I drove along the wonderful river yesterday with my girls and I could hardly say more than the same sentence over and over again "Isn't it beautiful?!" The red bud trees are in full bloom and for some unknown reason they thrive here in my little part of the big world. They love this soil and this climate and they multiply and thrive here. Their first showing in the spring, are flowers. The buds turn immediately into soft purple and pink flowers that burst open and wrap themselves around all the branches. The tender new leaves of the trees next to them are a fresh pale green, but these are not leaves, these are flowers!
And so, lining the river, are these wonderful big displays of purple. And I drive slowly and drink it in. There is not enough memory in my mind to hold it all in. There is not enough room to keep it forever. I want to keep it forever and I fear that I can't. I want to imprint it somewhere and etch it deeply so that it stays with me and doesn't leave me, as it will soon here on earth. In a matter of days the beautiful flowers will turn to leaves like all the rest and they will blend in and become like all the other trees turning green. And you can walk among those magical trees and never realize they are so special. They pretend to be like everybody else, green and normal.
The lavendar and purple will be a memory and as hard as I try, as much as I want it, they will stay out of my reach, out of my mind, just a fleeting glimpse that rushes too fast across my eyes. I want them to stay forever. Is that why people paint? I think so. I think it is, and I would love to have a painting of my red bud trees.
Nevermind that, what I want to say is not that, it is this ... it is about gathering. A long long time ago when we were primitive people we needed to gather essentials in order to survive. We needed to know about that. We needed to develop that skill and to use it often and wisely. We needed to gather together food and medicines and tools in order to make it from one day to the next. It was a matter of being prepared.
There were many who didn't prepare for life. And they didn't make it to the next season sometimes. Those who were ill-prepared were ill-equipped and at a disadvantage. They were foolish. And some realized that at a horrible blinding moment right before death. There comes that clarity, that knowledge, that truth and then the inevitable happens. Cause and affect happens. Ying and Yang happens. The scales balance and you go where destiny sent you. You accept your fate.
We lost our gathering skills somewhere along the way. Somewhere along the way we replaced essentials with lesser items. We gather rolex watches now. We gather paper money now. We gather degrees and awards and little wooden plaques that hang on a wall now. We also gather antibacterial hand creams, cleaning products, and quickie wipes. We gather baskets that cost us a fortune because they have a name on them. We gather labels on our clothing. And in it all we forgot about essentials. In all of this gathering, we lost sight of the ancient tools that we need to survive.
And so, we sit among our piles and piles of items that we felt were great finds at the time of the purchase and we have a sense of emptiness. I myself have a greater sense of disorder! {ha ha ha ha ha ha} All this stuff that I have is burying me alive here. I don't have room for it. I don't know where to put it. When I begin to categorize it and find a permanent home for it, I'm overwhelmed! I don't know why in the hell I have it! I wanted it at the time, I guess.
But I walk out of this house and I yearn for the river. I yearn for the gifts that God made for me. I yearn to hold them in my mind because I know I can't take them home in a neat package and place them in my home. They are not knick-knacks, they are something else. They are mending moments. They are rejuvination times in my life.
The river and the flowers and the trees and the wind and the smooth stones all have power. And when I go to the river, I gather that power and replace all the dead and tired cells with fresh alive ideas. In those vibrant blossoms lie the hope that I need to greet tomorrow. In those knowing stones lie the answers to my questions to yesterday. And in the wind lie the kisses from my ancestors who still love me. There are times in my life that I absolutely cannot get enough of it. I have to visit the river every day sometimes. And I only pray that I have enough sense to realize it when I am buried in the clutter of antibacterial cleaning products. {ha ha ha ha ha ha ha}
We all have a river in our lives. It may not be a river for some people. But for all of us there is a life-giving current and we desperately need to find it. We desperately need to join with it and gather strength from it. I believe this. I believe that we all have our river of strength and in it lies something that is magical and mystical and sacred. In this river of life lies our source, our home, our roots, our beginning. And also, there in this river, are our answers. I am a very lonely sad woman when I wander away from my river. And so it is, for me anyhow. There, it is said, whatever it was, it now has a face. And for me the face is kind and gentle and smiling. For me the face is aged with proud wrinkles of wisdom and deep lines of both pain and joy. And from those lips come all of my answers, whispered into the wind, sent to dance on the branches of lush lavendar flowers. When I walk up closer, closer, reaching out my hand to pull it to my face, I absorb much more than a perfumed aroma. I invite an essence from the ancient earth.
