I lightly tapped on Ravens' door. I couldn't even feel it I was so numb. Her smiling face turned dismal after seeing the expression on my own. Apparently it wasn't that great. She yanked me into her sitting room where we could be alone. The nanny was watching the children.
"This wasn't just any ordinary check up like you told me. Jade, what's wrong?"
I sat there for god knows how long just staring at the white carpet.
"Jade,"
I heard her call out. Her voice sounded like she was speaking in a tunnel. I stared up into her eyes, "my life is falling apart."
I stood up and walked out of the room. I picked up Chase and his things and headed for the door.
Raven grabbed my arm, "don't go. Just stay here for a little while and talk to me."
I slowly pulled away and walked to the car.
The phone kept ringing every fifteen minutes. It was Raven. She would switch back and forth between my landline and my cell phone. I finally just shut my cell phone off and disconnected my house phone. About a half hour later she showed up on my doorstep.
"What the hell is wrong with you? I was so worried about you."
Raven came and sat down next to me on the sofa.
"Tell me what's wrong."
The tears I had suppressed all day just began to descend down my face.
"I thought that I married the man of my dreams. Now it just seems like a big joke. He comes home once every two weeks, only for a few hours. When he calls we only talk for five minutes max. If this is what a celebrity wife's life is like, then I don't want it. I would rather be happy in a small apartment with my baby. He can have the money and the whatever. I don't want it anymore."
I knew she could see right through me. We had known each other forever and I expected nothing less. But this one thing I wanted to keep to myself.
"I am not going to leave until you tell me what's really at the root of all this. You are not crying just because of Nick. Honey, I am here for you."
She wrapped her arms around me and laid her head on my shoulder.
"I am dying. I have everything I want in life and I am dying. It's just suffocating me."
Raven lifted her head.
"It will get better. All you have to do is sit Nick down and talk to him about your problems. You two can work it out."
I pulled back and watched as her hands fell away from my body. I stood up, right in front of her.
"You are not listening to me. I am dying; as in `I have cancer and I am dying."
Raven gasped and a look of horror crossed her features.
"Can't they do something about it?"
I just fell into sitting position on the floor.
"There is a mass on the side of my brain where everything functions. If they did surgery I would just be a vegetable. I wouldn't be able to do basic motor skills, nothing."
The horror still danced in her eyes, but her features became softer, the look of concern.
"Have you called Nick? What did he say? Is he on his way home right now?"
I shook my head no.
"No what?"
It took her a second to register to which question I was answering.
"You haven't told him? Nick is your husband; you can't leave him in the dark. You are dying. Everyone's life is going to forever change."
Raven had her whole body into it. Her head was going every which way and her hands were flying everywhere in gestures.
"He has not only you and him to think about, but also Chase."
I held my hands out trying to calm her tirade. Raven was about to open her mouth again but she stopped dead in her tracks when she saw the expression on my face.
"I will tell him next time he comes home," I stated calmly.
I knew that was going to be the first of many lies.
"That's two weeks away," she huffed.
I pressed my finger to my lips.
"I don't want to tell him over the phone. If I ask him to come home then he is going to have to turn right back around and leave. Then what would be the point of his coming home? He doesn't have time for any interruptions. I am not going to die before he comes home. Please promise me that you will keep this to yourself! I don't want you to tell anyone or even hint around so someone else can guess. No one, do you understand?"
"What if something happens before he does come home? What then?"
I closed my eyes for a second trying to calm the throbbing pain in my head.
"The doctor told me the minimum of how much time I have to expect left. I am not going to die before he gets home. Raven, promise me."
Raven shook her head yes.
"I don't want you to upset Nick with it. Promise me! Say the word."
She glanced down at the ground then back up at me.
"promise."