Nick, AJ, Brian, and Howie all sat in the waiting room of the ER.
"Excuse me... which one of you is Brian Littrell?" A nurse asked. Brian jumped to his feet
"Me. I am Brian." he said. "I have some news about your cousin, follow me please." she said.
"Can they come to please...?" Brian asked looking back to the guys who were now standing.
"It's family only." The nurse replied looking at the guys, each of their faces sank.
"They are family, their his brother's and best friends..." Brian said.
The nurse looked back at the guys, each had tears in their eyes. AJ put his sunglasses on over his eyes, Howie looked away, and Nick brushed a tear from his cheek.
"Please mam, that's my big brother in there, and I wanna see him..." Nick choked out, as he broke down into a steady flow of tears. AJ placed a hand on Nick shoulder, trying his best to comfort him.
The nurse nodded "Very well, but you have to be really quiet, they have moved him to ICU, and loud noises are not allowed." She said.
Each of the guys nodded following behind the nurse. They rode the elevator up to the ICU floor. The Nurse stopped just outside the doors. "Now listen closely, Mr. Richardson maybe a little out of it, he just came from surgery, and he may even be asleep. If he is awake talk to him. And the doctor are afraid that he may slip into a coma. And remember to remain quiet." She said.
Each of the guys nodded, each wanting to ask the question that was on all their minds 'How's Kristen?', but each to afraid to ask. She led them into Kevin's room. AJ and Nick perched themselves on the window sill, and Howie, and Brian sat in the chairs in the room. Kevin had heard them come into the room, and opened his eyes.
Brian smiled "Hey coz... how you feeling?" he asked.
Kevin groaned and then in a whisper said "Where's Kris...?"
Each of the guys looked at each other, then Brian said. "We're not sure... we haven't heard anything yet." he answered honestly.
"Can you find out for me please..." Kevin asked softly.
Nick stood quickly "Yeah... I will." Nick said leaving the room to find a nurse, he needed out of the room, it was to hard for him to see Kevin like that.
Nick walked to the nurse's station and seen an older nurse sitting there. "Uh.. Excuse me Mam..." he said softly. She looked up at him over her glasses "Yes?" she said
"I was wondering of you could tell me anything about Kristen Richardson... Kevin wants to know..." Nick said softly.
"Let me see..." she said, she picked up her phone and dialed an extension number for another phone in the hospital. "Yes... this is Jan up in ICU, I have a patient here that would like to know how is wife is doing... yes her name is Kristen Richardson..." the nurse said into the phone. "Okay... alright thank you." she said.
Nick looked at her waiting for her to say something "They are sending the doctor up, he will meet with you in the hall." she said. Nick nodded
"Okay...thank you." Nick said softly, walking over to the big doors, and pushed them open. He stepped out into the hall and waited for the doctor.
"Kevin...How are you feeling?" Brian asked again. Kevin looked up at Brian with half closed eyes
"I'm in no pain right now, if that's what you mean." Kevin answered.
"What happened?" AJ asked.
"I don't want to talk about that right now, where's Nicky?" Kevin asked. Just then the door to his room opened, they all looked to see who was coming. Nick walked in with a doctor, his head down. Brian looked at Nick, and new that it wasn't good news. Nick took his seat next to AJ on the window sill.
"Hello Kevin, and friends." Each guy said their hello, but Kevin, and Nick.
Kevin looked at the doctor "How's my wife?" he asked.
The doctor grew quiet a moment. "Well there is no real easy way of saying this. She didn't make it Kevin. We did all we could, but she had lost to much blood, and her heart just stopped and we couldn't get it going again." the doctor said.
"No... not my sweet Kris..." Kevin said breaking down into tears, as did each of the guys.
"I'm sorry Kevin." the doctor said, before leaving.
"Why couldn't it have been me? I' the one that should have died, not Kris!" Kevin said through his tears, as his anger grew at the loss of his wife.
Later that week...
"Ready Kev?" Brian asked.
"Yeah..." Kevin said softly as he handed his bag to Nick who was there helping. "Okay, here we go." Brian said wheeling the wheel chair from Kevin's room.
A nurse stopped them in the hall. "Well, lucky you, you get to go home today." she said.
"Then why don't I feel so lucky." Kevin grumbled. Brian smiled
"Sorry, he's a tad grumpy...c'mon Nick, lets get him outta here." Brian said. The nurse nodded and walked away. Nick followed along side of Brian.
"Did my mom call?" Kevin asked.
"She's here, she's waiting out in the car for you." Brian said.
"How is she?" Kevin asked.
"She's doing okay, she glad that your alright." Brian said.
"Does she know about Kristen?" Kevin asked, his voice now soft, and choked.
"Yeah...she does..." Brian said softly.
"I wanna see her." Kevin said.
"What?" Brian said.
