At first it felt… strange.

The satin settled over his stomach, clinging in a way that must have been meant to be flattering and the front sagged somewhat depressingly. The black fabric whispered when he moved his legs and he felt restricted, repressed.

But he also felt… was the word beautiful?

He could feel it inside, that wild beautiful feeling uncurling in his stomach and beating in his chest.

So it had started out as a theoretical what-if-I-did-this and blossomed into life- who cared?

He felt elegant, somehow, and pretty; he felt new, different, refreshed.

And then the rest of the group barreled into the room, stopped, gaped, and his cheeks were stained the color of shame.

“Hey, we could call you Lili.” Justin mumbled, trying to break the silence, the shock, and pointing to the bunch of wilting flowers on the windowsill.

Chris laughed half-heartedly. “Yeah. Lili.” He said, then dragged the other three from the room, closing the door behind them and leaving him alone to drown in tears.

Lance knew first.

To his credit, Lance didn’t scream or yell or hit her.

“Um… Lili?” Lance ventured, tentatively, after a moment of strained, confused silence.

She was pretty, her long dark hair sparkling in the sunlight and her blue eyes the color of the sky. Her skin was pale and powdery and her thin lips were the color of blood and roses. She smelled, softly, sweetly, like burning flowers.

She turned her gaze to Lance and smiled hesitantly, painfully.

Lance swallowed, sat down beside her, and began to talk.

Lili, he found out, was shyer even than himself. She twisted her long fingers in her lap, pushed her hair behind her ear, and mumbled one word answers to his questions. Her voice was high and smooth and silky and fell like water on his mind.

Lance was unsure, uncertain. He didn’t know what she wanted him to do. He didn’t know whether he should keep questioning her or just leave her alone.

Then she stood and excused herself, politely.

Thirty minutes later, JC entered the room, yawning, running his artist’s fingers through his shaggy brown hair.

Lance paused, hesitated, then said, carefully, “Lili was here. For about an hour or so.”

JC turned to look at him with intense blue eyes. “Was she?”

She came more and more often. They would come back from a shopping trip or a club or something and she would be there, on the bus, reading on the couch or eating cereal or something.

She was part of their lives but they were still unsure about her, still confused. They never knew what to do or say when she was with them.

She didn’t say much. She left notes on Lance’s bed sometimes, notes that said, sometimes I don’t think I’m pretty enough. What should I do? or It seems to me that you don’t like me. Why is that?

And Lance tried to respond.

And when they tried to talk to JC about her, he’d look blank and say, “Lili? Who’s that?” As if Lili was not his secret but theirs.

“You know, Lili could come to the VMAs, if she wanted.” Justin said casually, looking up from the movie. They were all sprawled over Justin’s bed.

JC’s head jerked up. “Why would she want to? She hates those kind of things.”

Justin shrugged, rolling over, his limbs entangled with Chris’. “I don’t know. I was just thinking… well, you might want to ask, all the same.”

JC shrugged as well. “Sure. Why not. Whatever.”

A day later Lance found a note slipped under his hotel room door.

It said, I want to go but I’m worried about JC. Won’t he want to go? And won’t they ask questions about me? Also, I don’t have anything to wear.

So he slipped a reply under her door and it said, don’t worry about JC. He hates award shows. We’ll answer the questions, and buy you an outfit. We can go shopping today, if you want.

When she showed off her new outfit, they cheered and whistled for her.

But when she was gone, they exchanged confused looks. Maybe it had gone too far. Maybe they shouldn’t have invited her.

And after that, in the hallway, Justin tapped Lance on the shoulder. “I think I’m in love with her.” He whispered and he looked terrified.

“You’re in love with JC?” Lance asked, confused, shocked, as scared as Justin.

“No!” his voice was desperate and his eyes were sad, helpless. “With Lili. I’m in love with Lili.”

The VMAs went well, better than expected. No one paid attention to Lance’s date- no one ever did. And when confronted with the question, “where’s JC?” they all said the same thing.

“He’s sick.”

And Justin couldn’t help staring at Lili with his wretched gaze.

And then one day Lili was gone.

And no one asked where she was. Or why she had gone. Or if she was ever coming back.

And JC seemed destroyed by her absence. He cried at night and they heard him, and they couldn’t do anything to help him.

And Justin, too, was shattered without her. He didn’t cry but he didn’t do anything else either, he never laughed or even smiled and they had come to forget what his real smile looked like.

And Lance’s heart broke for both of them.

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