I'd get you a cool little gift
But as it is, I'm broke as shit
Instead I'll write this poem
Would you like a scone?

It's my mom's birthday too
But she's much older than you
She has an afro sized puff
Sometimes I rub it for good luck

When I say this I swear I'm not lyin'
You're starting to resemble a lion
I'm sorry to say, but its true
Did you know that cows say "moo"?

Do you mind if I call you a spazz?
I hope that you don't get mad
I'm just saying whats on my mind
Joey can buy a hooker for a dime

I have this doggy named Sable
She's not allowed to sit on the table
But who cares about my dog, right?
Let's go out and fly a damn kite

I know you might think that this sucks
If you do, I'll run you over with my truck
I'm just kidding, of course, you silly
Did you know I have a friend named Billy?

So happy 25th, dear JC
I really have to go and pee
I hope you have a good time
Why is it so fuckin' hard to rhyme?

For future reference: I don't really get hives. I am definitely broke as shit. My mom really does have the same birthday as JC and she actually does have big hair. I really do have a dog named Sable, but she can sit on the table all she wants 'cause nobody really cares. I really have a friend named Billy, but I don't drive a big truck. The end.