There was no call, no message, no nothing. I knew that men were notorious for forgetting anniversaries, but there was a small hope that he would remember. Did he even know what the date was? Maybe he was too busy to notice, but when was he not? Like so many times this year I felt empty, again. I chanted over and over again that I would not cry as I lay down on my side. But my heart never listened to my head and tears slowly slipped to the fabric underneath me. Just this once…
Just as I was about to fall into dreamland: the door flew open. I wiped my eyes and there were no words spoken between the two of us. Within seconds I felt his weight on top of me and hands… His hands were everywhere. No matter how much he hurt me, how much he pissed me off, I always fell victim to his spell. It was his aura and those haunting eyes… They had always turned sapphire when he was in a dark mood. They were sapphire now and they captivated me.
My body seemed hollow as it did many times before. But this night I didn't want to feel hollow. This was my wedding anniversary and I wanted to revel in all of it. But there was still a part of me that felt dirty. He made me feel dirty. The heat from his body made my temperature rise. I felt ashamed when he found all the right buttons to push on me. I felt ashamed that no matter what my heart and mind were screaming no, my body was not a willing participant. My body always melted at his touch. I couldn't control myself around him. My will always seemed to dissipate at the very sight, or even thought, of him. I heard him moan at his release and I felt the pressure in my body mount. And there it was, the explosion.
He rolled off of me and fell asleep. I had to give him some credit; he gave me enough to finish after he already had. I turned on my side, away from him, and turned the silver band on my ring finger. Did I give my all that day for something that would become so empty? Did he know that that was what it had become, an empty marriage? Did he even care?