Rei: I fear that I will disappear
Shinji: I can disappear because I am unworthy of existing
Rei: Why do you think so?
Asuka: Because I am worthless
Shinji: I am unwanted; a useless child! *to Misato* You don’t care about me, do you?!
Misato: Using that as an excuse is no different than running away! What you truly fear is failure, isn’t it? You fear that you may be hated by others. You fear acknowledging that weakness, even to yourself
Shinji: How can you criticize me when you do that same thing?!
Misato: You’re right. At the core, we are all the same
Ritsuko: Our minds lack something basic
Asuka: And we fear that
Rei: We fear it
Gendo: Mankind cannot live without being surrounded by others. Mankind cannot survive alone
Gendo: That is why life is hard
Asuka: That is why life is sad and empty
Ritsuko: Thus you want the close physical and mental presence of others
Fuyutsuki: The human soul is made of weak and fragile elements
Misato: The body and mind are made of brittle components as well
Rei: Why do you exist?
I don’t know
Asuka: Maybe I live to find out why I exist
Rei: For whom do you exist?
Asuka: For myself, of course
Shinji: Maybe for myself
Is that true?
Rei: Are you happy being alive?
Asuka: Of course I’m happy!
Rei: Are you happy being alive?
Misato: I don’t want anything except to be happy
Kaji: Do you hate being sad?
Shinji: I don’t like it
Kaji: Do you hate enduring pain?
Asuka: I don’t like it
Kaji: Is that why you run away?
Asuka: Yes. Do you blame me? What’s wrong with running away from something that hurts?
Shinji: I mustn’t run away!
Rei: Tell me why you mustn’t run away
Shinji: Because escaping from reality can be painful
Rei: Even though you’re running from something more painful?
Shinji: I couldn’t bare it
Asuka: As long as you know what the pain is, it can be endured
Misato: That is correct. If the pain is too harsh, you can escape it
Rei: If you really hate it, Shinji, you can still run
Shinji: No, I won’t! I’m tired of escaping! Yes, I mustn’t run away
Misato: That is true. That’s because you are aware now that running only brings you more pain
Asuka: That’s because running away can be far worse
Rei: That is why you do not wish to run away
Shinji: Because if you run away, nobody will respect you! Don’t leave me alone! Don’t desert me, I’m begging you!
Ritsuko: There he goes again, depending on what others tell him to. That’s a sad survivor’s mechanism, isn’t it?
Shinji: So what? It’s better than being left all alone!
Asuka: You fear being hurt. You try to make yourself believe that you are hated, don’t you?
Kensuke: You’re not the only one who gets hurt, Shinji
Toji: Everybody feels pain. You aren’t the only one
Hikari: It’s just easier to think that it’s true, isn’t it?
Shinji: Shut up! I don’t care! Why should I? Nobody cares about me!
Misato: Once again you’ve abandoned all sense of self-value
Rei: I have nothing
Asuka: There you go again, saying that you have no worth at all
Ritsuko: Do you think that by not expecting anything you won’t get hurt either?
Asuka: Is that how you sustain your pathetic ego? by asking others to praise you?
Shinji: Nobody accepts me
Misato: That’s not true. You just believe it. You were trying to convince yourself that you’re worthless from the beginning
Shinji: But I have to! I’ve got to do it!
Kensuke: No, that’s not true. You don’t have to
Kaji: No, you just think you do
Shinji: No, you’re wrong. My life is pointless otherwise
Asuka: I have no other value
Rei: I have no other value
Shinji: I have no other value. No other value at all
Value?
Shinji: I perceive no value in myself
Thus…
Shinji: I hate myself!
Random People: I hate you! I hate you! I hate you, Shinji! You coward! I hate you! I HATE YOU!!!
Shinji: See? Everyone hates me. Everyone person in existence must hate me
Rei: No, that’s just what you imagine
Shinji: Yes, then that must be –that’s gotta be it. It’s because I hate myself
Rei: Because you hate yourself, no one respects you
I HATE YOU!
Asuka: I hate you! I hate everything!
Shinji: But they praise me, they’re nice to me.
So, were you happy?
Shinji: Other people were being nice to me for the first time!