"I wanna see my beautiful wife... please." Kevin said fighting back the tears.
"Kev...I don't..." Brian began.
"I don't care what you think would be best for me, I wanna see Kris." Kevin said.
"Okay... we will go there... lets just get this stuff home first, and then I will take you to see her." Nick said.
Kevin and Brian both looked at Nick, who was on the verge of another break down, and looked like he hadn't slept in days. "Thank you Nick." Kevin said.
"No prob Kev." Nick answered. He looked over at Brian who was glaring at him, but he just ignored it.
Once they had Kevin in the car and had gotten all his things dropped off his bag, His Mom, and Brian, Nick helped Kevin into his car. They rode in silence to the funeral home. Once they arrived they went in.
The man at the counter looked to them "Can I help you?" he asked.
"Yes... I'm here to see my wife." Kevin said.
"And she is?" the man asked "Kristen Richardson." Kevin said.
"Ah.. Yes, right this way. Leighanne Littrell and Sarah Martin are here dressing the body for the funeral on Saturday."
"You mean dressing her." Kevin said sharply.
"Yes of course." the man said. He led them down a hall to the room where Kristen was at. He opened the door. "Mr. Richardson is here to see his wife." the guy said once they were in the room. Leighanne and Sarah turn to see Kevin and Nick there.
"Kevin...you up and walking..." Leighanne said.
"Yeah, I wasn't paralyzed. It was just hospital policy that I used the wheel chair." Kevin said.
Sarah smiled. "Glad to see that your feeling better. We'll get out of your way, so you can be alone with Kris." Sarah said. Kevin nodded.
"We'll be in the hall." Nick said turning to follow the girls out.
"Nick...stay please." Kevin said softly.
"Sure... if you want me too." Nick said stopping.
"Please... just stay." Kevin said again, as he walked up to where they had Kristen laid at.
"She looks just as beautiful as they day I met her." Kevin said touching her face softly, his hands being met by cold skin. Nick nodded, standing back a bit, not sure of what to say. "It should have been me Nick. I should be laying here, not her." Kevin said.
"Don't say that Kev..." Nick said softly, his voice barely above a whisper.
"It's true. I always told her, that I would give my life for her, and I didn't. I let her die Nick, and here I am so lost and alone." Kevin said as the tears began to run down his cheeks. "When she needed me the most, I wasn't there for her. I left her all alone to die. What kind of husband am I!" Kevin said, as a sob escaped his throat.
By this time Nick was crying to. He had never seen Kevin like this, and it tore at his heart to see it now. "You were an excellent husband Kevin. Kristen loved you very much, and she was so happy to have you. She wouldn't want you feeling guilty for her death. It wasn't your fault." Nick said, wiping his eyes, and clearing his throat. ]
"Then why did I let her die. She was my world Nicky, she meant everything to me, and now I've lost her forever..." Kevin said, as his tears splashed down on to Kristen's cheek. he wiped them away with his other hand.
"No you haven't... you'll be together again." Nick said.
"Do you think she will remember me up in heaven?" Kevin asked, but before Nick could answer he added "Do you think she's crying for me up there, and that she still loves me, or even remembers my name?" Kevin concluded.
"Of course she does Kevin. She would never forget you." Nick said softly.
Kevin looked at Kristen then softly said "Don't forget me up there baby, I love you always and forever."
Would you know my name
if I saw you in heaven?
Would you feel the same
if I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong and carry on
'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven...
Day of the funeral...
Kevin sat in the front of the chapel alone, other than Kristen who was in the front in her coffin. "Why Kris... why did you leave me. I need you here with me. I cant do this alone. I loved so much, and now your gone." Kevin said softly as he began to cry, as he placed his head in his hands.
"Don't think of it that way son..." Ann Richardson said from the back of the chapel, as she walked towards Kevin. Kevin looked up and seen her, but having no voice to say anything. Ann sat next to Kevin, and wrapped her arms around him.
"Think of the time you got to spend with her, hold her in your arms, and for the wonderful opportunity that God gave you to love one of his angels." she said softly.
"I miss her mom, I need her." Kevin said through his sobs.
"I know baby. She didn't leave you. She's right here..." she said placing a hand over her son's heart. "Just as your Dad is." she said placing her hand over her own heart. "In time things will heal, and you wont feel so alone. But know that Kris didn't leave you here alone, she is in you heart always. As is your Father, and together they will watch over you and protect you." she said. Kevin nodded.
"I just feel so empty with out her... like a big part of my heart is missing." Kevin said.
"And it will feel that way for a while, but in time, like I said before, your heart will heal, and you wont feel so bad." she said.
As people filed in, Kevin was greeted with hugs, kisses, condolence's and more tears. Mr. and Mrs. Willits came in and Kevin could hardly control himself at the site of her parents. "I'm so sorry." Kevin said to Mrs. Willits.
