I still remember the night we met
You said you loved my smile
But your love was like a summer breeze
Oh it lasted for a while
I could hold on a little tighter I know
But when you love someone you gotta let 'em go so
She sits there thinking about the day they met. It had been a friends party... she didnt know that her friend knew him though. It had definately been a pleasant surprise when they were introduced. She smiled as she thought back on that night.
'Hey Sandee... I want you to meet a close friend of mine...' Alicia said with a smile.
Sandee turned her attention to her.
"This is Nick. Nick... this is my best friend Sandee.' she said. Nick smiled.
'It's nice to meet you Sandee... Al has told me so much about you. I'm glad to hear that someone, other than my self has befriended this lunatic.' he said.
Sandee smiles, speechless at first.
'Uh... yeah... she is definately something else when she's on a roll. And it's nice to meet you too!' she says.
Alicia smiled.
'Well all right then... I will leave you two to comunicate and socialize... I have other people to introduce, and pretended to be interested in... Be nice to Sandee Nicky... and Sandee... no marks!' Alicia said. She turning to walk away.
'Dont call me Nicky!' Nick called.
'Then dont call me Al!' Alicia said back.
He merely rolled his eyes.
'She likes that nick-name... it's her favorite.' He said to Sandee.
'Like hell I do!' Alicia called back.
Sandee giggled, and Nick chuckled.
'You could always call her Ally Cat... see how she likes that one!' Sandee suggested.
'I'm sure she wouldnt like that one either... she hates cats.' Nick said.
'I know... thats why you call her that.' Sandee said with a smile.
Nick smiled back.
'I love your smile... it lights up the room.' he said. Sandee could feel herself blushing.
'Yeah right... I bet you say that to all the girls.' she said.
'Nope... I've said that I've liked the smiles, or that they had nice smiles... but never that I have loved them... youre the first... Your smile reaches your eyes....' Nick said looking up into her brown eyes.
Sandee felt a shiver as she thought about his blue eyes. And the feeling she got when he would look into hers. She remembered how depending on his mood they seemed to change color. If he was really upset they were a greyish blue color, and if he was cool and calm they were a crystal blue, and if he was really happy and relaxed they seemed to be a blue-green color. Oh but what she loved most about his eyes was that when he was really happy and excited about something, or when they were together they where the brightest, most beautiful colbalt blue eyes she had ever seen. She smiled as she seen them in her eyes. The time they had shared together was wonderful, it had been the happiest moments of her life, and she had thought they were his too. She didnt want it too, but that memory came flooding back to her all to soon. And as soon as their love had began to blossom, it had wilted.
'So what is your big plan for us tonight?' Sandee asked.
'You'll see when we get there.' Nick simply replied.
'Okay....' she said softly.
He'd been kinda weird lately. Easily irritated or annoyed, and he seemed to lose his temper quickly and fly off the handle. But only hours later would he apologize for lashing out at her. But she would just smile and say, 'I know, and I love you'. To which he would always tell her that he loved her too. Things would be great for a few days, and then he would freak out again. She just assumed that it had to do with stress as he worked hard on getting his next solo album put together. But never had she imagined that this night would change her whole life, and bring her world crashing down around her. They pulled up to a little beach cottage that Nick owned. He turned the car off, and they sat in silence.
'C'mon...lets walk, and talk awhile.' he said after a couple of minutes.
'Okay...' Sandee said.
She reached to open her door, when Nick spoke again.
'I'll get it for you... you just sit and smile pretty for me.' he said.
She nodded and did as instructed. When he came around to her door she smiled up at him as he offered her his hand in assistance out of the car.
'Thank you.' she said.
Nick smiled weakly.
'My pleassure.' he said softly.
He held her hand as they walked along the beach, barefoot, in the sunset, and the evening tide rolling in at their feet. 'Isn't it beautiful?' Sandee asked pointing up to the sunset. 'Yeah... ' he said softly.
A few minutes of silence passed between them, before he spoke again.
'Dee... we really need to talk...' Nick said.
'About?' she asked.
'Us...' he answered softly.
'What about us?' she asked.
She was begining to get an uneasy feeling in her stomache about this chat.
'Uh... well... like I'm not sure I feel the same about us anymore. I'm not so sure I want there to be an us anymore.' he said.
Sandee couldnt believe her ears. Yeah things had been a little strenous between them lately, but she really believed that it was because of his new solo album, and all the stress that came with making one.
'Why... Did I do something? Is there someone else?' she asked.
'Because my feelings have changed, and yes and no.' he said.
'Yes I did something wrong, or no I havent?' Sandee asked.
'No you havent... and yes their is someone else.' Nick answered.
'Do I know her?' she asked.
Surprisingly to herself, and Nick she wasnt crying. She had remained calm and just wanted some answers.
'Maybe...' Nick said.
'Who is she?' Sandee asked.
She wasnt really sure if she wanted to know. But she wanted to know who had stolen his heart from her, and if their intentions were true, and real.
'I cant tell you that... I dont want to hurt you.' he said simply.
Sandee could feel the tears burning in her eyes now. She had met many of the girls that were 'friends' of Nick's, and who wanted a piece of him. A tear rolled down her cheek.
'You dont want to hurt me... little news flash... You already have.' she said softly, but bitterly.
'Please Dee... dont hate me...' he said.
He reached for her hand again. When she had let go it, or when he had, he couldnt remember. He assumed it was her, when he told her there was someone else.
'Dont call me Dee... My name is Sandee...' she said. She pulled back when his hand touched hers.
