Written January 28, 2002
Today I just want to express to you that you own your life. You are the owner of this life. And as the owner of this life, you are entitled to lead it however you please. If I could go back and rewrite parts of my life, I would. And yet, maybe not. Maybe it's supposed to be this way.
Yesterday I heard a very long and sad story about cruelty and childhood and warped lives. I sat for a long time and listened to a woman tell the story of her life, her sad childhood. I guess my heart was just about ripped out of my body while I listened to this story. And I don't think I am the same today. I don't think I am ever going to be the same ever again. It was mentioned that we are a tapestry .... that as we live here in this world, our tapestry of life is woven slowly and permanently. If we could glance over our shoulders and look behind us, we would see it, in all of its bold colors and patterns and beauty. Everybody's tapestry is different.
Everybody's tapestry is unique to them. I have so often said that I wished I could have lived this part of my life over and I wished I could have rewoven that part of the tapestry. And it was mentioned yesterday that what is, is. What has happened in our lives to have colored our tapestries blue, gold, red, yellow, green, light, dark, vibrant ... this is part of us. If someone went back and pulled a string, pulled the red out, pulled the green out, it would be changed and damaged. We are what we are. We felt what we felt. We experienced what we experienced. And it is what it is! That's okay.
And that is something we need to accept. That is something we need to learn to allow. That is something we need to come to understand. Our past is whatever it is and it is part of us, but also it is the part we can stand on to reach for more.......... because there is always more. As long as we draw breath, as long as we are conscious, there is more!!!! And tomorrow's tapestry can be planned and more beautiful and more vibrant and more meaningful. Tomorrow is always a blend of yesterday and today. I am grateful for yesterday because it is my eyes .... it shows me how to see, how to reach for more. There was a time when I looked over my shoulder and did not see a beautiful tapestry of colors and patterns. There was a time when I couldn't see anything because my eyes were clouded with regret and sadness and guilt. The feelings are what we have today. Today is the day of feeling. And tomorrow ... oh, tomorrow is going to be joy.
We are all weaving our tapestries as we go, day by day, year by year, tear by tear, hug by hug, word by word, love by love. We are all weaving every second of every day.
