Peace, Love, & Bass
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Happy 22nd Birthday, Lance!
(So...we're late!  *shrugs*)


Founding Editor:  BexXx
              Co-Founding Editor:  Mel              
Editor: Olivia
Editor:  Julie
Editor:  Tabz

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Wassup BoyZ `n GirlZ?
We figured it would be a great time to put out a special tribute issue of PLB to say Happy Birthday to our favorite Albino!  Try not to mention the fact to us that we're 3 months and over late...we're kinda sensitive...  
(Hey, you should have expected this...the zine IS named after the man!)


Onward and Upward!
BexXx

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BexXx's Happy Birthday Wishes for Lance:


Happy Birthday, Mississippi!

I have decided to write a poem for Lance on this blessed occasion.
*Clears Throat*

Happy Birthday, Lancikins, you make my heart go skippy
*chuckling because she used the word "skippy" *
On your birthday, I hope you're home with friends in Mississippi!
*Damn, that was a stretch, wasn't it?*
So have some cake, unwrap a gift...Hey!  You just might get laid...
*Well, a guy can hope can't he?  Good luck with that, Lance.*
Just promise not to drink and drive, with Mike's Hard Lemonade.
*You rebel you!  Hey, have a wine cooler for me!*
I like your smile, I love your eyes, and GOD I love that ass!
*Am I supposed to lie?*
And thus will end my birthday poem, to James Lance (Lansten) Bass!

*bows*
Okay yeah...I am aware that my poem sucked...I actually meant for it to be bad...no, really I did!

At any rate:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, POOFU!  
Love,
BexXx

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Birthday Wishes In A List From An NJEF Fairy:
(Aka:  Tabz)

1) A Dental File - "I just have really big gums" ...

2) Lifetime Supply of Vidal Sasson - Hair shouldn't look dirty post-shower...

3) A Hookah of Your Very Own - Residue from sharing pipes could be fatal...

4) Self Help Book Club Membership - Suggested reading? 'Stop Smoking In Three Packs aka 1 Day'  (for the quitter in you), ' Replacing Dirty Words With Teasers' (no they don't mean girls),  ' What NOT to Say in Public' (for those bad quotes that live in infamy), and finally, ' Getting Laid When You're Underqualified '  (Oh wait, you can get that one from Joey)...

5) Garth Brooks Unplugged and Undressed Home Video - What better for a lil birthday sweat session that the King of Country in his birthday suit...

6) Casper The Ghost How To series in audio book form, "Stayin White In The Sunlight" and "How To Survive Those Pale Boy Blues" ...

7) My phone number - This is a wish list right so...YOU WISH.

8) 22 (happy birthday) copies of Who Wants To Be a Millionaire, featuring you, signed by Regis, to give to those who annoyingly insist that you're really a "shy quiet genius"...

9) A brand spanking new dictionary, highlighted word "dope". Learn what words REALLY mean...

10) A conjugal visit from Danielle Fishel wrapped in a brand new, size 24 Petite rolling paper...

11) 22 (happy birthday) PRIVATE sessions with the Wade-inator, cause you're gettin better, but Justin's still the best...

12) Your very own *NSYNC matching tank and panties set in beautiful, sexy red. But you hafta pay full price from *NSYNC.COM. How's it feel?

13) 2200 BETA copies of The Mississippi Showstoppers in action. Relive the sequins and the bowl cut for a cleansing cry-fest, or send them to people you're desperate to permanently get rid of...

14) A "friendly" visit from Beverly Mitchell in a size 2 jumpsuit with added ass space, the jumpsuit is yours to keep if after 30 minutes you aren't satisfied...

15) Trace Ayala. Everyone needs a new best friend, so you can KEEP him...

16) Krispy Kreme official Uniform complete with name tag and funny hat. Also included are a lifetime supply of sticky name labels (for when yours peels off) and Employee of The Month badge (for when you become unhappy with minimum wage)

17) The $1,000 bucks from the MSG concert, so you can pay back Justin who can pay back Joey, who can pay back Kelly, who can pay back her parents, who can pay back the mafia...all so you could see a hoochie shake her titties, damn...

18)  22 (happy birthday) cases of Mike's Hard Lemonade so when your new movie fails miserably, you can drink away your sorrow.

19)  A "Big Mouth Billy Bass" so you can sit and stare at it with wonder.  And think to yourself "I share the same last name with THIS thing?"

20)  22 (happy birthday) visits to the tanning bed so no one can call you the Mississippi albino anymore.

21)  A brief stint as a phone sex hotline operator.  Come on, you know you've always wanted to be one.  Especially with that sexy Barry White voice of yours.  Now you can say "Ooh baby" until your heart's content.

22)  A lapdance from Kathy Griffin.  Just sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride.  Hehehehe.

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Head on over to page 2 for the Non-Birthday portion of our little dog and pony show!


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