but I'm not really looking for a relationship. I'm fine being single for now."
"Whatever you say Chantal," she said as she took out her cell phone. "Maybe I will try calling Ashley to get his opinion."
She dialed the number to Ashley's cell and waited as it rang and rang and rang. He's probably just busy, she thought as she was about to hang up, but before she could press the end button a gruff voice answered the phone.
"Hello?" Lou's voice asked on the other end. It was more like a question than an actual greeting.
"Uhmm, can I talk to Ashley?" she said a little hesitantly.
"Who's this?" he barked.
"Isabelle. Can you please just tell me if he's available right now?"
"He"s not," Lou answered rudely and then all Izzy heard was a click and the dial tone.
"What happened?" Chantal asked curiously.
"That bastard answered Ashley's phone and hung up on me! I'll bet you that Ashley was probably just upstairs or something and he could've came to the phone just Lou doesn't want him talking to me," Izzy angrily explained.
"Whoa Iz! Those are some pretty serious allegations there. Maybe he really was busy," Chantal tried to reason.
"Whatever," she mumbled, rolling her eyes as she got up. "I think I'll go back and buy the white capris with the black tank top like you suggested."
Before Chantal could answer her, Izzy was already walking towards the direction of the store where she saw the outfit. Guess she's pissed, Chantal thought to herself as she hurried to catch up with her.
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Ashley came downstairs with just enough time to see Lou hang up from a phone call that appeared to be on HIS cell phone. He'd forgotten that he'd left it down in the living room. "I had a phone call Lou?" he asked coming up from behind him.
Lou jumped a little obviously not expecting Ashley to find him. "Nope," he lied.
"Then why do you have MY cell phone in YOUR hands," he accused.
"Well, there was a call, but it was just a fan. I don't know how they even got your number," Lou said quickly, making it up as he went along.
"Can I have a look at my cell phone then?"
"Uhhh..." Lou hesitated, unable to think up a good excuse until Ashley ripped the phone from his hands only to see Izzy's familiar number flashing across the screen.
"Why did you lie to me?" Ashley immediately asked angrily. "You have no right to withhold my phone calls especially those of my girlfriend!"
Lou sighed, not wanting to get into this right now, but he really had no choice. "You want the truth? I'll tell you. I'm just trying to protect you."
"Protect me? How? By not letting me talk to my own girlfriend? How is that protecting me?" he argued.
"That girl is no good Ashley. She's only going to hurt you in the end. At this point in your life you need to concentrate on your music. THAT should be your number one priority in life. Women will come and go, but your talent is what's going to get you places."
"Bullshit! Izzy would never do anything to hurt me. She loves me and I believe that I can handle both a music career and a relationship just fine on my own thank you very much," Ashley started to tell him off as he began to walk away.
"Well, let me give you something to think about," Lou interrupted him. "I think you need to decide what's more important to you. Your precious Isabelle or your career. Because I'm giving you an ultimatum here. You need to decide between the two of them because you can't have them both."
Ashley froze up at Lou's words. Was he serious? Did he really have to choose one or the other?
"I'll give you a day or so to think it over. Choose wisely," Lou warned as he walked out of the room.
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I swear I must have broke every speed limit on every road I took in my rush to get to Nick's as quickly as possible. As I pulled into the driveway I noticed that Nick's car wasn't in sight, but there was an unfamiliar car parked in it's place. Possibly a rental? I wondered. Probably belonged to Katie.
Summoning up all my courage I walked towards the front door and rang the doorbell nervously shifting my weight from one foot to the other until Aaron opened the door a moment or two later.
"Melissa! What are you doing over here so early?" Aaron asked blocking the door so that I couldn't see inside.
"Good to see you too," I answered amazed at how much he'd grown since the last time I'd seen him. God, was I starting to feel old! "I don't suppose Nick is around is he?"
"No, he had some errands to do, but I'll tell him that you stopped by," he promised almost slamming the door in my face. Something was definitely going on here.
"That's all right. I'll just wait around here if you don't mind until he comes back. It's kind of important," I explained as I grabbed the door before he could slam it shut.
I could tell by the look on Aaron's face that he didn't want to be rude, but he also didn't want me to get a good look inside. Katie must definitely already be there. "Well, in the mean time while you're waiting maybe you can come upstairs and play video games with me?" he asked hopefully, already pulling me inside and up the stairs.
"I'd love to Aaron, but I'm going to have to take a rain check on that one. Besides you always kick my ass," I said with a laugh. "But thanks anyway."
"I'll go easy on you," he promised.
"Thanks for the offer. Why don't you go upstairs and I'll just make myself at home?"
"Okay fine," he agreed as soon as he realized that I wasn't going to take no for an answer."I'll be outside shooting some hoops if you need me," he told me, giving me a knowing look.