But were you happy?
Rei: What are your true feelings?
Shinji: I don’t know…or is it perhaps that both are my true feelings?
The Beast that Shouted “I” at the Heart of the World
FINALE: TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF
Shinji: Rain…dark shadows of gloom hang above me. That’s how I feel. That’s not the way I want it to be
Rei: The setting sun; the ending of life. That’s not how I wish it to be
Asuka: Morning…the beginning of a day. Another terrible day. I wish this wasn’t the way it needed to be
Shinji: Blue sky…something warm…something unfamiliar. Something that fills me with horror. I don’t want this. I don’t want it to be this way
Asuka: I hate everything!
Misato: What do you want Shinji?
Do you fear anxiety?
Asuka: What do you want Shinji?
Do you want peace of mind?
Rei: What do you want Shinji?
Don’t hate me!
Chibi Asuka: Don’t hate me, please!
Shinji: What I fear is…
Rejection
Rei: What I want is…
Another’s touch, another’s respect
Shinji: Can I stay next to you?
Rei: May I stay here?
Asuka: Do you like me?
Misato: What is it that you wish for?
Dissolution of Anxiety
Rei: What is it that you want?
Erasure of Loneliness
Yui: You’re very insecure, aren’t you?
Shinji: To become secure I have to have…value. I want to be worth something! I want to be worth enough to attract the attention of others!
You seek your own value.
Yui: But your value is something you have to find for yourself. You have to find it, Shinji.
Rei: Then, what are you?
Shinji: Then, what am I? What am I?!
Shinji: So what I think is me, is me. What I recognize as Self is myself. I’m no more and no less than the sum of my self’s awareness. But I don’t understand myself. Where am I? What am I? What am I?
You wished for a wall, a barrier to seal off your world.
Shinji: Nobody understands me!
Asuka: What are you, stupid? Of course nobody understands you. Nobody can ever understand you.
Misato: The only one who can understand you and take care of you, is you, yourself
Rei: So you must take care of yourself.
Shinji: But I still don’t understand myself! I don’t even know what it is that makes me myself! How can I love myself?!
You are afraid
Rei: You are still unstable
Misato: That is the present you
Asuka: And the people around the present you
Rei: And the environment that surrounds the present you. None of these elements of reality last forever.
Misato: Without the interaction of others, you cannot truly recognize your own image
Shinji: My own image?
The image of myself?
Misato: That’s right. In the act of finding others, you may find and recognize yourself
Asuka: Your self-image is restrained by not observing the barriers between yourself and others
Rei: And yet, you cannot see your self without the presence of others
Shinji: Because there are others, I can perceive myself as an individual. If I am alone, I will be the same without others. For if this world is just me, there is no difference between me and nothing!
Shinji: Still, the reality itself might not be that bad, I can still hate myself
Maya: But it’s your mind which takes reality and separates into what’s bad and hateful
Hyuga: It is only the mind which separates reality from truth
Rei: Rainy days make you feel gloomy
Asuka: If you are told this is so, that is what you believe is so
Ritsuko: But you can have fun on a rain day as well
Fuyutsuki: Your truth can be changed simply by the way you accept it. That’s how fragile the truth, for a human, is
Kaji: A person’s truth is so simple that most ignore it to concentrate on what they think are deeper truths
Gendo: You, for example, are simply unused to what it is to be liked by others
Misato: You’ve never learned how to deal with the fear of how others feel about you, and so you avoid it
Shinji: But…don’t the others hate me?
Asuka: What are you, stupid? Haven’t you realized that it’s all in your imagination? You megadork!
Shinji: But…I hate myself
Rei: One who truly hates himself cannot love. He cannot place his trust in another
Shinji: I’m a coward. I’m sneaky and weak
Misato: No, only if you think you are. But if you know yourself, you can take care of yourself
Shinji: I hate myself. But…but maybe…maybe I could love myself. Maybe my life could have a greater value. That’s right! I am no more or less than myself. I am me! I want to be myself! I want to continue existing in this world! My life is worth living here!
Congratulations!!!
Shinji: …Thank you…all…
Thank you to my father
Goodbye to my mother
And to all of the children…
Congratulations!
