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How to prepare for a new cat...

*Take cold chicken and stars soup straight from the can and splash it across the carpet and walk in it in the dark.
*Set up a mouse trap at the foot of the bed each night so that if you move one inch while you are sleeping, you get snapped.
*Cover all your best suits with cat hair.
*Practice cutting your chicken into teeny tiny bites so that when the cat steals from your plate, he won't take the whole breast.

*Scatter clean laundry all over the floor. Leave your underwear on the living room floor, because that's where the cat will drag it when you have company.
*Jump up shortly before the end of your favorite TV program and run to the TV, shouting "Don't chew on the electric cord!" Miss the end of the program.
*Put chocolate pudding on the carpet in the corner of the living room in the morning and don't clean it up until that evening.
*Gouge the surface of the dining room table several times with a knife. It's going to get scratched anyway.
*Practice searching every closet and open cabinet door before you shut it.
*Knock all small items off your kitchen counter.
*Chew the eraser off every pencil in the house.
*Take a fork and shred the roll of toilet paper while it's still hanging up. Pull a few sheets off and scatter them around the bathroom.
*Take a staple remover and punch two holes in every scrap of paper around the house.
*Get a litter tray without a lid and mix in some tootsie rolls with cat litter and then tip it over right before the company comes.
*Buy a bag of cat toys and stuff them under the refrigerator. Practice getting up at 2AM and fishing them out with a ruler or broom stick.

*Take a warm cuddly blanket out of the dryer and immediately wrap it around yourself. This is the feeling you will get when your new cat falls asleep on your lap.
*There now, once you've done all these, you've passed the test, and are ready to take  that little furry      critter!

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