A week later, I sat in my new room, trying to unpack and get things in order, when I remembered something. Venturing into the depths of my brand-new walk-in closet, I maneuvered among boxes and items which had been strewn all over, in an attempt to briefly get things out of the way. Picking my way through the mess, I found what I was looking for, and hauled it out. The box from Nick, and the package from the girls. Still in their original wrappings, having been forgotten in the chaos of leaving. First, I reached for the gift from the girls. I carefully removed the wrapping paper to find, as I had expected, it was a book. I turned it over to discover they had made me a scrapbook. The front cover had been decorated, and I opened to the first page, adorned with pictures of our group. As I flipped through the book, tears came to my eyes as I realized how much thoughtfulness and caring had gone into it, and how much work it must have taken.
The scrapbook was filled with photos, drawings, written memories, stickers, and other little things with special meaning to us. It went as far back as elementary school. I knew it would always be an incredible keepsake. When I had finished with the book, I carefully laid it on my bed. Taking a deep breath, I then turned to Nick's box. I gingerly opened the top, not quite sure what to expect. As I revealed the contents, I took a deep breath and bit my lip to keep from bursting into tears yet again.
"MEMORIES- Maddie's special box" was written on the top, and inside lay just that- memories. One of his special basketballs. An old baseball glove. An autographed picture (this made me laugh, because Nick was constantly talking about "one day when I'm famous"). A framed picture of the two of us at Disneyworld, hugging. Stacks more of pictures. The sign from the treehouse. A dried red rose. Countless other memories. Finally, under everything else, lay his journal. I couldn't believe this. It was his thoughts and words, his emotions, his private place to seek out comfort. As I opened it I discovered he had made it into a scrapbook of sorts. I flipped through the pages, surprised at how many entries featured me. After skimming through, I reached the last pages, on which were a special message to me.
I settled down on my bed and began to read. "Maddie, you better be reading this in your new house, otherwise that means you opened the box before I told you to, and you know what that means!! I miss you already, and you haven't even left yet. I don't even want to think about what it's going to be like without you here. You've always been less than two minutes away, and now that all is changing. It's going to be so different without you around, bugging me, laughing, smiling, crying, kissing me, yelling at me, rolling your eyes at me....Everything is changing. I can't do this, I can't be apart from you, but I know I'm going to have to. So I'll die trying, but just know, I will ALWAYS love you, and be here for you 'til the end, I won't stop thinking about you......" The message went on in the same fashion, ending with, "Love forever and always, Nick." I knew he meant business, because it simply wasn't like him to get all mushy like that on me.
On the next pages were poems he had written about me, for me. I just about died when I read them, they made me want so badly to be near him. Yet somehow reading his words had made me feel comforted, and put a small amount of closure on things, because I knew we would never forget each other. Clasping the journal against my chest, I closed my eyes and thought of him, knowing he would always hold that special place inside of my heart, and always be my Nick.