When I woke up I was confused at first. I looked around the room and saw my
clothes scattered across the floor. Then I remembered. I had spent the night
with Nick ! He was laying beside me in bed and smiled the goofiest and
happiest smile !
I untangled myself from his arms and went into the bathroom after I had
picked up my clothes to get myself dressed. OMG, what had I done ??? I hadn't
wanted this to happen, not like this, not with him, not here, not now ! He'd
said he loved me, but did he really ? Was he even capable to love someone ?
He, the big popstar, the one who was loved by more than half of the BSB fans,
he who could have everyone he wanted ! No, I had to finish this and hurt him
before he could hurt me, even if I had to lie to do so !
****
When he woke up and reached for Katarina, the only thing he felt was the cold
sheet beside him. No, not again ! Had she left again ? But then he heard the
water running in the bathroom! She hadn't left, she was still here with him !
Right now he was just plain happy and couldn't get that goofy grin off his
face ! But when she got out of the bathroom and spotted him awake he could
see in her eyes that something was wrong ...
****
"Nick, I don't know how to tell you this... But this was all a big mistake...
this shouldn't have happened !..."
"Wait, wait, wait ! Don't tell me the best night of my life was a mistake !!
How could it ?? I love you and you said you loved me ..."
"Well Nick, I lied ! I don't love you, I never did ! I was just all the
emotions in the air that did this to me. ..."
"That's a plain lie and you know that !"
"No Nick, it's not ! I do not love you !!!! Just get used to it, like your
groupies have to get used to the same feeling when you leave them in the
morning, if you've even stayed that long!!"
"That's not fair Katarina, it's not true and you know that ! How can you look
me straight in the eye and tell me this big ole lie ??!!! I don't get it !
What did I do wrong ??"
"Nothing Nick, it was all my fault ! I shouldn't have let this happen ! I'm
sorry, but I cannot respond to your feelings the way you want me to ! I'd
really love to stay friends Nick, but don't expect me to love you ! I don't
and I can't !"
"You know what I think your problem is ?! You're just frightened to death by
your own feelings ! I don't know why, but I know you are lying right now !
Last night was no mistake and deep inside you know that, too ! And I just
wanna let you know right now and here, that if you ever realize that or
decide you want me after all, I'll be waiting for, cause I love you ! Just
give me some sign and I'll be right there ! Just know that I love you and
that I always will!"
"Good bye now Nick ! I see you downstairs for breakfast !"
I had to leave right then, because I felt the tears pricking at the back of
my eyes already ! But I forced them down and went to Sophie and my room . She
was still in the bathroom when I started to get my stuff packed ! We would
only have breakfast with the guys and then they'd bring us to the airport !
When Sophie got out of the bathroom and asked how I was doing I just smiled
the best I could and told her I was fine ! She didn't ask any further
questions and packed her suitcase as well. Luckily we'd bought a new bag
yesterday, that we could put the new clothes in. I had to swallow hard at the
thought that Nick had bought them for us !
********
I took the seat between Angie and Sophie for breakfast and that's the point
where Sophie realized something was terribly wrong. She'd almost known this
would come ! AJ looked at Sophie and they exchanged some looks. AJ senced the
same thing ! Something had gone wrong ! Terribly wrong !
********
At the airport it was really hard to say good bye to all the guys. We were
all going to miss them sooo much ! When everybody had said their good bye to
AJ he took me aside !
"Sweetpea ??"
"Yeah Alex ?"
"Will you promise me something ?"
"Maybe, depends ...!"
"Just say yes , please !?" He took off his sunglasses and gave me a pretty
good impression of Nick's puppy dog eyes.
"Okay, what is it ?"
"Keep in touch, okay ? And the next time we're in Berlin we're gonna come see
ya at the football stadium, okay ?!"
"Okay Alex, I promise !"
"Good girl ! Sophie's got my number, she'll give it to you ! Now smile that
incredible smile of yours one last time for me !"
I looked at him and just had to smile ! Amanda really was one lucky girl to
have this guy as her boyfriend !
Now it was time for me to say good bye to Nick. He hugged me real tight and I
couldn't just push him away .
"Remember Katarina, just one sign !"
"I know Nick, but don't wait to long ! Go on with your life, that's what I'll
do as well !"
I hugged him back and waved one last good bye before Sigrid, Angie, Sophie
and I got on the plane.
****
It was hard, but it had been the right decision ! I watched Nick from my
window and saw that his heart was crumbled ! He looked so hurt and he was !
But I had to do this to him before he got a chance to hurt me like all the
others before ! I didn't wanna be left alone again, especially not by the one
I really thought I loved. I felt Sophie look at me and I knew she and Angie
were worried like hell ! But right now I wasn't up for talking ! I turned on
the radio when the plane started and looked back at Nick in the airport by
the gate one last time.
- ... baby when you're gone I realize I'm in love, days go on and on and the
nights just seem so long,even food don't taste that good, drink ain't doing
what it should,things just feel so wrong, baby when you're gone ...-
Tears were streaming down my face. This time I was the one who left behind a
broken heart !
I was the one who'd hurt someone ! And it didn't feel good at all, but it was
the only way I could think of to protect myself from being hurt again !