"Oh Kevin... we don't blame you." she said wrapping her arms around Kevin and giving him a big hug. "We don't blame you in any way. It wasn't your fault." She said softly.
"How you holding up son?" Mr. Willits asked hugging Kevin after his wife had.
"The best I can... I still don't believe that this is all real. I keep expecting to wake up from this horrible nightmare, and see her laying there next to me in a peaceful sleep." Kevin said, fighting back the lump in his throat.
"I know...I know." Mr. Willits said. Just then the minister came in and was ready to get the service's started.
A real close friend to Kristen stood and gave a beautiful Eulogy. Then as they were about to close everything, and lower Kristen's casket into the ground Kevin stood. "I would like to say something..." he said. All eyes were on Kevin, and the minister nodded.
"Kristen was my best friend, and the love of my life. There wasn't a day that went by that she wasn't on my mind, or that I didn't tell her how much I loved her. And every day I thanked the Lord for bringing her into my life, and I still thank him for giving me such a wonderful opportunity to love one of his angels."
Kevin stopped and took a calming breath, as he looked around, not a single person had dry eyes, and it had begun to rain as well. "Kristen gave me a reason to wake up every morning, even when I didn't want to, she was my reason for living, for every breath that I took, and still take. And I took that all for granted, and the next thing I knew she was taken from me. And here I am, alone, and empty. But she will always be in my heart, and I will always love her, till the day that I die." Kevin said as he took his seat again next to his mom and mother in law. The casket was then lowered into the ground, and so was a part of Kevin.
Kevin sat by Kristen's grave after it all had been over with, and everyone had gone. He sat there looking at her freshly buried grave, as he cried.
"Kris...baby if you can hear me, I want you to know that I love you so much, and I miss you with all my heart. I long to hold you in my arms, and to feel your hand in mine just one more time, and to smell your hair. I need you here Kris, I need you in my life...I don't know how to be me with out you. Your my other half, my better half... please wait for me up in heaven baby." Kevin said, as the tears over took him, and the sobs that left his throat shook his whole body.
Would you hold my hand if I saw you in heaven?
Would you help me stand if I saw you in heaven?
I'll find my way through night and day,
'Cause I know I just can't stay
here in heaven.
"Kevin...where's your mind at?" Fatima asked.
"Not here..." he said softly.
"Okay. Lets take a 30 minute break. Kevin can I talk to you please?" Fatima said.
"Yeah..." Kevin said following her out into the hall.
"You okay man?" she asked him.
"No.." Kevin answered honestly. "I cant do this right now Fatima, I cant go on with out her. It's been almost 2 months now, and I just feel more and more lonely every day." Kevin concluded.
"I know... how about we call it a day, and you go home, and relax, get some sleep, and maybe eat something, we'll shoot for Friday for a rehearsal." Fatima said.
Kevin nodded "I'm sorry Fatima, I didn't plan on messing up your rehearsal plans." Kevin said.
"Hey it's no biggie, you need time right now. I understand that." she said as they walked back, to call it a day.
Kevin sat on the floor in front of his fire place looking through an old photo album while the radio played quietly in the background. Kevin looked at each picture of him and Kristen, remembering everything about the day's events from every picture. He took a sip of the wine from the glass in his hand.
He sighed softly "Kris... things have been hard with out you..." he spoke aloud. "Fatima is getting upset with me, she plays it cool, but I know she's mad cause I cant concentrate on the dance moves, and the guys are growing just as impatient to. I need to move forward, and try to get back to normal, as much as possible. I wont ever forget you though. You will always be in my heart... and I hope I am always in yours..." Kevin said softly, as a single tear slid down his cheek.
Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees
Time can break your heart, have you begging please...
Beyond the door there's peace I'm sure
And I know there'll be no more tears in heaven...
Later that month, the first show of the tour...
"Thank You! We're the Backstreet Boys! And I hope you all enjoyed the show!" AJ called through his mic.
"Yes! Thank you all!" Brian added waving to the crowd.
"I would like to thank each and everyone of you for being there for me in my time of need, and for all the prayers that you said for me, and my family, and for my late wife Kristen. From your love and support, I was able to move forward, and continue with my life! It hasn't been easy, But my brothers, and my family, and all you, the fans have helped me move forward! Thank you so much! I love you all!" Kevin said, and with that the crowd went wild, and the guys exited the stage.
Once back stage all the guys smiled "Great show tonight Kev." Nick said.
"Thanks, I never would have made it through this with out any of you, and definitely not with out my angel in heaven." Kevin said. The guys all loaded the bus, and headed back to their Hotel.
Would you know my name
if I saw you in heaven?
Would you feel the same
if I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong and carry on
'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven...
The End
Song: Tears In Heaven: Sung by: Eric Clapton