I waited until he left before making my way into the kitchen. I didn't want to make a scene in front of Aaron, so I was glad that he left just then. I took a deep breath before entering the kitchen almost afraid of what I'd see in there.
As I stepped inside and saw Katie for the first time a thousand emotions swept through me. First off, just plain anger that this bitch sitting comfortably at Nick's kitchen table like she belonged there had slept with MY boyfriend. Then there was also a bit of sadness and frustration when I saw exactly what she looked like. I guess it wouldn't have been so bad if she wasn't so pretty or if she looked sort of like me, but this Katie was the exact opposite of me. She was everything that I wasn't. There was no denying that she was beautiful. Model type beautiful. In fact I wondered if she actually was a model. Even though she was sitting down I could tell that she was pretty tall and definitely skinny. Her blonde hair fell bright and shiny to her shoulders with just a slight curl at the ends and her blue eyes looked sharp and confident. She even had the full pouty lips of a model and her outfit looked so well put together and stylish. She looked sophisticated, chic, polished, sexy...
I on the other hand looked down at my own faded Mudd Jeans and the tight pink "My Little Pony" baby tee I had thrown on this morning. My hair was thrown back in a messy bun and I had on almost no makeup. I felt like a total scrub compared to her. Standing across the room from her I honestly felt like I was all of 13 again. God, no wonder Nick had chosen her over me.
I hadn't anticipated on her looking like this, but I still had to hold my ground. Our eyes met for a moment, glowering at each other in contempt, daring the other one to be the first to speak. Finally I found my voice and asked, "Who are you?" even though I knew damn well who she was.
"My name is Katie," she answered in a heavily accented voice.
"Oh, you must be Nick's cousin," I told her with an innocent smirk. "Nick mentioned having over some relatives today, but I thought it was just going to be immediate family."
"I'm not Nick's cousin," she said in an irritated tone. "Who are you anyway?"
"Name's Melissa and I'm Nick's girlfriend," I told her, making sure to stress the word girlfriend. "And who might you be?"
I searched her face to see if the girlfriend comment had gotten to her but her it was impossible to tell by the indifferent look on her face. "I heard a lot about you from Nick, but I didn't know it was a serious relationship. How long have you two been seeing one another?" she innocently asked, purposely avoiding my question.
" We met last October, but we didn't officially start dating until around November so that's..." I paused to count the months. "About 7 months. That's including the time he was in Europe," I added.
"I can count you know," she replied smugly.
I decided to ignore her comment and continue with my interrogation. "You never answered my question. How do you know Nick?"
"Well, let's just say that we're old friends," she replied as she played with the necklace she was wearing. "I met him when he was over in Sweden and we kind of hit it off. I suppose you could say I helped him through a rough time."
"You must have really impressed him somehow. He doesn't usually give fans his address just like that."
Katie just shrugged. "Who said I was even a fan?"
She had a point there. She didn't look like most fans I've encountered. Even the ones who dressed slutty on purpose hoping to catch Nick's eye really were too made up to really be pretty. Katie's was different though. " You said you helped Nick through a rough time. What exactly do you mean by a 'rough time'?" I continued.
"I'm not at liberty to say. It's between me and Nick and if he wanted you to know he'd tell you," she answered smugly.
"I'm his girlfriend I think I have a right to know if something was upsetting him," I pointed out.
"Did the thought ever occur to you that maybe YOU'RE part of his problem?" she asked me. "Maybe he doesn't tell you everything because he can't trust you."
That was when I lost my cool. How could she think that Nick would be able to confide easier in a complete stranger than his own girlfriend? "How am I part of his problem? I don't tell him how to act or who to be or try to control him like some of his past girlfriend's!"
"No, you don't," she agreed with me. "You just ignore him, make him feel like you don't give a damn, and are afraid to be affectionate around him."
"Look, I'll quit beating around the bush and come right out and admit that I KNOW what happened between you and Nick while he was on tour."
"Oh you do, do you? What happened then?" she asked me with a sly grin knowing how much it would kill me to have to admit to her that I knew they had slept together.
"You ... seduced my boyfriend!" I spit out as quickly as I could, humiliated having to actually admit it out loud.
"Ha!" she laughed. "Hardly! In fact to my recollection it was the other way around, so don't act like you know the whole story when you've only heard one side of it."
"You're a lying bitch!" I exclaimed. "How dare you sit here and lie to my face like that?"
She just shrugged. "It's the truth honey." She got up from the table and grabbed her pocketbook. "I was going to sit around and wait for Nick, but it seems like now isn't the best time. Tell him that I stopped by and I'll be calling him later," she ordered. "Oh yea," she added just as she was about to step outside. "Just to let you know he was pretty damn good too... Not like you'd know of course..." Before I could say another word she was out the door.
I looked around exasperated and in total disbelief that she actually had the nerve to say that last comment. That hadn't gone well at all. God, why did this have to be so complicated? It was just then that I realized that Nick's car had returned to the driveway. How long had he been back and where had he been hiding?
