Once upon a time there was a little village called Orlando. The townsfolk were very sad and lonely. The village gypsy said that only one person could help them. *Drum roll* The Magnificent Kevin!!
One day, a stranger was seen in town. The townsfolk gathered to see who it was. “Oh my god! It’s Howie D!!” a cry was heard. “Surely, he could save us!” another exclaimed. “Now we’ll never be sad and lonely again!”
But the gypsy woman shook her head. “No, this will never do! No one will come from far and wide to see Howie D! He is a nice person, an Ok person but he can never save us! Thanks but no thanks,” she added to Howie.
“Now we’ll be sad and lonely forever!” the townsfolk cried.
They waited patiently each day for The Magnificent Kevin to arrive and save them. One day, music was heard and a great procession was seen. The townsfolk gathered to view the spectacle. A red sports car drove up and a most handsome man came out flanked on both sides by bodyguards.
The citizens of Orlando looked on in wonder. “Oh my god! It’s Nick Carter!” a young girl cried out. “I love you Nick!!” The townsfolk looked in appreciation at his flashy clothes, silver shades, and nice shoes. “Yes, this is the person who will save us.” “Don’t you just love those shoes?” All the young girls rushed up to him and pulled at his clothes and hair. But the gypsy woman shook her head again.
“No he cannot save us.”
“But isn’t he magnificent?”
“Yes but he is not The Magnificent Kevin! No one will come far and wide to see a Magnificent Nick.”
“Of course they will! What planet are you from?”
“Look, I’m just following the script, okay?”
“Whatever.”
“This man cannot save us!”
“Nick, Kevin. What’s the difference? They’re both magnificent.”
She shook her head. “Thanks but no thanks,” she said to Nick.
“Will we be sad and lonely forever?”
Many moons passed. The townsfolk became even more sad and lonely. They feared The Magnificent Kevin would never come to save them.
One day, when everyone was at their saddest, a stranger rode into town on a white horse. He was dressed in white western wear, lined with silver. His shirt was open, revealing an extremely chiselled physique. The silver spurs on his white boots glinted in the sunlight as he stopped near a very flustered woman. She could only see his mouth beneath the brim of his white Stetson that was pulled low over his eyes.
“Excuse me, ma’am. Can you tell me if this is a town by the name of Orlando?” His voice was low and gravelly.
“Yes, yes it is, sir,” She said, quite taken in by his gorgeous body. “And you are?”
“Richardson. Kevin Scott Richardson.”
The woman’s shrieks brought the whole town outside. “What’s going on?” everyone wondered.
“It’s Kevin!! The Magnificent Kevin!!”
The gypsy woman appeared and smiled. “Yes, this is The Magnificent Kevin.”
Everyone gasped in wonder and delight. “The Magnificent Kevin!” they exclaimed.
“Now we will never be sad and lonely again!!”
“Everyone from far and wide will come to see The Magnificent Kevin”
“Yaaayy!!”
“No, you’ll still be sad and lonely. I’ll be the happy one,” the gypsy woman said mysteriously.
“What?”
“Because Kevin and I are eloping.”
“But why?”
“I just needed a free room and free food until my man came to pick me up so I posed as a gypsy woman who knew of this great man who will save the town.”
Everyone gasped in horror at her atrociousness.
“Ha! Ha!” she laughed as she sat behind Kevin on the horse and they rode off into the sunset. “So long, suckers!”
