'Where am I?' were my first thoughts this Monday. Even though the room was dark, the sun was shining through the small holes of the blinds. Still vaguely confused I looked around for anything that would give me a clue as to where I was. The walls were a bare white unlike the vivid orange of my own room. Looking down I saw the comforter I had on I had on was a deep blue and the blue and white striped sheets were tangled around my feet.
I was still lost until I noticed a pile of various memorabelia in the otherwise clean room. Taking a closer look I saw it was all NSync memorabelia. That's when everything came rushing back to me from the night before.
I groaned wishing I hadn't remembered and rolled over onto my right side so I could face the wall.
Yesterday night I barely remembered waking up as Lance carried me up the stairs to his room. In he shook me so I would wake up and gave me a t-shirt and a pair of pants, the pants were on the floor because of how hot it was. But where did Lance go? I remember him leaving...
I sat up and stretched and tossed my feet over the side wondering what time it was. I got up and looked around for a clock. Even though I couldn't find one my eye's were drawn to something more interesting.
A neat stack of pictures on top of a bare desk. Now, I know you shouldn't snoop through peoples things, but it really interested me. As I turned them over I saw that the one on top was of me and Lance last christmas. It was a funny picture because we were both laughing and wearing santa hat's.
As I continued to flip through them I saw that I was in a lot of them. Most of those were with me and Lance. It made me smile knowing he kept these, even though he had probably just pulled them out of his closet.
When I got to just about the last picture I felt a sharp pain shoot up my left side. With everything that has been happening I haven't had much of an appetite but by now I was starving.
Looking down I straightend out the shirt I was wearing and realised I couldn't walk around with just a t-shirt but it was ssssooooo hot I didn't want to put the pants back on. I walked over to a set of drawers and pulled open the closest one. "Bingo." I said and put on a pair of Lance's boxers, I hope he won't mind.
Just as I was about to head out I saw a note taped to the door. It read:
Laura, have sweet dreams? Hope so. I ran out to do something with Chris but I'll be back by 12. If not or if ya gotta leave someone else can take you home, just don't wake up JC. See you then. Love,Lance
I smiled to myself as I read and made a mental note to take it home. Slowly, I stuck my head out the door I opened. The hallway was illuminated by the full length windows at the end.
I noticed most of the door closed and remembered that there were only 5 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms up here. As I tiptoed down the hall I heard the shower running and figured it couldn't be too early.
As I got to the bottom I walked into the dining room. Okay, I'm close. Now, the door to my left... or to my right? I guessed and walked left. I was wrong and ended up in the family room but before I turned back to go to the kitchen, something caught my eye. On the couch there were pillows and sheets tangeled at both ends. The smile that hadn't left my face from earlier got even bigger. I'm not sure why but that struck me as really sweet.
When I finally found the kitchen, the first thing I did was look at the microwave. The numbers shone 10:47, so everyone would be up soon.
After looking around, not quite sure what to do I started to grab pots and pans and started making anything I could think of.
I only finished pulling everything I wanted to make, out when I heard a voice come from behind me at the entrance of the kitchen.
"Hey sexy."
I whirled around and my mouth dropped open. "Joey!" I squealed. I ran over to him and gave him a hug, still holding the spatula. When we let go we talked about all the stuff that's been going on that I've gotten used to explaining by now and he helped me cook.
"So, what exactly are you doing here?" he asked "And why are you wearing Lance's clothes?" he stepped back and arched his eyebrow's giving me a funny look. "Ya know, I've been wondering the same thing. I fell asleep in the car yesterday and I woke up here." I said.
We kept talking and somehow ended up on the topic of crickets. As I turned around I almost dropped the plate of toast I was carrying when I saw that someone else had come into the room. "God, Justin. You scared the shit out of me." Joey looked over his shoulder and said "Mornin' sunshine." and kept cooking. Justin looked half asleep and it was obvious he only woke up a few seconds ago.
He ignored both of our greetings, mumbled something about the smell of bacon waking him up, then walked to the refrigerator to pour himself a glass of orange juice.
As I put down the plate on the opposite counter where we were storing all the food until we took it out to the table, I turned around and saw J hadn't left like I had expected him to. Instead, he had jumped up on the counter, well actually, he missed the counter and ended up inside the sink, where he would stay, sipping his o.j. until he woke up.
About 5 minutes later, me and Joey finished cooking and Justin snapped out of his zombie-like trance and we moved all the food out to the table.
As we sat down ready to start eating we heard foot steps coming down the stairs and we saw JC emerge from between the 2 walls. He wasn't smiling but he didn't look mad either, he looked thoughtful. Noticing other people in the room he stopped and looked at the table.
When his eyes finally rested on me I saw his face clench up and turn into the stone-like sculpture I was used to getting from him since it was the only look I saw him wearing around me the past few days. Determined not to let him intimidate me I put on my most unamused look and glared back.
Finally, Justin's voice broke through. "Yo, JC, look, food. I save you a seat next to me." JC, whose concentration was broken, glanced at Justin, then at the food. Sighing wearily he took a seat.
We all talked and laughed while we ate, well, all of us except JC, until about halfway through.
"So, what are you doing now, school and career-wise?" Joey asked. "Well, I have this full time job at Wet Seal in the mall that I have about a week 'til I have to go back. I was thinking in the fall I would drop that and go to college." That's what started the trouble and JC cut in.
"Here's a thought. Why don't you just drop it all? You know. Job, school, friends, family, just screw it all. No explanation required, just move away. Or are you actually thinking this time and realising how that would probably only land you a high profile job in the hamburger flipping industy?"
