Chris walks behind the counter.
Chris: What is it, you ask? Ahh...let me tell you, my good friends. THIS...is the *NSLINKY! *turns his head to the right and speaks directly into the camera which has a tight shot on his face* Trademark and patent pending, Made in Taiwan, not for use by children under the age of one hundred and eight.
Chris turns back to the main camera with a big, cheesy smile, and walks over to a small staircase, stage left.
Chris: Watch in amazement as it travels down this flight of common stairs! *sets the *NSLINKY on the highest step and waits...waits...* Any minute now it will LEAP off that stair and begin it's descent. Let's watch! *waits...waits...* Look! I think it's moving! *waits....waits...* Aw, fuck it! *slaps the back of it and knocks it down the stairs* SEE! AMAZING!!!!! Watch as this every day Joe...er...GUY...interacts with the *NSLINKY!
The camera cuts to a clip of Joey playing giddily with a REAL slinky. Joe claps his hands and grins for the camera.
Joey: It's SLINK-Tacular!
Joey gives the thumbs up sign and the camera cuts back to Chris in the studio.
Chris: But don't take OUR word for it. Here's a REAL-LIFE astronaut to tell us the physics behind what makes the *NSLINKY so damned COOL!
Camera cuts to Lance, standing behind another counter and wearing a white NASA lab coat and glasses.
Lance: Hello, I'm Lance Bass.
Chris Voiceover: No...really...HE IS!
Lance: *holds up a real slinky* Tricky's *NSLINKYs are made of high quality stainless steel, refined using NASA's advanced technology. Each *NSLINKY has color infused into the metal. No more boring bed springs! They're coiled with precision, transforming into the fine product you see here.
Lance sets the slinky on a set of mini stairs.
Lance: You see, just set it at the edge of the step, give it a little nudge and Newton's Laws of Gravity do the rest!
The slinky goes down the stairs and Becca walks onto the "scientific" set with a Heineken in her hand.
Becca: Here's your beer, Lance.
Chris Voiceover: She means...scientific NASA approved beverage, folks!
Lance: Uh...yes.
Becca: *looks at the bottle* No...it's a beer.
Lance: No, it's a carbonated beverage made from the finest...
Lance babbles on with scientific jargon to describe his drink. Becca looks at him weird.
Becca: You've lost it. Come find me when you're drunk and ready to make out. *walks off*
Chris Voiceover: She means...aw hell. She means make out.
Lance forces a grin and motions for Steve to cut the camera. Before the camera cuts...
Steve: Can I tape you making out with Becca?
Lance: CUT!
Steve cuts and the camera goes back to Chris, who coughs loudly.
Chris: Ahem...as you can see, it's all scientifical and junk and you really really wanna buy one! Even people on the street want to buy one! Like this man!
The camera cuts to a shot of hippo with a Rubix Cube.
Chris: Hello sir! What do YOU think of the *NSLINKY?
Chris: Uhh...no comment? Is this something you would like to recieve as a gift?
Chris: Oh-Kay! We'll come back to you later. Obviously, you're too amazed by the *NSLINKY for words! *into the camera* I recently went out on the street with the *NSLINKY to get an everyday person's point of view on it's WONDERFULIFEROUSNESS! Here's what happened...
Cut to a shot of Chris and JC standing outside a McDonald's. Lonnie is VERY visable standing in the background.
Chris: Hello RANDOM every day person!
JC: *looks at him funny* Sup?
Chris: Tell me good man, have you heard of the *NSLINKY?
JC: The *N-Whatty?
Chris: PREEEE-SICELY!
JC: Dude, what the fuck?
Chris: THIS... *nearly hits JC in the face with the Rubix Cube* is the *NSLINKY! Revel in it's wonderfulness for a moment. Go ahead...touch it's fine springy contours. Feel it wiggle and shake in your hands.
JC: *holds the Rubix Cube in his palm* Dude...this is a RUBIX CUBE...
Chris: Surely you JEST!
JC: Surely you're on CRACK!
Chris: That is the new and wonderful *NSLINKY, random person I have never seen before in my life!
JC shakes his head and hands Chris the Rubix Cube back.
JC: I'm outta here. Lonnie, let's roll... *motions to him*
Chris: WAIT! What if I told you the *NSLINKY comes in FASHIONABLE THEMES???
JC: Chris, what the HELL are you talking about!?! It's a fucking RUBIX CUBE!
Chris pulls a cube with pictures of Justin's face on each side out of his pocket and thrusts it into JC's face.
Chris: PA-POW!
JC screams and jumps into Lonnie's arms.
Chris: Relax, my good stranger who I have never met before, let alone shared a tour bus with for the better portion of my life as a twenty-something! These photographs of Monsters from the films of Alfred Hitchcock are only SUPERIMPOSED on the *NSLINKY!
JC jumps out of Lonnie's arms and takes the Justin Cube and starts messing up his face in the pictures. He squeals with joy.
JC: This is FUN!
Chris: SEE? I TOLD YOU! It also comes in three other fun styles: Demonic She-Devil *flash a pic of a cube with photos of Paris Hilton on it*, Michael Jackson *flash a pic of a cube with actual pics of MJ on it*, and Gorillas In The Mist! *flash a pic of a cube with photos of BSB on it* Collect All 4!
Chris gives the thumbs up to the camera.
Chris: Anything now that you've experienced the *NSLINKY in all it's wonderful glory?
JC has Justin's nose on his forehead.
JC: Yeah! I'M LOVIN IT!
Justin walks by without looking up, eating a parfait.
Justin: Thanks, man. I just got paid 25 cents.
Chris: But he didn't add the...
JC: *playing absently with the Cube* Ba da ba ba baaaaa...
Chris: Well shit...
Olivia saunters by, waving at JC and Lonnie. JC looks up.
JC: Liv! Come see this!
Olivia: In a minute...I'll be right back. *hurries off*
Chris: As you can see, this complete STRANGER is really enjoying the *NSLINKY! Let's go back to our friend on the street and see if he's found the right words to express his thoughts!
Cut back to hippo, still staring at the cube.
Chris: Still dumbfounded, I see!
Chris: Uh huh? I see... Anything you'd like to add?
Chris: Exactly my thoughts, good sir!
hippo stares and the camera comes back on Chris.
Chris: And there you have it! This man thinks that the *NSLINKY might just be the answer to world hunger, AND end the war in Iraq!
Olivia walks up and picks up hippo.
Olivia: THERE you are!
Chris: Um...ignore her. She doesn't really know that man!
Olivia: *holds up hippo and looks at him* What did I tell you about running off? And talking to strangers?
Chris: SEE THAT? STRANGERS! I AM A STRANGER TO THAT NICE YOUNG MAN!
Olivia: Come on...Josh wanted me to see something.
Olivia gives hippo a squish, and walks off holding him.
Chris: GAH!!!!
A second later, Olivia comes back and snatches up the Rubix Cube. Chris turns to the camera.
Chris: Anyway folks, I think we have established that your life is not complete until you own the incredible *NSLINKY! Buy one now for the introductory price of $1,250! Call 1-800-TOASTER to get YOURS! AND...call in the next 15 minutes, and I GUARANTEE you a copy of a videotape of Lance Bass making out with Becca! Call now, 'cause *NSLINKY Ain't Stinky!