'Dont... touch.... me' she said
A tear rolled down her cheek, and she angrily brushed it away. She didnt want to cry, she didnt want him to see her break. He pulled his hand back to his side.
'C'mon Sandee... you honestly didnt think we would last forever did you? I'm too young to be tied down right now.' he said.
Sandee rolled her eyes.
'I wasnt thinking forever, as much as I was hoping for it. But I truly did think that I had found someone who understood me... guess I was wrong.' she said. She turned and walked from him. She held her head high, and her tears at bay.
'Sandee....' he called.
She was about 5 ft from him now. She turned and looked at him, and the ache grew within her heart.
'What?' she asked codly.
'Can you smile for me one last time... cause I still love you smile, and you still have the most wonderfully beautiful smile I have ever seen.' he said.
I'm gonna smile 'cause I want to make you happy
Laugh so you can't see me cry
I'm gonna let you go in stlye
And even if it kills me
I'm gonna smile
She looked back at him like he had lost his mind. He just tore her heart right out of her chest, threw it in the sand, and stomped on it, and he wanted her to smile for him. She walked back to him. She was now standing directly in front of him. She remembered he's said it made him happy to see her smile.
'Yeah... I will.' she said softly.
And slowly a smile crept onto her face, she smiled for the memories they had made together, and it made that smile reach her eyes. He soon was smiling too. The softly she began to laugh. She laughed at how loony he could be sometimes. But mostly she laughed so he wouldnt see her cry. She soon calmed and composed herself and looked to him.
'I'm let you go now... But I want you to know that... even though my heart is breaking... I wish you the best in all you and your new gf go through together... and even though it hurts me to smile... I'm gonna do it anyway.' she said. Her voice was shaky a little, but the smile was still on her face.
Kiss me once for the good times baby
Kiss me twice for goodbye
You can't help what you don't feel
And it dosen't matter why
Give me a chance to bow out gracefully
Because that's how I want you to remember me
She hated remembering their time together, but the memory still flodded her mind. And she thought back to their last moments together.
He nodded his head. Even though she was smiling, and had on a strong front. He could still see the hurt.
'Thank you.' he said.
She nodded this time. She could see that his eyes werent sparkling with happiness, or they werent mad, and they werent even relaxed looking. They were just plain old blue... like they were when he was in front of a camera. They were lifeless. She smiled nonetheless.
'No... thank you. But now I want you to do something for me...' she said.
'Whats that?' he asked.
'I want just 3 more kisses before I go. I can accept that it's over, and that you dont feel for me no more. But I want you to let me leave with my head held high, knowing that I can make it through this... and I want you to always remember mw that way...' she said. It wasnt a big request, and he was certain he could handle giving her what she wanted. But this wasnt how it was supposed to work. She was supposed to cry, and beg him not to leave her. But all she wanted was three more kisses, and for him to remember that she was strong.
'Why three?' he asked.
'One for old times sake, and two good-bye kisses... cause after the first one... I wont believe that we're saying good-bye... the second will remind be that will be the second to last kiss I will ever get from you, and the third will seal the good-bye.' she said. He nodded, made sense he supposed. He leaned in and wrapped his arms around her. He brought his lips down to hers.
'For the good times...' he said.
Seconds later their lips met in a soft, yet meaningful kiss. His lips linger a moment. The pulled back. She smiled up at him, and he had no dount in his mind that she was remembering the good times. He leaned in again, and watched as her eyes fluttered closed.
'To remembering...' he said.
And as before his lips met hers again in a soft sweet kiss. This one was just as long as the one before, and he pulled back. When she opened his eyes, she smiled still, but he could see that her eyes were filled with tears.
'And to Good-bye.' she said softly.
She pulled his head to hers, and pressed her lips against his. His eyes fluttered closed this time. This kiss wasnt as long as the first two. But to her it was the longest of the three. She always hated good-byes, especially when it was with someone you would die for. She pulled back.
'Good-bye Nicky...' she said with a smile.
'Good-bye Dee...' he said back.
He stood there and watched her walk away. Her smile forever engraved into his head.
She had wanted to look back so bad that night, but she hadnt. She was strong and kept walking. She walked all the way back to their house, packed her things, and moved back to her own place. Now she sat on the couch, looking at a picture of him. "I'm still smiling Nicky... I'm still smiling." she said as she set the picture down.
I'm gonna smile, 'cause I want to make you happy
Laugh, so you can't see me cry
I'm gonna let you go in style
And even if it kills me
I'm gonna smile
She often wondered if he ever thought about her. After all it had been almost a year now since they had broken up, and he had moved on with his life with his new gf. But she still couldnt help but wonder if he ever thought of her. She would smile through everything that went wrong, and when she felt like ripping her hair out and screaming the greater powers above she would think of his eyes, and how they would twinkle when she smiled, and she would smile. She wanted him to know that she was still smiling, and that she too was moving on, and that she had found someone new. She knew just how to reach him, she knew he hadn't moved after they broke up. She pulled out a piece of paper, and a pen and wrote down a paragraph of wording.
'Nick,
I just wanted to let you that I am still smiling and that I am moving on... and that when I think of you I smile. Do you smile?
Sincerely
Sandee
P.S. This line makes me think of you...
I'm gonna smile so you can find the courage
Laugh, so you won't see me hurtin'
I'm gonna let you go in style
And even if it kills me
I'm gonna smile
She folded the paper up and placed it into an envelope. She wrote his name and address on the front, placed a stamp on it, and on the back she wrote: SMILE :)