I have worked with that concept for a long time and finally I had to go with my instinct and my own heart and turn away from it. I had to find a new definition for religion.
In doing so, I have found that selfishness still prevails nomatter where you end up. Nomatter what sign hangs over the door, inside you will find the same faces with the same ideals. Oh, the words sound a little different but the hearts are just a closed. And the social clubs are just as exclusive. The most important thing on the agenda is convincing those around you that you have some direct line to either God him/herself or some godlike genius status all by yourself.
I have found churches to be full to overflowing with people who are incredibly self-centered. I thought that for one time, I was going to find the perfect church, the true sanctuary that would allow everybody equal billing. I thought that for one time in my life, my search was over. I thought that I had finally discovered a group that was above all the pushing and shoving and one-upmanship. Ha!
What I have found are the same faces that I have always found in my life. The same ones come back to me over and over, smiling those beautiful smiles and boasting of love and generosity and free will. You know what the only difference is? The only difference is the reading material. They all want to point you in the right direction to the right book that will spell out the truth for you. What they really are doing is twisting books and words to suit their purpose, their concepts, their own ideals. And so, like a freak accident on the highway, I slip on a bit of everyday normal ice and my world begins to skid and fishtail and then spin into the sickening realization that all of it was again, a lie.
Well, I guess that means I'm alone. And since I have had to follow this saying that appears to be etched in my heart "to thine own self be true" then the journey is not a sad one.
But why on earth is it so important for people to want to prove over and over how incredibly ingenious they are? I wasn't looking for that.
