Priest: Dearly beloved, we are gathe...damnit wrong book...
The priest covers the mic forgetting he still had a mic clipped to his gown.
Priest: Where the hell is the dead things book?? I don't know it by heart god damnit!! [mumbles] Stupid dead horse.
Lance breaks out into sobs and screams with the pain of his dead horse and the Priest's hostility. The priest looks up and makes a disgusted face at Lance.
Priest: Alright then...we'll continue. Commemorating the beautiful life of our beloved Tony...oh er...Toby, we pray dear lord you'll embrace him in you're loving arms...
Soft snoring from JC errupts into screaming.
JC: Whoa Bobbee!!! Damn woman....woooo owoooooo grrr, baby yeah!
Cluthing the sides of his seat JC's eyes suddenly shot open and he looked around the room.
JC: Sorry about that. [cough cough] Please continue the...uh ya know...commemoration thing.
Justin: Damn yo, dis be borin' already and shii. Ah be thinkin' maybe it be done now? Ah mean I loved lil bacon chunks an whatnot, Lance you know dat baby, but dang, I bet he'd be bored too ya know?
Lance: You inconsiderate pricks!!! Joey tell them...
Joey's eyes are affixed on the tables of food at the far wall.
Lance: Joey...Joey tell them...
Joey falls out of his chair and slowly crawls toward the tables, but is unsuccessful as he slips on the saliva collecting around his hands. Chris jumps up on the casket.
Chris: Wooooo...weeeeeeee...look Lance! We can still ride 'im!!! AHHH, damn man, I'm so crazy!!!
Lance: Get the hell off the casket you asshole!!!!!!!!
Lance whimpers and sobs softly, trying to hold back his sadness and project it into anger. Lunging at Chris, he pushed him off the huge horse casket and it tipped back and landed on top of Chris heavily.
Chris: AAAAIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! GET IT OFF!! I CAN'T BREATHE!!! EEEEEEE THE HORSE!!! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Chris's high pitched screams echoed off the walls as the casket flopped open and the horse rolled out and landed over Chris's arm, making it impossible to move it.
Lance: TOBBBYYYYYYY...NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Justin: Damn yo, dat be damn sick, youknowhatimsayin Jayce yo?
JC: Shii...I mean shit man, that sucks for Chris.
Joey: Damn this food is good guys. He must have had this catored cause he can't cook no pasta like this.
The priest exited the room, leaving Chris, to call security while he pulled out a flask and began drinking vigerously. Chris had passed himself out by beating his head against the floor, Joey was sliding large trays of food into his pants, JC had gone to the men's room, and Justin was in the back looking at himself in a mirror. Meanwhile, Lance had retreived a saddle and riding gear and was getting Toby ready for one last ride...while he was still laying on Chris's arm.
Justin: Lance, what the shit you be doin man? Dat's cracked out!!
JC returns and watches lance in awe.
JC: Hey Justin, you thinkin' what I'm thinkin?
Justin takes a moment and puts himself into "JC on drugs" mode.
Justin: Heeeellllll yes!!!
JC and Justin both take opposite sides of Toby's ass while Lance went over to the food tables to retrive carrots, and shoved with all their might, pushing Toby out of the large stained glass window. Flying down three stories, Toby landed in a water fountain and sunk slowly to the bottom. Without turning around, Lance spoke softly.
Lance: What just fell out of the window?
Justin: Well see, ahhhh was way ova dere an...damn man, ax JC! Ahhh don't know.
JC: Lance man...there comes a time in every horse's life they just wanna swim ya know buddy? And well...Toby decided this was his time. He always loved the water you know that...
JC wraps his arms around Lance and squeezes him tightly as Lance hugs him back.
Lance: Toby has always hated water you dickhead!!!!!!
Using all his energy, Lance shoves JC backwards out the window and down into the fountain with Toby.
Justin: Daayyyyyuummm boy!!!
Lance rips off his tux to reveal his super cowboy crime fighting outfit...consisting of black boots with spurs, black leather chaps that reaveal his ass in a tight pink thong, a black leather vest with fringe reading 'Cuz I'm From Mississippi' in hot pink stiching on the back, a black cowboy hat, and a gun holster holding matching hot pink scissors and a hot pink comb.
Justin: Lance man, what you be thinkin' yo? Ah know you ain't thinking what ahm thinkin yo, cuz dat ain't right homeskillet. It be whack...know? WHACK!!!
Approacing Justin slowly, Lance dragged his spurs so they made a clunk with each step. Justin gulped and backed towards the window. Taking a deep breath he turned and dove down into the fountain.
Joey: Ohhhhhh my stommaachhhhh. Lannnncceeee, helpp meeeee.
Lance turned and spotted Joey unable to roll himself over lying on his back. Shaking his head he went over to him and straddled him. Pulling out his scissors Lance gave Joey a Mississippi haircut. When he finished and Joey quit screaming, he got up and helped Chris off the ground.
Chris: Thanks Lance...you feelin ok? Cause you know I'm crazy...and crazy'll cure what ails ya!!!
Using the rest of his anger to pick Chris up and throw him violently against the wall, Lance hiked up his pants by his large belt buckle and sombered out of the church to his large black truck with hot pink trailor attached.