The wall I had been looking at between JC and Justin blurred for a second. Then, biting my tongue, I slowly turned my head and gave JC a look I know could've thrown knives. I was so shocked at how this came out of nowhere I didn't know what to say, and that had to be a good thing because I might have said something I would regret.
Instead, I threw my fork on my plate which made a very loud clattering noise in the totally silent room, a result of everyone holding their breath. I stood up, knocking my chair over (I felt bad about that because I almost took Joey's hand off when he reached over to grab me) and headed for the stairs.
Halfway up I heard Justin and Joey yelling at JC but I couldn't understand them. When I got inside Lance's room I locked the door behind me and looked around. I was too angry to cry, I was also sick of it.
I leaned against the door and blew my hair out of my face. 'Great. What am I supposed to do now?'
* * *
"What the hell was that for?" Justin asked. Honestly, I didn't even think what I said made any sense. Even so, I felt kind of bad. I looked up at Justin and Joey who were still yelling.
"Alright, fine, I'm sorry. But I said what I felt. Anyways what do you want me to do about it now?" "Well, um, why don't you apologize to her, not us." Joey said sarcastically. I looked back and forth at the 2 guys. Sighing heavily I got up and headed for Lance's room. They would never shut up if I didn't.
I got there and knocked on the door. Stepping back I waited but nothing happend. "Laura?" I asked. "Go away." I heard. "Listen. I just came up her to-" "I don't care. I don't wanna hear it now. Just get J or Joey for me." I threw my hands in the air and turned down the stairs.
"I tried but she won't listen. She want's one of you." I said back in the dining room. Justin shook his head like he expected it and headed up the stairs. 'Not my fault.' I thought and sat down at the table. Feeling Joey's eye's on me I looked up. "What?"
* * *
Another knock on the door came. "Laura?" I heard Justin's voice. "Can you take me home?" I asked. I was already changing back into my clothes from yesterday. After thinking for a second I heard him go "Yeah, give me a minute though then meet me in the car." then I heard foot steps head down the stairs. Not sure of how to kill that minute I grabbbed the note off the door and shoved it in my pocket and went back to the pictures.
* * *
I sat in the car gripping the wheel and wondered if this was stupid. 'Yeah, this is, but JC needs to apologize and Laura is too stubborn to stop and listen. I just hope they don't kill each other.'
My focus was broken when I looked over and saw Laura climb in and give me what was supposed to be a smile. 'Oh boy, she'll never forgive me.'
"Oh, shit. Hey, I forgot my liscence. I'll be right back." I said and got out of the car and ran for the door. No going back now
* * *
I stared at the brown loafers on the floor that my feet rested comfortabely in. 'So, does what just happened this morning change what's going to happen between me and Lance?' I thought 'No, I won't let it.'
I didn't want to think about it but it really bugged me. 'Since when did JC hate me so much?' Thankfully, Justin came back and pulled out of the driveway fast and headed down the road.
I wasn't sure what I wanted to say so I looked over at Justin, only it wasn't Justin driving. It was JC.
I opened my mouth to tell him to stop the car and let me out but he cut me off. "It was Justin's idea." Figures. "He said I needed to apologize. So, I'm sorry." he said. "Well that sounded sincere." I said, angrily throwing myself back against the chair. Justin is so dead.
"What do you want me to do? I said I was sorry." he said getting on the defensive. "I want you to tell me what your problem is. I want you to tell me why you've been such a jerk to me just these past few days. You weren't this big of an ass a year ago." I said.
"You want to know why? Do you really? Because I don't trust you. I don't trust anything you say or do. Why? Because I trusted you a year ago. I trusted you to be there for Lance when we were all going through a hard time. Not to dump him out of nowhere right before he was going to need you most. If you do it again it's gonna affect him worse. It's gonna affect me and the other guys as a band and as his friends. It's gonna affect his family, which is like my own. And ya wanna know what? I think it will happen again. About this time next year when we leave to tour again. I had thought that maybe I was okay with it because maybe it won't happen again, but I'm not. It's not okay." When he finished he was practically gasping for air. I couldn't even breathe.
What could I say to something like that? It was true. "I'm lost. I hear what your saying but I don't want to believe it." I had to stop and think because what I was about to say next I would have to stay by and I knew that was gonna be hard, but I meant it. "I made a mistake last time. I did something to try and fix it but it was too late. You don't have to believe what I'm about to say but it's true. If things go back to the way they used to be I won't end it when he has to leave, I can't make the same mistake twice."
We hit a red light and we looked at each other. I knew he was searching my eyes for a lie, but I wasn't worried because I knew there wasn't one. JC sighed and put his head back looking out front. When the light turned green he went on.
"I was also expecting that. I mean, don't get me wrong, I believe you. It's just, I'm also worried that you might try to get around him having to leave." he confessed.
"You think I'm going to try and get him to drop the group?" I asked, totally shocked. The thought hadn't even crossed my mind. I took his silence for a yes. "Listen. I would never do anything like that to him or you or J or Joey or Chris. That would be horrible. Anyway he wouldn't do it. And if by some slim chance he did, I wouldn't want to be with him then! He'd be miserable and always blame me for everything that went wrong. You have nothing to worry about." I assured him.
At that exact moment he rounded into the parking space in front of my apartment. I got out but just as I was about to shut the door I heard JC practically whisper my name. I looked up.
"I'm really sorry about what I said this morning. I didn't mean it, I said it because.... well, I guess because I was scared." I smiled "I know." I said. He smiled back and I shut the door and headed home. I was tired from the day already.