"You can come out of hiding now Nick?" I angrily shouted. A few moments later Nick appeared from the direction of upstairs with Aaron trailing behind him. "How long have you been hiding up there and how much did you hear?"
"Almost the whole time," he sheepishly admitted. "I arrived about 5 minutes after you did and I bumped into Aaron who told me what was going on and he snuck me upstairs."
"I think we need to have a talk," I tried to say as calmly as possible.
"Aaron, could you please get lost?" Nick asked him as politely as possible. Aaron took the hint and quickly disappeared upstairs, leaving us alone.
"So, you heard the whole thing huh?" I asked him again.
"Yea," he mumbled looking down at his feet.
"You stood there the whole time and listened to the two of us arguing and you didn't even try to intervene? We wouldn't even be fighting in the first place if it wasn't for you and all you can do is stand there and watch?"
"I just thought that-"
"No, you didn't think!" I interrupted. "You just didn't want to have to explain yourself Nick. God, I can't believe how much of a wuss your being! You got yourself into this mess. It's your responsibility to get yourself out of it."
Nick just sighed. "I thought that we agreed to put this all behind us and move on," he reminded me.
"Yes, we did, but it's a little difficult for me to just pretend it didn't happen when she's now stopping by to visit you. I thought that you promised me that you wouldn't have any contact with her?"
"She stopped by here! I didn't tell her to come," he insisted.
"How did she know how to get here Nick? You gave her your phone number and address didn't you?" I pressed on.
"Yea," he admitted. "I thought that we could still be friends... Just friends and that's it!"
"Friends?" I screeched. "You fuck her and you want to be friends afterwards? What kind of friends are we talking about here? The kind that you just hang out with or the kind that you call in the middle of the night when you want some ass?"
"That was out of line Melissa," Nick told me trying to hold back his anger.
I just ignored his comment, too far gone to feel apologetic for the things that I'd said. "She said that you were the one who came onto her," I said in a quieter voice. "You told me that she started flirting with you. I want the truth Nick. Who initiated the whole thing you or her?"
Nick paused and looked away guiltily. My heart sunk when I saw that he couldn't even look into my eyes straight. Even though I knew the answer deep down I needed it to be said out loud to confirm my suspicions. "Answer me dammit!"
"I did," he admitted, still not being able to meet my gaze. "All she did was smile at me and I went over to her and started a conversation."
I bit my lip trying not to cry. There was one thing that I still needed to know even though I knew just how painful it could be for me, but I needed answers. "Why?" I asked him.
"Why what?" he asked looking a little confused.
"Why did you do it Nick?"
"I told you I was lonely and-"
I cut him off once more. "No, that's not the real reason. The real reason is that you did it because you thought that I wouldn't sleep with you. Right?"
Again Nick wouldn't answer. Finally after what seemed like hours he spoke up. "Melissa, look maybe we should take a break."
"A break? Are you trying to say that you want to break up for good?" I asked tentatively. Yes, I was awfully pissed off at him at the moment, but I didn't want to see the last 7 months of my life end like this.
Nick just took in a big breath. "I didn''t say for good. Just I think we both need to be apart for a little bit and think things over."
"If that's what you think is for the best," I said sadly quickly turning my back so that he wouldn't see the tear that just slipped down my cheek. God damn it. Why did he have to do this now of all days? What type of insensitive guy breaks up with his girlfriend the day before her birthday?
"We can still be friends," he insisted as he came up from behind me to hug me. I just angrily threw his arm away and turned back towards him, not caring if he saw me crying anymore.
"Yea, whatever..." I sniffled as I wiped away his tears. I stood there a moment awkwardly, not knowing what to do or say next. "I uhh, guess I'll be going now," I finally spoke up.
"Wait," Nick told me as he grabbed my hand. "Before you go, can I kiss you one last time?"
Oh God, I swear I almost broke down sobbing then. The way he said it... It had sounded so final. I probably should have just told him to go to hell, but I didn't have the strength or the energy left. All I could do was just nod as he stepped closer to me. Drawing his hand up to wipe away a stray tear that had flooded down my cheek, he kissed me softly and for once I couldn't bring myself to return the kiss. It was like I was vacant and empty inside like a corpse.
"Good-bye Nick," I told him as I pulled away slowly and then gave him one last long look before I bolted out the door and into the safety of my car. As I pulled out of his driveway I tried to ignore the sad look on his face as he watched me leave from his window.
I waited until I was far enough from his house to feel safe and then pulled off the road and cried, something that I was doing WAY too much of lately.
They wander, I follow
I keep staring, I can't stop it
I know I shouldn't
But I can't stop it
Such a cute girl
I'm so jealous
I wish I looked exactly like her
What's it like to have that body?
I'm gawking while I wonder