Chapter 1

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The sound of Gavin’s little socked feet pattering on the hardwood floor was music to Nick’s ears. It was one sound that let Nick know that everything was ok, and that they would be ok. Nick turned around and caught his son up in his arms as he came running in to the kitchen. Gavin let out a squeal of laughter and wrapped his pudgy arms around his father’s neck.

“Come pway daddy, come pway!” Gavin said excitedly pointing towards his bedroom.

Nick laughed softly and let his son down. Gavin grabbed his hand and lead him onto the bedroom full of toys. From the moment Gavin was born Nick had vowed to let Gavin have anything he wanted. Some would call it excessive spoiling, but Nick felt that toys were the way to make up for the lack of a mother. A twisted point of view, yes, but it was the way Nick felt.

Every time Nick would take Gavin to the toy store they would never leave without having spent more than two hundred dollars. Needless to say Gavin had more toys than he knew what to do with. It was all right though, because Nick loved to play with toys almost as much as Gavin did. He had no problem spending the entire day playing with his son. It was one of the ways he could forget all his problems. When he was playing with his son he could forget all about his wife’s death, he could forget the fact that to this day the still hadn’t found her body, he could even forget the terrible pain that had took residence in his heart since he had heard the policemen’s tragical news. Yes, he loved toys; he loved the freedom that they presented.

Gavin was busy playing with his Noah’s Park stuffed animals and had forgotten his father was even in the room. Nick leaned back on his elbows as he lay on the floor watching him. Gavin looked so much like Aaron and him looked when they were babies. Nick could hardly believe that they had just celebrated Gavin’s second birthday not more than a month ago. He was growing up so fast, before long he would realize something wasn’t quite right and would start asking questions. Nick hoped that part wound not come for a while. He didn’t know what he would say.

Wook daddy wook!!!” Gavin said clapping his tiny hands together.

Gavin had stacked his stuffed animals, one on top of the other, and had made a large pile in the middle of the room. Nick smiled as Gavin’s eyes grew wide when it fell. Gavin jumped and clapped laughing the whole time. He turned around and gave Nick a wide toothy grin, showing the one tooth that had come in. Gavin still couldn’t say his l’s quite right, they came out more as w’s, but Nick got the point. He thought his son’s speech was cute anyway.

Nick sat up and opened his arms. Gavin made a running dash for them and threw his arms around his neck. Nick picked him up and sat him in his lap. Gavin smiled at him and slobbered on his cheek. Nick laughed as he wiped the excess spit away.

“I love you little guy,” Nick said softly smoothing out Gavin’s hair.

“I wob you too daddy!” Gavin said squirming on Nick’s lap.

Nick laughed and sat him back down on the floor. Nick stood up and walked back towards the kitchen. He had always been overly affectionate towards Gavin. Sometimes he would accept it, and other times he would squirm out of it. Nick was terrified that if he didn’t show Gavin how much he loved him, he would never feel loved. Nick tried hard to make up for the absence of Amanda. Gavin never really knew her, but Nick still showed him her picture every once in awhile trying to get him to remember his mother. Nick still hoped things would get easier.

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