"I find the great thing in this world is not so much where we stand as in what direction we are moving." ~~ Oliver Wendell Holmes
What a beautiful quote that is. No matter what we are struggling with in our lives, we must try to remember that it is okay if we have not yet arrived at our destination. It is okay if we took the scenic route and pulled off the road and got out of the car and wandered along a wooded path to a little stream far away from the pavement. It is okay if we didn’t arrive at our destination at exactly the time that we predicted and the time we told everybody to expect us. It is okay if we seemingly disappeared from the face of the earth and didn’t surface for days / weeks / even years.
There are those of us who take our time on trips. And there are those of us who are driven to adhere to a predetermined strict schedule. One of the major differences between my ex and myself was this issue of rushing from one state at the bottom of our country, to another state at the top of our country, which was a trip of 1,000 miles. He wanted us to stay on schedule, to push it, to keep ahead of the clock. And I just wanted to take the scenic route and leisurely make our way north, arriving whenever we happened to pull in.
My family expects a time of arrival. They want to hear me say that I’ll be somewhere at exactly such-n-such o’clock, give or take 10 or 15 minutes. I hate that. I hate to be pinned down by a clock. As a matter of fact, I won’t wear a watch. I don’t want a mechanism to drive me. I don’t want a schedule. I don’t want a box to fit into. I want to breathe. I want to be set free. I want to dawdle and meander and wander and fritter away time. I want to relax.
People tend to push us into boxes and stamp labels on us and give us timetables to follow. Society tends to want an agenda, a schedule, an itinerary. And as part of society we learn to expect certain things from each other. But, there are some people who are born without an inner clock and these people march to the tune of a different drummer.
And perhaps we are the hardest on ourselves. We expect a lot out of ourselves. We should have been there by now. No matter what it is that we are dealing with in our lives, we tend to think we should have arrived by now and attained the success we’ve been yearning for by now. There is no excuse. If you are trying to quit smoking or lose weight and you told yourself that you are going to stick to a set schedule, and have fallen short and are disappointed, remember this: Sometimes it is okay just to know that you are on the right track.
Last night I was rollerblading again. I realize that I am now obsessed with it. Ha ha ha ha I bought a “fanny pack” to hitch around my hips and carry a bottle of ice cold water. I am blading farther than ever before and am very thirsty. I am going between 10 and 12 miles at a time now. And the only water is at the beginning of the trail at the park. I’m getting very serious about this. Ha ha ha ha ha ha There were a million other things I needed to be doing last night (mow the grass, do laundry, do dishes, clean floors, bathe the dog, pull weeds, wash windows, clean the car, etc etc etc).
But I was strapping a bottle of water on my hip and wheels on my feet and guards on my wrists rather than any of that stuff. I have lived a long time according to somebody’s schedule. And one day I tore that schedule in half and ripped the time clock off the wall and walked out of the factory. I can’t even hear the noontime whistle blow anymore.
June 24, 2004
